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Snowblaze sat at the head of the table, her generals and advisors all around her. She didn't really know enough history to know exactly who they were, despite the Wikipedia research she'd done before entering the simulation.

"As you know," she began, slightly nervously, feeling very grateful that the coders of this simulation had built in automatic translation, "Britain and France declared war on Germany earlier today."

She paused, hoping to make it up as she went along from here. "This, of course, does not in any way change our position on our pact with Germany. We will still hold to it until such a time as they violate the terms or it expires."

If Twistey was going to be historically accurate, that meant that they'd have to wait a whole two years before they could attack. Which was a real pain, considering that Snowblaze was a ruthless game-player and intended to conquer the world as quickly as she could.

Suddenly she was struck by a brilliant idea: why couldn't she go the other way and invade America? Okay, her Reddish-White Army (as she was mentally calling it) would have to make a slight sea journey, but still, it was definitely worth it. And if America was hers, she'd have the pure military strength to crush anyone who dared to stand in her way.

Saving her brainwave for later, she continued: "We do not currently choose to ally ourselves with Germany, although I will remain open to the possibility if they are willing to form an offensive alliance. Therefore the Soviet Union is currently not at war and will remain so in the immediate future."

She wasn't exactly the world's best speechmaker, but this would do the job. Unless the programmers were feeling particularly sadistic.

"However, it is likely that at some point circumstances will change and we will join the war, on one side or the other. Therefore we must have our Red Army on standby, ready to move at a moment's notice. Is the council in agreement?"

As she hadn't exactly said anything controversial, they all nodded and gave their assent.

"Thank you," she said, and retired to her private chambers to plot the invasion of America.



(Well, the point of the game is to rule the world, right? Also, I admit it, I did do some wiki research IRL.)

Go find a room already – although you may rather need a hall to accommodate all interested parties.

HG, simulating a whole population of NPCs

"Excuse me, may I take this seat?"

Willis looked up to see a tall man (very tall, even compared to Willis himself) with black hair looming over him. "Er," he said, quite reasonably. He shook himself, looking down at the chair. "My g- my partner's sitting there," he said. "Sorry."

"It's no problem; I will stand." The tall man executed a slight bow, and his hair shifted to show off the leaflike tips of his ears. "I am Agent Huinesoron of DOGA, and I have a- what's that delightful phrase? Ah - a 'bone to pick' with you."

Willis scooted his chair back a little, eyes wide. "Is, is this a shipping thing?" he asked. "Because Twistey and I, we-"

"No, no," the elf - he was clearly an elf - assured him. "But then again... yes." Agent Huinesoron folded his arms and fixed Willis with a Look. "It has come to my attention that you have asserted that elves 'aren't supposed' to be buff."

"Er?!" Of all the things Willis had thought he might hear, that hadn't even been on the list. "But - I mean - you're not, right?" He looked up at Agent Huinesoron, who did indeed meet the usual profile of a slender, graceful elf. "You're not!"

"I am not," Agent Huinesoron agreed. "And personally, I agree with you that it's not a particularly good look for us." He smiled - not the kind of cruel grin Willis had been fearing, but a genuine fond smile at some memory. "I mean, if Legolas was all muscle-bound - can you imagine? Ew."

"Er?" Willis winced: he really needed to stop sounding like someone with the least interesting catchphrase in history. "Then what's the problem?"

"The problem is that my preferences don't really enter into it," Agent Huinesoron said. "We fought in a war, you know, against hordes of Orcs unnumberable by mortal Man. With yeni of training behind them, you'd best believe our warriors had more muscles than they knew what to do with."

Willis clamped down on another er, but that left him with nothing else to say. He stared at the elf, thinking frantically, but was saved by an arm snaking around him from behind, and a kiss planted on the top of his head.

"Hey, handsome," Twistey said, swinging down into her seat and smiling at Willis before shooting a glance at Agent Huinesoron. "You making new friends?"

"I'm not really sure." Willis reached across the table and took Twistey's hand, clinging to it like a lifeline. "I'm not sure what's going on."

The elf reached up to tug one of his braids and shrugged. "I've said what I needed to," he said, then winced slightly. "And, ah, I hope I didn't... intimidate you?"

