Subject: "I'm Sorry, Too"
Author:
Posted on: 2017-03-24 18:03:00 UTC
(A/N: I'm glad this prompt challenge has swung by, because I've been putting off this little drabble for far too long and I needed an excuse to put it in writing. I think it works well with the theme anyhow, too, so there's that.
Note: This drabble takes place shortly after the events of "Girls' Night Out".)
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Setting one's cell phone ringtone to, say, "You Will Know Our Names" from Xenoblade Chronicles is a relatively simple accomplishment. Manually setting an RC console's voice call alert tone to that tune, though, is a whole new level of technical expertise which, as one techie had described once, required at least three signed permits from the Flowers, professional knowledge of two or more operating systems, up to five successful consecutive bypasses of the network firewall system, the usage of eight different server backdoors, and an entire roll of duct tape.
Despite being a Colony 9 engineer, at least prior to certain events he wasn't too keen on repeating, a certain Honedge gijinka from RC #88224646BA was sorely lacking in any of those. As such, he'd had to resort to the alternative that was less likely to lead to accidental electrocution: paging the Flowers with a minor request to change the notification tone remotely by way of the network settings.
As proud as he had been of this accomplishment at the time, Backslash had stopped looking forward to hearing that familiar opening electric guitar riff ever since he'd run afoul of a certain someone he wouldn't name to anybody who asked him where he'd gotten that bite mark on his arm. So when said guitar riff suddenly blared at maximum volume from the console speakers one day, he regretted not being flexible enough to stick his head between his legs and kiss his lower cheeks goodbye. Especially after checking the caller ID and finding that it was from that very same someone.
They would know her name, all right.
With a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, he opened up the call and slipped on his headset. "Whatever you want to say, say it now before I feel even worse."
"Huh?" The voice on the other end of the line sounded oddly confused. "What makes you think I'd want to do something else I'll regret later?"
"Lapis, what in the name of the Bionis are you talking about? I'm the one who insulted you in the first place." Backslash sighed. "And I know I've said it before, but I'm sorry. Truly and sincerely. You did not deserve what I said to you that time, and I don't think anyone does. It was horrible of me to lash out like that, and I can't even begin to excuse myself..." He trailed off, realizing that he was talking too much. No doubt making Lapis even more annoyed than she already was.
There was a moment of total silence before the untangler spoke.
"I'm sorry, too."
Backslash's eyes widened in shock. "You're sorry?! I'm the-"
"I know. And I still haven't quite forgiven you for it. But I should've stopped at that, and if I'd had the sense to do so sooner I wouldn't have hurt so many feelings."
"...uh, come again?"
There was a sigh from the other end of the line. "In the months since our first encounter, I started finding myself stewing over your awful words, particularly the notion that I don't deserve to be the agent I am because I was dumb enough to get my arm bitten off. It reminded me that I've had people tell me before that I hadn't become an agent out of determination, but out of reckless haste, and that going in over my head could cost me more than 'just' a limb if I didn't call it quits."
Backslash turned slightly pale. "So, I wasn't the only one?"
"You were one of the first after I lost my arm. But I've had people comment that joining at such a young age might not be very wise. Perhaps it may even sound a little Suvian. Heck, even my own partners thought I wasn't fit for the job at first just because I was twelve at the time."
"Well, excuse my bursting their bubble, but Drunky - er, Cupid, I mean - was only a year older than you were when he first joined. Biologically, at least. I know he's a lot older chronologically, but all those people are hypocrites in light of that."
"Yeah. He told me that shortly after we'd started work, and my partners pretty much stopped judging me after that - especially after I saved first Sarah, and then a friend from the DMS. I thought I could put the doubts of the dissenters behind me and move forward with my career as an agent - until you came along."
Backslash's heart sank. So, she was still angry with him even after his apology. Lovely.
"So, does that mean you still hold me responsible?"
"Well, here's a big wham line for you. I don't. At least, not completely."
He blinked in shock. "But I - I-"
"I won't argue that what you said was very, very hurtful, and about as forgettable as the loss of my arm. But the thing is, after we got off on the wrong foot-"
"Understatement."
A harsh laugh could be heard from the other end. "True. But it wasn't you who was responsible for what happened afterward. It was me."
"Huh? But how? I'm sure you'd strive to make a better example of yourself after hearing a statement so scathing."
