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Uh. Uh. Uh.

Can I have some Brain Bleach now?

-Ls

Now that I know the joke, I find it quite funny! I would vote to leave the floating sentence as it is!

—doctorlit, on matters of Matterhorn

The only thing I can say about this badfic is… well, I got nothing. When this 822-word delight features Harry doing the horizontal macarena with a disembodied hoo-ha on a table then watching mango pr0n, you know you're in for a world of wackiness. Due to repulsive content, no excerpts shall be reprinted.

I'm totally not looking for every excuse to show off pretty game screenshots, nope.

And don’t worry about time or anything - not like there’s a deadline for feedback, and home chores are important.

I’m pretty happy Ocotillo and Matterhorn are coming across the way I intended too - in their earliest drafts they kind of just felt like a weak rehash of Charlie and Jiwon’s dynamic (and the weaker, early-mission form of that dynamic to boot), so I wanted to fix that. Nice to see that it worked!

Melpomene was… interesting to write. I tried to get some theatrical elements in with her fancy clothing, but I didn't want to shift her personality too far from her original state. Maybe she'll soften up as time goes on?

Also the 'moue' comment gave me the strangest sense of deja vu, and I had to check something - it turns out this isn’t the first time this word’s been commented on in a PPC work I’ve written, who knew?

Matterhorn's continuum sentence was left unfinished as a sort of joke, since I… never fully decided where he was from. Could remove it, if it doesn't work. It's not really important to the plot or anything.

And while I was looking for that extra space, I found an entirely separate double space in another sentence! Got a two in one, there. Managed to get the Nightshade mentions fixed too, while I was at it. Wouldn't do to keep them there at all. Thanks for the help!

Oh, yeah, no, Sheen’s probably not the go-to guy for gentleman training. His definition of masculinity is just toxic classism expressed through appearances and arbitrary rules. And I feel like, for a second here, Urato came so close to realizing that beating Kaguya wouldn’t actually mean anything . . . Sheen and Urato are perfectly opposite personalities, and it was fun watching them clash!

. . . Gee. I’ve always looked down on Sheen for his rigid attitude, and felt like we were nothing alike, but his line about “what matters is not my comfort” hits very close to home. Of course, for me, it’s about putting the planet first, not just obeying authority, but feeling any kind of solidarity with Sheen is not a good feeling . . .

—doctorlit is waiting for all these guys to realize that being a “gentleman” just means being kind and selfless . . .

Hey, I’m sorry I took so long before reading this. I kind of let myself get absorbed into home chores for a while there, but your story was always in the back of my mind to read!

Aw, poor Ocotillo! The narrative laws are really after her, aren’t they? HQ just isn’t built for a dragon, and neither is the DIA manual . . . but I love that she still keeps trying to do her best, self-sabotaging voices aside! And I love her sense of duty, as well, wanting to clean up the TARDIS even though it isn’t her job.

I find myself both frustrated by, and sympathetic to, Matterhorn. I wouldn’t want to be around someone who’s so casually rude to the people around him, but I also understand his impatience with wanting to get his job done without being slowed down training the noobie, and how disquieting Melpomene’s blank aspect is. I’m glad that, in spite of Ocotillo’s lack of self confidence, she still stands up to Matterhorn when he crosses a line.

And speaking of Melpomene, daaaang. I’ve seen the film adaptation of CATS, and while it was the film adaptation of CATS, it definitely contained a non-zero amount of acting. And if Mel is from the stage version of canon, she ought to be even more in tune with her inner thespian! Let’s have some dancing or something, girl!

A new phrase you taught me: “made a moue,” which sounds like spontaneous cow generation, but oh well!

A couple minor errors:
In the author’s note, you have a sentence that never completes: “Matterhorn’s home continuum belongs to”

And there’s an extra space between “He” and “walked” in the sentence: “He walked over to the still-smoldering TARDIS, scrutinizing the wreck.”

