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Chanukah goes well with the Pyro Department, doesn't it? {= )

I don't think I know this tune. I'll have to give it a listen later!

~Neshomeh

A Chanukah song! I'm not sure this one has been filked yet? Something to check, I guess.

"DOGA Agents Light", to the tune of "Chanukiyah Li Yesh"

I have a candle here
It's been with me all year
I want to light it soon
But badfics say it's noon

DOGA agents light, we light
Our fires burn so bright
DOGA agents light, we light
Our fires burn so bright!

My flamethrower's a blast
Just like in all years past
It helps me out a lot
In all the tightest spots

DOGA agents light, etc

And when new kingdoms grow
Where none should be, I go
And burn them down so we
Can keep the canon free

DOGA agents light, etc

It's twelve days until Christmas, and that means it's time for me to start the PPC Holiday Filk Game! As usual, the following guidelines apply:

1. Pick a seasonal tune that strikes your fancy—anything you like, even if it's been used for this before.
2. Write new words for it with a PPC theme.
2a. I encourage you to seek for a topic that does not involve Sue-slaying, because we have lots of filks about that. If that's what the muse dictates, though, go for it.
2b. This year, I'm wondering about agents who celebrate holidays other than the ones we're familiar with here in World One. If they had/wrote holiday songs, what would they be like?
3. Post your filk here in this thread for us to enjoy and comment on. (Generally speaking, if you post something, it's good manners to comment on someone else's thing, too.)
4. If so inclined, share a recording of yourself singing a filk or two.
5. When all's said, sung, and done, I'll add this year's entries to the PPC Holiday Songbook unless you specify otherwise.

As usual, I have yet to add last year's entries, but I hope to do so sometime next week, when I will be on vacation. Meanwhile, have fun!

~Neshomeh

The Chaos Gods were created from the preeminent drives within the psyches of the dominant species of the time and then got fat on worship. That's why the Emperor tried to make the Imperium as rational as possible. He just sorta forgot that, when you put the universe on a diet, it's not enough to cut carbs and avoid processed foods. You have to feed it good things, like compassion, tolerance, kindness, generosity...

~Neshomeh

Indeed, it is worth considering what Chaos IS as an entity.

Chaos isn't evil. It's somewhat telling that we call the servants of Chaos daemons, not demons—a spelling classically associated with neutral forces. Chaos is chaotic neutral, not evil. It's a reflection of the collective unconscious: messy, raw, emotional, and unstable.

It isn't something we can afford to let win. But it's not evil.

Huh. I've been operating on the assumption that it's all an uncontrolled shambles: that the Emperor's plan was basically 'unify humanity and get rid of everything else', and he's been bolting bits onto that as new problems came up. Evil gods in the warp? Try and bodge together a new transport system so we can just ignore them. One of the kids playing tickle-the-dragon with said warp? Ban psykers, and sort out the nuances later. Horus and his buddies have gone over to the other side? Send a massive fleet to squash them, quick!

These aren't the actions of someone with A Plan, they're the actions of someone with a goal who is fighting an actively malicious universe to try and achieve it.

And the trouble is that Chaos loves, well, chaos. What could be more chaotic than half of the legions fighting the other half? Ooh, I know - how about a three-way war between three evenly matched factions! You don't think Khorne is going to be salivating at the prospect? That Tzeentch isn't going to be giggling with glee at the opportunities for betrayal?

Yes, you could get a better outcome. But to get to it, you have to face and somehow overcome the threat of Chaos, and history has shown that pushing up against Chaos, even with the best intentions, leads to corruption. From Tzeentch's perspective, he's already pulled off a massive coup in this timeline - instead of six legions joining Chaos while the other twelve remain loyal, the anti-Chaos faction has been split in two, and is fighting amongst itself! What could be better?

