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While I didn’t see anything I recognized on that page (sadly, I’ve not read any Discworld books [yet]), I do know some about the Percy Jackson series...so I could swing that. Still, any others’ feedback would be appreciated. Especially Huinesoron’s.

Huh, interesting...

I assumed it's either something technical that can't have it enabled or something Tomash has disabled because it caused issues. Either way, it both sucks and is interesting...

But also axe DMS agents... I can't recall their names right now. Is that Nume and his partner, or am I in the wrong department?

-kA, in less of a rush.

This is mission 5. Matt's official first mission.

When I get to the fanfic I recommended for bleepfic a while back, that'll be David Null's and Paye's third mission from the parody.

-kA, in a bit of a rush.

ETA: strikethrough doesn't work in subject lines? Aw. {= (

~Neshomeh

You could start looking for other ideas here; see if there are useful examples in continua you know.

Since I've been talking about Terry Pratchett lately, I'll point out the Lady in Discworld particularly, but any continuum with personifications of the Greek or Roman gods could have their equivalent of Tyche or Fortuna, and/or the uncanonical offspring/sibling/whatever of the same that covers the aspects you want.

Nitpick: "continua" is plural, "continuum" is singular. {= )

~Neshomeh

On reading the RP it looks like most people treated it as "if your Prime agents joined an orchestra". So that wouldn't count - it's just a possibly-AU happening in HQ.

hS

Thanks to Nesh, I now have Permission!

And as for Mina’s object, feel free to break the guitar however you like. I’m sure you know more about guitars than she does, as she...doesn’t know how to take the best care of hers.

—Ls

Anyway, it was funny. Um, let’s see...that does seem like an unpleasant Sue. Ugh. Anyway, I really liked the gag with Voldermort. Pretty sure I've seen that mini before.

—A few thoughts from Ls.

Yay! I have Permission! Thank you Neshomeh!

Okay, as for the Troll Division, I do have some ideas that should be unique, and involves sunlight. But I’ll save that for later.

Thanks for the kind comments on Carlisle and Mina’s interaction. I’ll definitely demonstrate how Carlisle ends up with the bad luck in the first mission, as I think that would be a good place to show it.

Yeah, Kittyauthor also had some doubts regarding Mina’s backstory while beta’ing. I do get why involving PPC badfic could be an issue, but Mina isn’t just Luck, she’s Irony and Contrivance. At least, in my conception of her she is. Additionally, I cannot think of a single continuum that I know of that has a Lady Luck. But if someone can think of a good alternative that avoids any issues PPC badfic could cause, please do tell me. So...I guess I’d like to hear someone else’s opinion, and just say “ex-Sue with luck powers” for now.

And yeah, I’ll fix those formatting errors when I have time. Nitpicking is very welcome. { :) Thanks!

—Ls, ecstatic.

(Update: pluralization error.)

I took off David Null's first mission to add on the last mission Paye, Matt, and David are ever gonna endure together, or at least endure with Paye as a partner and Matt as a trainee.

-kA

Mission 5: The Shorter the Fic, the Less Description It Gets

Takes place around April 24th, 2022. The agents, this time, tackle another Harry Potter badfic, but this one has virtually no description!

Language warning (because David Null) and Discord bl13.

Hope you enjoy it!

-kA

(Forgot to tag it whoops!)

Which makes for two "agents as normal people" AUs. I suspect the theorists are trying to come up with some way the Philharmonic and PPC High share a Multiverse, but I'm not sure they'll pull it off.

Since there are no solid Sparks left over, I'll have to tuck it on the end with no Spark for now. Time to figure out how to draw a concert harp...

hS

I pretty much agree with Lily, actually, and I had read the sample before I saw her post, so no sniping occurred. I just waited because I wanted to make sure to give my response the focus it needs. {= ) So, without further ado, Permission Granted. Here are my thoughts.

On your activity, I feel that I get who you are, and that you've demonstrated that you get who we are enough that I trust you won't require hand-holding over the Larninkurv Mountains. And also will understand what I just said. {; )

On the choice of badfic, I'm fine with it. I feel that blatant trollfic need not be treated with the same care as badfic that was genuinely trying to be good. Since the author presumably knew they were writing something terrible with the intent of riling people up, it's not exactly bashing them to say so. I'm also on board with the concept of trolls as fanfic entities akin to Sue- and slash-wraiths, distinct and separate from their authors. I agree with Lily that the method of dealing with them should be different from dealing with the other entities, though, and I think the original Troll Division fic sets up an interesting idea with the notion of exposing trolls to the light of day in order to vanquish them.

Tangentially, if there's any doubt that a fic is a trollfic, it should be treated like a normal fic. As the existence of the Troll Division itself implies, we should distinguish trollfics from failed parodies for this purpose, too. But, more on this when you actually get around to developing it.

