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I might take it, but I'm not sure. I did tell Pads that I might have Ian and Lee take on a Bad Slash mission one of these days. Maybe this could be the punishment for the semi-sentient house Lee burnt down/exploded right before the "Along Came Ruby-Sue" mission. That is, unless someone else would like to lay claim to it first?

"A nourishing, oily mist of complex, and rather implausible, organonarrative compounds." Hormones, perhaps? Sues tend not to exist in brains capable of much logical thought, which Lustin certainly seems to hinder. It's especially applicable if you follow the theory that authors have a fundamental difference from non-authors, a sort of "narrative complex" if you will... I forget where I found this theory, but it certainly sounded plausible.

If the Sueness of a character is determined by the amount of nGlitter over the amount of cGlitter, then couldn't this be a theory of all OCs, including canons? Good OCs are simply Sue-like organisms with a high amount of nGlitter, and therefore less cGlitter and "speshulness". Although, there would be a threshold where the amount of nGlitter overwhelms the amount of cGlitter, turning the OC into a boring lump of matter with no individuality whatsoever, good for little more than a bit part.

On the other hand, my theory has some vaguely blasphemous principles--it suggests that some of the best canons (Tolkien, for example) are merely populated with relatives of the creatures we despise, only differentiated by a chemical imbalance. Ah well--such is science.

On the other hand, there would be a defining point at which the amount of nGlitter over the amount of cGlitter is too small, and we could clearly define "This is a Sue," "This is not a Sue." Ah, that would be glorious...

I was re-working Agent Shinra into an agent in another department - instead of just leaving her as a floater or a nanny in the PPC nursery - and I thought it a good idea to put her into the Department of Intelligence mainly because we don't usually get to see the demand side of the PPC (the 'supply' being the subsequent killings of a reported Sue in any given Word World). As I tried to think up what had happened to her since I started lurking/disappeared from the Board (so many events, so much to catch up with retoactively), I thought up of something.

Things I Should Know When Spying/Gathering Intelligence

1. Don't be an idiot. This is the rule you must obey. You may endanger yourself, the PPC's existence and Canon if you do something stupid. This includes, but does not limit to: impromptu heroics and drunk driving (or drunk camel/horse riding).

2. Hide in plain sight. You are not there to make contact with your lust object or to make a mess of Canon. Your existence must not be made aware, especially to any possible Mary-Sues or canon characters. Especially the canon characters. Hands off. Most likely they're taken.

3. When on extended stay in any Word World to monitor it, you may experience ripples in the Force/time compression/shifts in georgraphy/time loops/etc. This is normal. It just means that someone is messing with Canon. Do not panic. Especially if you have to keep watching Boromir die before your eyes a hundred times over. Or wear sparkly pink spandex underwear. Whichever is more traumatizing.

4. Make note of any abnormality in Canon and follow your leads. If it leads to a small anomaly, it's most likely nothing. In the event that it isn't nothing and a Mary-Sue has invaded the Word World that you are monitoring report it immediately to HQ and hope that somebody gives a flying hoot to come and fix things. Do not engage the Mary-Sue.

5. To clear up the last rule a bit, when we mean do not engage the Mary-Sue, we do not mean in matrimony, although it's pretty clear that you shouldn't. Do not marry a Mary-Sue or fall to her false charms; in all likelihood, she has Sparkly-AIDs and the last thing anyone needs is a Suvian STD.

6. In fact, it is recommended that any spy is to stay as far away from a Sue as possible. A suggested amount of distance between Intelligence Agent and Mary-Sue is about ten feet, but anything further is highly encouraged. There is NO CURE FOR SPARKLY-AIDS.

7. One thing to remember when sending in a report: "Do not meddle in the affairs of assassins, for they are heavily armed and quick to anger. And not noticeably subtle." Send your reports in when you have at least a few plotholes between yourself and any agents intended to receive your missive with mission specs. No matter what the rule is, people DO enjoy shooting the messenger. Or sporking them.

