Subject: Well, you asked for it.
Author:
Posted on: 2018-06-21 19:40:00 UTC
Ixion and Dia
Ixion was a son of Phlegyas the Lapith king, and of his wife who no-one bothered to name. Typical, isn't it? Anyway, Ixion agreed to marry Dia, daughter of Eioneus, promising rich bridal gifts and inviting Eioneus to a banquet. You'll note that he didn't invite Dia, or even speak to her. Again - typical.
Of course, it turned out that Ixion had no intention of paying the bribe he was offering Dia's dad. He set a pitfall in front of his palace, with a great charcoal fire underneath, into which the unsuspecting Eioneus fell and was burned.
(The gods, of course, receive sacrifices through burning; I have it on good authority that a certain someone whose name rhymes with Blapollo was heartily sick after sniffing this one.)
Though every woman on Olympos thought this a heinous deed, and refused to purify Ixion, Zeus, having 'behaved equally ill himself when in love' (yes, that's an actual quote; some of these mythtellers are on my side), not only purified the wretch but brought him to eat at his table.
I - sorry, Hera, the divine Queen of Heaven, absolutely refused to share a meal with that beast. Luckily, she had Nephele, a cloud-form that she used for... certain... recreational purposes; it was a simple matter to transform it to look like herself, and send it to the meal in her stead.
The Queen then paid a visit to poor Dia. With her father dead, and her husband an outlawed, abusive sociopath, she was in sore need of comfort, and Hera was happy to oblige.
Things were going exceedingly well, when suddenly there was a clattering of hooves. Barely had Hera hidden herself behind a pillar when a horse cantered in, twenty hands tall, crowned with lightning, and very obviously a stallion, if you take my meaning. Poor Dia was caught entirely unprepared, and, well, there are none who can stand between Zeus the Thunderer and his desires.
Yes, Zeus, realising that Ixion's presence on Olympos had left his beautiful wife alone, had sculpted his own, inferior cloud-form and snuck down to the mortal realm to have his way with her. I know the Zeus-cloud was inferior, because a quality cloud-image would never have allowed what happened at the high table.
Ixion, obviously, was utterly ungrateful of his undeserved honours, and planned to seduce Hera. Being completely without a functioning brain, he did this with only the barest attempt at subtlety, and there was no-one in the great temple who didn't know what was going on.
Yes, they all allowed this mortal to outright assault the Queen of Heaven, and yes, very harsh words were had on my - sorry, her - return. The cloud Nephele was built to be receptive to such advances, but someone should have done something. Not least any properly-designed Zeus-cloud - you'd think 'protect my wife' would be priority number one!
Zeus returned midway through the disgraceful ocurrance, leaving poor Dia an utter emotional wreck. Luckily she had a kind goddess to hand to offer her comfort... meanwhile, Zeus surprised Ixion in the very act of his defilement, and promptly claimed that it had all been part of his master plan. It's amazing how often he does that.
The Thunderer ordered Hermes to scourge the mortal mercilessly, and then bind him to a fiery wheel which rolled ceaselessly through the sky thereafter, which frankly was better than he deserved. Poor Nephele was banished to earth before Hera could get back; she bore him a child by the name of Centaurus, who was ultimately the father of Chiron. Then she married a king, got thrown over for a maenad, ended up running a taxi service with flying golden sheep... look, it was all a bit of a mess.
As for Dia? Unlike her fickle husband, Hera is always faithful to her lovers. Once everything had blown over, and Dia had found someone to look after her son by Zeus, Pirithous (lovely boy, not very lucky though), the merciful and just Queen of Heaven spirited her away to the courts of Olympos. A little light cosmetic surgery, and she passed for one of the many nymphs who populate the place. No-one would take the slightest notice of just another nymph heading towards Hera's private quarters... ahem.
((With sincere apologies to Robert Graves, author of The Greek Myths, whose text has been thoroughly mangled for this purpose. ~hS))