On the writing sample, seconding Lily: I really like the interaction between Mina and Carlisle. The piece is basically them exchanging bios, which could be dead boring since I already read their bios, but the in-text acknowledgement via Mina that Carlisle interviewing his new partner like this is weird, plus Mina turning it back on him, makes it funny. I straight-up laughed at the bit about the tour, both Carlisle's idea of giving one and Mina calling it boring even though it was, indeed, her idea. Well done!

I would have liked to see an example of Mina being a bad-luck charm to Carlisle, though. She doesn't even make the console go off, which is pretty darned good luck. Subversion of expectations isn't a bad technique, but I'm not sure it worked here.

I'm also a trifle dubious about Mina's backstory, since it involves crossing a Creativity Shield and I'm not sure that doesn't potentially have some dire implications. I wonder if it wouldn't work just as well for her to be a formerly Suvian incarnation of Lady Luck from some other, non-quarantined continuum? There's plenty of precedent for incarnations of deific beings in HQ, and the idea of a cheerful, fifteen-year-old Lady [Bad] Luck seems pretty fun without PPC badfic needing to be involved. I could be swayed about this, though. I tend to leave the ins and outs of multiversal physics to people like hS and Lily anyway, because that stuff hurts my brain. ^_^;

I also caught a few technical errors your betas missed. To be fair, some of these are VERY small details, so don't sweat it too much, but:

> a hated Harry Potter badfic

As a title of a long work, Harry Potter should be set off with italics, as you did with Miraculous Ladybug. (Not all book series names are their official title, but this one is.)

> He was part of DMS
> He has a mysterious enmity with DTE

Since you would write "He was part of the Department of Mary Sues," you should also write "the DMS" and "the DTE" with the definite article. This is especially true when the abbreviation is an initialism and each letter is pronounced (e.g. "the Dee-Em-Ess"), since they are standing in direct place of the words. However, some departments have nicknames (e.g. FicPsych) and others have acronyms that are pronounced as words (e.g. DOGA, "Doh-gah") and thus function as nicknames, so they don't need an article.

> “Name?” he said, staring at a sheet if paper.

"If" should be "of."

> “Now, can we—“

Since you're using smart quotes, you need to be careful that they're facing the correct direction. The second one is backwards, and there are a few more like it following em dashes. (Also be sure that all your apostrophes are apostrophes, not open single-quotes, even at the beginning of a word. For example, ’cause, not ‘cause. There isn't anything like that in this piece, but word processors aren't smart enough to catch this, so it will happen eventually.)

> Carlisle sighed. “Yes. This is your half.”
>
> He gestured to the side of the room that held nothing but Generic Furniture. “And mine.”
>
> Carlisle pointed to the other side, which had a few back-and-white pictures of him hanging on its walls. Most of the room was a dull grey.

Not an error, per se, since actual rules about paragraphing are a bit thin on the ground, but I would say Carlisle's dialogue indicating Mina's half and his gesture to Mina's half constitute one thought and ought to be on the same line, whereas it's less logical to pair his gesture at Mina's half with his dialogue indicating his half. You could either make this two paragraphs, one about Mina's half and one about Carlisle's, or make it one paragraph, since the whole passage comprises Carlisle's actions.

... And that's it! Let me know what you think about possibly adjusting Mina's origin, and if you want to edit or expand this piece a bit with Mina-as-bad-luck-charm in mind, I'll read it. Other than that, though, you're good to go. Congrats!

~Neshomeh

ETA: Line breaks.

It's entirely plausible Dafydd would stay in, and specifically not go back to shore even to collect another child (because Constance would make him dock and get out). They probably spend the entire race sending increasingly sardonic messages by fire lizard.

Given that they're being steered by Jasmine, I'm pretty sure they still won't win.

hS

With greatest of ease

Jiwon or Charlie are available, if one fits the needs of the Interlude and whatnot. Charlie tends to hang around busy places like the Cafeteria, while Jiwon's more likely to be in Rudi's or the Courtyard, often in fox shape so he doesn't have to talk to people.

Neither really have anything particularly shiny, though, unless you count Jiwon's yeowoo guseul, but that's not really something he'd carry out in the open much. Hope that's not too much of a problem.

Phil (he/him) is the unshaven human of medium build who wears a dirty hoodie and sweatpants all day. He is moody, lazy and nit-picky. He is from the Department of Mary Sues.

Spensor (he/him) is Cybertronian who transforms into a Vending Machine. He has no impulse control. He is on probation and is from Eclectic Subdivision of Advanced Species.

Phil constantly snarks at Spensor for his antics.

Use them to your heart's delight.

(Responding to this subthread generally, not specifically at Kitty.)

