I mean, there's a solid premise in there...

Subject: I mean, there's a solid premise in there...
Author: Neshomeh
Posted on: 2023-01-16 17:30:08 UTC

A girl is out on a fun camping trip with her family (and they seem to have a good relationship, which is nice!), and then she winds up in a life-or-death situation that unlocks a latent supernatural ability. Cool! I have many questions about that, and I'd probably keep reading to find out answers!

Sure, horses and wolves have been done, and the prose ain't Tolkien, and the title is painfully on-the-nose... but as something I'm guessing you wrote at about age twelve, I'd call it a good start. Were I advising this young writer, I'd start by asking my questions about Jen's powers and see how much planning has gone into how they work and fit in to the setting. A lack of that is where I'd anticipate things start getting silly and where a nudge in the right direction might do the most good. {= )

~Neshomeh

P.S. My Jenni says hi to your Jen. {; P

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I found a skeleton in my closet; or, a really old, really bad original story by Thunder on 2023-01-16 05:16:04 UTC Writing Reply

So my sibling Lightning and I were going through old stuff under my bed when they found a story written in a journal, written in 2017-18. Apparently I wrote it ages ago, though I don't remember it. We looked it over. It was a piece of original fiction that managed to be eighteen chapters long, plus a prologue and an unfinished chapter, and wow is it bad.

I'd tell you why it sucks, but it's best if you saw it yourself. All SPaG errors have been faithfully preserved. I'll probably post a chapter every day or two, assuming I have the time.

…

THE SHAPE SHIFTER

PROLOGUE

Jen sat at the campfire, roasting s'mores, while her parents prepared the tent. Today was Jen's twelth birthday, and as a present, her mom and dad had taken her to the nearby woods to camp out in the wilderness. Jen loved the wilderness--she liked how it was mysterious and untamed, unlike urban areas.

Jen's father came over to check on the s'mores. "Jen, the s'mores are all burnt now! Next time, don't leave them so close to the fire."

"Sorry, Dad," Jen apologized.

"Oh, don't be sorry! After all, this is your first time at this--and besides, the smores aren't that badly charred." Jen's father tried a s'more, and nodded. "Delicious." He returned to the tent and continued helping Jen's mother setting it up.

Jen was about to try a burnt s'more for herself when she heard a howl pierce through the forest. Her parents didn't seem to hear it--they continued setting up the tent as usual.

Driven by curiosity, Jen stood up and started traveling in the direction of the howl.

…

It wasn't before long when Jen glanced around and realized that she was lost. It was foolish of me to do that, she thought. Jen turned around to see that her path was blocked by a black wolf.

The wolf was about as tall as a horse, with two red eyes--twin pools of blood. Its lips were curled back in a snarl.

Right then, the wolf pounced. Straight at Jen.

Jen saw her whole life flash in front of her--from the moment she was born, to her first birthday, to the time that Jen accidentally painted herself blue, to when Jen tried to eat a pencil in first grade. Every important and embarrasing aspect of Jen's life played out right in front of her.

The wolf was almost upon Jen. Its claws were extended. Its mouth was open, revealing sharp, deadly teeth.

This is the end, thought Jen. Sorry, Mom. Sorry, Dad. Sorry, Mrs. Conemar, for me getting a D on thee math quiz. Sorry, Emma, for not returning your Magic-eight ball. And your pants.

A small grey wolf appeared out of nowhere, knocking the black wolf to the side. They fought, claws against claws and teeth against teeth. The grey wolf was only about half the size of the black wold. As Jen watched, the grey wolf turned to face Jen and shouted, "Run!"

Jen had no idea how the wolf could talk, but she turned and sprinted deeper into the woods. She was afraid to know what happened to the grey wolf. He had caught the black wolf by surprise, but that was the only advantage that he had. Soon the black wolf would overpower thee grey one, and pursue Jen. Out of fear, she ran faster.

Jen ran for so long that she started to wonder how she could've ran for so long without tiring. Then she realized that she wasn't even human now--she was a horse, galloping like the wind.

…

Luna was running at full speed. She had memorized the whole layout of the woods, and she knew that the shape-shifter was headed to a certain clearing. If Luna wanted to meet the shifter, she had to reach the clearing before the shifter did.

Luna reached the clearing just as a chestnut horse burst in. Upon sighting Luna, thee horse slid to a stop and whinnied. In the blink of an eye, the horse was replaced by a young girl, with wavy dark brown hair and emerald-green eyes.

…

Jen had reached a clearing, but it had a wolf in it.

At first she wanted to bolt, but the wolf--a white one this time--had a warm aura around it, as if it meant no harm.

Before she knew it, Jen was a human again. She collapsed, her whole body aching from the long run.

The white wolf gently laid its paw on Jen's forehead, and she instantly felt better. The aching faded away into a dull throb.

"Whatever you do, don't try to sit up. I'm Luna, by the way."

"I'm… I'm Jen," Jen replied.

Jen had a million questions buzzing around in her head and randomly bumping into each other. Who was Luna? Why was she helping Jen? How could wolves speak? Who was the black wolf that had attempted to kill her, and who was the grey wolf that had saved her? How did Luna heal Jen?

And the biggest question of all: how did Jen become a horse? What skills did Jen have, tucked away and hidden somewhere in her brain?

Jen opened her mouth to speak, and managed to croak out, "Who… who am I?…" before the whole world blacked out through her eyes.

…

Luna looked down at Jen, now unconscious. She knew that Jen had lots of questions, but right now, Jen needed rest. The questions that she had in store coould wait.

After all, Luna needed a break, too. She curled up beside Jen, and fell fast asleep.

1 - JEN by Thunder on 2023-01-17 03:44:51 UTC Reply

I woke up with a big white fuzzball next to my face.

It took a while for me to remember the strange events that occurred yeesterday--killer wolves, shape-shifting, magic… and Luna.

I prodded the fuzzball. "Luna?"

A head emerged from the ball of fur. For the first time, I took note of Luna's eyes. They were silver, like moonlight. No wonder her name was Luna.

Luna blinked. "I'm trying to sleeep."

I shook her. "Who are you, exactly? How can you talk?"

"Well," replied Luna, "I am thee alpha wolf of the Omega Pack. And I can talk because the Omega Pack is special. Its members get varying amounts of human traits, depending on their ranking. Since I'm the alpha, I can talk and heal, but not that much."

