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It's reasonable to say she can't interact before issues are resolved.

I think, also, that Scape should give us a plan for how she plans to address the accusations that she lashes out.

Where in the TOS does it say that I have to put up with being treated unfairly and keeping quiet about it?

"Anger cries Under American Skies." Another Tom Paxton one. Very NSFW.

I don't think that I'm asking you to bend over backwards, more like reasonable accommodation.

The constitution already says that if you don't know what someone means, or think it's an insult, you should ask them.

Dealing with me, just be aware that I'm autistic and be plain about what you expect from me.

What I'm seeing is that I should bow down to those who would oppress me. That I should not hold a grudge for you grinding me down needlessly.

I was reading a bit about "submissive space" in BDSM. I don't get it, except that I should find peace and power in being controlled and beaten?

Look up Tom Paxton, We Didn't Know. It is NSFW, especially if you find that one video. The pictures of people playing guitar are slightly safer, but bad language.

I still don't feel how much self-reflection makes your mistakes my fault.

Maybe I shouldn't have lashed out, but know that I had little recourse, I felt.

The spirit of the ban may have been self-reflection, but that isn't quite the attitude I've seen. Sure, there's been plenty of reviewing of your action, and the actions of others, but as you've shown in this thread, you haven't learned from what happened. The fact that the temporary ban had to be changed to a permanent one, which you still did everything in your power to get around, proves that things have not changed.

The fact that every other post in this thread from you contains accusations at other members of the board is not reassuring in the slightest.

Maybe I'm wrong about this. Maybe others have a different view of it than I do, but from what I've seen, I don't think anything has really changed.

The point I wished to express was this:

I would say that there is a strong argument to be made that zdimensia/Bramandin is in violation of her ban. Like hS said, she was banned indefinitely after breaking the terms of her initial ban. That's what happens. That's what's supposed to happen. If you agree to T&Cs and don't abide by them, you have to accept the consequences.

I also agree with doctorlit; the PPC can help as a support network, but it can't be a therapist. This person needs help, quite seriously, and we're not equipped to give it in a fit and proper manner. It's simply not fair on us to have to act as translators for people's mental issues, and I say that as someone who (as I believe I've told you before) suffers from a litany of them myself. I find them extremely difficult to deal with: my depression is like being chained to a flat, grey rock, slowly turning through the depths of space; my anger is like a red-hot cannonball sitting in the pit of my stomach, boiling the blood around it; the two combine in exciting and sometimes explosive ways.

I'm getting better.

You can, and you should, and you should because you can.

Thanks, your review does give insight.

The woman is actually my most-used character. She has a spell that makes her "actively defy description" which means that people don't really notice what she looks like beyond their expectations. I also felt that she would be recognized here, but mostly it is the spell.

Daniel, or Larry as he was originally, has always suffered a bit from cardboard characterization. Long story, but part of that is from his meta origins and I'm hoping it will go away as a I work with him. Right now he's on the spectrum. He's supposed to be friendly, I'll dial that up a bit.

I was actually thinking more about the ventilation plotholes and how there might be infestation. I was thinking that the pollen problems might be caused by the bosses, though. My headcanon is that they're normally winding ductwork, but there still is the problem of cross-contaminating different worlds with invasive species.

I also think that anyone with a decent bookshelf has micro-fissures going into Library space, but that would mean that most of Headquarters smells like old books.

I have seen a PPC story, somehow Doctor Who shows up during the blackout I think. They described the hallways of the PPC cutting through the Screaming shack and Minecraft tunnels.

I need to rewrite this more with Larry as the focus.

I'm feeling better than I have in a long time. Even being Bramandin, before anyone else knew, I felt better to be talking to you.

I might leave once the wounds have healed.

Barring any honestly despicable behavior from me, I feel that I should be able to come and go as I please. That includes refraining from posting when I'm stressed.

Were you the one who told me "the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few" before blocking me out for unintentional rudeness?

Keep in mind that zdimensia the malicious troll is a myth. Your interpretation of what I was thinking does not do me justice. Instead, you had a confused retard that was feeling attacked at every turn, and either hesitating or not understanding what to do.

Where you pointed out a direct request, I thought that Neshemeh was flame-baiting me. I would have responded somewhere along the lines of "I have said two times already what I was planning to do. That you're asking proves that you are incapable of listening."

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What was the spirit of the ban? If it was for self-reflection, that was accomplished.

If it was to punish, it accomplished that. Again, you were punishing a myth.

If it was to turn me into an angry and uncontrollable monster. If it was to make me vulnerable enough that one final push would bully me into killing myself. Yeah, it needed another two months.

---

Playing the tape forward, if I hadn't tried to contact you when I did... I would have come back in the fall, accused you of being abusive, if not banned then, I would have insisted I had permission.

Or perhaps I would have wised up and come back as a new person like Bramandin.

