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Take the log out of your own eye, sir, before criticising the plank in the eye of a beautiful naked mole rat friend!

I don't have Permission, so I decided I'd shoot my two ideas for agents over- the first of which should be *fairly* familiar for those who were around when I was Anonymouse, although (especially in the History bit) he also takes inspiration from another character of mine, that was... also a Porygon-Z.

Technician/Agent Zeta

Full Name: Porygon-Z
--Full Nickname: PGZProject-423-Zeta
Species: Porygon-Z
Age: Indeterminate
--Mental age: Mid-20s
Gender: None
--Mental Gender: Male
Home Continuum: Pokémon, circa early Generation 7
Affiliation: PPC, DOSAT, Department of Floaters (he tends to shuttle between the two departments quite regularly)

Appearance: Zeta is a Porygon-Z, a Pokemon made entirely out of computer code, made manifest in the physical world as a collection of simple 3D shapes that combine together to form a sort of floating... duck... robot... thing. In addition, Zeta himself has been heavily modified by DOSAT, denoted by the flash patch emblazoned on his back, which can easily show any emblem- although it's most likely to show either the DOSAT smoking swivel chair, or the Floaters waterlily.
--Human disguise: Zeta manifests as a short, redheaded American man with pale skin and a pair of glasses framing a set of amber eyes. In a modern setting, his clothing typically ends up being a set of blue jeans, a blue shirt, and a red bomber jacket, typically worn unzipped.

Abilities: Zeta comes pre-loaded with the moves Conversion, Lock-On, Shadow Ball, and Ice Beam, and he also typically keeps the TMs for Ice Beam, Shadow Ball, and Thunderbolt in his personal bag of holding- that way, he can easily swap one of his two attacking moves for Thunderbolt when he needs to. As a Porygon-Z, he has the quite interesting ability to slip into and out of technology, allowing him to do everything from troubleshoot consoles from the inside, to mail himself by ICEP instead of dealing with the labyrinthine corridors of HQ. In addition, the built-in flash patch wasn't the only modification DOSAT made- he has multiple PPC gadgets built-in as subroutines he can call up, including the Universal Translator (which serves as a sort of backup- he typically communicates via text-to-speech), an RA, the D.O.R.K.S., and most worryingly, a C-CAD- along with *all* of those gadgets' drawbacks. Needless to say, he rarely uses the actual subroutines if he can help it- after all, one ends up quite a bit more protective of their C-CAD when they *are* their C-CAD.

Personality: Zeta is a take-charge, no-nonsense kind of guy, and is surprisingly quick to irritate- one of his pet peeves being the abuse and/or neglect of any technology, especially fellow AIs. He's short and to the point, rarely wanting to do anything beyond the Duty itself in a Word-World. That being said, he has a soft spot for bits victimized by the Suethor- and anything sufficiently high-tech enough can quickly become something akin to a lust object for the digital duck.

History: Zeta was born from a months-long RP based around the Pokemon universe, featuring such joys as wildly-out-of-character canons, events, locales, and people that simply ceased to exist or popped out of the ether, and Pokemon abuse and neglect, topped off with GladioN slash. (Yes, the N is capitalized for a reason. Yes, it's THAT reason.) The Porygon-Z himself was given the backstory of being one of the first Porygon-Zs in existence, created (or, well, evolved) by Team Galactic itself, and tasked with heading into various alternate dimensions- Zeta had ended up somewhere in the Distortion World for a time, and had popped out years later. Fortunately, the RP eventually detonated and fell apart in a hail of drama, and while his Word-World fell apart around him, Zeta fell into the plothole that an entirely new radio station in Virbank had risen from- and landed in the middle of the Department of Sufficiently-Advanced Technology.