"Healing is not a human trait. Well, it is, but we can't really heal others."

"Really?"

"No! If we could magically heal others, then we wouldn't die of malaria or Ebola or whatever!"

Luna sat down on her haunches. "Well, it's still early. You need more rest."

She licked my face (gross), and I fell back asleep. How did she do that?

…

When I woke up again, Luna was gone. In her place was a Luna-shaped indentation in the grass and a note scratched on a piece of bark: OFF TO HUNT! I'LL BE BACK SOON! MEANWHILE, I'VE ASSIGNED A GUARDIAN TO YOU.

Hmm, wonder what that meant.

I sat up and looked around, checking if Luna was back yet. She wasn't. There was also no sign of the guardian that Luna had mentioned.

Maybe the guardian was off hunting. Maybe they had forgotten about their duties. Or maybe the guardian had went to a wolf-themed disco party instead of coming here to watch over me. Who knows.

A few minutes later, Luna returned, carrying a dead rabbit in her mouth. She set it down in front of me. I'd rather not talk about the blood.

"Where's the guardian?" Luna asked. "Why isn't he here?"

"Look," I said. "I don't even know who this guardian is."

Luna paused for a moment. "You have a point. How can you find someone if you don't know anything about them?"

"Are you avoiding the topic on purpose?"

"No!" cried Luna. "I mean… his name is Ythakor. I assigned him to protect you."

I thought about the grey wolf that had saved my life. "Is he about half the height of a horse, with grey fur?"

"So you do know him after all!"

"No, but he did save my life." I told Luna about the big black wolf that had tried to kill me, and the grey furry rescuer that had likely died.

"Impossible," Luna said. "Ythakor is our best warrior. He could take down ten angry bulls and leave unscathed."

I wasn't sure if ten angry bulls were as strong as a fierce horse-sized wolf, but I decided not to mention that.

"And as for the black wolf…" Luna shivered. "His name is--well, we just call him the Shadow. He's really strong. But not as strong as ten bulls," she added.

I had a feeling that Luna had said that just to reassure herself.

"Are you in love with Ythakor?" I asked.

"No! Don't you want to eat this rabbit? It'll rot if we don't eat it soon."

"There is no way I'm letting this subject drop!"

We argued back and forth until the whole thing deteriorated into a halfhearted poking contest.

Oh, and we also ended up eating the rabbit, too. I managed to start a fire and cooked the rabbit meat, but Luna preferred it raw. After a not-that-hearty meal, we settled down and went to sleep.

2 - JEN by Thunder on 2023-01-19 03:12:48 UTC Reply

The bext day, Luna told me that she wanted me to meet the members of the Omega Pack.

Then she had told me that I should shape-shift into a wolf, since the members of her pack were more comfortable around wolves than humans.

I pointed out that I couldn't control my shape-shiffting abilities yet.

"Just take a deep breath and close your eyes," Luna instructed. "Then picture the animal that you want to be."

After I did what I was told, I opened my eyes.

I had definitely become a wolf. I was no longer sitting upright, but sitting on my haunches instead. I looked down at my snow-white paws.

"No," Luna said. "You look too much like me. We have the same height and fur colouration. You even have silver eyes--seriously? Try something like a lioness instead, so that the members of my pack don't confuse me for you and vice versa."

I tried imagining a lioness, strong and proud. When I opened my eyes, I looked at Luna, then my paws. They were a pale sandy color, which looked dusty to me.

"Perfect!" Luna announced. "I like your white-gold fur! Let's go meet my pack!"

…

Luna had warned me that the trip would take a long time.

I didn't expect her to mean more than a day.

As we trudged through the underbrush, I kept getting snagged by branches. After what seemed like the millionth time that a twig hit my face, I transformed into a rabbit and followed Luna that way.

Eventually we came to a rest. I simply grazed on the grass, but Luna didn't eat anything. She just stared at me and licked her lips every once in a while, like she wanted to eat me.

That thought was so unnerving, I turned into a hawk. Luna stopped licking her lips, but she kept staring at me.

I walked over to her. "What's the matter, Luna?"

Luna glanced behind her.

All of a sudden, I could see every shadow, every detail. A few meters away, I spotted a tiny ant crawl under a pile of dead leaves. An eagle wheeled high overhead, so high up that normal human eyes wouldn't have seen it.

Several seconds later, my vision returned to normal.

I stumbled, gasping. Luna turned back.

"What's the matter?" she asked, worriedly.

I replied, "My vision… became very sharp. But only for a few seconds."

Luna's face became even more worried. "You must become a human."

"Why not?"

"The longer you're not a human, the more animal you'll become. The rate at which you become animal depends on how closely related you are to that animal. For example, you'll turn into animal faster if you're a sparrow than a hare."

In the blink of an eye, I was human again. I leaned forward.

"How do you know that?"

Luna leaned forward so much that I was afraid she would bite my face off. Luckily, she didn't.

"There used to be shapeshifters among us," she said, "but they succumbed too the call of the wild. They lost their ability. I can't risk losing you. From this point on, don't use your power unless there's an emergency."

"But why do I have this abilityin the first place?"

Luna leaned forward even more. "You, Jen, are descended from a powerful witch."

I had always thought that there were no such thing as witches. But then, there were such things as talking animals and shapeshifting, so I suposed that witches were also real.

"The witch," continued Luna, "had powerful abilities, like shape-shifting. You have inherited this power.

"There is one catch, however.

"Many creatures want to use you, kill you, or both. Jen, you're wanted by one of the most powerful mythical animals alive. And his name is Drakor the dragon."

3 - LUNA by Thunder on 2023-01-21 06:18:42 UTC Edited Reply

The news probably shocked Jen as much as it shocked me when I was still a pup and learned that the Shadow was real.

After all, you do not want to be wanted by a dragon.

Dragons were big. They had huge claws and teeth. They could fly and shoot fire from their armpits. (Okay, just joking about that last one.)

And especially not by Drakor--he was the biggest, strongest dragon to have ever lived.

I volunteered to take first watch. While Jen went to sleep, I looked and listened for any dangerous things that could be potentially lurking out there.

After a few hours of staying awake, I heard a rustle. I shook Jen with my paw. "Jen? I heard a rustle."

Jen sat up and rubbed her eyes. "A rustle?"

"Yes, and--"

I heard another rustle. Same as the other one, but louder. The hairs of my back stood straight up.