8. There is no rule eight.

9. Don't mess with Canon. Even if it's REALLY tempting.

10. Do not question the Canon. It is not your job to question or judge the validity of a Word World and its inhabitants, no matter how ridiculously they've been written. This applies to Edward Cullen no matter how much anyone thinks he's the Devil.

11. For the love of Eru/Elbereth/Gaia/The Planet/Minerva/ God/Vishnu/Spongebob/The Force/Farore/Din/Nayru/Naruto/insert your deity/non-deity here - please write legibly and coherently when making your reports!

.................


I'm sure I could add more rules and be ten times as ridiculous, but these were the ones that popped into my head and I thought I'd share. Not exactly gut-busting funny, but I certainly had fun doing this list.

The Suvion is a Quasiparticle, not a pseudoparticle.

Flaming BLOODY Denethor. (I love that curse.) Damn the Potterverse and all its fangirls to the eleventy-first level of hell! Water-goblins chew their bones and revenants devour their souls for breakfast!

No offense to those who categorize themselves as fangirls but do not write badfic. But eurgh. Potterverse is among the worst sectors of the Pit, easily rivaling LOTR. I... eurgh.

Sorry about my ranting. I get like that sometimes. Iiiigh. What's terrible is that it actually has potential to be a decent fanfiction... Ah, the travesty.

Owwwwwie. :(

Now, who's going to kill it? Trojie's out of town and Pads... I think she said her brain's fried. Who else around here does Potterverse Bad Slash?

Congratulations!

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Narrativium and Canon Energy really are one and the same- I simply didn't use the word "Narrativium," as it implies a chemical element, which would not work with my theory.

And low-circulatory-Glitter 'Sues actually do put out more Narrativium than they put in by acting as nucleation points of stories- it's the high-cGlitter Suvians that damage the host continuum continuum by stripping more Narrativium from the plot fabric than they put out.

In short, some Suvians are parasitic, but symbiotic relationships exist.

Let me see...

http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/ScientificTheoryofSuvianOrigins

http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/SueLatinNames

http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/TheSuvianProteome

http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/TheSpectrumofSuvianSpecies

http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Experiments

More theories would be great! Make up a good title and post it on the wiki. Put it in the "PPC Science" and "Theories and Conspiracies" categories.

Come to think of it, the Sues-as-parasites idea that was discussed here last month really needs to go up on the wiki, too. I should get to work on that.

It's been a while since I brought badfic here. However, this one made me choke while reading it. Although the cake probably didn't help.

I Want To Be With You
Severus is living in poverty do to a debt after the war. After passing out from hunger one day he wakes to the sight of Harry Potter. Anal, M/M, Oneshot

OOC, poor spelling and grammar, AU, an inability to understand the word 'no' (that all works out in the end).

If not, I propose that a page be made using this magnificently-written thesis.

Bravo, Mr Eldritch. Bravo indeed.

I changed it to better explain why she doesn't like present tense.

I can't remember where. I do know that the mini-Balrogs listed, along with Lothlurien, come from this LotR/HP crossover currently being serially sporked on Deleterius. I myself created Kinchlow and Reabver.

That was a rough mission for her. Very nice.

I think this works really well. It explains everything from the variance in Sue-species to Sue-wraiths to how writers call them into being. I love the application of faux-science, and yes, I think you get points for using "meme" and "memetic" properly. ^_^

I'm not sure about Suvians having any original homeworld, though. I feel that the potential for them exists everywhere, but the concentration of Canon Energy generated by Authors on World One is why so many come from here.

I wonder, though, how the element Narrativium might play into this theory. Is that perhaps another name for the Canon Energy you describe? Or not, since Suvians could be said to produce very low levels of Narrativium by causing the existence of stories? Or is that just a side effect, not something they actually do?

~Neshomeh

Probably because you can write present effectively, not because the Suethor could.

Is he from Tlotoxl? Where did you find him?

or show why Lee doesn't like present tense. I don't recall the agents being too bothered about it.

And about the Bad Slasher's expression... I had to think of a few missions Trojanhorse and Paddlebrains went through. That enough to explain it?