Speaking just for myself, whether I offer to be a beta-reader depends on a lot more than whether or not I know the continuum in question. I actually don't mind beta-reading a mission to something I don't know. It puts me in a position to spot when things won't make sense to other readers who are unfamiliar with the continuum, and that's a good thing!

However, I pretty much only beta for people I already know I work well with unless there's something of particular interest to me in a story (e.g., FicPsych being involved). I am busy with my own projects and my Real Life, and I have to choose how I spend my free time and energy with care so I don't burn out. I don't want to invite drama.

Additionally, I avoid beta-reading Permission samples because that takes me out of the line-up of PGs who can judge the request. It's a bit of a conflict of interest to beta a piece and then judge how good it is. If it's not good when I'm done with it, that doesn't reflect too well on me as a beta!

I'm also aware that as a PG and Very Oldbie, my words can weigh more heavily than other people's, and that can be intimidating even though I try not to be. I may not be a good choice of beta for someone who isn't especially confident yet. People who are peers may be better.

On that note, if anyone is interested in being a beta but isn't sure how, I'm happy to offer advice and answer questions as needed. There's a lot of good advice in PoorCynic's workshop on the subject, too.

~Neshomeh

Both our mistakes, I should have clarified right away when it was taking place. =) Good thing we sorted it out quickly.

I suppose David could still be in it (wibbly wobbly, timey wimey) if we want to take that route, otherwise I could use O'Ryan!

/Ekwy

I think Carrot is a great example of the type of dramatic irony you're talking about here. For those who are unfamiliar with him, he's a character in Sir Terry Pratchett's Discworld series, which is a comedic fantasy setting with wizards, witches, elfs, dwarfs, etc. Among other things, Carrot is a six-foot-tall dwarf. This is funny.

The humor in Carrot relies on multiple pillars of comedy, the first of which is that a joke must be based on something both the comedian and the audience agree is true. In this case, the thing we know to be true is that dwarfs are short. Anyone who enjoys fantasy fiction and thus would be likely to read a Discworld book knows this. The author also knows this, and we trust that he knows this because he demonstrates his deep knowledge of fantasy writing tropes at every turn. Thus, when Sir Pterry talks about a six-foot-tall dwarf, we know he's deliberately subverting the trope, and it's funny. If he didn't know what he was doing, and just declared that he can have his dwarfs be six feet tall if he wants to, it wouldn't be funny; it would be stupid, and people would reject it for more or less the same reason people reject (and make fun) of Twilight's sparkly vampires.

But it doesn't stop there. Another pillar of comedy is surprise or contrast: a sudden, sharp difference between one state and another. It's not just that Carrot is tall for a dwarf; he's even tall for a human. He's absurdly tall for a dwarf.

And then there's the dramatic irony: a situation where the audience knows something the characters don't. See, Carrot is, in fact, biologically human! But he doesn't know that, because he was raised as a dwarf, by dwarfs, and is therefore (in Sir Pterry's world) so literal-minded that he never questions this until his parents reveal the truth to him.

He still thinks of himself as a dwarf, though, and culturally he still is, so the fact remains that he is a six-foot-tall dwarf. {= )

The point is, it's not funny because he's tall. It's funny because everyone knows dwarfs are short, and he's absurdly tall, and he's actually not biologically a dwarf at all, and he has no idea even though everyone else does (which is consistent with his ongoing characterization as literal to a fault). The humor comes from all these layers of comedy rolled together by a writer who knows exactly what he's doing. And that—the ability of a comedian to create a rapport with the audience—that's a really important ingredient in the mix. (Meanwhile, Sir Pterry is always sure to write characters who are like actual people, if somewhat exaggerated ones, with consistent motivations and personalities that evolve in ways that make sense in response to their experiences, but that's a slightly different discussion.)

I write all this so that it will hopefully make sense when I say "they're stupid and wrong" by itself is not a joke, just like "Carrot is tall" by itself is not a joke. Good comedy takes a lot more than that, starting with a shared understanding of what's true and what's not. Without that, it will never work.

~Neshomeh is not fit to kiss the brim of Sir Pterry's hat, but fancies she has learned a thing or two about writing comedy from his most excellent example. RIP, Sir Pterry.

Though now I'm wondering if anyone actually reached the finish line... I mean, I think Team Turbo still could, rowing while perched on the capsized boat, but surely not at a competitive pace. But if everyone else managed to sink/get lost/beach somewhere they might actually still have a chance.

Thoth, floaters, he/him, he's a space marine from 40k, so he's about 7 feet tall, bald, and is either wearing power armor or... well, whatever fits. He's been known to wear robes, and sometimes T-shirts. Bald, too, since that's an obvious physical trait. He's stoic, and his mannerisms when speaking tend to be rather formal. There's a wiki page and missions, I need to go track down the wiki page.

He's lacking in shinies, at present. Sorry about that.