Subject: Thoth's recruitment: A review.
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Posted on: 2018-06-25 16:11:00 UTC

Thank you for the comments! Knowing what you're doing well is just as important as knowing what you're not doing well. I like to think that the 'connected but not' thing you're commenting on is deliberate - while (for instance) readers who already know Selene will get more out of seeing her in Driftwood, it's by no means essential, and I did that on purpose. But... some of it is also definitely just me throwing out more ideas than are good for me, with no real thought into how they fit together. The DIO tales are a big misfit for everything else, and a lot of the non-series stories are just me mucking about. ^_^ Plus there's Reorg and Crashing Down; I have no idea how well they hold up.

Right, down to business. In keeping with my new standing pledge, I took a look over Agent Thoth's wiki page. I think I actually read your cowrite with Nesh, so instead I've gone back to (no surprises here, I said it in the title!) that short 'Thoth is recruited into the Thousand Sons' story you've got linked.

I like the script style of the backstory, and the way you switch to a traditional third-person view for the HQ part. It really emphasises the difference between the two sections. (As it happens, I'm rereading Ravenor right now, which has a similar switch between first and third person when Gideon stops mucking about in people's heads.) It's a little thing, but it did catch my eye.

I was going to comment that Kannan seemed a little too Thoth-like, a bit too Astartes-aloof for where he's at in his life, with lines like 'There's no shame in your lack of belief'. But then I caught the line two down from that, and realised that it's entirely deliberate: he sounds like that because he's deliberately hiding his feelings. That sets up a wonderful contrast between the two characters' methods of dealing with their separation, and it definitely comes across in the dialogue.

hS

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