"A little," Willis admitted, then had to smile at the sheer guilt that flickered across Agent Huinesoron's face. "But not much," he said. "I'm just a bit on edge."

"Aren't we all?" Twistey murmured, squeezing his hand reassuringly. "So you're leaving, then? Only we've got food on the way."

"Er," and Willis couldn't contain his chuckle as the elf used his apparent catchphrase, "yes. I'm sorry for... yes." With another slight bow, Agent Huinesoron turned and hurried away.

Twistey huffed a sigh of relief and turned her attention to Willis. "Well. What was that all about?"

Willis shook his head slowly. "Twistey, I don't think you'd believe me if I told you..."

~

(Actually I'm pretty sure Tolkien never said, but Agent Huinesoron demanded to be allowed to express himself, and you were already in HQ...)

hS

"They're not going for it."

Huinesoron stepped up behind his wife, slipping his arms around her waist. "No?"

Kaitlyn sighed and turned from the view, nestling her head on his shoulder. "No. Hardric wants chunks of Italy, Snowblaze wants us all to go Communist, NeshBosh want, I dunno..."

Huinesoron's lip twitched. "Tea?"

"Right." His wife looked up at him. "And we want reparations for a whole bunch of stuff we're not going to get. We'll never reach an agreement."

"I still think my plan will work." Huinesoron stepped forward, Kaitlyn turning until they stood arm in arm, gazing out over the streets of Paris. "Nesh said it - 'make love, not war'. If we just marry you to everyone--"

Kaitlyn elbowed him in the ribs. "It won't work," she said firmly. "Twistey and Willis have that whole 'monogamy' thing going on. Unlike certain husbands of mine," she jabbed out with her elbow again, but Huinesoron squirmed away, "they're not obsessed with setting each other up for threesomes."

"That's unfair," Huinesoron protested, but quailed before his wife's arched eyebrow. "Not just threesomes," he clarified.

Kaitlyn snorted. "Right, right." She leant on the railing, staring out at the brightening eastern horizon. "It's going to be war, though."

"... yeah." Huinesoron placed his hand lightly on her shoulder. His brow furrowed in thought; then he turned away, flicking his fingers to bring up the simulation's radio system. "In that case, and since Neshomeh's not using it, I suppose we should do this properly."

With a faint fizzing sound, a microphone appeared in front of him. He cleared his throat, then glanced sidelong at his wife. "Unless you'd rather do the honours?"

"No, no." Kaitlyn waved indulgently. "You'll enjoy it a lot more."

"All right." Closing his eyes, Huinesoron took a deep breath, then tapped the microphone. "This is a priority transmission breaking across all commercial and private frequencies," he announced. "This morning, the Bri- French ambassador in Berlin handed the German government a final note, stating that unless we heard from them by 11 o'clock that they were prepared at once to withdraw their troops from Poland, a state of war would exist between us.

"I have to tell you now that no such undertaking has been received, and consequently, this country is at war with Germany."

He paused, lifting his head to meet Kaitlyn's gaze across the open mic, and a crooked grin crossed his face.

"Game on," he whispered, and cut the feed.

~

(With gratitude to Neville Chaimberlain, and also Jenny Sparks of the Authority.)

hS

... the working plan is to stabilise and speed up T-Board? Actually it looks like it's running a lot faster these days than it did when it was new, so well done there.

hS

To be honest I'm still in the 'denial' phase...

hS

To: twistedwindowpane
From: Neshomeh

Dear Twistey,

A little bird told me you're claiming your actions in this simulation are all to please the German people. Have you talked to the German people? Cuz either this is a really shite simulation where none of the NPCs get lines, or most of them don't actually like the whole fascism and genocide thing that much! It's just that when the police are legally empowered to break down your door and murder your family members on the merest suspicion of noncompliance with the regime, it tends to make folks a little scared of speaking up, you know?

The German people are certainly desperate, but it's more for things like food and safety and the liberty to walk the streets at night without worrying about being bombed or shot, wot? The people here in England would rather like to have those things back soon, too! Perhaps we can agree that this is all bloody stupid and bring it to a stop like responsible adults in this sim? Then we can all snog and make up. ^_^

Make love not war!