There are paths to victory for humanity. One would be to allow the Indys time to build up their psyker and xenos tech-base, while the Emperor goes back to the genetic engineering drawing board (maybe we can get some early Primaris Marines?), and then forge common cause between the two groups and throw the whole lot - twelve legions, twelve Primarchs, every trick and gadget they've collected, and the Emperer himself - straight into the Eye of Terror. Could the God-Emperor of Mankind take a Chaos God out in single combat? What would happen if he tried?

Another, darker path would be for the Indys to find something out there in the xenos cultures. The Cabal thinks the death of humanity would take Chaos with it, and the Eldar managed to create a whole new Chaos God by their actions. What if you can perform some xenocidal atrocities and hit Chaos in that way? The Eldar Craftworlds are apparently building up a battery of souls to combat Slaanesh; what if we killed all the Eldar, and used Necron tech to wire a bunch of other xenos races into the wraithbone matrix too?

Or... if the Indys can access the Webway, they have a direct path into the Palace. What if they, rather than Horus, go up against the Emperor - with the intent of capturing him, but with the actual result of killing him? Horus managed to nearly do the job; the Night Haunter, Crimson King, Great Khan, and Perturabo together should be able to pull it off. (I'm assuming they wouldn't tell Sanguinius, and Vulkan seems the sort to stay out of it). What happens then, with no Emperor and the Indys in control of Terra?

I've never been able to say 'they would solve that problem and things would be better'. I always want to know how they solve it, what would go wrong in the doing, and how the timeline would skew further as a result.

hS

... Saying that Chaos gets stronger when people act on their worst natures... isn't really true. One of the things I find really interesting about what I've read of the whole Brighthammer thing in general is that the Chaos gods... don't really change much. At most, the emphasis change, with Khorne, for example, focusing less on the aspects that are the constant spilling of blood and mindless violence and more on the aspects that are honor and violence for the sake of others, but this doesn't make him not Khorne. For Nurgle, it's even more weird, since, assuming I've read things correctly, he is essentially loving to all living things (regardless of whether or not they, oh, invade the bodies of other living things and cause them to slowly, painfully die).

Really, this is a problem, although given that I'd predict that the Independents would spend more of their time fighting their Chaos brothers than their Imperial brothers, the Emperor might decide to clue them in to weaken their mutual enemy, for since their followers aren't worshipping the Emperor, they will (assuming I've remembered this right) fuel the Chaos Gods with even the most noble of intentions and emotions. Somebody will end up getting power from that faction, and I don't think there's really a third option between the Emperor and Chaos.

The mission is twenty-three pages, 5310 words. Canon knowledge (Harry Potter) is not essential. Mainly looking for flow, internal consistency and PPC canon.

I can provide sweets of your choice, but only virtual ones! Thanks!

I mean, yes, in the grim darkness of the far future etc...

But why, though? Serious question. Let's look at it.

You've got two major agendas in play: that of Chaos, and that of the Emperor. Chaos is inscrutable, but broadly simple: as long as we're all acting on our worst natures, demons get fed and the gods get stronger. Yay grimdark.

The Emperor is also inscrutable, and his plan is for the survival of the human species, which is a rather more complex matter given the above—there's a reason the Cabal thought it would be best just to wipe us all out, after all. Chaos loves us. Yet, the Emperor thinks he can preserve us and possibly even wipe out Chaos itself.

How's that working out? If you ask Phobos, he'll tell you that everything is going according to plan. The Emperor foresaw everything his sons foresaw and more, and he's set the board so intricately that the dominoes have been falling as he intended without anyone having the slightest clue (which is also part of the plan). This is the razor's edge we walk to eventually get to a place of victory. If that's the case, then any changes to the sequence of events create a failed timeline.

But there's an equally strong possibility that's not the case. That the Emperor made mistakes, things have not gone as planned, and we're struggling along under the delusion that there's still hope. If we go with that assumption, then why would it not be possible that doing things differently could go better?

(Yes, this is me saying "the rules suck let's make new ones" in one of these threads again. I'm realizing this might be something of a personality flaw...)

