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Tlot in the frosty silence, tlot in the echoing night
Nearer he came and nearer, her face was like a light
Her eyes grew wide for a moment, she drew one last deep breath
Then her finger moved in the monlight
Her musket shattered the moonlight
Shattered her breast in the moonlight and warned him with her death.

Memorizing poetry (and songs) is fun. Hooray for "The Highwayman"!

Anyway, I gift you with a harpsichord. Because harpsichords make everything better.

Got any Agents yet?

I wonder, has the orchestra changed its name over time? There's a passing reference to a Caffeine Overload Symphony here, as well as an All-HQ Choir (which is probably no more than what the name says).

Anyway, Agent Robinson would love to join. She can play anything resembling a recorder (though not so much with reeds) and she's not bad on the guitar, either. Not usual symphony stuff, but hey. I wouldn't be surprised if some of her patient occasionally leave musical scores behind when they leave... could be a good source of new material. *g*

Agent Ilraen would probably be interested, too. He would just have to learn to play something that doesn't require a mouth--unless you can keep all concerts to under two hours. {= )

Nume... well, given his history with weapons and tools, I think it's clear that manually-operated hand-held "mechanical" devices in general are not safe around him.

~Neshomeh

Arti would probably go under percussion. He does like to hit things, especially when they don't hit back.. *Chuckles and plots*

And I would volunteer Lunac for conductor, since he's team-orientated, coming from the Pokemon World, but you already said it's under rotation... So, maybe a Recorder? Not too hard, and he can use it hit nearby musicians with! Yay!

As for Liadan... Uh, we'll place her in the flutes. She does know how to play one of those, quite well.

Maybe smear on some Aura of Smooth?

(Awesome idea, the infiltration, wish I was doing it. :p )

Many many badfics involving Snape. They need killing.

http://www.topfreeforum.com/forum/viewforum.php?f=9&mforum=severelyobsesse

(Sticking around, though, that's harder.) Maybe we should make badges for the Picso or something - or possibly a spork-shaped flute that calls the agents to rehearsals like the Pied Piper... well, we'll think of something.

As far as names go, Moonlight isn't so bad. He could have been named Pastoral or Wedding Mass or Ivanovitchitov's 2nd in D Minor. :D

I think cymbals with razor-sharp edges would make very good weapons. Crash them around the Sue's head to disorient her, then use them for decapitation.

...and I think air guitar/drums/instrument go into the 'other' category. Tyler might like percussion too - you hit things at the right time, and that's it. There's a place for everyone at the Picso!

He plays the violin. As he is named after a sonata, he is quite good with classical music. And he loves joining things.

Welcome, Anity! I give you a coxcomb, which is a funny hat worn by old-fashioned jesters. It's fun.

... a fsndom-appropriate tribute to this: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/953329/1/MaryMordorSue

Okay, Mossflower's vermin don't have a One Ring and I'd have to think of another reason for the victim to be there other than chasing Aragorn, but the basic idea could be fun.

Pads used to play the double bass, reasonably badly, years ago. So if you fancy pinching her a new one from somewhere, she'll happily join. And it's ever such a handy instrument, what with the great bit spike on the bottom.

I would volunteer my agents, but Cassie can't play anything more complicated than the triangle without making horrible noises and Nat's favoured instruments are the air drums and air guitar. Tyler.. well, he's getting quite good and handling technology now, but I'm not sure how he'd react to having a musical instrument shoved at him- he might just be pleased that noboday's trying to hit him with it.

Still, feel free to press-gang them if you like.

Finally, a chance to give my thing out. Hi and welcome.

The Wiki

And Board FAQ.

Thank you for killing this. Lyra and Will happily married, indeed... *wanders off, grumbling angrily*

This can all be attributed to me going to a Beethoven concert last Sunday. While I will not deny that Beethoven is quite the epitome of awesome (Tchaikovsky, who was also involved, isn't half bad either) I felt my mind wandering a bit as the music played... and played. You really don't notice how long a piece can go until there's no 'fast-forward' button.

Anyway, I remembered fondly my own orchestra days, and my brain turned to the PPC as is its wont. So here's the idea: an orchestra comprised of various members of the PPC, available for weddings, funerals, marches and whoever else asks for them.

Current information: the PPC Symphony Orchestra, or Picso as it is affectionately known (or rather, because agents get lazy and like acronyms) is currently open to all PPC agents with musical talent or an interest in it. The orchestra contains all sections found in a normal orchestra - woodwind, strings, brass, percussion - with a large group marked 'other' for everything that doesn't fit anywhere else. The repetoire is wide and variable, including the more popular pieces such as 'The Sporking of Figaro' and 'The Agent of Seville'. There is also a special party piece (see below), composed by an unknown PPC agent and titled 'In the Hall of the Badfic'. They will occasionally take requests.

