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(to any fanficranters, this is what sparked me off last night)
Original: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4885653/1/WaitWEREWHERE

lolcat: <a href="http://www.slangaholic.com/lolcat/convert.php?url=http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4885653/1/WaitWEREWHERE">http://www.slangaholic.com/lolcat/convert.php?url=http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4885653/1/WaitWERE_WHERE

I blinkeded, y wuz efrytin sow dark in heer, wher wuz anywai...I sited up adn sawed a flash. "Kiri" a meaowin cawleded. I lukeded around but sawed nofin."Kiri" eet cawleded agin.

"hoo iz yoo!!!" I askeded loudly. "show yurself" I demandeded standin up nao, goted into a defensiev stance adn lukeded around.

I heerd teh feminien meaowin laf lightly "awl in doez tyme mai dear, dun worriez will nawt harm yoo" teh meaowin respondeded. I growleded low in mai throat.

"hoo iz yoo, I won't aks yoo agin" sayed angrily, hoo didz her finks her wuz. I heerd her laf agin befoar respondin.

"mai name iz Rakuren doez nawt worriez I iz awn yur sied" teh meaowin respondeded. I lukeded around still tryin ta figuer owt whut wuz goin awn.

"whut iz goin awn heer, wher iz I" I askeded her, hopin her wudn't brush meh of agin.

"I iz heer ta halp yoo awn yur upkummin quest, noes kan show maiself ta yoo yet, but soon I will b yur grate3st talonz...I kan tell yoo noes moar than dat, we will meets agin soon, small-hyooman-torturah b kaerfool..." den efrytin goed wyet.

AHHHH I bolteded upriet adn falled off teh beded. It wuz awl jus a dream, a scary dream but a dream noen teh less. I lukeded at mai annoyin-tickin-deviec 10:30am oh noes wuz SUPPOSEDED Ta meets Wif TSUZUKI ADN SILVAH riet Abowt Nao!!! I panickeded adn grabbeded mai clofes adn runed owt teh door. I staarteded runnin ta teh park wher wuz ta meets mai frenz.

Mai name iz Kiri Tora Doragon Densetsu, iz a lawng name I nows but eet iz whut eet iz. It meanz Misty floofy Dragon Legend, cool hu? I haz lawng dark blue hehr hehr dat goez ta mai hipz But iz uzually keeped in a high ponytail hirdly waer eet down sow I kan fyet wifout eet gettin in teh wai, haz dark lavendah eyup adn a spunky yet calm attitueded. I haz awn vewee strange yet eleagant clofes. I iz a fyteah, iz a black belt, 5th degree, adn I nows hao ta uz menny talonz, lieks ta fyet, I nivvah turn down a challenge unless eet iz sow bad dat considah repulsiev, adn I haz nivvah lass a match, iz 14 almost 15 yearz old adn Tsuzuki adn Silvah a.k.a. Gin, iz mai too betterest frenz, we nivvah go anywheah wifout each uddah. Tsuzuki Gin adn I lieks ta danz adn sin, we iz finkin abowt staartin a band but still izn't suer. I iz teh calm wun in teh group most uv teh tyme, hafta keep teh udderz saen ta a extent, uv cors Gin halpz wif dat. I kan easily hidez mai emotionz, even if dey tear meh apart, nivvah show eet, adn nows wun nawt even mai own betterest frenz, kan tell whut Iz pheelin sumtymez, Iz dat gud at hidin mai emotionz. I nivvah let anyoen seez meh in pain or hurt, adn especially nivvah adn I mean nivvah nivvah EVER EVER let anyoen seez mai tearz, nawt even in teh faec uv death, fear almost nofin, except teh separashun or death uv mai frenz...mai ownlee famley...I iz vewee graceful, sumfin pikkeded up frum Zuki-chan, adn her teachez meh ta danz wif graec, Gin teachez meh ta sin. In return I stay loyal ta dem adn teach dem hao ta wield talonz. I haz a past dat noes kan even memebah, I woek up in a strange plaec adn wuz meeted by too girlz mai age, Tsuzuki-chan adn Gin-chan, telled dem I dint memebah mai past, adn dey sayed dat dey wud halp meh memebah...teh ownlee fin I memebah iz bein able ta turn into a floofy adn a giant dragon.


*shudders* I think it got worse

Agents Sarah and Alana rock!

