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A meal and relaxation in one!

It needs doing.
Someone has to do it, and if it has to be us we'll do it in a way that it never again needs doing by anyone else. We will never relent until it is done.

The time will come that you'll thank us for our efforts.

One step to better physical health!

Been waiting for someone special!

A great hunter like you deserves a trophy!

Is the ultimate equipment for every tired agent... who is also in need of a weapon

Unfortunately, only the paper was scented, I'm afraid :3

The figure before you looks all the more monstrous for how closely it resembles a human; the basic shape is there, but the proportions are all wrong, and the feral glee at seeing you belongs on the face of a starved predator seeing maimed prey.

“Always you bring such interesting things…”

You offer up the carefully wrapped package, and it picks apart the bindings with rapid motions.

“Hm, black fabric, polished workings, ivory handle.”

The figure works the mechanism, either sceptical or ignorant of the bad luck said to be brought on by unfolding an umbrella indoors.

“Classic gentleman’s accessory. Yet lonely I would be if that were all the tale to tell.”

The gaunt figure closes the umbrella and begins a more detailed examination: peering closely, stroking the artefact with too-long fingers, sniffing at it – vertical slits of nostrils flaring excitedly.

“Not ivory – bone.” It licks the handle. “Human bone.”

It turns the artefact this way and that in its hands, then stares intently at you – seemingly trying to map the shape of the hooked handle on to your anatomy.

“Shape unnatural. But no sign of breakage or tooling. Suggests… contortions, mutations – a craftsman skilled in… exotic materials.

“Ribs… not steel – silver.” It brings the umbrella up to the side of its head, forcing one of the ribs to bend out – the figure doesn’t appear to have any ears, but nonetheless seems to be listening intently. “Attuned.”

There is a deep, soft thud, and a roll of tools appears on the countertop. The figure pulls out a series of tuning forks and taps them in turn against the sliver struts, but none make any sound. The creature’s motions get more and more frantic as it tries smaller and smaller forks, before a wide grin splits its face.

“Beyond the Seventh Gate – farther than I have travelled.”

You still haven’t heard any sound from the forks, and will have to trust the creature’s word.

“Even more secrets it seems to hold. Close blinds, douse lights. What does mushroom-glow reveal…?”

There is a moment where your eyes adjust to the darkness, but the lack of light doesn’t seem to impede the creature’s investigation.

“Look, see. Runes, embedded within fabric. Best not dwell on them too long.”

The room returns to light, but the examination is not yet finished.

“Curious. Tip is plain, not befitting of the rest… ah, loose, perhaps... removable? Indeed. Ah! More curious. Puncture wound wells with blood, yet needle-point remains unstained.”

The creature makes several jerky stabbing motions. “Balance not suited to combat, suggests… ritual purposes.”

The umbrella is returned to its wrappings, the creature handling it softly, almost reverentially.

“Curious. First glance – mundane object. Deeper inspection – beautifully wrought tool of necromancy. Where find you such exquisite treasure?”



A/N: So this one got a little odd (and not just with the idea of a necromantic umbrella). The creature's speech patterns were supposed emphasize how alien it was - I could have just described it more, but felt that that would be taking away from the core of the prompt.

-Irish

DBJ, as we often call it, is a bit of a meme in several of my D&D campaigns.

Can I have that box with the night-sky-pattern wrapping paper, the one that's big enough for me to sit in?

The small blue box, about 10 cm cubed.

The blue is peppered with small grey stars.

Just about palm-sized and not very tall. And it doesn't rattle when shaken!

That is... completely useless to me! Thanks, Santa Cipher! {= D

^_~

~Neshomeh

The blue and green one, please. Looks like a cylinder.

I choose the package wrapped in blue and gold, with ornate patterns on the wrapping paper.

The long, narrow box.

I'll take the cubic one about a foot across, please. The forest green one with a silver ribbon. It smells nice, like an old book. But I've never seen a perfectly cubic book.

If Probabilitor the Annoying is still voiced by Weird Al, I can get him to work on another season of Milo Murphy's law! It'll only take a little under an eternity to roll it, which is still technically, I suppose, an eternity, but who knows. Anywho, I'm off to go play the world's coolest game of Dungeons, Dragons and More Dragons with my new dice! Just gotta duck out of the year 9000, customs can get tricky. :P

You use unknown Time Lord science magic to extract the contents without harming the vessel revealing... Well, the only thing a quick-thinker like you would enjoy




The Infinity-Sided Die!

And inside of the box, you see another box with a plastic see-through front. It's the cousin of the Magic Eight Ball that actually works!