"Run!" I shouted.

Right then, a black talon shot out of the darkness and grabbed me. I struggled to escape, but the talon just gripped me tighter.

"Escape won't be so easy, little one," said a voice that sounded like ice grinding against stone. "You'll have to get past me first."

I couldn't spot Jen anywhere. Maybe she had fled. Maybe she had been captured by someone else.

I hoped that it was the former.

The talon shifted, and I found myself looking at a dragon. His scales were obsidian black, with hints of purple. Razor-sharp spines stuck out of his back and neck like porcupine quills. His eyes were a crimson red.

The dragon spread his wings, great dark shadows. He lifted off into the sky.

His talon clenched me even more tightly, so tightly that I blacked out.

…

When I regained consciousness, I found myself in a large pit. The walls were nearly vertical, making it impossible to climb out. I looked around, searching for something that might help me escape, and I spotted a grey object on the other side of the pit. Cautiously, I crept closer to the object.

As soon as I got close enough to discern what the object was, I gasped.

It was Ythakor.

He was so thin that I could see his ribs sticking out. He had numerous gashes on his side and face.

Ythakor stood up on shaky legs. His eyes, once a bright blue, were dull.

"What happened to you?" I asked.

"It was the Shadow." Ythakor grimaced. "I couldn't kill him. In the middle of our fight, he ran away. Even though I was wounded, I followed him."

"Then how did you end up here?" I asked.

"Well, I would've asked the same question to you," replied Ythakor.

"You go first."

"Alright. Anyway, I followed the Shadow, and found him talking to a dragon. I stepped back, but snapped a twig. They both heard me. I bolted, but the dragon was faster. He caught me and put me here." He sighed. "Your turn."

I recited my story of me and Jen, from the moment I met her to the moment that I was taken. Ythakor listened patiently, nodding every once in a while to show that he understood. When I finished my story, he said to me, "I have something to show you."

Ythakor turned to the ground and pushed aside a slab of rock, revealing a small niche containing a dagger inside. He nudged the dagger. "Mark? You there?"

The dagger floated up to eye level and replied, "Dude! You just--is that a newcomer?"

I gaped. Ythakor grinned.

I had seen plenty of weird things in my life. Once I saw a wolf in a tree. Another time I saw a rabbit adopt an eagle. Then there was that time when Ythakor kissed a tree. But a talking, floating dagger? It made it into the top three.

Eventually, I managed to say, "Uh…"

"Oh," said Ythakor. "Luna, meet Mark, who is a magic floating talking dagger. Mark, meet Luna, alpha wolf of the famed Omega Pack."

My reply: "Um… hi?"

My thoughts: What if he stabs me? He might do that if I say the wrong thing! I can't say too much when he's around!

"Don't worry, I don't bite. But it's not like I have a jaw," Mark pointed out.

"Even if I say something insulting?"

"You're Ythakor's friend. Ythakor isn't evil. Therefore, you're not evil."

Mark had a point. (Oh, sorry. That was bad.) I asked him, "How do you know that Ythakor isn't evil?"

"Well," said Mark, "I can look inside anyone's soul. Ythakor's soul is mostly good, so I--oh, heck no. A dragon is approaching!"

Mark dropped into the niche, and Ythakor quickly slid the slab over the opening just as the morning sun was blocked by an enormous sihoulette.

4 - JEN by Thunder on 2023-01-22 05:55:38 UTC Reply

As soon as Luna told me to run, I had transformed into a horse and left. The tree leaves rustled in the wind, the light rays always shifting, but I had no time to enjoy the scenery. I had to keep going.

When I knew I was going to be safe, I had stopped & grazed on the grass before turning back human, and rested for a while.

I started to wonder about Luna. Had she escaped, or was she caught?

Maybe I shouldn't dwell on that too long.

I got up and started walking in a random direction. I wandered about, looking for subtle clues that provided clear evidence that Luna had escaped.

Eventually, I came across a footprint. It looked fresh, but it was too small to be Luna's footprint--it looked more like a pup's footprint.

Hmm, a pup. There was a pack nearby, but I couldn't be sure if it was the Omega Pack.

I stepped forward--and found no ground beneath my foot.

I slipped, lost my footing, and fell down the sloped shaft.

Half of my brain, the logical side, thought that the shaft I was sliding down could lead me to the Omega Pack.

On the other hand, the primitive half of my brain was thinking OH NO THE WORLD IS ENDING I'M GOING TO DIE!

About two seconds later, the shaft ended abruptly, and I shot forward into a pile of straw. Or, at least it felt like straw. It was pitch-black in here.

In the darkness, I heard a gruff voice say, "It's the shifter. But without her escort."

"You mean Luna?" said another voice. This one sounded friendlier than the first one, and it was feminine, unlike the first voice, which was male.

I heard the first voice say, "Yeah, I know. She could be eavesdropping on our conversation. I don't want that."

"But--" protested Voice Two.

Something hit the back of my head, and I blacked out.

…

When I regained consciousness, I looked around. I appeared to be in some sort of vast cave, dimly lit by what appeared to be glowing worms. There were multiple tunnels branching off from the cave, leading to who knows where. The cave was barren at the moment except for me and the glowing worms.

I tried to shift my body into a more comfortable position, before I realized that my hands were tied behind my back. I attempted to shape-shift into a wolf, a cat, a rabbit. Nothing happened.

I started worrying about what happened to my powers. Maybe I could only shape-shift a certain number of times every week. Maybe my powers required an object to work.

An object.

But what object?

My mind ran through my memory of things that I was wearing when I went out into the wilderness.

The clothes on my back--still there. Not enchanted. Shoes--still there. Not enchanted. My bead bracelet--fell off during the flight from the Shadow. Not enchanted.

My moonstone earring…

It's gone. I can't see it, but I don't feel its familiar weight pulling on my ear.

So where is it?

There was only one answer.

The wolves took it away while I was unconscious…

My mind snapped back to reality just as a wolf emerged from one of the tunnels. Her fur was a pale creamy color, her eyes chocolate brown.

The wolf trotted over to me.

"Where is my earring?" I demanded.

She shook her head. "I don't know. It's probably in the treasury."

I recognized the wolf's voice--the same voice as the female wolf in the dark cave.

I asked, "Who are you?"

"Me? I'm a nobody, from a family of nobodies."