The original link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4163393/1/HorseGoddessesandMagicSchoolsdontmix

What the translator gave me: I standed at teh doorz ta Hogwartz skool uv wichcraft adn Wizardry. It wuz a impressiev name ta b suer, but teh hooel “don’t let teh mugglez nows!” seemeded a liddill overzealouz. It wuz also complicateded enough ta b goddess uv horsez (yup I iz goddess uv horsez, yup nows yur jealouz) adn nawt ta menshun dat teh skool wuz co-eded. It wuz diffikult bein a goddess (even though we didz haz supah-coolio majikul powurz) since I'd a lust curse.

yup, a lust curse. mayks evry man fallz madly in “luvz” wif meh. nawt fun. Even sum uv teh furst yearz werz starin at meh funny. It stunk rocks. reelee stinky rocks.

I wuz a “transferrin” student, due ta a “disturbance” frum mai old skool; tri ta keep up wif meh. But moar uv dat latah, eet wuz tyme ta go in. (yoo kan learn moar latah, dat's y dey meaow eet "suspense")

At furst teh entrance uv teh furst yearz wuz teh uzual, everywun welkummin teh poor fresh meat into a furst livin nightmaer, but den I comed in. I comed in lass sow dat teh uddah poor small-hyooman-torturerz maiet akshully getz sum attenshun. But den everywun wuz starin at meh.

At furst eet wuz silence, evry straight man’s eye fikseded awn meh. lemme tell yoo, skared teh heck owtta meh. Den teh sownd uv evry man sighin az dey “falled in luvz”. I discreetly rolleded mai eyup. dis crap reelee goted borin aftah a whiel. Den uv cors comed teh catcawlz, wolf-whistlez, adn evry possible sign dat teh man wuz “turneded awn”. A blond buoy suroundid by too burly-lukin accomplicez wuz makin particularly loud contributionz. kan yoo meaow “embarrassin”?

I blusheded adn hided mai faec beneath mai hehr, grr eet wuz sow annoyin wehn dey did dat. I scurried aftah teh furst yearz, tryin ta disguies maiself amongst dem, nawt eezee wehn ur at least a fut tallah than everywun.

Aftah teh gauntlet uv a walk ta teh front uv teh “graet hall” (pleez, I haz seen sow menny moar hallz mutch largah than dis” teh old lady wif teh funny hat begined ta meaow.

“Yoo will b sorteded into yur territoriez; yur territory will b yur famley. Blah blah blah blah….” I needz ta getz maiself wun uv dem hatz. I thot. qwyet nifty.

befoar I'd reelizeded eet, teh lady wuz meaowin namez owt; teh pathetic foarmerz shuffleded ta teh front uv teh hall, adn werz placeded underneath a old hat. I kud feel teh majik driftin of uv eet, sow knowed eet must haz bein a object uv exceptional powa.

“Siriz Silverbow.” funny hat lady sayed.

I walkeded gracefully ta teh hall, evry single buoy’s eyup awn mai butt az ploppeded down awn teh stool. Teh old hat-fin wuz placeded awn mai hedz, sortin into “territoriez” I suppoes.

Den I feeled eet diggin into mai memoriez, tryin ta penetraet mai mind; sow painful memoriez, teh facez…deathz, srsly. Him faec. Him faec…

I whippeded dat fin off mai hedz sow fast eet wuz a blur. Mai eyup filleded wif tearz…Ceelin Cat I wuz goin ta staart sobbin n e minuet…. omg Him faec…

“Slytherin.” croakeded teh hat befoar eet hit teh flor.

I walkeded slowly ta mai territory table, lettin mai lawng, silky, wyet hehr drift in front uv mai faec ta hidez mai eyup brimmeded wif tearz. naterelly teh lawng table haded bein cleared sow dat teh ownlee spot lef wuz teh wun besied teh blond buoy. Even him accomplicez haded parteded ta allow meh teh “honor” uv sittin thar. Yoo bet yur buttonz I wuz pleaseded (in caes yoo didn’t nows, dat iz cawleded sarcasm).

“Hay,” begined teh blond buoy in a attempteded suaev meaowin. awl male eyup werz traineded ta him, borin deep into him flesh. Teh vieb around teh malez wuz awl teh same: luky!