Special performances: the orchestra's party piece is 'In the Hall of the Badfic'. This is a unique piece of music intended to recreate the feeling of being within a fic of excessively poor quality. Each musician is given a piece of sheet music that they have never seen, much less played through, and told to play it as quickly as they can. During rest bars, they take anything they can find to hand to improvise the percussive noises as the score demands. The conductor's job is to inspire the members to ever greater volumes and general dischord as the audience is plunged further into the badfic. When the piece is at its climax, a single agent strikes a gong with a spork-shaped mallet and all other musicians stop playing, representing the neutralising of the badfic by agents and the return to canon. Fainting fits on the part of the audience or the musicians are not uncommon.

History: assumably the Pisco formed at some point after the PPC, but its original members are lost to history. It is known that at some point in its early history, the Pisco often invited musicians from various canons to play as guests in the orchestra, but this practice has been discontinued. (This has been attributed to the orchestra's last guest performer, the Librarian of Unseen University in the Discworld canon, whose presence caused a disproportional amount of music involving organs to be played. Evidently an agent snapped after hearing news that they were to play the Organ Concerto for the thirteenth time in a year.)

The Conductor: this posed somewhat of an issue to the orchestra's survival, since agents are by nature independent -minded and many of the instruments played are not represented on the traditional score. The last conductor, whose name has been forgotten, was said to be led away while gibbering about seven-eight time symphonies. Since then several agents have been suggested as conductor and all have refused a permanent position. Currently orchestra members take it in turns to be conductor each week by way of a roster, since waving the arms around, shouting at various musicians and making dramatic arm gestures are enjoyed by all. Due to their rarity and general delicacy, batons are eschewed in favour of whatever the acting conductor finds appropriate (pencils, whips, battle-lances, etc). The general mentality is that if it doesn't make the sheet music fall to the ground, it's acceptable.

Joining the orchestra: all members of the PPC are welcome to join the orchestra, and all instruments are accepted (organs are the exception to the acception. See 'History' for more information.) Traditionally, some areas of the orchestra have had more recruits than others - violins, for example, are more numerous than krumhorns. This has led to grievous rumours of musical press-gangs roaming the corridors of HQ, manned by musicians desperate for more members. It is not uncommon for a newly-recruited agent wandering the halls to be rendered unconscious and wake up to find themselves in possession of an instrument and a note that reads 'Music for orchestra inside. Learn this in time for practice tomorrow. Regards, your fellow [insert instrument]-players.' As abhorrent as this treatment is, the Flowers have reported a sharp increase of press-ganged agents going on missions without complaint (well, less complaining than usual). Research is ongoing.

The Orchestra - a list of the agents known to be members, current as of the last PPC census.

Strings

Viola - Agent Tater

Woodwind

Clarinet - Agent El

Brass

Percussion

Other

---

That's all I can think of now. If it gets popular I'll make a page on the PPC Wiki for it, but it entertained me at the time. Reply with your agents and their instruments and I'll include them on the list.

~Enelya

*does not remember how the rest of the song goes*

Spambots generally reply to anyone who emails them, so don't email them unless you want your inbox clogged beyond belief with spam. No-one's going to look at the email contents, they're just going to add your address to the 'Email addresses that exist' column.

Have a pair of ice skates.

HDM is one of my old, beloved childhood canons. How dare that Suethor screw up the ending just to satisfy her own "creativity"? Good on you for killing it.

Poor Crebaina and Aeron... *huggles them * That must have been awful. I offer Bleeproducts for them.

Apologies, I just had sugar. But hello anyway! *waves frantically*

Always lovely to have more newbies! Here you go! *gives bag of pebbles for throwing at Sues and a Random Shiny Object to gaze at*

And you have sporks! I have sporks too, somewhere, but my stuff's in such a mess at the moment that I cannot locate them. I'll find them soon, though.

There are several links which no doubt will be provided for you soon (I'd provide them but JulyFlame reserves the right to hand links out as newbie-gifts), which you should check out, if you have not done so already.

What fandoms do you cover, other than the books of the lady you already mentioned?

Oh, and just in case, if anyone gives you a link to something called C*l*br**n, That Series or anything called Legendary Badfic, in the name of everything sacred, DO NOT CLICK THAT LINK. Those things could and probably would break your brain.

Once again, welcome to the PPC and I hope to see you around!

C*l*br**n is no laughing matter. Here, drink Bleepka and let the memories of it wash away...

It's bad, yeah, but bad in kind of an incompetent, boring sort of way. It's hard to reach a truly legendary level of awfulness in so few words. While the writing is abysmal, the real badness of the story is that there isn't really any story down there. That's why I said it's unsalvageable: fix the broken writing and you have a story that is, basically, "these two people find a kid in the woods, take him home, and put him to bed." It's a scene, not a story, and it's a lame scene at that. There just isn't enough of it to compete on the same level as the likes of Celebrian and Subjugation. It's a Mini-Cooper full of fail, or maybe just a roller skate, but the Legendary Badfics are tractor-trailers running overweight with full loads of fail.