"No, be honest," I said.

The wolf looked uncomfortable.

"My name is Einia. I'm the scribe of the Omega Pack. Someone tells me to put something on the record, I do it. Someone tells me to write a letter to a faraway relative for them, I do it."

"Who was that other wolf in the dark room?" I asked.

"The other wolf… that was Grimpaw, the spy." Einia gulped. "He can turn invisible. He could be watching us at this very moment."

As if on cue, the voice of Grimpaw said, "Yes, I am."

5 - LUNA by Thunder on 2023-01-24 04:37:01 UTC Reply

The dragon swooped down and landed in front of us. Her scales gleamed crimson red, her eyes amber orange. She was small for a dragon, about five times my height, but still huge.

"Ahem," said the dragon. "Lord Drakor has sent me to question you two about the whereabouts of a certain shape-shifter.

"What if we don't share our information?" asked Ythakor.

"I will have to torture you over and over until you tell me," replied the dragon.

"Oh." Ythakor muttered something inaudible under his breath.

"Excuse me," said the dragon with a frown. "Did you just call me a dratted fire-breath lizard?"

(Here's a thing about dragons: they have better hearing than cats.)

The dragon started to whirl her tail in a circle, until it made a noise like--well, a whip.

(Another thing about dragons: their tail whips are even more painful than regular whips, because they have little barbs on their tail, and in some cases those barbs are venomous.)

"Okay, okay, I'll talk!" said Ythakor. "No need to be dramatic! I'm Ythakor. My lo--I mean friend here is Luna."

"Were you just about to say love?" I demanded.

"Um…"

The dragon snorted. "Get on with it!" She paused for a moment. "If you talk, I'll bring you meat! Lots of meat!"

"You haven't even introduced yourself yet," I pointed out.

"Lord Drakor told me that I'm not allowed to introduce myself," said the dragon. "I'm only allowed to request you two for information and torture you if I have to."

I turned to Ythakor and said, "Sign language to discuss our plan."

Ythakor nodded. He made the sign for bring out, sticking his snout into an imaginary hole, then taking it out. He then made the sign for mark, pretending to slice his own face with a claw.

I replied with: Mark. Scared. Dragon.

Ythakor them signed: Forge. Dragon. Fire. Special. Fly. Talk. Dragon. Free.

After lots of practice with sign language, I knew what Ythakor meant: Mark is forged by dragon fire, so he's special. He can fly up and threaten the dragon. She'll then have to set us free.

I shook my head. Not. Work. Dragon. Reinforcements.

Ythakor replied with: Take. Chances. Must.

Meanwhile, the dragon hissed. "You two done conspiring yet? Rember, I'll bring you food if you talk." Her tail swished back and forth dangerously.

I turned to Ythakor and made the sign for Lie, laying one paw on my head and bringing it down to my mouth.

Ythakor nodded.

I turned to the dragon and said, "Her name is Jo and she can only change into a mammal."

The dragon nodded. "Lord Drakor will be pleased." She flew out of the pit, and returned with a limp deer in her talons.

When the dragon set down the deer, we attacked it with such ferocity that a few minutes later, only several bits of bone scraps remained. I licked my lips.

"That was the fullest meal that I ever had in the last few days," I said.

Ythakor nodded. "Me too."

We both curled up and fell asleep as soon as we closed our eyes.

…

When we woke up, the dragon was gone.

Ythakor slid aside the rock slab on the ground and said to Mark, "We're safe now."

Mark flew up. "Not cool, man! You just woke me up from the best dream ever!"

"You say that all the time, Mark. By the way, do you know that dragon that came and asked us questions?"

"Oh, that dragon…" Mark went silent for a long while. "I was forged from her fire. I'm really scared of her, though."

"What's her name?" Ythakor asked.

"Her name is Flareon. [Present me: Yes, for real.] She has the hottest fire of all the dragons. I think that's because of how--"

"Just get to the point!" I said. (I know, that was bad.)

"Well," replied Mark, "Flareon is really small compared to the average dragon, but she is famous in the dragon world, second only to Drakor. She's good with tools and weapons, not to mention the fire-breath."

"What's her greatest weakness?" I asked.

Mark replied, "I'm not sure. It was either water or ice. Huh, water. There's a stream on the other side of the pit."

Ythakor turned to me and said, "Race you to the stream!"

Before my brain could process all that information, Ythakor was already halfway across. Man, he was fast.

I started bounding along, but it was too late. Ythakor had reached the stream and drank ferociously from it. I had no idea why he didn't realize that there was a stream--maybe he wasn't in the mood to explore previously.

When his turn was over, I drank from the stream. The water was sweet and fresh.

After I was finished, we raced back to Mark. This time, I won.

"C'mon, Mark." I coaxed Mark to get back into the niche.

"All right." With a yawn, Mark flew back into the niche and fell silent.

The sun was setting. It cast beautiful red and orannge rays across the horizon.

Yawning, I curled up and fell asleep.

6 - JEN by Thunder on 2023-01-30 01:48:19 UTC Edited Reply

[Oh, gag me with a spork. I typed up the entirety of the chapter here and posted it, but it didn't save, so I have to retype the whole thing. Darn Laws of Narrative Comedy… I don't like it when I'm the one being targeted!]

[At least I found my notebook. It was hiding under my bed. I have no idea how it got there.]

[To mitigate a potential kerfluffle like the one that just happened, I'll post half the chapter first, then edit the post to include the rest of it. I'll do the same with subsequent chapters.]

A wolf appeared right in front of us. His fur was a dark grey with hints of red.

"Grimpaw." Einia sounded determined, although her voice trembled a bit. "I thought that you were supposed to be spying on the falcons."

"They assigned someone else to that job, silly." Grimpaw chuckled. "And besides, those falcons aare harmless."

"No, not those falcons," replied Einia, still with that slight tremble in her voice. "The ones from the Aether Circle."

Grimpaw counterattacked with, "I meant those falcons."

"How do you know that the falcons of the Aether Circle are harmless?"

"They have a secret alliance with the large cats, and we're allied with the large cats. Hence, in a way, we're allied with the falcons."

Einia turned to me. "Everything's weird these days, see? Ythakor has probably been kidnapped. Luna is gone. The falcons are allied with the big cats. Grimpaw just said hence."

Grimpaw blinked. "You're right. I mean Einia, not the shifter. Ythakor and Luna are both gone. I just said hence."

