Subject: O.o What was in that drink?
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Posted on: 2017-04-05 00:18:00 UTC

And why is it legal? One slurp for an intense, hallucinatory high?! That (and the "gyrating fir tree") is perfectly absurd -- and hilarious. Which is a good description of this story :)

I have one question: where are they? I'm guessing Rudi's: eventually the Notary mentions they're sitting at a bar, and she does have the Rudi's accounting dataslate with her (although she could presumably carry that with her to work on wherever she pleased). But I think this story would be better if the location was made clear earlier on in the story.

Not to mention, how many people are around? They don't seem to be concerned about other people overhearing, but the conversation isn't too personal -- and they're both being influenced by various substances which lower inhibitions. Still, it's strange that they're basically alone until Wobbles calls over the barman. And then suddenly there's a Flareon passing by in the middle of the description of Wobbles' drink, a Flareon who is never mentioned again. If you're trying to use this random passerby to add a sense of place, that they're somewhere semipublic, I'd recommend introducing that descriptive element earlier in the story -- adding it halfway through is a bit jarring.

On the whole, this is a very sweet and funny story. I like how the Notary's relationship with Wobbles is evolving, and how close they're becoming ^.^ So cute. And so much of your phrasing is spot-on ("left behind like a badly-developed photo of someone else's skiing holiday" has to be my favorite).

I love your writing style and your characters. Keep up the good work!

--Key

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