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They're pinched second-hand from Mark Twain. More directly, they're pinched from me.

I did a bit of googling, and it seems there's only one place Twain's rules are listed in exactly that format: my FFN profile. Note: I just made a small change in my version, so they don't match exactly anymore.

So, counting me, that's at least three people I know he's ripped something off from, and none of them, to my knowledge, permitted it.

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest his armpits. Better yet, may the viruses of a thousand lamers infest his computer.

A good beta has it back in a day. Less, if they're online when you send it. Chatvert had my massive twelve-page mission read in a day, and my Harry Potter beta has never taken longer than a day or two.

So, I'm able to read quite a long document (not sure how many words, I hardly ever use Wordcount) in a matter of hours - possibly even minutes - and finish betaing in maybe three hours? That is, of course, once I get around to it. But three days is appallingly slow to beta, even if it's sitting on your desktop for two of those days.

Not very well, but she can. So, she is being volunteered by me.

It could be a little difficult, since I live in England, but I'm thinking maybe 8.00 in the morning UK time?

Please, someone, anyone, take these and deal with them!

The Dying Flame by AkatsukiVampiress
Alone in his home one night, as Roy Mustang recalls horrid memories of Ishball, Hughes' death, and much more bloodshed, he decides to ease his pain with something that could end up worse than he thought.

The Department of Angst might want to take a look at emo!alcoholic!Roy.

Helpless Torment by AkatsukiVampiress
All my life knowing Ryuken, my father, I never thought he'd stoop this low. I knew he despised the Quincy race, but why would he do this? Was this an expression of his hatred? [UryuRyuuken] [Incest] [RAPE]

I believe that summary speaks for itself. ISHIDA RYUKEN IS NOT A GLAURUNGING RAPIST!! ISHIDA URYU WOULD NOT SUBMIT WITHOUT A MASSIVE FIGHT!!

Sorry, just finished reading his profile. He says he can have a 4,000 Word document returned, beta-read, in under three days.
So, what's our average turn-over rate for the PPC? My last chapter (Robecca) was nearly 8,500 words, and Cassie and Inkling had it return, beta-read in under a day.

Now, should I post a mean little review in every story about stealing stories? It is oh so tempting...
But for now, I'll simply throw the pebbles Cassie gave me at him. Fifty Points if you can get him on the nose!

Sorry about that. I was calling you brother in the term 'Brethren'. Yes, that's it... *Coughs*...
And yes, he was a bad little Stu, being all invisible and such. I've got links if you need them.

I'd be more than happy to spend a while online being interviewed.

... or are his rules for writing pinched blatantly from Mark Twain's 'The Literary Offences of Fenimore-Cooper?'

Fail.

... we all know that Shipfics are a special case.

In that case I shall simply volunteer Agent Trojie and her trusty Fender Jaguar.

You're right, it is confusing, to the extent that I can't remember which character is which. I hate that.

I can't promise anything permanent, owing to the chaotic nature of HQ, missions interfering, and the likelihood of the musicians staging a revolt if they're pushed too hard. But if Leto's madkeen enough to give it a shot, I won't stop him.

"Hear them squeal" is is his motto. The audience or the musicians?

Having both there at the same time might cause the fabric of the multiverse to collapse, though.

Firstly, many thanks to everyone who has volunteered. *hugs* I love you guys.

To make a long story short, I did real-time interviews with four people today, and found that it took about three hours per person. (At one point I had three different windows open in two programs, and was going a little mad.) Obviously, this is not a good thing - I don't want to ask that much time of any of you. So it looks like direct interviews aren't going to work.

This is annoying; I wanted to do it real-time so that I could drop questions that had already been answered or obviously didn't apply to said person, and - more importantly - so that if a particularly interesting answer was given, or a new angle came up that I hadn't considered (which happened at least three times already), we could pursue that particular train of thought, which isn't so easy via email.

Sorry, I ramble. In short, unless you happen to have three hours to spare when you see me online, I think we ought to go with emailing. I'd appreciate it if I could ask a few questions afterwards, if something comes up, but if not, no worries.

I'll send out the questions in the morning (it's getting late now) - if anyone volunteers after that, no worries; I'll just send it again.

Thanks again, all. The interviews so far have been fantastic and if this keeps up, my only problem will be getting through all the data before my essay is due!

That's a very strange thing. Very strange. I think I'll take the Suethors over this. Or maybe Resident Evil X.

Weird.

But thanks (?) for explaining it, I suppose. But what's a copypasta? Chain mail thing?

The PPC Movie, "There WIll Be Glitter", is the story of the Sue Invasion. The lovely Trojanhorse and I have been working on a soundtrack for it, though they all consist of songs that have been made already. I can see the Agens getting hold of the film and deciding to make their own soundtrack.

Though a musical sounds hilarious...

Oh dammit, you've given me plotbunnies! Curse you! As if I didn't have enough to deal with already! Now I have ideas for a stage musical of the Invasion!

My agents may not be particularly gifted with instruments (though feel free to make them attempt to play some anyway), but they do sing.

Cassie's voice... is actually rather good. She used to sing soprano in her school/college choir and one of her most annoying habits is singing randomly around the RC and on missions. When Nat sings, she goes for enthusiasm over actually hitting the right notes, but if kicked into shape she'd not be that bad either. Tyler... just no. He might be able to cope with an instrument, but he can't carry a tune in a bucket. And once I (finally) get my next two agents sorted out, you can drag them in too.

There are no words for this situation. Really.

I might have to do a bit of research, see if I can turn up any very similar stories. After all, he as good as says that he's been copy-pasting... wonder if permission was asked for this "research." Probably not.

I like how he puts the words 'theft' and 'plagiarism' in quotes.

Also, 'libel' doesn't go plural like that, as far as I know.

...my brain wants to go curl up and die in a corner now.

He is a meglomaniac and loves a challange. This sounds like a good place for him, in that it will be alot of fun.

Oh, favourite pieces of music: anything in 15-16 time and over 100 pages in length. "Hear them squeal" is is his motto.

rosemary_21@hotmail.co.uk

There's a lowlife on FFN who has been posting plagiarized stories by other people as his own. At least one is from someone I know, who is NOT happy about this. This story is from a story in German on FFN.

His profile is interesting in other ways, too, most notably for the threats he makes against anyone who calls him on his plagiarism. I got a real laugh out of him saying "...I will ensure that you never return to this site again" like he's some kind of FFN authority. If the FFN staff finds out about him (and actually shows more signs of life than the average brick) he'll be banz0red so hard his head will spin.