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How’s that MST of Laiacalasse’s Tale (that was it, right?) going?

—Ls

However, if you want, you (or someone else, if you’re okay with that) could MST it. If you want, I could post such to the Asylum.

—Ls wrote a similar story a similar amount of time ago. But his was worse-spelled.

Is that cold for Arizona this time of year? Because here, that’d be pretty unusually warm.

—Ls

So my sibling Lightning and I were going through old stuff under my bed when they found a story written in a journal, written in 2017-18. Apparently I wrote it ages ago, though I don't remember it. We looked it over. It was a piece of original fiction that managed to be eighteen chapters long, plus a prologue and an unfinished chapter, and wow is it bad.

I'd tell you why it sucks, but it's best if you saw it yourself. All SPaG errors have been faithfully preserved. I'll probably post a chapter every day or two, assuming I have the time.

…

THE SHAPE SHIFTER

PROLOGUE

Jen sat at the campfire, roasting s'mores, while her parents prepared the tent. Today was Jen's twelth birthday, and as a present, her mom and dad had taken her to the nearby woods to camp out in the wilderness. Jen loved the wilderness--she liked how it was mysterious and untamed, unlike urban areas.

Jen's father came over to check on the s'mores. "Jen, the s'mores are all burnt now! Next time, don't leave them so close to the fire."

"Sorry, Dad," Jen apologized.

"Oh, don't be sorry! After all, this is your first time at this--and besides, the smores aren't that badly charred." Jen's father tried a s'more, and nodded. "Delicious." He returned to the tent and continued helping Jen's mother setting it up.

Jen was about to try a burnt s'more for herself when she heard a howl pierce through the forest. Her parents didn't seem to hear it--they continued setting up the tent as usual.

Driven by curiosity, Jen stood up and started traveling in the direction of the howl.

…

It wasn't before long when Jen glanced around and realized that she was lost. It was foolish of me to do that, she thought. Jen turned around to see that her path was blocked by a black wolf.

The wolf was about as tall as a horse, with two red eyes--twin pools of blood. Its lips were curled back in a snarl.

Right then, the wolf pounced. Straight at Jen.

Jen saw her whole life flash in front of her--from the moment she was born, to her first birthday, to the time that Jen accidentally painted herself blue, to when Jen tried to eat a pencil in first grade. Every important and embarrasing aspect of Jen's life played out right in front of her.

The wolf was almost upon Jen. Its claws were extended. Its mouth was open, revealing sharp, deadly teeth.

This is the end, thought Jen. Sorry, Mom. Sorry, Dad. Sorry, Mrs. Conemar, for me getting a D on thee math quiz. Sorry, Emma, for not returning your Magic-eight ball. And your pants.

A small grey wolf appeared out of nowhere, knocking the black wolf to the side. They fought, claws against claws and teeth against teeth. The grey wolf was only about half the size of the black wold. As Jen watched, the grey wolf turned to face Jen and shouted, "Run!"

Jen had no idea how the wolf could talk, but she turned and sprinted deeper into the woods. She was afraid to know what happened to the grey wolf. He had caught the black wolf by surprise, but that was the only advantage that he had. Soon the black wolf would overpower thee grey one, and pursue Jen. Out of fear, she ran faster.

Jen ran for so long that she started to wonder how she could've ran for so long without tiring. Then she realized that she wasn't even human now--she was a horse, galloping like the wind.

…

Luna was running at full speed. She had memorized the whole layout of the woods, and she knew that the shape-shifter was headed to a certain clearing. If Luna wanted to meet the shifter, she had to reach the clearing before the shifter did.

Luna reached the clearing just as a chestnut horse burst in. Upon sighting Luna, thee horse slid to a stop and whinnied. In the blink of an eye, the horse was replaced by a young girl, with wavy dark brown hair and emerald-green eyes.

…

Jen had reached a clearing, but it had a wolf in it.

At first she wanted to bolt, but the wolf--a white one this time--had a warm aura around it, as if it meant no harm.

Before she knew it, Jen was a human again. She collapsed, her whole body aching from the long run.