Also, the Nightshade gets mentioned in a couple spots, but I have a feeling those were meant to say the Tiger Lily instead . . . maybe take a peek and double-check?

—a doctorlit is not a dog

I'm not quite sure where you're getting that perception of Beauxbatons girls--it was the Durmstrang girls who weren't allowed to put their names into the Goblet. (It's a difference from the book, where the Beauxbatons students were the ones putting their names into the Goblet in front of Harry and friends!)

Yeah, Fleur is ostracised on account of being part-Veela, so her bitchiness and complaining is partly a defence mechanism. You'll get to see more of what she does at Hogwarts with the opportunity to get away from Antoine and the other bullies, though.

re. where Crouch Jr is: ;)

Thanks for pointing that out!!

It’s nice seeing more gender diversity among both Durmstrang and Beauxbatons than even the books provided, although it almost feels like a step down for Beauxbatons, with the girl students apparently too afraid to offer up their names in front of the boys? Like, as weird as it feels for Fleur to be ostracized while she was the golden student in canon, that at least makes sense with the weird Pureblood culture in this timeline. But the fact that the patriarchy is shutting down all the female students, despite witches having super magic hair, feels a little weird. (Unless all the female students are part Veela?)

I’ve been enjoying this year so much, Crouch Jr.’s presence in the fic completely slipped my mind, but having Crouch Sr. at the feast reminded me, and I had a little panic thinking that Jr. could be Professor Bonnefoy in disguise . . . But by the end of the chapter, I’m quite confident I know where Jr. really is. (Though I’ll admit you briefly had me thinking Jr. was actually Winky, until I saw her perform house-elf magic!)

“The champion for Dumstrang is Viktor Krum!”
Well, it does match the speaker’s name this way, but . . .

—doctorlit is grateful that ace people aren’t affected by Veela enchantment . . . but could their singing break through his hetero-ears?!

Foreign guests arrive, and the Triwizard Tournament begins.

The herd of "secrets" sheep are now in the CAF adoption agency and available for adoption.

Aside from the insane badfic, I liked how much Sheen and Urato argued, the banter was funny.

-Ls

I'm glad you liked this approach to the house-elf situation! I agree that the books did everyone a disservice trying to walk the situation back and making it seem like the elves all want to be enslaved (eyerolls for days). With Ryan as a moderating influence, the house-elf liberation storyline's going to go somewhere a little bit different than "everyone laughs at Hermione for wanting house-elves to have basic labour rights".

(Seriously, all she wanted was for them to have salaries and paid leave--things that people are going on strike to obtain right now! How is that unreasonable???)

No worries, I am literally in the process of moving to Taiwan (where Christianne's dad's family hails from, wink wonk) so I know how exhausting chores and stuff can be!

Jacques is a fun teacher! And it was fun figuring out how to get Draco to turn into a ferret in a non-traumatic way :P Things certainly seem nice so far, it'd be such a shame if something were to happen--

Yuanyuan is just a super duper informal nickname for Ryan. If you recall, his Chinese name is Siyuan, so Yuanyuan is a diminutive of the "yuan" part of that. The reduplication nickname in Chinese is also super cutesy/childish, so Qiu and Sue are shocked to hear Professor Liu's professional colleague call him something that only close friends and family members would call him.

And it's (another) Demonly Kings/Fairy Godfathers crossover to boot; watch as Urato receives some quality gentleman training from a temporary partner.

Been slammed with chores all week, but I finally had time to read!

I’m so excited to see Jacques on page at last! I love his teaching and debating style, it’s like the perfect mix of providing guidance and letting the students work through things on their own. And it’s great seeing someone with such a playful and relaxed attitude still serving the role of a healthy authority figure! And speaking of authority figures, it’s fun seeing Millicent Bulstrode starting to step into the role of a leadership position among the Slytherins, without being biased towards extreme Slytherin/Pureblood supremacy. Things are looking up at Hogwarts, and I’m sure nothing bad will

Oh, gee. With witches storing magic in their hair, Chizpurfles are a little more threatening of bodily harm than they were in canon, huh? And I definitely remembered that Chizpurfles are canon, and didn’t have to look them up first. >_>

Dennis Creevey’s wide-eyed wonder is hilarious to read! He thinks he’s in some bright, shiny high fantasy setting where the good guys always win in the end, like Narnia. Poor kid!

