Subject: Oh dear, my dear. You are so tragically misinformed.
Author:
Posted on: 2018-06-25 10:40:00 UTC

'First of all', to quote you, Leto deserved everything she got; or do you think attempting to steal my husband and my throne was just a light-hearted jape? Secondly, she only gave birth at all due to finding loopholes in my decrees; the 'nine months' thing was a fluke that should never have happened.

Thirdly, the fact that a trio of deities (Zeus, Neshthena, and Hephaestus) who never knew their mothers simply assumed that nine months was a good length for a pregnancy is hardly my fault; had my husband only asked before ordaining the creation of Pandora (and if you want to talk about mistreatment of women, look at that!), I could have set him straight. But he didn't.

I'm not even going to address your scurrilous accusations regarding Hephaestus. But as for little Alcides - who does not deserve to use my name, thank you very much - he was a brat from birth (why do you think I tried to stop it?). He attempted to maul me as an infant, but did I retaliate? No! I let Athene take him away in peace, because of my overwhelming kindness.

To find that Alcmene promptly renamed him after me to celebrate her petty victory, and then immediately accused me of trying to murder him with snakes (snakes! Why would I send snakes?) was the biggest slap in the face you can imagine.

As for blaming his wretched violence on me, I'm sorry, but do you not even remember the way he slaughtered your nephew Linus? The boy was clearly wrong in the head, and he only proved that when he murdered poor Megara. Nor did the Labours have anything to do with me; he was set to them by the Oracle at... Delphi... wait a minute.

Serpents are the followers of Hermes, son of Zeus and that fallen star Maia. Madness is the blessing of Dionysus, son of Zeus and Semele. Delphi is the domain of Apollo, son of Zeus and Leto.

... my Me. The whole wretched 'Heracles' affair was a plot by my husband's sons to discredit me. I bet Neshthena was in on it too! They're out to get me, the lot of them!

No... no. Calm down, Herasoron. Everything is fine. Your husband loves you. Your handmaids love you. You are beautiful and powerful.

Right.

Your attempts to break me have failed, Twisthalia, daughter of Zeus. Go back to your little comedies.

((o.O Well, that took a few turns I wasn't expecting. ~hS))

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