The only problem I had with this, is that I am not familiar at all with the canon, so I was often trying to figure out who was being referred to, and how they were related to each other. I had no idea that Lindsey was a teenager until the end where it said she should have been in school. I am guessing that she is the daughter of Wendy?
I don't know how you could work in a line or two about who is who without getting into "As you know, Bob..." since both of your agents know the canon.
I liked the interactions between Ian and Lee. The opening banter about blowing up an attacking house was great, but I did have a little trouble following who was the Sue, who were the canons and everybody's relationships to each other, which made it a little hard to fully enjoy the mission.
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Re: Beta request by
on 2010-06-21 00:50:00 UTC
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Right, fixed it. by
on 2010-06-20 23:18:00 UTC
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So, I took into consideration what you said, and quite a bit of it made sense. I fixed what I thought were the most glaring errors- charging in front of canons, etc,- and put the revised version on LJ.
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By the way by
on 2010-06-20 23:00:00 UTC
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I had read your mission in the google doc and made some comments in it, I believe before you posted it as a mission. That is, I started before you announced the mission. If I calculate the time difference correctly, my reading and commenting on the mission coincided with you posting the mission. Which explains why none of my comments or corrections was reflected / showed in the posted mission.
So, uhm, I guess my review of this mission can be found in your google doc. ;-)
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Yeah, even in a continuum like this you'd think ... by
on 2010-06-20 22:59:00 UTC
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... that the doctors would at least comment on the scary green-skinned guy and the teenage girl barging into the intensive care unit, waving a huge syringe.
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They'd be mainly in the town by
on 2010-06-20 19:58:00 UTC
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Y'know, if someone wanted to run a store or something.
If you'd want to have a kid end up at the school when they live in town, they'd just have to be young enough to be able to become a student.
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LJ friending by
on 2010-06-20 19:34:00 UTC
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My LJ is http://clkwrkartichoke.livejournal.com/
Couldn't fit my full title, damnit.
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*pokes with a big stick* by
on 2010-06-20 19:21:00 UTC
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Make sense! I order you to make sense!
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Good to know. by
on 2010-06-20 19:14:00 UTC
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Well, I suppose I'll just have to wait and see,then. It'll probably slow down once school starts back up again in the fall, but during the summer, I'll probably be posting quite a bit.
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You'll get slower with time by
on 2010-06-20 19:09:00 UTC
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I used to write missions in a few days time. It's the main reason why me posting average is still a little below once a month, even though I've only posted two missions in the past four months.
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Nope. You're not. (nm) by
on 2010-06-20 18:34:00 UTC
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Re: Are you sure the Nighthunt under Kiern would kill them? by
on 2010-06-20 18:33:00 UTC
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I was thinking back at the beginning of the Nighthunt sideplot in VQ, when Veneno and Deathcry were still alive. Though I think Kiern would want these things dead as much as any semi-sane being would, if he just heard them speak for five minutes.
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Am I the only one who thought 'secret message'? by
on 2010-06-20 17:54:00 UTC
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It means... absolutely nothing.
Huh.
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Oh, I know! by
on 2010-06-20 17:43:00 UTC
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Or maybe it was D) whoever it was was severely sleep deprived. Like staying-up-for-three-days-to-study-for-finals sleep deprived.
That said, can I thwap it with my Frying Pan of DOOMTM anyways?
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Feed the kittens to the humans, then kill the humans. (nm) by
on 2010-06-20 17:39:00 UTC
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That's fine (nm) by
on 2010-06-20 17:38:00 UTC
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Are you sure the Nighthunt under Kiern would kill them? (nm) by
on 2010-06-20 17:38:00 UTC
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Oooh, a trolly spammy thing. *pokes with spork* by
on 2010-06-20 16:55:00 UTC
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Burny!
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I could make a crude joke about the Gulf of Mexico... by
on 2010-06-20 16:32:00 UTC
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because that's a literary disaster almost as bad. But the Gulf spill is a very serious matter, and in that case Jokes Are Bad.
But my point stands--I can't make head nor tail of that summary. I mean... Sue, Twilight, Yu Yu Hakusho, Sonic, something about alcohol, and who ever said anything about Hogwarts being unsafe in the first place? You can't fix a problem if it doesn't exist.
And augh, the poor commas. T.T
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Oh, come on now. by
on 2010-06-20 16:11:00 UTC
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You could at least try to be
entertainingannoying. I mean, we couldn't even write a Dissertation on this!
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If you don't mind... by
on 2010-06-20 15:42:00 UTC
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I'm going to friend you guys, too, because I have no LJ friends, either. I did make a LJ account just for this, but I'm also working on a Google site (that isn't up for public viewing yet) with a comment form. If that works out, anyone would be free to share it with me.
It seems like we'd be pushing it to post on FictionPress since it's about fanfiction.
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J-pop! I like it! by
on 2010-06-20 15:39:00 UTC
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And Utada is a favorite of mine. -grins-
I like Xericka a lot. She actually sounds rather like Agent Sarah, only better at it. I can only hope that she gets along better with Gremlin than she thinks she will.
--anamia