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That image is deliberately kinda awful, judt to be clear (that is, it was the first kinda awful/sorta accurate image I could find). The reason for that is to make the Blatant Lies obvious to people who aren't familiar with the canon.

And yes, I am already aware you have a warped mind. XP

Agree on the canon one. That one is the one that is there. Agree on most of the other bits.

That last one, though... Jeez. Woooow. That is... no.

I didn't expect that big a reaction. This was pretty off the cuff. ^_^;

~Neshomeh

Aw, drat, I messed up the image. I did intend for her to be reacting to that picture, because that guy is a) not Thoth glistening with oil, and b) just weird-looking. His jaw is a cube. {X D

There are images I prefer for reference to what Space Marines look like under the armor. Like, this one and this one are pretty similar to the one you used, but are much more reasonable without being really good-looking. This one seems to be more or less canon?

I like the effect used for the black carapace in this one, but that guy is not nearly built enough to be an Astartes.

And then there's this guy. I don't even know about this guy. This may be what happens when you really want to make a guy pretty but annoying people keep telling you he's not supposed to be, so you get base prettiness with superficial grit layered on top. It doesn't quite hide the prettiness. It just looks like his right eye (audience left) is trying to escape.

ANYWAY! Glad you enjoyed. ^_^

And yes, Gall does have a warped mind. Guess that means I do, too. >.>;

~Neshomeh

I said - or at least emphasized - the wrong thing, and made a poor example of myself in the process.

Alright, this deserves reactions. One of us will post some when we get around to it.

I know what I'm doing for the badfic games in September. >:)

I mean, what else do I say? That was outstandingly funny. In... every way.

Also, "Thoth and Derik's oiled-up pillowfight" is just an inherently funny phrase.

I will note, that image *was* supposed to resolve to here. But Gall's dissatisfied reaction probably still fits. I mean, that was rather the joke. Astartes aren't as attractive as some may believe.

Also, Gall clearly has a warped mind.

Finally, for People Who Aren't Nesh and aren't 40k and thus don't know... there is actually a reason for Thoth being covered in oil. That being that A Thousand Sons has a memorable percentage of men in oil. Including, at one point, Magnus himself, and a description of Ahriman that contributes to suspicions that the man whose perspective that particular scene is from may be gay.

Ah well. You can't spell "Horus Heresy" without "Homoeroticism."

Nice work.

That IS the thing I'm worried about, though.

You specifically plugging this fic and drawing attention to the author oversharing information, and adding in "that is one of the most dangerous things you can do on the Internet - or so I am told. ;)" complete with winky face really, really makes it come across as less 'I'm worried about the writer' and more 'nudge nudge wink wink wouldn't it be awful if someone doxxed them? ;)'

What worries me is that it's not just the author's book - it's their father's book.

Because there's been a lack of them lately.

Over in the Sofia the First fandom, there's this poor thing - it's still ongoing, and relatively short besides, but the badfic aspects are particularly glaring. A Sofia that acts like Sofia (some of the time) but doesn't sound like her, an untitled book in the Secret Library, anachronistic (or at least World One!Earth-centric) references and geography, typos galore...

And most notably, an uncanonical kingdom (plus two Awesome McEvil villains) and amulet. The worst part? Check the author's note on the first chapter. Though really, it makes me worry for the writer, since revealing real-life information like that is one of the most dangerous things you can do on the Internet - or so I am told. ;)
I can only hope that book was written under a penname...

I was laughing the whole time. :D

This was very entertaining. ^^

By which I mean Derik and Gall prety much MST the third article, but oh well.

[We open on a table at Rudi's, where DERIK and GALL have just sat down. DERIK pulls out a copy of the Multiverse Monitor and flips to a certain page.]

DERIK: Have you seen this? Apparently I have a harem. *it's not clear whether he's annoyed or amused*

GALL: *snicker* What?

DERIK: Yes. *he reads aloud*

Agent Derik, long busy with his relationship with Agent Gall (who loudly claims to all concerned the she sees his “big schnoz” on a daily basis)

DERIK: Did you tell them that?

GALL: *with total candor* Nope.

DERIK: Good. *okay, now it's funny* It goes on:

He’s been ensnared by the sinister sorcerer, Agent Thoth (who frequent Monitor readers may recall from the “men in oil” exposé)

GALL: The what now? Damn, I gotta get me a copy of that edition! It'll have pictures, right? It's got to have pictures.

DERIK: *snort* If Thoth actually sat still for a picture like that, I'll eat my flight jacket.

whom he meets on a regular basis in a secluded RC

DERIK: True...

where the dangerously attractive man (image)

DERIK: Oh, here you are.

GALL: Ooo—wait. That's not—no. What?? D:

DERIK: *grin* I told you.