Cheers,

~Neshomeh

Certain technical Tomashes have backup scripts, so we haven't lost data in years, and a replacement kinda exists too - we were talking offline about how to stand up a replacement.

Don't worry too much, we have people on the case. :)

*considers writing a Cal/Aegis piece in retaliation*

...writing slightly risqué ship fics about your wife. :P

-Twistey, teasingly, but also hypocritically because of an upcoming Ship War fic starring Fem!Willis...

...the more I'm coming to the conclusion it's impossible to write a shipfic between me and Kaitlyn without introducing corsets into the mix. ;P

Wake Me Up Inside (Ship web around Moons, parody)

This is a parody of the fic “Like a Shadow Over the Soul”. It features Four Moons Watching as the main character, and also includes Calliope, twistedwindowpane, Iximaz, Huinesoron, Neshomeh, Scapegrace, Snowblaze, Willis64, and Hardric.

Hi my name is Luna Artemis’ia Selene Aysel Watch and I have long blue black hair (that’s how I got my name) with blue streaks and purple tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue silver eyes like the moon and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da heck out of here!). [[I’m not related to anyone from Overwatch but I wish I was because Halloween Mercy is a major freaking hottie. I’m a fallen angel but my wings are retractable and made of energy. I have pale white skin. I’m also a writer, and I’m in a writing group called the PPC in England where I’m in my first year (I’m sixteen). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black galaxy print miniskirt, silver fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and blue eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so the sky was very dark, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I stuck out my tongue at them.

“Hey Luna!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Calliope!

“What’s up Calliope?” I asked.

“Nothing.” she said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

------

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some holy wine from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was blue velvet with silver lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant Valravn t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on a pair of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Adelyn (AN: Twistey dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with red streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Burzum t-shirt with a black jacket, black mini, fishnets and high-heeled combat boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

“OMG, I saw you talking to Calliope yesterday!” she said excitedly.

“Yeah? So?” I said, blushing.

“Do you like Calliope?” she asked as we went out of our private messaging and into the Board hall.

“No I so don’t!” I shouted.

“Yeah right!” she exclaimed. Just then, Calliope walked up to me.

“Hi.” she said.

“Hi.” I replied flirtily.

------

Calliope leaned in extra-close and I looked into her gothic red eyes (she was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn’t feel mad anymore.

And then…………… suddenly just as I Calliope kissed me passionately. Calliope climbed on top of me and we started to cuddle keenly against a tree. Very cleanly because Shipfest fics are clean.

“WHAT IN ERU’S NAME ARE YOU DOING YOU FOOLS!”

It was…………………………………………………….Huinsorenian!

------

“Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?” asked Professor McShoma.

“How dare you?” demanded Professor Scape.

And then Calliope shrieked. “BECAUSE I LOVE HER!”

-------

The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with silver moons all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of moon and star earrings, and two angel-wings in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with silver.

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with holy wine instead of milk, and a glass of red wine. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the wine spilled over my top.

“Watch where you’re going!” I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a goth with spiky black hair with green streaks in it. They were wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down their face and they were wearing black lipstick. They didn’t have sunglasses anymore and now they were wearing red contact lenses just like Calliope’s and there was no scar on their forhead anymore. They had a manly stubble on their chin. They had a sexy English accent. They looked exactly like Joel Madden. They were so attractive that my body went all hot when I saw them.

“I’m so sorry.” they said in a shy voice.

“That’s all right. What’s your name?” I questioned.

“My name’s Iximaz, although most people call me Werewolf these days.” they grumbled.

“Why?” I exclaimed.

“Because I love the light of the full moon.” they giggled.

“Well, I am a fallen angel of the moon.” I confessed.

“Really?” they whimpered.

“Yeah.” I roared.

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Calliope came up behind me and told me she had a surprise for me so I went away with her.

------

My friend E’ternal Winter Night smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like communism that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Snowblaze was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are angels and one of them is a witch but a Mary Sue killed her mother and her father disappeared because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Night and not Blazkowicz.

