I meant the "undead minions" kind of zombie made by an evil wizard, as opposed to the brain-eating kind that usually show up in modern Earth settings due to radiation, a virus, etc. I guess it's more a difference in the mood of the story than in the zombies themselves.
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zombie distinctions by
on 2010-02-05 18:46:00 UTC
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Nice to meet you! by
on 2010-02-05 16:42:00 UTC
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And a happy New Year to you too =D Thanks for the blessings, that was really nice!
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*Throws what is left of her sanity into the bucket* by
on 2010-02-05 16:33:00 UTC
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I feel much better already! Yay, another Larklight fan! *Tries on goggles* I'm not a steampunk, but I would like to be, haha.
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Re: Clarification by
on 2010-02-05 16:04:00 UTC
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Thanks so much for taking the time to go through it like you did. You wouldn't by chance be interested in being my beta, would you? You have an eye for details that I could desperately use.
Glad you liked Justification despite the technical issues.
--anamia
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Thank you! by
on 2010-02-05 15:56:00 UTC
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Haha, I won't ask! Yay Redwall...I always get a sudden urge to read it when I feel hungry. I think it's all those descriptions of scrumptious feasts...
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Happy Chinese New Year! by
on 2010-02-05 13:05:00 UTC
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恭喜發財,大吉大利!
Wishing you all a prosperous new year! (I know, new year is over, but I'm Chinese, and we celebrate the Lunar New Year)
~Xani. B
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Here at last! by
on 2010-02-05 13:04:00 UTC
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Welcome to the Board! Please deposit your sanity in the provided receptacle. *indicates bucket marked "Warg Fodder"* You shan't be needing it here. Also, fellow Larklight fan (are you by any chance a steam-punk?), here's a pair of aether-goggles. Wear them with pride.
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Have some Silver and Rosemary! by
on 2010-02-05 11:36:00 UTC
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Glad to meet a fellow Bartimaeus Trilogy fan.
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Clarification by
on 2010-02-05 08:02:00 UTC
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And I manage to cut off parts of my own post.
* "as though she were running, not from a person but from her own thoughts." probably could use a comma between "person" and "but". "But" isn't separating two independent clauses, but it is being used to show contrast, and "not from a person" seems like it's excluded enough from the sentence. You'll need to see which you prefer, but I think adding it helps the pacing.
* "I had the image of her forever engrained" scans... artificially. That may be the goal, since it's probably not something the viewpoint character is proud to say, but if not I'd recommend "her image" instead of "image of her". "Engrained" is an archaic form of colouring. You probably want "ingrained", to have deeply impress into a surface. Engrained is similar enough that people will recognize it, and will be in some dictionaries, but ingrained is vastly preferred in normal use, and both sound about equally archaic. It's up to you what looks better though; the e does look better.
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Re: Official Permission Request by
on 2010-02-05 07:51:00 UTC
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Justification is a heck of a meaningful work, and things like it are often of publishable quality. A few typos, and some stylistic things :
- "but the she turned a corner and vanished from my view and I thought no more of it." should probably be "but then she".
- "as though she were running, not from a person but from her own thoughts." probably could use a comma between "person" and "but". "But" isn't separating two independent clauses, but it is being used to show contrast, and "not from a person".
- "It was hard blow, I will admit, yet one which I too with an ease which surprised even me" should probably be "I took".
- "I had the image of her forever engrained" scans... artificially. That may be the goal, since it's probably not something the viewpoint character is proud to say, but if not I'd recommend "her image" instead of "image of her". "Engrained" is an archaic form of colouring. You probably want "ingrained", to have deeply impress into a surface.
- "I looked back at my professor only once during that ceremony, and that to shake his hand properly." is technically correct if the last "that" refers to the time the viewpoint character looked back, but it's not clear and may be read as a 'dummy subject'. "Then" is typically used when you want to refer to a time period. If you intend for it to sound archaic, though, "that" is preferred.
- "at the Royal library." may be better as "The Royal Library" or "the Royal Library". While you're not citing a specific library, it's probably best to err on the side of proper nouns here with how many Royal Libraries are treated as such in the Real World.