Needless ta meaow I didn’t boafah lukin up frum mai tear-soakeded D-cupz (yup yoo did needz ta nows mai bra siez, yup nows ur sow totally jealouz) Teh wurd “reject” wuz qwyet obviously nawt includeded in dis moron’s vocabulary, sow him continud ta blab pointlessly.

“I’m Draco Malfoy. I nows yoo’re new heer, don’t worriez; I’ll taek gud caer uv yoo.” I'd lukeded up enough ta seez dat awn him lass werdz him eyup haded drifteded down ta mai boobz. I hates manz.

“Oh, dis iz Crabbe, adn dat’s Goyel.” Draco sayed, lukin up lawng enough frum mai funbagz (yup I did meaow dem dat, yup eet iz kynda insultin, but eet iz a graet vocab wurd) ta gestuer ta him too comradez.
Teh wun cawleded Crabbe mumbleded sum foarm uv incandescent greetin, him eyup glueded ta seez whutevah mai breastz wud doez nex. I akshully lukeded down too, uzually manz werzn’t dis annoyin. Oh. noes. I'd foargotten dat haded a wyet shurt awn; adn mai tearz haded dun eet noes jusiec. Crap. Mai shurt wuz totally seez-thru. adn I iz a albino. dis stunk rocks even worse than befoar.

Teh wun cawleded Goyel didn’t even boafah wif a greetin, him jus sited thar wif him eyup fikseded ta mai chest; wuz dat drool kummin owtta him mouf? I sawed sum uddah manz tri ta maeks a movement ta “win mai hand” but dey werz quikly silenceded by Malfoy’s glaer uv uttah contempt, him eyup returnin ta mai chest ownlee wehn him thot him haded skared awai evry lass traec uv competishun, adn utterly, frenz.

everywun wuz eatin nao, adn teh manz werz foarceded ta luk awai. Aftah lukin around mai territory I sawed a buoy wif hideously ugly glassez adn a odd scar tawkin ta a frizzy-hehred girl adn a red-hehred buoy. Dey werz awl lukin at meh strangely. I cudda sworn teh red-hehred buoy wuz in teh same staet az Goyel (dat uv cors bein teh chest-drool), if a ferociouz luk by teh fizz girl hadn’t skared him owtta lukin. I still catched him sneakin luks. Pervert.

Teh uddah too werz still lukin at meh suspiciously, adn purrhaps wun uv teh teechrz; teh wun wif a big noes adn kynd uv greezee black hehr. Him wuz starin at mai chest too, wuzn’t dat illegal? Whutevah, evry man in mai territory wuz starin, sow I suppoes him cudda a luk too, (iz a vewee, vewee consideraet person) at mai expense.

I turneded awai frum mai observationz ta luk at Malfoy agin. Him hehr reelee wuz astonishingly greezee…certainly thar wuz a environment law against dat? Actin awn impulse I reecheded owt adn toucheded eet. (I hasn’t bein around manz foar a whiel) Eww. It wuz az greezee az eet lukeded. I quikly withdrawed mai hand adn wipeded teh pound uv greaes onto mai napkin.

Seein dat awl teh uddah malez in mai territory werz jealously glarin at Malfoy, him grabbeded meh adn huggeded meh tightly; vewee tightly; srsly, I kudn’t…breef…

“ur goin ta b mai girlfrend.” Him whispered into mai hehr.

I keeped mai affecshun-appendixez limp at mai sied, evry man still starin at meh. Ceelin Cat…whut haded mai impulshun gotten meh into nao?

http://www.slangaholic.com/lolcat/convert.php?url=http://www.freewebs.com/bonsaimallorn4/Legolas.htm

Legolaz wuz ridin alawng teh woodz adn wun dai him finded a affecshun-competitor whapeded in colth sow him goted of him horse adn goed ta teh affecshun-competitor adn den Legolaz sayed"hoo lef yoo heer liddill wun"adn den teh affecshun-competitor jus cryeded adn den Legolaz pikk her up adn hold her adn den teh affecshun-competitor stawpeded cryin adn den Legolaz sayed"yur name iz goin b Laura"adn den Legolaz adn teh affecshun-competitor goed onto teh horse adn goed bak ta teh castle wher him liveded.Legolaz sayed"fathur muddah I finded dis liddill affecshun-competitor in teh woodz adn den Legolaz muddah goted up adn walkeded down adn sayed"hao kan peeps put affecshun-competitor in teh woodsand ta diez".Den Legolaz fathur sayed"we iz goin ta keep her"adn den Legolaz wuz happy foar sumrisein.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I have just found a lolcat translator. http://www.slangaholic.com/

Surprisingly enough, it's actually quite good at it. It can translate nearly anything into hilariously childish lolcatese.