When Derik was asked for comment, he claimed that “I'm not stuck in there with him. He's stuck in there with me.”

DERIK: All right, I DID say that to some nosy, muckraking little lowlife, but I was trying to scare the idiot off!

GALL: *laughs* Clearly they never saw Watchmen. Good job, One-eye.

And it gets worse, for even as the conniving Phantom

DERIK: Which I'm not, how many times do I have to tell people I'm not him before—

GALL: Hey, chill! People are looking.

DERIK: *deep, angry sigh* ...

contrives to assault the inept sorcerer

DERIK: With a Soft Cushion and a Comfy Chair, I note they fail to mention.

GALL: Well, everyone knows Python. I would so pay money to watch you and Jötun go at it with pillows, though. Preferably naked and oiled up. *eg*

DERIK: *deeply disturbed* NO. *goes back to the article*

he has pushed the Astartes into a relationship with him.

DERIK: Hold on, a moment ago I was naïve, ensnared, and ensorceled. How exactly am I doing this, too?

GALL: No, no, it makes total sense if you think of it on a timeline. First, the evil sorcery, but it's not very good—"inept," right? So you break free, and you're pissed, so then the violent retaliation. With hatesex, I guess.

DERIK: *well that's uncomfortably similar to his actual recruitment* *ew* ... How do you manage to be so close to the truth and yet so very, very far from reality?

GALL: Talent?

DERIK: *eyeroll*

“Those two are … jumping into bed together,” said Tom Andrews, Thoth’s partner, of the deadly and violent warrior and the brave defender of Pern.

DERIK: All right, I can believe Tom said that. The elision is extremely suspicious, though.

GALL: Hey, now you're the good guy again!

Who knows what coercion is involved?

DERIK: So who's coercing who now?

GALL: Mutual coercion. Who has the upper hand? Only time will tell.

DERIK: Oh, hold on now, they talked to Thoth, too. This should be...

Thoth himself claims that “Derik is a bleeding heart,”

DERIK: *laughs* Where do they get this stuff?

GALL: I mean, you kind of are? In very specific circumstances that have occasionally come close to getting us killed?

DERIK: I'll never believe Thoth said it, though. ... I do believe the next bit. *aw, bro* But then it's right back into nonsense.

However, he seems unaware of Derik’s other partner, and the same is true of Gall.

GALL: No, I'm pretty aware. More than these dumbasses.

DERIK: Don't be jealous. There's enough of me to go around. *grin*

GALL: Reeeeally? ... Since when?

DERIK: *koff*

What would the two of them think if they knew the real Derik?

GALL: Oh man, lemme tell you—

DERIK: Please don't. Who knows what these people would spin from the kind of chaff that comes out of your mouth?

GALL: *under her breath* Not much actually. >.>

Only time will tell, but we at the Multiverse Monitor are dedicated to ensuring that Derik will be unable to hide behind his lies.

DERIK: But which parts are lies and which parts are the truth? Am I a naïve victim, a conniving predator, or a brave hero?

GALL: I guess they're leaving it up to the reader's imagination.

DERIK: No shortage of THAT here.

As for the foul sorcerer Thoth, we have found that he has no kittens of any sort, which we immediately deemed suspicious. Further investigation reveals that he may, in fact, be feeding innocent kittens to “large and dangerous monsters who tend to throw fire.” Clearly, anyone who would do such a thing is a menace to HQ at large, and the possibility that he is launching a coup against the entire organization must be investigated.

DERIK: *can't keep from laughing anymore* That's rich. I have to show this to him.

GALL: Ask about the oil while you're at it. :D

DERIK: I absolutely will not.

GALL: Aw. You never give me anything I really want.

DERIK: Try wanting things that aren't awful.

[We pan out as the conversation devolves into the usual banter.]

~Neshomeh

Tabloids are a guilty pleasure of mine, not because I believe what they tell me but because I like to laugh at how ridiculous some of the claims are. This didn't disappoint! Truly you are a master of the carefully chosen misquote!

That's a good thing, in this context.

Also, I really didn't. I know I didn't, because my eyes didn't start smoking when I read my own writing.

National Enquirer is Bad For You.

Also, classicfilmfan, what classic films are alluded to in your username? This has been bugging me ever since you joined.

We Sons didn't "sign on" with the ruinous powers out of hatred or spite. We acted as we did because we had no other choice. We were played, and by The Architect of Fate himself. If you stood in our place, I do not doubt you would feel the same.

All the knowledge I have gained did was provide further confidence in that assertion. Given the knowledge we had, we did as best we could.

I do not have a favorite portrayal as of yet.

I don't have any interest in dating Jack. He and Jacques are totally different people who just happen to look the same. I'm not dating him because he's a replacement. I'm dating him because I love him.