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Currently in the process of determining which of my two recordings of the song sounds better, so I can put it into Audacity with a backing track, fight the urge to autotune the heck out of myself because I hate how my voice sounds on recording, and export the file.

Further updates will come soon, as well as the lyrics if anyone's interested.

-Twistey

Also, he insists it's not a game. He says games have goals, which Zerahypt does not. He calls it a Fictional Universe Simulator (FUS).

(Doesn't look like my post is getting replied to either, for that matter.) Here goes nothing.

https://wolfenstein.fandom.com/wiki/One_Up
Your spherical present that came in wilver wrapping paper is a one-up item from Wolfenstein 3D. (Because coming from me, of course it is.) It's valid for being able to come back from death one time. Given how in this universe, unlike Wolf 3D, you only have one life to start with, this probably matters a lot more.

Merry Christmas, friend.

-Twistey Claus

That's probably why I have to listen to calmer music to keep myself focused.

-Twistey

I've been curious about it for a while! Also, what's your favorite song by Syrsa?

-Twistey

Here is my Permission Request. The following Google Doc contains my my agent bios, the two writing samples, the badfic I intend to spork. My beta reader was Quincy Jones.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1OiARPnQdYGQmgAschTM1DSI4MaEjOK8uyhlU-erC5Lw/edit?usp=sharing

I wonder if the Greater Good focuses more on the latter half of the phrase "a place for everyone, and everyone in their place". What if Tau society's extremely rigid caste structure is itself part of a comprehensive and clinical meritocracy, in the true sense of the word? What would that look like?

Constant and rigorous testing, standardized by the Ethereals. "Social credit" systems like the one in IRL China. Total employment and total job security meaning that much of the population, particularly recently, is subtly funneled into occupations with high turnover rates in the 'saal and 'la tiers of the four primary castes. Automation and the pace of robotics advances meaning biological Tau are slowly becoming obsolete. Everyone kept on a universal "lifetime salary" that is adjusted by what you do with your life and is otherwise the bare minimum to survive. Rises and falls as swift as they are merciless. A society that provides, but does not care; that raises, but does not nurture.

And the really sad part about that, the truly awful part... is that even with all that, compared to life in the Imperium? It is a paradise. Even without the Water Caste's diplomatic efforts, life in the Imperium is so utterly horrific that a totalitarian surveillance state run by inscrutable maybe-psychic blue space people is deeply preferable. It's a hard life, one governed by exams like some far-future version of pre-reformation Aramanth from the Wind On Fire books, but is it really worse than living in a hive? Or stuck on some dismal feudal agriworld? Or hunted down and exterminated because a distant cousin was born with a cleft palate or a club foot three decades ago?

My point is, maybe the vision of Tau society I personally consider true is a Potemkin village made by the Water Caste, but given how truly, unbelievably grotesque Imperial society is in the grim darkness of the far future, does that matter?

My other point is that Space Marines with pulse munitions and Tau development teams constantly upgrading power armour is awesome and should be encouraged. =]

Based off the Catalan carol "El cant dels ocells", which you may listen to here. This is a very abridged version, on account of the original going on... basically forever.

---

All worlds now see emerge
The blue-white sparkling surge
In their dark winter night
All worlds have come to know
That storms and wind and snow
Will pass and set things right.

Great Arda, writ in song
Who suffered for so long
Rejoices and displays
The greatest power of love
That shines from up above
And lights their steps with rays

And Hogwarts now replies
With love in countless eyes
That it feels footsteps too;
In Pern love flies around
And Berk rings with the sound
Of hearts that beat anew

The mist rolls out into
Cair Paravel, and through
The lovelorn Aslan's eyes;
And Redwall Abbey's spires
Play host to new desires
That none can demonise

All worlds can see the light
Of lust - er love, pure white
As fresh undriven snow;
The canon matters not,
These guys are super hot,
So let's enjoy the show...

Great filk though *grins*

only sort of. I present:

"Elrond's Daughter Once Went Out"
To the tune of "Good King Wenceslas" and with apologies for failing to rhyme.


Elrond’s daughter once went out
On the feast of Stephen
Where the snow lay round about
Deep and crisp and even
Brightly shone the moon that night
Though the frost was cruel
When Legolas came in sight
Gathering winter fuel

“Hither, maid, and stand by me,
If thou know’st it telling
Yonder Elf-prince, who is he?
Where and what his dwelling?”
“Ma’am, his name is Legolas
From the realm of Mirkwood
He is son of Thranduil
King of that fair realm”

“Bring me jewels and bring me gowns
Bring my make-up hither,
Thou and I shall see him dine,
On my flawless beauty”
Maid and princess forth they went
Forth they went together
Through the house of Rivendell
To the princess’s room.

In that room the princess dressed
There to woo an Elf-prince
She wore jewels, she wore rubies
And a gown of silver
“See, my good maid, am I not
The fairest of all?
Can Legolas fail to be
Mine for eternity?”

When the door flew open and
Jay and Acy entered
Furious they charged the Sue
And then Acy stabbed her.
They threw her into the fire
Canon was restored
Jay and Acy then returned
To destroy more Sues.

