Subject: So... I think it's time for me to part ways with my agents. Not with this community, though.
Author:
Posted on: 2024-08-30 16:04:41 UTC
Hi, everyone!
This post is a formal request to have all my agents, missions, and adjacent PPC writing removed from continuity. I haven't been very active in the PPC lately except on Discord, but I'd like to explain what made me come to this decision in particular.
Last year, I got heavily involved with the online fandom of a certain horror franchise (it's not important to explain which one, but some Discord-goers know anyway), and I started writing and sharing some non-PPC fics, for the first time in years. I then underwent a very impressive mental seesaw for the rest of that year and most of this one about the quality of my own work, and about whether I still wanted to be associated with it by other fans. I'll be very honest now: most if not all of my fic writing, beta'd or unbeta'd, ranges from mediocre to genuinely embarrassing, but a lot of readers left very sweet feedback on it, and I've made some good friends in other communities through my fandom activity. That still makes me feel like it's worth the occasional horrible cringe attack to leave my fics up on my profile.
The reason why I'm cutting ties with my old PPC writing is very simple: it feels hypocritical of me to be a fic writer with lacking skills making fun of other fic writers with lacking skills. I made a comment in the Discord server today about disliking when people leave bad feedback on works on AO3, in the forms of unprompted criticism or low star ratings on public bookmarks, and someone politely reminded me which fan community I was currently telling that to. Which was very true and important, so let me just use the rest of my Discord commentary to explain my attitude shift.
It doesn't bother me that people voice negative opinions about other people's writing. It doesn't even bother me anymore that people do it about my writing (on a worse mental health day that might not have been the case, but that's my responsibility, not the reader's). I know bad reviews have been a fandom phenomenon for as long as fan writing spaces have existed. What rubs me the wrong way is that I see more and more people hold fic writing to increasingly high standards. Aside from star reviews, I've seen things like people saying they don't read things below a certain word count or amount of kudos, or demand updates (which happened to me too, at a time where that kind of inquiry wasn't very helpful to my writing process because I already felt immensely pressured to keep writing consistently).
I know that this is the PPC, where high writing standards are the norm, but in a lot of fan spaces people just share things for fun and then get hit very hard by unexpected bad feedback. I think there should be some more tact involved, that's all. The consensus in current fan spaces seems to be that you wouldn't loudly announce that you disliked someone's crappy beginner knitting project or character sketch with wonky anatomy, but I've seen plenty of fans treat fic writing differently from that. I think fic writers who do want to post their works owe it to their readers to exercise some quality control, and I've definitely read a lot of things I disliked or which I thought would have benefited from staying on the author's hard drive, but my attitudes towards bad writing have softened a lot since I've committed so much of it myself. Sometimes you genuinely put your heart and soul into something and it still ends up not being great.
Like I said, this is just my two cents. (The reason why I don't really write PPC missions anymore is because I'd have felt very unpleasant parodying other people's bad fan writing while being a fairly mediocre but very active fan writer myself, but I don't expect other people in this community to agree with me on that.)
Am I leaving, though? Not as long as you folks will let me stay here. The PPC saw me through some very good and very bad times for five years and counting, and I made a lot of wonderful friends and great memories here. With the community's permission, I'd like to stay active on Discord and occasionally show up on this Board for the company, but I don't intend to write missions anymore and it feels in bad taste for me to leave my older (sometimes very vitriolic) mission writing still canon to the PPC.
Thank you for your time, and for your friendship, everyone.