------

I was really scared about Strakit all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Fallen Gothic Wings 666. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR. The other people in the band are E’ternal Winter, Werewolf, Calliope, Willis64 (although we call him Wilhelm666 now. He has black hair now with red streaks in it.) and Hadric. Only today Calliope and Werewolf were depressed so they weren’t coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Calliope was probably punching a wall (she wouldn’t die because she was a vampire and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there’s no way I’m writing that) or a steak) and Werewolf was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. I put on a short black leather shirt and tiny matching miniskirt that said Elvin’s Tales on the butt. You might think I have bad fashion sense but I really don’t.

------

Yes, that was several excerpts from “My Immortal”, with a few of the words replaced. Congratulations, you’ve read the laziest Shipfest fic ever. Apologies for the length, since I just couldn’t choose one or two scenes. And finally, can you find all the subtle side-jokes, references, and other Easter eggs I included in the fic? Also, feel free to spinoff.

-Twistey

Being not a knight yet, and also being the subject of suspicions as always, I am going to sneak my way in and pretend like I'm supposed to be there! Haha!

-Twyla Witherspoon, owner of Twyla's Odds and Ends

...is going to shut down in October?

I accidentally just typed the address for the main site instead of the full address for the Board and was prompted with that message...
https://disc.yourwebapps.com

Where are we going to go? What are we going to do? How are we going to archive all this? We've probably already got solutions to these problems, I just wanted to bring it out into the open (again).

Also, I noticed that you can put in your email address and stuff will be sent to you to maintain your site, I think. At least one oldbie needs to do this.

-Twistey

Sure, it's sort of a minor point, and there's no way we're going to change it, but I like how tau makes radians a bit cleaner-looking (and how it makes the fact that the area formula for a circle comes out of integrating the circumference formula a bit more obvious).

- Tomash

Being a maths nerd I should probably have more to say than I do, buuuut... Yay!

"So."

Kaitlyn swallowed, clutching her blanket tighter around her, turning to follow Iximaz's circling prowl. "So?"

Iximaz reached in, caught a corner of the blanket and tugged it, making Kaitlyn squeak. "So can I see?"

"I don't know..." Kaitlyn did her best to peek inside the blanket without actually opening it. "I look silly."

"I doubt that." This time around, Ix stretched out a leg, stroking her toes up Kaitlyn's stocking-clad calf. "Though if you'd picked a different word starting with S..."

Kaitlyn made a sound halfway between a giggle and a whimper. "But, I mean, there's so much cleavage."

"Kaitlyn." Ix swung to a stop in front of her, facing her across two feet of floor. "You might have missed the fact that most people consider cleavage a good thing."

"Yeah, but this much?" Kaitlyn waved at her front, then hurriedly grabbed the blanket as it started to slip. "I highly doubt it."

Iximaz stepped in, pressed her lips to the shoulder the escaping blanket had left bare. "I promise," she murmured. "Please?"

Kaitlyn squirmed slightly, then sighed and met Iximaz's gaze. "All right." She took a deep breath, loosed her hands, and let the blanket fall.

Iximaz took a step back. A smile touched her lips as she took in the view: Kaitlyn's black thigh-high stockings, the lacy garters holding them in place, the matching lace of her black knickers cutting a shallow angle across her hips, and above it all the corset, purple lace fitted to black, and just as much cleavage as had been promised.

Kaitlyn stood, hands at her sides, barely daring to breathe as Iximaz's gaze took her in. "Well?" she whispered, her voice trembling. "What do you think?"

"Oh, Kaitlyn." Iximaz crossed the distance between them, wrapped her arms around Kaitlyn, and kissed her tenderly on the lips. "You look... perfect."

hS

It's traditional medieval food.

This is the first piece of writing I’ve posted to the Board, so hooray! The story is that Twistey and I do a double date with Moons and Iximaz playing dodgeball against Sues and Stues. I hope you guys enjoy it, feel free to make spinoffs!


“I’ve almost got it…” said Twistey as she delicately lowered the final card onto her house of cards.

“Surprise!” exclaimed Willis, tickling Twistey and causing the house of cards to fall.

“Nooo! I spent like ten minutes on that!” yelled Twistey as she swatted him on the arm.

“Hehehe, I’m so evil. Anyway, are you ready to go? The others are waiting.”

“Oh I suppose. Why did I agree to this again?”

“Because dodgeball is fun! Besides, the Sues and Stus are only simulations, and considerably weakened ones at that.”

“So where are we playing it? You never really told me.”