But when I heard this tune, I just had to make it about the agents working overtime (then again, don't they always?):

"Merry Christmas, PPC!"
melody: Shakin' Stevens - Merry Christmas, everyone!


Sues are falling all around me
Agents slaying, having fun
It's the season for tons of awful fanfics
Merry Christmas PPC!

Time for parties and celebrations
After we're done work overtime
Time for presents, the loot from fallen targets
If the Flowers give a dime.

We're gonna have a party tonight
I'm gonna find that Sue
in the plot hole where she hides, I'll use my dynamite!

Canon's swaying, Sues are spreading
All the old songs, we love to hear
This once claims, she's Harry's long lost sister
What a nice way to spend the year

We're gonna have a party tonight
I'm gonna find that Sue
in the plot hole where she hides, I'll use my dynamite!

Sues are falling, all around me
Agents slaying, having fun
It's the season, for tons of awful fanfics
Merry Christmas PPC!
Merry Christmas PPC!



And because I'm silly, here's Guidline 4:

[CLICK]

...that I’m nowhere near satisfied with it. It’s the first time I’ve completed something longer than a prompt. I just need help to work out exactly what’s wrong.

Will send it within a couple of days once I’ve fixed one error that I can spot by myself!

Me forget six zeroes.

9.78 quadrillions of Humans. That's 9780 followed by 12 zeroes.

Me go break rock with face.

The Imperium controls a million worlds. Assuming that's 2/3rds of all the worlds in the galaxy, and assuming every single one of those worlds are as inhabited as Earth is today (some have more, some have less) we have a grand number of *drum rolls*

9.78 billions of Humans. It is stated that the Orks outnumber all of Humanity.

But trying to assign hard numbers and math to this setting is an exercise in futility. The writers just pick numbers that look big and cool disregarding what's realistic.

They have the power, see.

But seriously, here's something that bugs me: There always seem to be enough humans to make more Space Marines, more Adepts, more astropaths and navigators, more servitors, and to fill out the army, the bureaucracy, and basically every other job that requires a body with a working brain and a pulse. This is despite normal humans being cannon fodder that are regularly slaughtered in the millions and even billions. What exactly IS the population of the galaxy, anyway? How many inhabited worlds are there? (What about after the latest Exterminatus?) What's the birth rate—not to mention the infant mortality rate, which I'm betting is pretty high most places because this is a Crapsack Universe full of Crapsack Worlds with a very few bright spots that tend to be merely dingy gray at best, plus the fact that any fetus that dares to be born with an extra toe or a harelip is probably euthanized immediately.

Has anyone tried to do the math on this? How much will it hurt my brain?

~Neshomeh does not math.

For the next day and 2/3rds, the Humble Bundle are giving away free copies of the Lego Hobbit game so long as you subscribe to their mailing list.

- Tomash

Alternate Heresy timelines seem to spend most of their time on the Astartes, when there's a far bigger universe out there getting changed. For example, how would the Imperial Army develop? The Guard partly became what it is in m41-42 because of the massive shortage of marines after the Heresy. If the factions were split into thirds, they would all need a rapid influx of troops, so each faction might develop quite large forces of non-augmented soldiers. Thoughts?

My username is clickable so you know where to send it. Congrats on finishing your first mission, by the way :)

A couple ways this could happen, in my view:
First of all, no matter what, we'd have to get Typhon out of the picture as early as possible. If he died during the Crusade that would be incredibly convenient. For the sake of argument, let's say he did. Then, Garro would in all likelihood replace him as First Captain. Assuming he could get his Primarch's ear before the machinations of Horus and the now-silenced Typhon really start setting in, he could very well sway Mortarion back to the light of the Emperor just as Typhon nudged him away. This would have to happen around...mid-Crusade?<br>If Mortarion had the inclination to allow Horus to *believe* his manipulation was working, he could easily set himself up to silence the rebellion before it got rolling. Assuming he didn't tell the Emperor of Horus's plans either through ignorance--he never learned of them in the first place until the last minute because Horus smelled a rat--or because he wasn't sure whose side he was really on--he could probably cripple the Traitors' fleet from within their own ranks...granted, at the likely cost of most, if not all, of his Legion. Even if that weren't possible because he never entered the Isstvan system (Horus probably ordered him to a fair distance away as he did with some of the other Legions to prevent their intervention until the end of the rebellion), the Imperium would benefit greatly from the presence of a loyalist XIV Legion. Of course, *then* they might end up at the Dropsite Massacre as the first wave...

A more plausible variation is that things go as they do in the Prime-line, with the exception that a more plot-savvy Typhon recognizes the unreliability of a braggart like Grulgor and decides to teleport to the Eisenstein himself to make sure Garro is dead. He either defeats the Battle-Captain and ensures the Emperor doesn't learn of the Heresy until it's too late...or Garro proves to be the better fighter and escapes the Isstvan system easily after slaying Typhon. Regardless, the majority of the Death Guard would remain under the banner of the Warmaster, but the real difference is that they never end up being corrupted by Nurgle. They'd be more like canonical Night Lords by M41--renegades, yes, but trusting themselves and shunning the Warp whenever possible.