What does “Yuanyuan” mean? Qiu and Sue seemed bothered when Jacques called Liu that.

—doctorlit, as a zookeeper, endorses Harry’s patient ferret retrieval strategy

Hey, folks - I'm still here. :) And I decided to start a tiny community for people who like crafting and creative hobbies like drawing, baking, crochet, embroidery, miniature painting, etc. If you like to craft things in your free time, feel free to reach out to me on Discord for an invite link to my little crafty server (I'm oculus74). I'd like to keep the community private for now, so I'm not posting an invite link directly here, but I'd love to have more folks from the PPC in there!

I ran into "Blazoning Tortall" by ChimeraKitten bouncing around the internet earlier today, and it seems like the sort of deep obscure fandom nerdery that folks here would appreciate (*pointedly glances at hS*). It was neat to see what the various coats of arms in those books might have looked like, and some of what they might reveal about folks in said books - as well as showing Tamora Pierce doing more research on the topic over time.

I also found that said person did a reconstruction of the Belmont achievement from Castlevania which also seems to be a solid "heraldry 101" document.

Also, just want to say "yay" out loud for the sensible take on civil rights in this. Thank goodness for Ryan, keeping Hermione from going all "white mage savior" on us while also asking the other students to take a serious look at the issue.

~Neshomeh

Depending on what corner of the canon you're looking from, they are either:
-a curse of bad luck
-the series of answers to a fancy equation that predicts the apocalypse, which could be prevented entirely by tweaking the variables and changing one of the numbers
or
-arbitrary numeral designations for everyone who ever reaches the island, used as a sorting method to determine who's "truly welcome" there

Lost is a very normal and reasonable setting!

—doctorlit the Lostie

It's time for a new school year! Feat. a new DADA professor and Draco's Ferret Incident.

Yeah, the consequences of being a blood traitor are a little bit more serious here!

I mean, in canon Ron and Harry did sorta go all "wait, Hermione's a girl" in the 4th book, so this wasn't too far out of left field for Ron! But yes, it was a bit of a dickish thing to say and Hermione was completely justified in shoving him into the stream!

The imaginary Plimpy is the Gulping Plimpy, I think. Those are smaller with bigger mouths, like Luna said. But normal plimpies do exist and have a Ministry classification.

Jacques will be Jacques! Rita Skeeter's interview with him is referencing the one Zing wrote a while back.

Teenagers will be teenagers :P And it's only going to get more teenage wasteland from here on out...

Oooooooooh. I thought Molly was just wanting Fred and George to find a more “proper” job, but there’s a much more serious baseline to her fear . . . Yikes.

“Hermione’s jaw dropped, and—before anyone could stop her—she pushed Ron into the stream.”
Why would anyone stop her? It was an objectively correct action. (Like seriously Ron, dude, that’s your friend!)

I totally did not remember that Plimpies were a canon animal, so when Luna first mentioned them, I was like, “Oh, she’s talking about her imaginary non-things again.” When Ginny actually managed to catch some, I literally started out of my chair, because I thought something crazy had just happened! But no, they’re just normal fish . . .

Flirting with goblins, eh? I see this version of Jacques hasn’t quite lost his Harkness, either!

Man, I’m a little torn on Ginny at the end there. On the one hand, I understand why she’s feeling hurt about the situation with Rose, but she’s also being very rude about it, sneaking in on Harry while he’s writing, and especially getting weird about the Maiden’s Kiss concept. But Harry’s being a little overly defensive too, and snapping instead of explaining himself . . . hheergrgkk tEeNaGeRs

—doctorlit pushes Ron back into the stream

thanks!