"I have a question," I said.

"Feel free to ask," replied Einia.

"Well, if Luna is gone, who runs the pack?"

"Oh." Einia paused for a moment as if thinking. "No one knows. Only Luna and the temporary leader knows. We suspect that it's Luna's adopted son, Shadowhunter. Black fur with gold flecks, gold eyes with black flecks. Weird, right? Shadowhunter is nervous and fidgety. Luna likes to call him her 'little moonbeam'."

"How old is Shadowhunter?" I asked.

"A few years old, perhaps," said Einia. "I heard a rumour that Luna wants to have actual pups, though. Actual sons and daughters."

"Why didn't she tell me?" I wondered.

"The alpha would probaly be humiliated if she told you about that," was Einia's reply.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" interjected Grimpaw suddenly. "How come you two get all the fun, and I just sit here doing nothing? It's boring over here."

"Oh, of course you can join in," Einia scolded. The trembling in her voice had vanished. "Why didn't you?"

"I thought that I couldn't!"

"Of course you can--" Einia stopped. "Did you hear that?"

We all went silent.

High above us, there was a thump, followed by a musical clatter. The sound of metal against metal.

Anotther thump, another clatter. Louder this time.

Thump and clatter. Thump and clatter.

At this point, small rocks started to rain from the ceiling.

Grimpaw looked grim. (Don't laugh.) He extended a claw, and sliced my rope binding. I stood up and rubbed my sore wrists, flexed my arms.

"Follow me and Einia," Grimpaw said. "No time for celebrations."

He turned and fled down one of the tunnels, with Einia following. After a split second of decision, I did the wise thing, and followed them.

7 - LUNA by Thunder on 2023-01-31 03:03:11 UTC Edited Reply

[This chapter contains minor self-harm.]

Flareon continued to bring us venison, and we drannk from the stream whenever we were thirsty.

And for some strange reason, Mark stopped responding.

He didn't fade away or anything, he just…

stopped talking.

I had no idea why.

And when I tried to ask Ythakor, he just said, "Nuh-uh."

Ythakor never said nuh-uh, so appparently something deeply unsettled him.

But what was it?

When I tried asking Ythakor, he just said, "Nuh-uh."

So something deeply unsettled him, by, like, a LOT.

It seemed like Ythakor had lost his memory of speech, andd had forgotten every single word except nuh-uh.

I started getting bored, bored out of my skull, out of my brain.

I started doing everything I could to keep us entertained.

First, I did an ancient ritual dance. I howled like--well, a wolf--and leaped about.

No effect.

Next, I gathered up some dust, and threw it over my fur, then shook it off.

Nothing.

Out of desperation, I took Mark and pricked my paw with him.

Ouch.

But miraculously, Mark sputtered to life. "Man!" he said. "That felt awesome!"

I frowned. "You need a blood sacrifice to work?"

"Yeah!"

"Who was the last person who gave you the offering?"

"Hmm, I think that it was Flareon or some other dragon. Who knows."

I groan. "Get. To. The. POINT!" (I keep running into that pun.)

"Cool down, Luna!" said Mark. "I need a blood offering to work. A prick, I work for five days. A small cut, fifty. Anything larger is a thousand days."

"Why does it work like that, Mark?" Ythakor asked.

"Well," replied Mark, "I don't know."

"No?" I asked.

"Nope," replied Mark. "Here comes Flareon!"

We covered up Mark just as Flareon soared overhead and dropped a hunk of venison into our little pit. Oh, well.

After dinner, we went to sleep, my paw still hurting from that little prick.

…

That night, I had a dream.

I stood at the edge of a cliff, peering down into a dark abyss. It seemed to reach down, down, down forever, though I knew that that shouldn't be possible.

A voice chuckled from deep within. Then the voice spoke, one that sounded like the hissing of a thousand snakes.

"I will have her," crooned the voice. "Might as well give up now."

"Never," I growled.

The voice hissed. "Then you will die a painful death, far away from everyone you love. Come, little wolf. Come down!"

A chunk of the cliff I was standing on gave way, and I fell, screaming, tumbling, into the blackness.

8 - JEN by Thunder on 2023-02-02 06:18:57 UTC Edited Reply

Einia led the way, running at full speed, with Grimwolf following close behind. I trailed at the back.

I had no idea where we were headed--some sort of shelter, perhaps. I wasn't sure.

The tunnel twisted and wound through the earth, like a large serpent. The tunnel was wide at first, but it narrowed. Eventually we came to a section in which the tunnel suddenly twisted into a steep slide. Without hesitation, we jumped through.

The slide-tunnel, as I like to put it, was so long that I spent about two minutes in it, until it slowly evened out and deposited us into a deep underground lake.

I gasped for air, kicking my legs furiously. (I) No, I CANNOT escape giant killer wolves and dragons just to drown in an underground lake. No way is it going to happen. (I)

Somehow, I had found the shore and climbed out, followed by my 'buddies', Grimwolf and Einia. We were in a vast underground cave, with a ceiling so high up that I couldn't see the top, even though there were practically glowworms everywhere.

The cave was also huge in volumn--apparently the lake was at one of its walls, if I can put it that way. I couldn't see how far it extended out.

Oh, and did I mention thay it was damp, but warm?

So apparently we were really deep underground. But how deep?

I decided not to ask that question, because I was aware of all the rock on top of my head. And what if it all came crashing down?

That would be bad.

Real bad.

Ahead of us, a couple dozen wolves milled around, having gotten here first. They varied in fur color, eye color, height, and the way that their body was sculpted.

A wolf strolled over to us.

"Hello!" he said. "My name is Shadowhunter, in case you were wondering."

Einia had described him perfectly--black fur with gold flecks, gold eyes with black flecks. I noticed that he tapped his paws on the ground when he spoke, and despite his smile, his eyes flicked from side to side.

"It's Einia annd Grimpaw," said Grimpaw.

"And I'm Jen. Nice to meet you," I said.

"You should join us over here," said Shadowhunter. "You three are missing out om all the fun."

He promply ran away.

"Well." I glanced at Einia and Grimpaw. "What are you waiting for?"

A couple of the wolves were playing cards. Two were playing chess. Several of the pups played hide-and-seek among some off the large rocks jutting out of the ground, and the rest of them listened to a story being told by one of the oldest-looking wolves I'd ever seen, with a limping posture and tired eyes.