I didn't know you wrote, but if you ever do get writing!involved here, I'll be excited to read your work!

I know better than to ask for a full list, but what are some of your main fandoms? :)

~Zing

It's amazing learning about what audiences do and don't notice, and the differences between the performer's perspective and theirs. I love the experience of finding out. Glad it appeared to go well! :)

Was there a particular occasion for the group performance?

~Zing

I've read over everything I can get my hands on, the archives, Nesh's email conversations, even my emails with you to see if I could get anything else from them. I honestly do not believe it would a good idea for you to stay in this community Bramandin, not because you are not good for this community, but because it is becoming increasingly obvious to me that this community is not good for you. That is not an attack against either you or anyone in this community, but I think a mutual parting of ways is the best outcome for this situation.

Novastorme

I have a feeling the Nazi thing is a misinterpretation of an incomplete thought. I think that so much is focused on Nazis automatically being evil that we don't focus on what's under the surface.

I do admit that I don't have as great of an understanding of racism as I should after all this time. I did reflect on it, and I'm not done.

Neshome cannot be my mediator. I blamed her carelessness for my downfall. I forgive you.

For what it's worth, I apologize again for being so forceful in email. Someone else should have been brought in on the secret.

I would like to bury the hatchet. After all, we have fandoms in common.

I was told very firmly not to talk about it from a moment on, so I wasn't even allowed to apologize or explain myself.

I'm not a racist. Well, there is unintentional othering, but no moral judgments about who is better or that one group should be held to different standards.

I had some confirmation bias about those who scowled. It's since been broken. I haven't had the courage to ask a scowler why they're doing it, and have stopped looking at people. If I wasn't all but forced to live here, I wouldn't.

I did once explain that I thought I had a red R floating over my head. The actions of others don't make me anything.

I'm sorry for connecting the feelings of shame that I wasn't being listened to here for the feelings of shame that I was being scowled at.

Your first post to the Board was on April 4^th, 2017.

There is a "Next Page" button at the bottom of the page, and at the bottom of the next page, etc. Currently, the board goes back to September 17^th, 2015 (about fifty pages).

Also, if you remember a peculiar word or sequence of words, you may use the "Search" field at the top of the page, and since you immediately adopted the habit of signing your comments, searching for "-Twistey" brings up all your (recent) posts. (Apparently there is a limit at one hundred results.)

HG

I'll work on what you've said

First, my confession: I have known that Bramandin is zdimensia since approximately September of last year. I'm sorry if anyone feels that this was a betrayal of trust, or if my silence otherwise caused anyone any harm. I didn't say anything about it because I was told in confidence, and because Bramandin had already been around for about half a year at that point; since she'd been doing fairly well, I didn't believe that spilling the beans so long after the fact would be worth all the drama it would entail. Since the secret is out, I am no longer bound by those concerns, so I will share what I know. I have told Bramandin/zdimensia I would do this; it should come as no surprise to her.

I have a record of the e-mail correspondence I've had with her. It's in a Gdoc. I've done my best to preserve the original formatting, and I have deliberately changed only a) places where I accidentally switched from my "Internet" e-mail address to my "real life" e-mail address, and b) places where Bramandin reveals private, personal information that she has not yet mentioned on the Board. Since she has now shared her diagnosis and the fact that she went to the hospital around the time of her ban, that information does appear. The bits I've removed are clearly marked as redacted.

Here is the document.

I leave it to the PPC community to evaluate what they find there for themselves.

Due to my involvement, I will not participate in any formal vote on what is to be done now. However, I will say that at this point in time, I agree completely with doctorlit: I do not think we have the resources to give Bramandin the kind of assistance she needs to participate fully, happily, and safely in this community. I cannot myself be a full-time mediator and translator for her, and I don't know anyone else who can, either. I believe it would be best for her if she gave us up and found another way to express herself through writing.

~Neshomeh

This is an interesting little piece. It actually feels more like a character study of Headquarters's typical hallways than anything else. It works pretty well in that regard; there are definitely some new and unique ideas here. Ventilation plotholes are a logical idea, but also a bit dangerous in the sense of letting wildlife, diseases, and potential allergens like pollen through, not to mention the question of what happens when a larger aircraft flies into the plothole's space. Then again, the narration mentions it's the first one Daniel encountered that directly opened to sky, so maybe that's not the standard. I just generally like some of the imagination you put into some of these concepts: breaking concrit exposing fossilized words, physical locations marked by different sensations and feelings, the implied backstory of a couch blocking a stairway. They all feel like they fit into HQ, and it's a bit surprising some of this design space hasn't been touched on before.