The Tau are cold, pragmatic, and extremely sane. They're not exactly honorable, but they're very good at running a state. You can only be so evil if you want your empire to prosper.

As a believer in the Omniscience of the Emperor, Beloved By All, let me see if I can enlighten you.

The Emperor protects, but not from Spoilers. Stop reading if you want to avoid them.

First off, you are right. The actions of the Emperor do seem to be the actions of someone with a goal, rather than a plan. He makes a ton of unforced errors during the Crusade and I'd like to look at a few of those now.

Monarchia - Lorgar Aurelian, the Bearer of the Word, has created a paradise in the city of Monarchia. The people live their lives in service to the God-Emperor and his angels. Then the Ultramarines show up and blow it to hell. Why? Because the Emperor demanded that it should be so. The end result of this is the Word Bearers kneeling in the dust of a dead city, the Ultramarines standing over them, and the Emperor taking his most loyal son to task. This would lead to Lorgar seeking out other Powers in the galaxy, and his eventual fall to Chaos.

Magnus's Folly - Magnus the Red, having failed to sway Horus and save his soul, races headlong toward Terra to alert his father. He breaches the Webway, rips the door to Terra from its hinges, and breaks a lot of irreplaceable tech. The Emperor, seeing his son, chastises him for breaking the Edict of Nikaea. He shows Magnus the Great Plan that now lies ruined around them. Magnus, in his shame, flees back to Prospero to await death at his brother's hand, and his eventual fall to Chaos.

The Warmaster - The Emperor has retired from the Crusade and left Horus in charge. The new Warmaster is handling all of the logistics of the Crusade, but then the bureaucrats arrive. Sent from Terra, they demand the Warmaster's time and energy. On top of this, the new order of Remembrancers are causing all manner of problems. His attention thus diverted, Horus makes several major mistakes, leading to the incident with the Interex, which was followed by Davin and his eventual fall to Chaos.

Lord of the Red Sands - The fate of Angron's Eaters of Cities was sealed when the Emperor teleported Angron out of harms way when the fighting was about to start. The Primarch's people were slaughtered, and he was robbed not only of his chance to fight with them, but also to properly mourn them. Angron himself says that the Emperor could have sent the Warhounds Legion (who were in system) to fight with them, or even just the Custodes. The event drove a wedge between the Emperor and the Primarch, and the pain of it fuels Angron's eventual fall to Chaos.

So why do I bring all of these up? Because for every one of these situations you can look at it and say, "Wow. You couldn't have driven them away more efficiently if you had tried." I mean, all it would have taken to make some of these not a disaster? The Emperor simply talking to his sons. He knew what the Ruinous Powers were, because he had already stolen a large amount of power from them. You're telling me that he couldn't spare a few minutes to tell Magnus about it? He couldn't calmly explain to Lorgar why he didn't want to be worshiped? Of course not, we have to outlaw the one and break the other.

I maintain that the Emperor manipulated events to be what they were. Why else build the Legions the way they are and then treat them like he does? The Iron Warriors want to build marvelous buildings for the betterment of humanity? Give them the worst, most thankless, dirtiest jobs imaginable. The Emperor's Children have a superiority complex because they were handpicked from the aristocracy? Engineer a genetic disease that only affects them and puts them squarely in the shadows of the other Legions. The Emperor waged a calculated campaign of cruelty against the Traitor Legions and their Primarchs.

He drove Lorgar and Magnus into the open arms of Chaos. He drove Perturabo, Mortarion, and Angron into rebellion, and eventual Chaos. He created Curze and Alpharius to be the monsters they are. He engineered the circumstances that made Fulgrim lust for higher peaks, and that made Horus doubt his own judgement.

It all boils down to a few key points. I believe the following:

1) The Emperor has known about the Ruinous Powers the whole time, or close enough to it as to make no difference.

2) The Emperor does not make mistakes. He stole fire from the Gods through trickery. He fought a C'Tan and buried it on Mars. These things do not happen by chance.

3) The Emperor intends to destroy the Ruinous Powers. In order to do that, he had to draw them into open conflict. He set his sons as bait to draw them out.



As a last piece, we have several instances of a particular technique being employed before and during the Heresy. It involves launching a craft toward your target while completely powered down. Once inside auspex range of the target, power up the craft for the final approach. Your enemy will not be able to react in time. The only issue with this approach is that, once launched, you have no control over the craft. You have to trust that your calculations are correct, and that nothing changes.

This technique was used by the Luna Wolves (in the event that gave them that name) under the command of the Emperor. I believe the Emperor is employing this technique again on a grand scale. Set events in motion, knowing that you will be unable to affect the course of events (because you are a skeleton on a fancy chair). Hope that you have been able to see far enough and that you can count on everyone to do their part, even though they don't know that they have a part.


So, yes. Khorne may salivate, and Tzeentch may giggle, because they like the way everything is going, but they don't see where it will end. Everything is proceeding according to plan. A plan that was set in motion 10k years ago or more. One simply has to have faith in the Emperor, Beloved By All.

-Phobos, does not play at dice and does not believe in coincidence