Grimpaw and Einia had busied themselves in a game in which they took turns scattering bones. I had no idea jow it worked, but I was too scared to ask--especially with those bones.

Eventually, I went exploring.

The cave was so large ans so high up thay there was plenty of room to explore.

The section that I was in probably accounted for less than one tenth of the actual cave, including the lake.

I scooped up a glowworm, and started off.

What was out there?

A small patting noise.

"Please don't go out there." Shadowhunter sounded desperate. "Wolves have gone out, and they never come back. If you want to walk, stay near this section."

I wondered what had happened to the wolves.

What had made them disappear?

9 - LUNA by Thunder on 2023-02-04 21:31:11 UTC Edited Reply

I told Ythakor about the dream.

"Hmm," he said. "The voice… probably Drakor. No one except himself knows what he's capable of. Apparently visiting dreams is one of them."

I also asked Mark about it.

"Well," he said, "Drakor, I heard, can read minds--they say that you can only block it if you have eaten a rock other than salt. He can also move solid objects with his mind, which sounds weird. And apparently he can visit people in their dreams."

I asked, "What does he look like? Has anyone seen him?"

"Let's see." Mark thought for a moment. "They say that Drakor is of immense proportions. He can squish you as easily as you would squish an ant. They also say that his scales are blacker than jet. No one knows what color his eyes are--they say that whoever looks at Drakor's eyes die instantly."

Great. I had made an enemy out of a dragon who had killer eyes. Hooray.

After a couple of days, Flareon had told us that she was going to ask us more questions in a couple of days.

That was when me and Ythakor hatched a daring escape plan.

Whenever we ate the venison, we cast the bones into a pile by the wall. Now the pile was rather large.

I discussed my escape plan to Ythakor--dig a tunnel behind the pile of bones, then slip away whenever we had a chance. In order to escape arousing suspicion, we would dig under cover of darkness, and the extra dirt would be scattered around the large pit--no one wouls notice.

We started digging as soon as the sun set. We dug a hole just wide enough so that we could fit, and our tunnel was slanted upwards a bit. When it got close to dawn, we got the dirt and scattered it around the pit, and covered up the entrance with the bones.

After that we took shifts working, me working from dusk to midnight, and Ythakor would work from midnight to dawn.

Eventually, Flareon asked me some more questions, and I answered with some lies. Mark continued to tell is things about dragons.

Several days later, the tunnel opened up in a location that I knew about--the Greenston Clearing. It wasn't that large, but it was close to the Omega Pack's secret entrance.

We planned our escape to be the next night.

10 - JEN by Thunder on 2023-02-07 01:06:53 UTC Edited Reply

A couple of days later, we went back up. I was retied in the cave, and given food and water. So much for being freed.

Eventually, I was freed, but I was told not to attemp to escape, and that I shouldn't try to hurt anyone, especially not the pups.

That last bit was rather obvious.

In fact, I made friends with them. They were a playful bunch, as playful as human children, in fact. The pups played as if they could do so forever.

A while later, Shadowhunter burst into the playroom and said, "Luna had returned!"

I decided to follow him to see Luna for myself.

…

Luna and Ythakor were in the entrance cave.

A small crowd of wolves already surrounded them, swarming with questions. Luna answered them as best as she could--probably.

Behind the wolves, a small dagger floated around, which I found weird, but I decided to head over to Luna first.

"Luna!" I said. I tackled her in a bear hug.

"Whoa!" Luna grinned, and hugged me back. "So you did find the Pack after all!"

I told Luna about my adventures, and she told me about hers. She talked about dragons and talking daggers. Apparently her adventure was more exciting than mine--I was rather jealous.

I also got to actually meet Ythakor, and Mark the flying dagger. (That was weird.)

Right then, I was so happy, I had no idea of the hardships to come. No idea.

…

That night, we had a feast.

Prey of every kind filled the table. There was beef, pork, andd chicken stolen from farms, venison and rabbit from the hunters, and even some fish from the fishers.

We ate, drank water from goblets, and chatted, basically. All the meat was raw, but someone had cooked a bunch of meat, specifically for me. Wolves know more about humans than humans know about wolves, apparently.

The wolves ate and ate until they couldn't eat any more. I also ate until I was full.

The only catch was that there wasn't any dessert, which I found weird, especially for wolves with human traits.

After the feast, we went to bed. I was sent to a small but cozy room that was for guests that came to the Pack every now and then.

I settled down into the bed, and tossed andd turned a little, before I fell asleep.

…

(I)A dragon, blacker than jet and larger than a mountain, flying out of a ravine.

A snow-white dragon with feathery wings and silver eyes leading a small army of griffins, hippogriffs, birds of prey, and wolves against a great sea of black demons.

Unicorns and pegasi being chased away from their homes by wicked spirits, draining the lives of those they catch up with.

And Jen with a spear through her chest, her eyes already going blank.(I)

11 - LUNA by Thunder on 2023-02-09 03:53:28 UTC Edited Reply

The next day, there was a rumour that someone was working for the dragons, somewhere in the Omega Pack. Everyone except me and Jen was a suspect for some reason. That included Mark, who was scared of dragons.

Because of the rumour, everyone was on high alert. Ythakor had staged up a test that should reveal any spies.

Everyone passed the test, but they were still on high alert.

To make things worse, Jen had told me about terrifying visions thatt she had in her sleep. She had seen her own death in one of them.

And to make things even worse, the leader of the Aether Circle, a group of elite falcons, decided to visit our pack--probably hoping for an alliance against the dragons. How were we going to do that if we have a mole?

I stood outside the Omega Caves, waiting for Quickflash to come. In a moment, a sleek gray-and-white falcon flew over, accompanied by two falcon guards. He glided over to me.

"You're Luna, right?" he asked. "I'm Quickflash, leader of the Aether Circle. We have important matters to discuss."

…

I led Quickflash and the guards into one of the many secret tunnels leading to the Omega Caves. Eventually we emerged into the entrance cave.

No one was there, which I found weird.

I took Quickflash into one of the meeting caves, which was specifically designed so that no one could eavesdrop on us, especially if there was a spy.

"Alright, then," said Quickflash. "The dragons dare to encroach further into our territory. They are hard to fight, for they have jewel-hard scales and a deadly fire breath. They are also many times our size. It can take a whole fleet of falcon warriors just to take down one dragon. We cannot keep this up much longer, so we ask for an alliance with the wolves against the dragons."