“Well, the Sunflower Official had a Sue themed sports arena built in Headquarters with the latest and greatest simulation technology, in order to trick agents into using their free time in training. But the agents became so overworked that it’s never been used, so we’ll be the only ones there.”

“Huh. Well, let’s get it over with.” Twistey said as she walked with Willis out into the hall where Moons and Iximaz were waiting, arm in arm.

“Woohoo let’s do this! The simulation room is 5 minutes of walking thataway!” said Iximaz.

“Race you there!” yelled Willis as he took off running, his cross country training coming in handy again.

“Well he can have fun with that.” said Moons as she walked around the corner and drove a golf cart, borrowed from the arena, around the corner. Everyone boarded it and easily passed Willis.

“Wait, come back! That’s not fair!” cried Willis, breaking into a sprint in a vain effort to catch up to them.

“HAHAHA FASTER!” yelled Twistey in a maniacal voice, tauntingly waving at the receding figure of Willis.

Willis managed to reach the room after a couple of minutes, in a sweaty mess, while the others comfortably lounged in the waiting room.

“Oh, look who showed up! I guess we can finally start.” said Moons, punching in the code to start the dodgeball simulation.

“Wait, let me catch my breath!” panted Willis, but to no avail. The floor fell from beneath their feet, dropping them into a huge room with padded walls, two huge piles of dodgeballs, a dividing line, and a horde of twenty Sues and Stus.

The Sues and Stus roared and charged toward their pile of dodgeballs, but the four friends took a while to get their head in the game.

“Oh crap crap crap crap! I’ve gotta hide!” screamed Twistey. She tried to run, but Willis grabbed her hand and dragged her towards the balls.

“Come on, this is the fun part!” Willis grabbed a pair of dodgeballs and forced one into Twistey’s hands.

“Now throw the dang thing! They disappear on a hit, but it takes 5 for us to get knocked out!”

“AAHH NO! I don’t want to get knocked out! That’d hurt!” screamed Twistey, right as a ball bounced off of her head.

“Snrk that’s one hit. And it's not literally getting knocked out.” said Willis. They both looked over at the other team to see one of the Stus triumphantly yelling and doing a Fortnite dance.

“That one’s mine!” snarled Twistey as she threw her ball at the Stu, causing him to blink out of existence. Satisfied that Twistey would fight, Willis looked for an opponent. And there he was. A buff elf. He looked like Dwayne Johnson with pointy ears, and much paler.

“ELVES AREN’T SUPPOSED TO BE BUFF!” screamed Willis. The violation of nature turned toward him with a sadistic grin.

“Y’know, he’s right! We should get rid of this impostor! He’s such a fake, he’s not cool like us!” murmured some of the Sues and Stus. Five of them turned toward the buff elf, quickly wiping the smirk off his face. It took just 3 seconds for them to finish him off, but it gave Willis the breather he needed. He glanced over to see that Twistey had finished her opponent and had gotten another couple down too.

“OWOOOOOO!” Iximaz howled at the ceiling as he transformed into his wolf form, which must have been from Headquarters’s temporal strangeness causing a spontaneous full moon. He started bounding after the balls, wanting to play fetch, but soon suffered his fifth hit. With that, a hatch opened in the floor beneath him and he vanished from sight.

“Nooo!” yelled Moons, and everybody redoubled their efforts. They soon finished off the rest of their not very skilled opponents, but they each had no more than a couple of hits left.

“Yay, we did it! But what happens now?” exclaimed Twistey. And then the floor fell from beneath them, dropping them into a sleek plastic slide that somehow deposited them back down into the simulation waiting room. Iximaz, still a wolf, jumped up from where he had been laying and bounded over to Moons.

“Oh who’s a good wolfy! We won!” gushed Moons, affectionately ruffling Iximaz’s fur.

“Woof woof!” Iximaz barked excitedly as he leaned against Moons’s leg.

“We won! That was so much fun!” cried Twistey, flinging herself into Willis’s arms and giving him a kiss.

“We did! I knew you’d have fun!” said Willis as he happily embraced Twistey.

“Well, I’m exhausted. Let’s go relax.” said Moons. They all climbed back into the golf cart, including Willis this time, and headed off for a relaxing evening.