~Neshomeh

Scape, I know you don't like the Tau lore mess, but we can't just ignore it and assume your perspective: it does have to be addressed.

The Tau... are complicated. Not because they're complex in and of themselves, but because lore is contradictory. Okay, that's par for the course in 40k, but the Tau kinda take it to the extreme. Depending on who you ask, the Tau are relatively benevolent, optimistic, and arguably a bit naive, collectively an empire that's trying to do the best for its citizens and The Greater Good...

...Or they're a mash of Huxley and Orwell, with the typical 40k ruthless cruelty hiding just beneath the skin, utilizing mind control, eugenics, and the usual set of sinister tactics.

Which of these perspectives is propaganda is left to the reader.

So really, we have three options:

1) The Tau are relatively friendly, willing to cooperate towards their interests, and are... reasonably honest and reasonable.

2) The Tau are sinister, ominous, and rather dystopic.

3) We keep it ambiguous, planting clues in both directions.

It's indisputably gonna fall apart. The question is HOW.

Hell, I still think Magnus is a weak link. The Sons are arrogant to a man, and pretty dang independent. There's still a good chance of them falling and even if they don't it could be trouble.

I just don't think it should be taken for granted that they will.

... or they could fail, and fall.

I understand the impulse to go with 'six legions actually playing nice with others would make things better', but the truth of the 40K galaxy is that attempting to do the right thing often makes things worse. Magnus is a prime example of that: he cares about other cultures, builds a bright city of learning, and attempts to warn his father about the Heresy - and look how it turns out for him.

Look at who's in Team Indy:

-Conrad Kurze, probably insane, with the Night Lords made up of a bunch of violent criminals who delight in slaughter.

-Magnus the Red, who has already made one deal with the Chaos Gods, and the Thousand Sons, prime fodder for any warp creature looking to claim an unwary psyker.

-Jaghatai Khan and the White Scars. They seem nice! They also seem like they'd inevitably fall out with the Night Lords.

-Perturabo, who Lexicanum describes with words like brutal, vicious, unforgiving, and envious, and the Iron Warriors, who love to merge themselves with technology, because that never goes badly, right? It's not like there's a Schism of Mars fed by corruption through technological means or anything? Also: what happens when they meet the Necron?

-Sanguinius, who is deeply prone to trusting both the Emperor and Horus, and the Blood Angels, who are prone to losing control and attempting to drink the blood of their enemies. They're moderately nice, but with the Night Lords and Iron Warriors, we've got three utterly brutal legions matched up against the Scars and Sons.

-Vulkan, who's likely to join Magnus and Perturabo in the whole 'quest for xenos tech' obsession, and the Salamanders. Again, they seem nice! They might have some weird interactions with the Iron Warriors, though - the master crafters allied with the self-augmentation experts?

What I'm seeing here is an alliance riddled with fault lines. Think of how quickly the Chaos legions started to fall apart, from each other and even internally. The Loyalists hung more or less together because they all looked up to the Emperor - but this lot have no such leader. History would suggest that Sanguinius would wind up in charge (everybody loves him, after all), but he seems likely to start agitating for reconciliation with the Emperor, and how would Kurze or the psykers take that? Not well, I'm thinking.

This is a fascinating timeline, but let's not fool ourselves into thinking things will go particularly well. This is still 40K, after all.

hS

I bring up the question of the timeline because, well, the Tau didn't even exist during the Horus Heresy. Their civilization is established as only having existed for the last six thousand years by the time of M41, but they've still massively outclassed the Imperium in terms of interesting technology. One of the big barriers to their expansion has always been low numbers and an inability to build functioning warp drives. Allying with the Nostramine League (bc there has to be a better name than "Independent Marines Faction") gives them access to both more manpower AND more manoeuvrability.

