Subject: Re: Proper response.
Author:
Posted on: 2012-07-31 13:55:00 UTC

"Anyway, the point of the story is that I get what a trigger is, and I get that they're real. I am skeptical of them when they start getting waved around like magic amulets that give the wielder the right to do whatever they want and to tell other people what they can and can't do or say in the wielder's presence. I'm not saying Tray did this, but it does happen. This is problematic to me both because it's manipulative, and because it's bad for the triggered person: using a trigger as an excuse suggests to me that they're not working on dealing with it so they can get on with a more-normal, less-subject-to-uncontrolled-bad-feelings kind of life."


You're not saying Tray did this, but I'm uncomfortable that you're still bringing it up in such a context. It implies something, even if you didn't mean to.

Triggers are a real thing, and they can be utterly debilitating and devastating. I can't speak for Tray, but knowing people who suffer from triggers, I have all the empathy I can possibly give for people who have their trauma coming back and back and back to them. The PPC should not be a hugbox but it should be a safe place. I mean sure, everyone has triggers in that we have something embarrassing or nasty that happened to us that sometimes comes back to us from a certain sensation, word or whatever, but that's completely different from what happens with people with deep-seated, nigh existential trauma.

As far as "dealing with it", I think people should be allowed to work with their issues at their own pace, and we don't have a leg to stand on telling them when is the right time to "get over it".

Again, the PPC doesn't have to be an accommodating place, but that is always what I thought the PPC should be. We can always turn the dial back on that if as a community we wish to, but it will drive people - lovely, wonderful people - away.



"So, when the word "trigger" started popping up in that thread, my skepticism kicked in, and that was a factor in my decision whether to post, and how. Listening to it as much as I did was a mistake, and again, I'm sorry. I should have realized Tray was in no position to react differently than he did, trigger or no trigger. In the future, I can be more aware of my feelings about triggers and make sure they don't unduly influence my judgement about how seriously to take someone's emotional state."


I appreciate this, even if I'm not in a position to provide forgiveness. I'm just concerned that with the rest of your post, I get the impression that you are still not entirely convinced that triggers are a Thing, and I am hoping I am misreading this when it looks like "I'm sorry you got offended" to me.

Far be it from me to stir this you-know-what-storm any further, and that is not my intent here; I've tried to stay away from the Board because I find dealing with this kind of thing emotionally draining. But I am worried that the basic issue here remains unresolved, and some of the responses to your post almost feel like a relieved overreaction that you are not gone forever. (I, by the way, am happy you are not gone forever, too.)



"I think I had trouble realizing and addressing that mistake because I was so preoccupied with accusations of things I don't think I did—"defending Jacer," committing fallacies, posting in the wrong time and place, ignoring the spirit of the rules—and also because I very definitely didn't feel like many people were going to be sympathetic to anything I had to say anyway. It's only thanks to hS being so understanding and encouraging that I've been able to reach this point, so thank you, hS."

Again, here I am going to have disagree with the utmost respect. I've already made my point. Maybe it's not a good idea to start that argument anew, but I am not going to have it be thought that the argument is over and conceded. I would like to say that I don't think the people who kept muddling the issue and standing up for Jacer were necessarily agreeing with her positions; like I said before, it just felt like people wanting to defend the "bad guy" just for the sake of devil's advocating, which absolutely has no place in the LGBT discussion.
I am proudly, gleefully, eagerly a total absolutist in favour of human rights when it comes to the LGBT discussion, and I will not stand by when such odious positions are thrown about like it's no big thing.



"To add: I don't want to leave. However, the feeling that maybe I should do so for my own well-being doesn't just come from this one incident; it's the last couple of years of feeling like I'm sitting on a powder keg, never knowing when it's going to blow up again or why. The fact that I got caught in the blast this time certainly doesn't help, but really, like VM says, I'm tired of it in general."

I certainly know what you mean, and I'm experiencing the same, and my exposure to the Board is relatively minimal.

However, you shouldn't decide whether you want to leave or not based solely, or even majorly, on what I think.

Reply Return to messages