You've put so much focus on the setting, however, that I do feel like the characters have suffered for it. I can infer some sense of Daniel's personality, insofar as he's clearly a bit of a dreamy personality: spending his off-time wandering HQ alone, learning tiny details about the walls and such. His position as a Cafeteria worker adds to this impression, since he doesn't need the aggressive mindset of most action department agents. His dialogue . . . I think you were aiming for a bit of an airy Luna Lovegood voice? You succeeded with a few lines ("'I thought you would find it interesting. Now I remember what happens when you assume.'"), but for the most part, it just comes out as a bit dull and basic ("'Why were you following me?'" "'By the way, where are you going?'") The female agent has almost no development at all, though it appears she is indeed just a background character, rather than an agent you're planning to use, so maybe that was intentional? But it still contributes to the blandness of Daniel's dialogue, since they make no real attempt to get to know each other. Neither one of them is described, either.

So ultimately, very imaginative descriptions and world-building, but the characters need more description and development.

I have gone to the trouble of reconstructing the links in the post prompting zdimensia's ban discussion, which can be found on the Altchives here. The links represent my best guesses, but I'm pretty sure of most of them.

---

You have ignored a direct request to expand on an apology for blatant racism which was only extracted from you with extreme difficulty, specifically three separate statements [These are my best guesses based on the timeline. Others that might be being referenced are this and this. ~2017!hS] that you need to do so to continue posting on the Board. Said apology reads very clearly as you feeling hard done by and only giving it under duress. It also contains explicit confirmation - not that any was needed - that you consider yourself genuinely racist.

As a consequence of all these factors, your statement that 'she hates Nazis slightly more than what is socially necessary' reads, to me, as 'I don't believe hating Nazis has any foundation, but sigh, it's socially necessary to pretend to do so'. Which would be an incredibly racist attitude to express.

However, all of the above is my interpretation of events, not an assertion of fact. Therefore, I am requesting the PPC community to offer opinions:

-Has zdimensia, during or after her apology, violated the letter or spirit of the PPC Constitution, or any other standards of behaviour you believe to apply to the PPC Board?

-If so, what should the community's response be?

hS

---

A few other posts are relevant here:

In this post I proposed a 1-year ban, and also suggested that violating it should lead to a permanent ban. You can see the responses to that underneath.

This post marks the top of the (short) thread in which the ban was formalised.

Bramandin has already linked to this thread, in which she returned two months before her ban expired. As a result of this, and multiple requests in the thread, her IP address was blocked by the Nameless Admin (as is standard when someone violates a ban).

And this is Bramandin's introduction post, which came a full six months after her original ban would have expired, and eight after her early return.

A key question which needs to be answered by the PPC community is: should Bramandin be considered a banned user? She did not appear until after zdimensia's ban would have expired; however, there is an argument to be made that zdimensia's violation of that ban made it permanent. If there is a community consensus that she should not have rejoined the Board, the ban should be re-implemented.

This post was originally written before the permaban uncertainty was brought to my attention, hence the slightly odd format. Given the discussion underway, I felt it might be useful to have the reason zdimensia was banned shown as clearly as possible.

hS

We had four or five different church choirs thrown together for the first time just before the performance. Some of us had been working with a different arrangement of one of the pieces than the one we were using. Fortunately, it was simple enough to pick up, but still frustrating. Plus, two songs that we hadn't practiced and I, at least, didn't know, and had to pick up without music on the spot. >_>;

But, I don't think anyone in the audience noticed. It was a big enough group that the people who knew what they were doing could cover up those that didn't, and I was told by a couple people that we sounded great. So, I guess that's all right.

~Neshomeh

Thank you for your promise. I'm not in a position to forgive you, or to forget, but I believe you will try not to repeat your errors. Not everyone will agree with me, and perhaps I'm wrong, but frankly, I'm too tired of this to push any further right now. If you somehow make a monkey of me, I'll have to deal with that then.

Mel says you're working on getting real help, which is great. I wish you all the best with that, and I'll hope to know a happier, healthier Scapegrace in the future. {= )

~Neshomeh

Hello! Thank you (assuming that message was for me otherwise I am appearing a total idiot right now)

I have been following the boards a while and would like eventually to become more involved, I love to write and have a fair few fandoms of my own.

Right now life is a bit mad but in the meantime nice to meet you all!

I find this interjection to be inappropriate. I don't think any reasonable person would interpret "staying out of each other's way" as including an exception for making remarks about the other person to which, if they kept to the agreement, they would not be able to respond. That is not fair.

Furthermore, your input was not required. I was aware of your position—so much so that I specifically mentioned your name at one point—and I was already doing something about the situation. I'm not sure what you thought you were contributing, but from where I sit, it looks like pure spite. True or not, I think you'd do well to bear in mind that you, too, have an image problem around here, and if that doesn't make you sympathetic, it should at least make you think twice about throwing stones.

Regardless of your motives here, if you intend to have nothing to do with Scapegrace going forward, then I expect you both to do what Herr and Nord are doing and each act as though the other does not exist. If either of you has something you really must say to or about the other, do it through a mediator.

~Neshomeh