- "Or perhaps I am reading too much into the situation and I was the only one affected by her absence." is probably complex enough that it could take a comma between "situation" and "and". It's borderline, so try both and see what you prefer
- "when I could not avoid thinking, and I would always reply with a jest or a grin, not truly present." seems like "not truly present" is modifying an early part of the sentence. That may be the goal, if you want his thoughts as a whole to be somewhere else. If you want to focus more on the jest or grin not being there but the mind being present, it may be preferable to pull out the comma after "grin".
- "I began a respected Professor in my own right" may simply be an archaic use I'm not familiar with, but it's jarring to modern eyes. Either switching from "began" to "became" or (less likely) "Professor" to "professorship" would flow much better.
- ", and is tainted by something I could not quite name, " is technically incorrect for having the wrong tense -- "is" should probably be something like "it was" or "was". You may want this to attract the eye, but it's a dangerous tool.
- "still not pulling her hand out of mind." would hopefully be "mine".
- "long.”Gently, she tried" needs a space or two between "long." and "Gently".
- "bear to spent my remaining" should probably be "spend".
- "some happily and other less so" should probably be "others".
- There's a few of pronouns with unknown antecedents. You can almost always get away with such generic pronouns when they function as a 'dummy subject', but such an option is best reserved for when the pronoun can refer to everyone, or when who it refers to can not be identified. The most significant case of this would be "Only recently had they allowed" -- presumably referring to a generic they that watched the viewpoint character -- but "I did not see her on that first trip out" likewise relies on the knowledge that "the child" is female. We've not be given that yet, and even with that information the phrase arguably ends up feeling like it should point to the nurse anyway. Native English speakers generally won't have a problem with this matters, but it's best to read them aloud and compare them to alternative phrasings to see if a clearer version does not distract from the tone. This is a case-by-case thing, though.
- A few words -- dresses, nursery, and murmured would be the ones I noticed the most -- are repeated a few times in a short period, and then dropped from the writing. This may have been intentional and I'm missing the purpose, but there are alternative words that could be used without erring on the side of urple, or more distributed uses may reduce the issue.
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Not to worry by
on 2010-02-05 04:02:00 UTC
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I just got reprimanded myself for comma issues. No one can be perfect. -grins-
--anamia
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Thank you by
on 2010-02-05 04:01:00 UTC
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I do try to reread my work, but things have a nasty habit of slipping by me, as you both noticed. I'm currently looking for a beta to help me fix that. Thanks for pointing out the issues so that I can go back and reread again with an eye towards the things you mentioned.
Again, thank you for granting permission.
--anamia
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Sounds really cool. by
on 2010-02-05 02:31:00 UTC
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Unfortunately I can't make it on Saturday (and I haven't read Othello), but are there going to be other ones?
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Congrats on getting your internet fixed! (nm) by
on 2010-02-05 00:36:00 UTC
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Welcome, new friend! by
on 2010-02-05 00:22:00 UTC
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Have a venomous arthropod.
Since you bring up zombies, I will ask this: Which do you like better, the fantasy necromantic zombies, or the sci-fi/horror "Night of the Living Dead" style zombies?
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Hello! by
on 2010-02-05 00:15:00 UTC
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Welcome to the PPC! Here's a Glitter-proof shield from the Raven Armory and a bottle of bleeprin. (The shield can't be Suefied and it serves as a useful wall if you want to block out your view of the Sue at any time. Don't ask how I got the original shield to be this way. You're best off not knowing.)
A Redwall fan? Well met. It's one of my favorite book series.
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Woot! *glomps* by
on 2010-02-04 23:43:00 UTC
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Welcome back! And huzzah for regular internet usage!
^^
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Toes not stepped on :) by
on 2010-02-04 22:51:00 UTC
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I didn't have the time to look at it properly but I thought I'd just give those couple of notes :)
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YAY! by
on 2010-02-04 22:47:00 UTC
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I am truly honoured! I shall treat my zombie minions with the love they deserve. Helping to take over the world sounds fun! I did have a plan involving evil penguins once, but that went slightly pear-shaped... If anyone asks, Iceland never existed in the first place =D
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Good advice... by
on 2010-02-04 22:40:00 UTC
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...in fact, I may just 'forget' to take it back if I ever leave.
Wow, laser and sword! I am much obliged to you :D *Attempts to lift Martin's sword and fails miserably* Ah, doesn't look like there's much chance of me causing any damage. Yet.