If it weren't for the mole, I would've immediately said yes. Instead, I answered, "I believe there could be a spy among us."

"A spy? Very well. I used to be a detective before I became leader of the Aether Circle. I might bee able to help catch this spy."

"When you're done," I said, "then I will hand over the alliance. Please hurry with the catching of the spy. It must happen."

"First, may I meet everyone first?" asked Quickflash. "To know a little more about them?"

So I had Quickflash meet everyone in the tribe. He would ask a couple of questions to each one, the same questions over.

When Quickflash had finished interviewing the last wolf, he looked at me and said, "I know who the spy is."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yes, with one hundred percent certainty. You will be catching him soon."

12 - JEN by Thunder on 2023-02-12 03:34:13 UTC Edited Reply

I was outside with Luna.

Luna was trying to teach me how to hunt, despite the fact that I was horrible at it.

I was already in the form of a wolf. Already two rabbits and a mouse had slipped underneath my paws.

"Aaagh! I will never get it!" I cried.

Luna was giggling. "Practice makes perfect!"

Eventually, I caught a tiny mouse. I couldn't bear to kill it, so I let it go.

"You'l be a horrrible hunter," Luna said, "if you release your prey all the time."

After a while, we went indoors, and I resumed my human form.

Surprisingly, several dozen of the Omega Pack's wolves were running around in the entrance hall.

"Shadowhunter is gone!" cried one of them.

"He's the spy! He'll spill our location, and the dragons will come and destroy us all!" shouted another.

Amidst the confusion, Quickflash flew over.

"I knew it," he hissed. "Shadowhunter is the mole."

Luna had a shocked expression on her face.

"Shadow? No way!"

"Yes way," said Quickflash. "I found him suspicious from the very beginning."

"We have to find him before he gets to the dragons," I interjected. "He shouldn't be very far. We'll find him."

…

Shadowwhunter is already at the ravine.

A voice, that of a thousand snakes, hisses, "You have the prisoner?"

Shadowhunter lowers his head. He brings forth a large bag that writhes and struggles.

"Let me go!" cries the wolf from within. "You will rue the day that you did this!"

"Yes," replies Shadow.

"Good," hisses the voice. "Bring the wolf doown. And call me milord from now on."

"Yes, milord." Shadow shoves the bag and its contents into the dark ravine.

The voice chuckles. "And now, tell me where these… Omega Caves are, servant."

Shadow gulpes. "One of the caves are directly underneath the Blue Clearing--the one near the Greenston Clearing."

"And now," says the voice, "for my payment."

An amulet flies up from the inky blackness, and lands right in front of Shadow. The amulet, having a gold chain, has a black dragon symbol hammered onto a gold plating.

"Now leave," says the voice.

"Yes, milord."

Shadow picks up the amulet.

…

Flareon flies elegantly through the sky, carring a lump of venison in her talons.

She arrives at the prisoner pit, only to find it empty.

Flareon roars with anger. Several goblin guards with lumpy spears run up to her, and Flareon swivels her head to glare at them.

"IDIOTS!" she screams. "THE PRISONERS ARE GONE!"

The lead goblin of the small guard, Grobu, bows to the crimson-red dragon and says, "I'm sorry, O Great Dragon, but--"

Flareon lunges forward, faster than a striking snake, and bites poor Grobu's head off. The remaining goblins, about a dozen or so of them, go paler than chalk and steps away from Grobu's headless body.

"Next time you lot disobey me," Flareon hisses, "I will roast you all alive."

She picks up the hunk of venison that she had dropped, devoured it, and soared away.

Flareon is headed for the ravine.

She thinks, Where are the prisoners? Master Drakor will not be pleased.

She changes directory andd heads over to the Greenston Clearing.

Flareon leans down and senses the earth.

She thinks, "Now I know where the wolves are."

She heads over to the nearby Blue Clearing.

Flareon starts digging with her talons.

13 - LUNA by Thunder on 2023-02-19 03:02:00 UTC Edited Reply

"Wait," I said. "Where is Ythakor?"

Everyone paused.

We heard a slight scraping noise above us. As if…

"Evacuate!" I cried.

The wolves screamed and howled and cried as they all rush for the tunnels. Amidst the turmoil, the scraping became louder and louder.

"Hurry!" I said. "Quickflash, Jen, go!"

As my friends scrambled for the tunnels, I wondered, Why? Why would Shadowhunter, my little moonbeam, betray us all?

About half a minute later, the cave was empty except for me. I knew that I was to follow them, but…

The ceiling broke. Several large stone chunks fell off, and fresh new sunlight streamed in. I sprinted toward one of the tunnels, dodging and leaping over the chunks.

"Oh, no, prisoner. You will not escape," said a familiar voice. A crimson talon reached through the gap, grabbed me, andd pulled me out. A pair of amber eyes glared at me.

"No, wolf, you will not escape a second time," growled Flareon.

…

Well, at least I didn't get knocked out again.

Flareon took me to the ravine that I had seen in my dream. But unlike in my dream, it was swarming with dragons. A tiny sapphire-blue dragon--a wyrmling, perhaps--struggled to carry a large, squealing hog. When she dropped it, the hog got impaled on the head spikes of a large, pale-green dragon far below, who roared with anger.

"Watch it!" he shouted at the wyrmling from above.

Flareon leaned in close and whispered in my ear, "Some say that Master Drakor lives down on the very bottom of the ravine. Others say that it's bottomless annd Master Drakor just lives in one of the caves in the side. Any questions?"

I managed to say, "I had a dream of this place before.. But there weren't any dragons. Why?"

"Oh, the dragons just recently woke up from hibernation. Hibernation is when dragons go to sleep for a whole winter, to avoid starvation. When they wake up, though, they tend to be ravenously hungry. I can't hibernate, though, because I'm one of the king's closest advisors. Hibernation for me would be career suicide," Flareon replied?

Eventually, Flareon took me to a cave that lined the ravine wall. She set me down in it.

"Escape-proof," she muttered to herself, and flew away.

I looked into the cave.

The cave was circular, with coal niches. Outside, dragons flew about, passing prey or scrolls to each other. Beyond the edge, the chasm just dropped straight down.

Escape-proof, I thought.