"Yeah, and I tried. But the thing that I did wrong was that I tried way too hard. I know you were worried about my well-being, but when I started out as an agent, my reputation was everything to me. Losing my arm? I could capitalize on that and show off how much more awesome I was for surviving that encounter. But knowing that there were people who thought less of me because of my history, both before and after I joined the PPC, was too much to bear. So I did the only thing I thought I could do: throw others' perception of me out the window with enough force to bust a hole through a three-inch-thick brick wall, and focus on the Duty alone without caring for how anybody else felt."
He would swear that the pop of his mouth falling open could be heard from Lapis' end.
"Forgive me for being blunt, Lapis," he said after a moment of regaining his compusure, "but that is, by and far, the absolute stupidest bloody thing anybody could possibly do in circumstances like this, arm or no arm! Did you once consider the possibility that you'd have to work with another agent team while on a mission? I don't think the Flowers would agree with me on this, but your reputation is important, at least in a few respects. The better you are at working with other people, the better standing you'll have as an agent in general. There's a reason most agents work in groups of at least two, and my partner can attest to the fact that working solo will only hurt you in the long run!"
There was a deep sigh from the other end. "You're not the first person to tell me that. And I'm not just talking about what Cupid said when we were working together last winter, either."
"Huh? Wait, what happened?"
"I went on a mission the other day with Sarah and a couple of friends she's picked up over the years. They also invited a rival of mine from my Nursery days who, out of jealousy, got into a habit of picking on my supposedly poorly conceived choices in becoming an agent. I swear our bickering could be heard for miles until Sarah decided to step in and separate us so we could think about what we were doing. I won't get into the rest, but I ended up... well, taking a forced nap of sorts."
"...ouch. Did you gain a secondary Ghost-type from that?"
"Oh, shut up." She let out a dry chuckle before continuing. "Anyway... it was a long two or three hours of self-evaluation for me that evening. I eventually came to the realization that I'd taken everyones' remarks about my status far too personally, and for one critical reason."
Backslash remained silent, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
"My history, my injuries, and especially the loss of one of my closest friends in HQ, in essence, had led to my self-esteem sinking so low that anyone saying that I wasn't fit to be an agent due to my own rashness could unintentionally cause me to lose the last remaining shred of hope I had for myself. I tried to mask the pain by throwing myself into my responsibilities, acting on the assumption that I had no emotional support whatsover, and it was very, very wrong of me to think that way.
"Which leads me to why I called you in the first place: to properly reciprocate your apology."
The look on Backslash's face was one of utter disbelief, and to his own surprise, more than a little sympathy. "Dear Bionis, I had no idea you thought that way... Lapis, I know I already told you that I said what I did because I wanted you to not get yourself axed by a Suvian, but if I wasn't such a boor I'd have tried to say it in a more encouraging manner. Or better yet, not said it at all and waited for you to prove that you really were capable. I had literally no idea that you hated me so much for what actually happened until last December, and I never thought it could ever happen. Honest!"
"There are two sayings that I believe are relevant here, one for each of us. For you, it's 'The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.' And more importantly, for me, it's 'Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.' I wanted so badly to hate you that I never thought about your actual intentions, and the same can honestly be said of a lot of other people who tried to speak against my haste and bitterness. And for that, I can't apologize enough."
Backslash couldn't help but laugh a little. "We were both dumber than a sack of bricks, in our own ways. And as much as I'd hate to admit this, I think we may have more in common than either of us think. So if it helps you any, I wholeheartedly accept your apology."
"As I do with yours. And I have to say, this whole conversation is giving me a lot more hope for myself, and also for you. The fact that people are there to listen to both of us, and the fact that we've finally been able to listen to each other, really goes to show that this multiverse isn't as harsh as either of us feared."
"Wait, how do you know how I feel about HQ?"
"Cupid told me. No doubt after you told him."
"...oh."
There was a nervous laugh from the other end. "So, no hard feelings, right?"
"Well, you did take a chunk out of my arm. But you lost one of yours, so I guess we can call it even!"
They both laughed this time. Then Lapis spoke.
"I hope you'll be happy to know that I patched things up with Aiko as well. We now consider each other friendly rivals rather than bitter enemies and, for the record, I'd much prefer that you and I have a similar relationship. Foils to each other, if you will."
He smiled warmly. "I'd like that more than anything, I think. Though that isn't gonna keep us from working together again in the future, isn't it?"
Lapis' teasing giggle would've been music to anybody's ears, especially given the context. "We'll see, Buttscratch. We'll see!"