The white wolf gently laid its paw on Jen's forehead, and she instantly felt better. The aching faded away into a dull throb.

"Whatever you do, don't try to sit up. I'm Luna, by the way."

"I'm… I'm Jen," Jen replied.

Jen had a million questions buzzing around in her head and randomly bumping into each other. Who was Luna? Why was she helping Jen? How could wolves speak? Who was the black wolf that had attempted to kill her, and who was the grey wolf that had saved her? How did Luna heal Jen?

And the biggest question of all: how did Jen become a horse? What skills did Jen have, tucked away and hidden somewhere in her brain?

Jen opened her mouth to speak, and managed to croak out, "Who… who am I?…" before the whole world blacked out through her eyes.

…

Luna looked down at Jen, now unconscious. She knew that Jen had lots of questions, but right now, Jen needed rest. The questions that she had in store coould wait.

After all, Luna needed a break, too. She curled up beside Jen, and fell fast asleep.

a cookie for you if you can answer correctly what the four's last names reference.

Heh. A little campus fetch-questing with our alternates-of-agents OCs? Fun! I didn't comment on it during the mission in which they first appeared, but "Kupferbäcker" and "Platinfersken" are some top-notch surnames! I love the sound of them.

—doctorlit is sitting at 67 degrees F in his condo, and it's only going to drop further over night . . .

In which the Skystreakers wrap up the Venice investigation, and Shinichi Kudo catches the attention of a certain whimsical gunslinger and her friends from Lycoris Recoil.

As usual, many thanks to Doctorlit for betaing this!

And I suppose that makes it 9 years for me, holy cow. Next year I’ll be the one handing out 10-shaped treats, but for now, I’ll happily help myself.

I’m glad to have met you and called you a friend, Zing.

Personally, I wouldn't be comfortable making that kind of decision about a character I didn't create, especially one that's used communally. I'd much prefer it to be left up to interpretation by anyone who chooses to write her.

That said, we can make some reasonable deductions based on TOS, which would be the only definitive source. I'm not aware of any clear statement of her height—however, we know Acacia is "fairly tall" and Jay is even taller (TOS 10). It probably would have been pointed out in the unlikely event that Lux were also taller than Acacia, and it also probably would have been pointed out if she were significantly shorter, so I think we can safely assume she's somewhere between average and "fairly tall."

So, what's average? Google tells me the average height for a modern woman over 20 years old is about 5'4" (64 in or 162.56 cm).

What's "fairly tall"? I'unno, 5'9" (69 in/175.26 cm), maybe? 6 feet (72 in/182.88 cm) would be quite remarkable, so that's my maximum guess for Jay's height; Acacia has to be less than that while still being enough above average to stand out.

Split the difference between 5'4" and 5'9", and I'd guess that Lux is about 5'7" (67 in/170.18 cm). Taller than Momoka? Yes. Maybe. But probably not by much.

~Neshomeh is 5'5" and feels pretty normal.

Yeah, Yuki is right. The sequel is worse... though it is at least shorter. And don't worry--it doesn't explain Gren Tres at all. In fact, I don't think it ever even comes up.

I've edited the dialogue on AO3.

The Dumbledore skit was absolutely hilarious. Thanks for that!

--Ls

I imagine her to be taller than Momoka (165 cm), but I think a definite number would make a better gag. What do you think? Is there a piece of evidence that I missed somewhere in her multitude of appearances?

and trust me, the sequel is even wackier. Thanks for reading and stay tuned.

Oof. I wasn’t too interested in the badfic up to this point, but it really does go completely off the rails at this point, doesn’t it? A teacher trying to start open polyamory with his students, spiking a student’s drink with truth serum, and Ron and Hermione turning evil out of basically nowhere. I mean, I guess not evil per se, since they still want Voldemort dead, but very treacherous and clout-chasing, which still feels quite weird. Plus, it feels like this whole story just exists to set up the second, by introducing (sort of) what Gren Tres are. At least your agents have Billy out of the way, now! Also, I love the idea of the Hyacinth waiting for the mission to nearly be complete, and only then texting from a distance that it’s a two-parter.

