Subject: On this entire conflict.
Author:
Posted on: 2012-07-30 04:57:00 UTC
People seem to be hitting their breaking points, and this is probably in large part because of the fact that we have all, for a very long time now, cared about and trusted each other. It's always harder to deal with arguments like this, and the way they feel like attacks, when it's people you're close to. I haven't been saying much because I am entirely out of energy to handle this, and that is not something I say lightly.
I'm hitting my own breaking point. I don't have a solid place to stand and make a point here, and every time I have tried, the ground has shifted beneath my feet. All I, or just about anyone, accomplished in that damned Permission thread was hurting people we cared about. I don't know how to move on from that. I still believe the things I said in the post farther down, and I still believe the things I said in the IRC when that entire bomb went off, too. But I don't know where to draw the lines; it was pointed out privately, after things spiraled out of control, that the best approach would be to discuss the academics of Constitution vs. defending against bullies vs. Civility vs. Sensitivity, and so on, after the problem at hand, the part that was hurting people, the thing we all agreed on, (Jacer) had been taken care of. This thread, I thought, would be that debate, talking about the points we do disagree about.
But things are still murky; we're all still hurting, and still lashing out. I'm finding it hard to speak up at all, after what happened in the IRC during that thread. I don't have the answers, I have reached the end of my understanding. There's no righteous anger or academic fine points or high-handed morals to be had here. All I have left on this subject is sorrow. I keep trying to reach for Serious Important Points, and my brain just goes "This is stupid, and it hurts." And I wish we could all just close it and lock the door and walk away, but that's not really an option.
For what it's worth, I understand what Neshomeh is saying, here. I don't know if I agree or not; the same thing happened in the IRC. I spoke up for what I saw as civil behavior, against a perceived double standard, and people took it as me defending Jacer, and responded as such. Neshomeh stepped up, trying to calm things down, and got piled on - in summary, as if she was telling everyone to leave Jacer alone, because there Ain't No Rule against bigots and bullies in the PPC. Which, to be as clear as I can, she was not.
I don't know if I would still say the same things, if I could go back. I still think it is important, and will always be important, that when we tell someone they don't belong here, that our arguments for doing so be solid, valid, and worded with what civility we can muster. I don't know if what I said, or what Neshomeh said, was in the wrong. I can't help feeling like the entire thread got twisted and manipulated, somehow, since absolutely nobody, when all the facts had surfaced, believed that Jacer should be allowed to remain in the PPC. It should have been so simple. "She has done this, that, this, and done this to someone, and had this effect, and we don't want her here."
But maybe part of the reason that didn't happen was the nature of the thread. When DoctorHello did his thing, it was an introduction thread. Clear, obvious signals, flashing red, going "This person should not be allowed here." Again, with Jacer, we all pretty much agreed that she should not be around anymore. But at what point was that the case? Why didn't this surface until her permission thread? I guess that's what this is here to fix, and why it's so important that we iron these out. It just seems like things keep getting complicated. Everyone agrees we need this to happen, but every argument that comes up for or against every single specific point triggers another series of things regarding the incident that brought it on. Every time a disagreement, no matter what nature, is brought up, a wound is opened.
I don't know how to fix this thing, and I don't know how to breach the gap that seems to have sprung up between us all. And that seems like a terrible way to end a post, which is hard to do, since Huinesoron and JulyFlame seem to be trying so hard to end their posts by making sure everything is still not entirely dark and terrible.
But I don't know. Maybe the only way forward is to try to forgive each other, to realize that we're all on the same side, here. To work through this with the clear and definite knowledge that no one involved wants to lose another friend over this.