The biggest stumbling block in that regard is the Tau's propensity for proselytization. While the Marines are not exactly worshipping the Cult of the Emperor Ascendant, and while the Greater Good is - in broad strokes - very similar to the doctrines underpinning Nostromine philosophy, one imagines that there would very quickly become disputes as to how to conduct campaigns. The Fire Caste fights like the White Scars: mobility is absolutely paramount, and concentrated, overwhelming force to take out the enemy's leadership at the weakest point of the line is the cornerstone of their strategy. Given that you've already stated that the White Scars are the weakest of the Recon Legions, this might be a bit of an issue. It also doesn't gel entirely with people like Sanguinius's strategies, since the Tau consider melee combat to be a barbarous abomination at best. I also worry that the Tau would be too eager to try and fold the Nostramines into the Tau Empire proper, which might strain relations rather.

In that I generally have songs with lyrics to study, but with the volume fairly low.

But I will leave it up if I'm already focused, it acts to block out anything else. Just me, the work, and music.

My music is also over the place, my playlist goes from Eminem to Shinedown and Kasey Chambers.

I've got nothing in tips, I've got to learn more myself!

Actually, I'm helping my teacher set up a small board up for the class next year. To compile information and discuss stuff, maybe having something like that with peers?

is that the Independents are Team Don't Be a Jerk (And Maybe the Galaxy Won't Burn For Ten Thousand Years).

So, they reject Chaos and all the awful stuff that goes with it. They also reject what's not so great about the Imperium, and that means rejecting its blinkered insistence that humanity is teh awsumest 4evar. This whole faction starts off with listening to Konrad Curze, after all, and he is not humanity's biggest fan. He's seen its dark underbelly. He knows its flaws and its weaknesses, and pretending they don't exist does not make them go away. It makes us more vulnerable to exploitation.

Primeline!Curze believes the only way to deal with this is to bring humanity under absolute control through fear. Curzeline!Curze, however, is tempered by the likes of Vulkan ("protect the weak"), Sanguinius (he fears his flaws, but strives to overcome them), Magnus ("knowledge is power"), Perturabo (building a more beautiful tomorrow, today!), and the Khan ("the Khan is just chill as f***, okay?" —Phobos).

I know nothing about the Tau, and we've only gotten about as far as Isstvan/Prospero/Calth on the timeline anyway, but if all that sounds good to them, then sure, why not? {= )

~Neshomeh

But that's not the same as an all-out alliance.

I also play his game (Zerahypt).

They're very unlikely to help, let alone people as touched by the Warp as the Thousand Sons. The TS are better off helping themselves or waiting for the AdMech to find a breakthrough.

Even if they wouldn't join with the indeps outright, they would probably be willing to cut some sort of deal with them if the opportunity presented itself, as they do with the Imperium from time to time in canon.

The Tau are unlikely to bow to the kind of Humanity-is-superior rhetoric of the Imperium, and while the Independents may have broken off for various reasons, I see little to indicate that they'd have flipped position on that.

Furthermore, I doubt that the indeps and Tau would see eye-to-eye on what "good" is

So, can it be done? As Nesh presents, yes, it's possible that Magnus and Ahriman might manage it.

However, there are other options: a popular choice is soulbonding Magnus &c to the Emperor, the same way Navigators work, and turning them into Blind Psychic Monks. This is the route taken by Dornian Heresy, and a number of other Loyalist!Sons AUs. Conceptually, it's... pretty awesome. But if the TS go independent, it's obviously non-viable.

Another choice is to try and get the Eldar to help, although I dunno enough about them to know what they'd do.

And finally, they could try to stick it out. The Flesh-Change can be resisted. It's just extremely hard, and takes immense force of will.

All of these are interesting choices, although I dunno how well any one of them would work.

A lot of it has little to no melodic interest, and there's a good deal of it that's rather peaceful in nature. And it's cool music in general. Check Syrsa out on YouTube. Please?

-Twistey, who's been a fan of the channel for a while