No typos, but one error in canon details: Although the Gryffindor girls’ dormitory has an enchanted staircase that doesn’t allow boys to walk up, the boys’ dormitory has no such precaution. In universe, the founders of Hogwarts felt that girls are more trustworthy than boys, and didn’t feel that the precaution needed to be reciprocated on the boys’ staircase. Out of universe . . . considering some of Rowling’s other views on people of different biological sexes interacting, I guess she feels that girls need protection from unwelcome advances, but boys don’t? But I’m sure there’s nothing to unpack there . . .

—doctorlit thinks “Malloy” sounds like a Dark/Steel-type Pokémon

Meanwhile, in the room of Dumbledores . . .

“I must say,” said a Dumbledore who looked like Sir Michael Gambon, “you have a stately presence about you when you speak. You make for a very calm, and steady presence.”

“For my part,” pronounced a Dumbledore who looked like Richard Harris, “I appreciate the energy and movement you bring. It is a sight to behold!”

“Hey, what about me, guys?” A Dumbledore who looked like Jude Law pushed his way through the crowd of Dumbledores. “What do you like about me?”

Gambon!Dumbledore and Harris!Dumbledore turned their heads away and put hands up to block Law!Dumbledore’s view of their eyes. They began to slip deeper into the crowd.

“Guys? Hey, guys! What about me? Guys?”

In this world he has a closer tie to a Muggleborn—his mother, who Malfoy has also called a Mudblood before, back in first year. Hearing Hermione, his friend, be called the same after all that Hermione sacrificed for the sake of a friendship with Malfoy last year—I think his anger got the best of him again just like with the pudding in the opening chapter. He wanted Hermione to have catharsis and he wanted to hurt Malfoy without actually hurting him. The effigy was his first idea and all his friends ran with it (the Weasley twins especially).

So I do agree that while this might be a little too violent for Canon!Harry, Purityworld!Harry had been dealing with bullshit from the magical world for a year already and he’s lashing out. The optics aren’t great, but I promise that this is going to come back to bite him.

Thanks for reading!

It's hard for me to imagine doing anything for ten years, so be proud of yourself!

takes a cookie

Here, have this chocolate cake I definitely made myself and didn't buy from the store.

--Ls

Though you might not be super active, I remember hanging out with you in the Discord when I first joined, and having a really great time.

I agree with the non-missionable verdict.

I'm happy there will be consequences in-story, but that... kinda didn't feel like an Harry thing to me. Granted, that is a very Weasley Twins thing and they were involved, but I still have the feeling Harry would've considered it as going too far.

Then again, this is a an "early" and alternate Harry who might simply not have realized the implications. And I haven't touched anything HP related in years so I might be misremembering the canon one too...

As for the rest, it countinues being intriguing!

Not gonna lie, Nesh has been the victim of a lot of my idea bouncing when it came to Buddy's transformation over Discord. XD She was absolutely vital in that process and I am not surprised at all that some aspects of her work made it into mine. Those morphological fields are in dire need of stabilising. Can't have unstabilised morphological fields!

Buddy would love some shinies, pls. He would keep them in a pile and just... look at them. They're so good. And so shiny. I think he would maintain human form, but he would also be more inclined to pick through his shinies with his teeth and stay really really close to his pile, and definitely keep it in an order that only seems to make sense to him. Like... part crow, part dragon and also part bower bird. David Attenborough might come by his pile and disturb something on purpose, just so there will be shots of a deeply affronted Buddy putting it back in order.

Thank you for reading, glad you enjoyed!

/Ekwy

Myrtle, a red herring? Hmmm... could I interest you in some salmon salmon?

As for your suspect lineup... I am definitely picturing you jotting down notes in a little notebook like it's a game of Cluedo and I hope you don't disabuse me of that notion! Granted, it's just one victim so far, so there's more clues to come.

Luna is definitely another more moderate wizarding culture-based voice. She has a pretty unique take on the world both in canon and in here. And she would fit right in at HQ!

Consequences are indeed coming... next chapter, in fact! Thanks for reading!