Naturally, this has spawned ideas...

So here's my challenge. You know all that badfic? All that *REALLY* bad fic, with more words wrong than right, enough mistakes to keep the Authors graves spinning for another millenia or two...
...would this tool make them worse, or... better?

*grins evilly and runs off to get more caffeine*

Frankly, I don't have the time to look through this as it's expanded rapidly. It's a rewrite of one of this author's old N&C fics, which I objected to on sheer suckage factor by changing the ending to be a happy one and therefore ruining the entire message of the book. She then rewrote the story, coming to me for beta reading help. I accepted. She fired me about three days later because I pointed out plothole after plothole (and a number of biology errors, too). To my knowledge, she only kept the spelling and grammar erros (of which there were a lot). What I saw of it and the author's attitude makes me think badfic was imminent. Therefore, I'm flagging this so someone else can read it and see if my suspicions were correct.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4763715/1/

Otherwise my additions to the Meat series would never have existed (though some would claim that's a good thing).

I'm just glad that someone else has actually heard there's a difference.

They started the script in March, hoping for a mid-2011 release.

I'll allow the inertial dampeners to fail without me complaining about how they should all be dead.

does this mean, however, that we may be able to... you know... get a new main page? One that's up to date?

Just like a person, they change over time. Sometimes dramatically, sometimes slowly, but there is always some kind of change.

Well, it's personal choice. I did a mission once that crossed over with Twilight, but only marginally. Either way, it's up to you. :)

I actually meant to ask whether or not anybody was taking on missions for it; my bad, it was poorly worded. I had a bit of an idea, but I'll let it fester a bit in my brain and see if it goes anywhere :P Thanks though

- MB

I think I remember you. Not sure. Either way, welcome. *hands over Convenient Cake*

Eh; most of us have Sue skeletons in our closet; it's why we are able to make the distinction now. Innocence isn't very helpful. :)

As for Twilight, we're not doing anything; we can't, even if we wanted to, and not everyone does. I'm no fan of it, but Canon Sue or no, it doesn't irritate me nearly as much as you, apparently, and in any case, once it's published, it's out of our hands. Thankfully, no one can make us take on missions for it.

Sorry to be so brief, but I'm in a bit of a hurry.

Cheers!
- Sedri

My mom said it's the other way around.

Sounds like something the 6th Doctor would wear at Christmastime.
Or a prop from the Icelandic production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.

...I do remember the name. I remember it sounded like a creature from Lord of the Rings Online. :-D

To answer your question: as far as I know, we aren't doing anything. I'm sure there are plenty of works that should never have been published and many of us would love to be destroyed (Eragon for example), but a canon is a canon, and we cannot actually PPC published canons. Sporkings like those done by Kippurbird and MST's are up to you, but as far as I know there's nothing we can do "about" Twilight. The Duty's The Duty, after all.

Hope to see you more often!

I'm always willing to beta. Since I don't want to repost my contact information too much, you can find it on my userpage at the Wiki, DirtyCommie.

Hi everybody! None of you will remember me; I was active a few years ago, but not really for a long enough to have made any kind of lasting impression. So I suppose I will start with a brief introduction.

I primarily dabble in Lord of the Rings fanfiction, although I have been taking a several year hiatus. I actually recently returned due in part to the new Star Trek movie, figuring that the entire Star Trek Continuum is going to need some extra help with its recent revival in pop culture. I am female, and I once wrote a Mary Sue at twelve years of age; an unforgivable sin I know, but I do owe my writing ability to that early start.

I actually have a question for everybody, seeing as I haven't been around. What are we doing about the Twilight series? It's practically a canon Mary Sue... the author should be taken out and shot. Yet I'm sure there's fanfiction being written on it. Anyway, that's more idle curiosity than anything else... it is such a dreadful book.

- MB

Any takers?

But I can now finally get through that scene with only a minimal lump in my throat. W00t!