Right then, a ddragon swooped in, carrying what looked like a ball of feathers and anger.

The dragon wore a helmet of iron, which hid his face, as well as a chain mail vest. His scales were midnight black. The underside of his wings had gold scales scattered across them, like a night sky filled with gold stars. The dragon rolled the ball of fury in, and I leaped aside.

The dragon flew off, and that was when I noticed the gold medallion that he hung on his neck. It had a black dragon engraved onto the gold surface.

"Odd, huh?" said a voice behind me.

I turned to see an odd animal--a hippogriff.

Hippogriffs are odd. They are the product of a male griffin and female horse, or a male and female hippogriff. They are a combination of eagle, lion, and horse.

A hippogriff has the head and wings of an eagle, ears and front body of a lion, and back body and tail of a horse.

This hippogriff looked very young--less than a decade old. His head, wings, and front half of his body were a tawny brown color. The back half of his body was a dappled grey.

"What's odd?" I asked.

"The dragon--he wears this medallion thingy. He wears it all the time."

"Well," I replied, "it could just be that he's obsessed with it. Dragons love treasure."

"Hmm, that explains it," said the hippogriff. He paused for a moment. "Thunderhoof."

I blinked. What is he up to? I thought. Probably trying to communicate to me in some sort of hippogriff code. I decided to see what would happen when I replied with, "Wildwind."

It was the hippogriff's turn to blink. "No," he said. "I'm not trying to communicate to you in a code. Thunderhoof is my name."

"Oh. My name is Luna."

"That's a beautiful name," replied Thunderhoof. He sat down and shifted a bit. I noticed an earring that he wore on his ear.

"Can't you fly out of here?" I asked.

"No," Thunderhoof said. "All those dragons swarming about--I can't dodge them all."

"Huh." I walked over to the cave edge again. I spotted a small blue blur--hurtling toward us, getting larger by the second.

"Ack!" I cried. "Something!" I pushed Thunderhoof to the far side of the wall. A blue object came hurtling in.

When the dust cleared, I saw what had came in--it was the blue wyrmling that I had seen earlier. She rose to her feet and dusted herself off.

What was she doing in here?

14 - JEN by Thunder on 2023-02-23 04:00:10 UTC Edited Reply

We were back in the giant cave.

Einia annd Grimpaw were playing chess. Quickflash was telling stories about legendary falcon warriors to the little wolf pups, and his guards were trying to catch fish in the lake (despite the fact that falcons are meant to catch birds in flight, not fish).

"You just fell for the Fishing Pole Trap," said Grimpaw. "Checkmate."

"Aaargh," Einia replied. "I suck at chess! Hmm, did you hear about the new chess variant, quantum chess? I'll probably beat you at it, because I am way better at quantum physics than you, Grimpaw! Ha ha!"

Meanwhile: "And then Blazespeed dove into the monster's mouth, and then the monster exploded!" (Talk about weird myths.)

Meanwhile: "The fish are so slippery!" protested one of the guards. "I wish that I was an eagle."

"Don't say that, Greatwings," said the other guard. "If you were an eagle, you couldn't have joined the Aether Circle. Isn't guarding Quickflash your life-long dream?"

"Yeah, I know. But we have to follow him around all the time, Preycatcher. Ooh, is that a crab over there? It looks really weird--pretty sure that normal crabs don't look like that.

Several dozen wolves--all the Omega Pack members--were engaged in some sort of activity. Some were catching fish (more successfully than the falcons). Some were chatting. Some were playing board games. Some of them were even gambling.

I looked around to make sure that no one was watching. Then I decided to explore the cave.

…

It was a while later before I realized that I wasn't wearing my earring.

Yet curiosity drove me on, even though I was probably walking toward certain death.

Then I saw her.

A wolf completely encased in ice, eyes round balls of horror, fur on her back standing straight up. Her mouth was open in a scream.

I also noticed a dozen other frozen wolves. Most were in the same position as the she-wolf, as if trying to escape something terrible. Three were in a fighting stance--back hair up, lips curled back in a snarl, claws lashing out. There was even a wolf pup, grinning as if there was nothing in the world to worry about.

As I kept going, I saw more and more statues, scattered about. My neck and back broke into cold sweat.

Then, out of nowhere, a white-and-blue menace flew down from above.

Status update: My notebook has vanished. by Thunder on 2023-01-26 06:45:23 UTC Reply

Obviously I can't keep posting the story until I find it, so the posting will be put on hold until I find the notebook.

But then, stuff that I lose have an annoying tendency to never turn up again. So this may just be the last of the story I can post. I hope not, though. I hope to MST the whole thing eventually.

You can still MST what you've posted already in the meantime. (nm) by Linstar on 2023-01-26 14:18:56 UTC Reply

It seems like each line is its own paragraph. Hmm. (nm) by Linstar on 2023-01-19 21:45:45 UTC Reply

I mean, there's a solid premise in there... by Neshomeh on 2023-01-16 17:30:08 UTC Reply

A girl is out on a fun camping trip with her family (and they seem to have a good relationship, which is nice!), and then she winds up in a life-or-death situation that unlocks a latent supernatural ability. Cool! I have many questions about that, and I'd probably keep reading to find out answers!

Sure, horses and wolves have been done, and the prose ain't Tolkien, and the title is painfully on-the-nose... but as something I'm guessing you wrote at about age twelve, I'd call it a good start. Were I advising this young writer, I'd start by asking my questions about Jen's powers and see how much planning has gone into how they work and fit in to the setting. A lack of that is where I'd anticipate things start getting silly and where a nudge in the right direction might do the most good. {= )

~Neshomeh

P.S. My Jenni says hi to your Jen. {; P

I think I was 12-13 when I wrote this. by Thunder on 2023-01-17 03:58:20 UTC Reply

And even if it was good for a 12-year-old, I can tell that my writing has improved considerably since then, and going through this today makes me want a lot of Bleeprin.

As a side note, the power is explained a bit in chapter 2.

As original fiction, it’s not PPC-able. by Linstar on 2023-01-16 13:22:50 UTC Reply

However, if you want, you (or someone else, if you’re okay with that) could MST it. If you want, I could post such to the Asylum.

—Ls wrote a similar story a similar amount of time ago. But his was worse-spelled.

Hmm, I'll consider an MST. Could be fun. (nm) by Thunder on 2023-01-17 03:16:46 UTC Reply