---

Agent Smith

Full Name: John Smith
Species: Human
Age: Generic teenager...?
--Mental Age: 21
Gender: Male
Home Continuum: Wizard101
Affiliation: PPC, Department of Floaters

Appearance: John is a medium-height young man with unkempt brown hair and green eyes. His standard outfit usually ends up being comfortable robes in black and yellow, although he also quite often ends up wearing a white-and-purple suit with a jaunty purple top hat. In magic continua, he tends to prefer staves to wands when casting magic- even going as far as to obtain a wand-cane (think 'sword-cane but with a wand') variation of the Muggle-Use Wand for use in the Potterverse. His justification for such is something along the lines of 'Lucius Malfoy had a wand-cane, so it's not like the concept is incompatible with canon- and I'm fairly certain that I can't simply use my Spell Deck to cast things like Obliviate.'

In addition, John is typically followed around by his Pet (yes, that's the actual terminology used by Wizard101, most likely because the target audience might not understand the term 'Familiar'), an Epic-level Sister Cheesiwitz (a humanoid mouse that comes up to knee height, typically bespectacled, clothed in a simple white-and-lavender dress, and equipped with a nondescript green tome) named Lady Phoebe- or simply 'Phoebe', for short.

Abilities: John is a Storm wizard- he's typically armed with a Spell Deck containing spells able to summon anything from the simple Thunder Snake to the powerful and terrifying Storm Lord, which produce powerful... if inaccurate... electricity-and-water-based magical attacks- although his ability to actally use these sort of attacks outside of his home continuum is probably nonexistent, save for perhaps the spell Tempest, which merely summons a storm- and either way, it's probably best he stay away from using abilities that aren't canon to the continuum he's in. (He does, however, have a tendency towards magical or energetic attacks, and weaponry of an electrical or aquatic nature.) Phoebe, meanwhile, is more of a healer, using "may-cast" spells like Unicorn and Healing Current- and when she's outside of her home continuum, she's frighteningly effective with a first-aid kit. (Also, she wears their Bag of Holding like a backpack.)

Personality: John is easygoing, laid-back, and quite optimistic- although he's not naive, and he *knows* about things like Murphy's Law and the Ironic Overpower. He knows things *can* go wrong- he just tends to hold out hope that they won't. He's also quite fond of both sarcasm and wordplay, especially the art of the pun- after all, when you can't simply wash things away with an actual thunderstorm, a punderstorm tends to be the next best thing. (After all, which would you rather think about- the Sue and her litany of crimes against canon, or the Lords-awful puns either made by the agent next to you, or coming out of your own mouth?) Phoebe, meanwhile, is a mouse of few words- or, rather, she's completely mute. She instead gets across her meaning through body language and expression- and when that fails her, she's not above breaking out the charades or (as a last resort) writing notes on the back of a charge list. She tends to strike a middle ground between Zeta and John, and her caring nature means she ends up being a sort of 'team mom' for the duo. While she's not technically an agent in her own right (heck, even in the canon, Pets are mechanically nothing more than mere inventory items that can be bred, trained, and whatnot, despite often being miniatures of everything from often-hostile beasts, to other sapient races, to mythological creatures like the Forest Lord itself), she downright insists on coming along to every mission, where she jots down charge lists, helps to chase down Minis, and breaks out the first-aid kit when necessary.

History: John and Phoebe started out as his author's player character (and... well, an inventory item owned by said player character) from the Wizard101 MMORPG, a Level 50-or-so Storm Wizard who hadn't yet defeated Malistaire. Unfortunately, while preparing to face off against him, he took a wrong turn at the World Gate and ended up in the middle of the PPC. Most of John himself seems to be an author-insert, but he doesn't seem to be complaining about that...

Voles also show the ability to empathize with each other- they'll spend more time grooming a vole who's been treated badly.

Name: Kuro (real name unknown)
Age: 31
Species: Human male
Appearance: He is a medium-height white man who wears jeans and a simple gray sweater. He has a tangled, spiky mess of jet-black hair that he can never straighten out completely. He has green eyes. He usually wears a belt sporting a katana in case he needs to threaten any agent who disagrees with him on something he feels strongly about.
Personality: Kuro is a Stereotype Flip of weeaboos. On one hand, he likes anime, manga, and anything that comes out of Japan or is based on material from there. He is a social loser and a high school dropout who is hilariously bad at flirting and has multiple waifus. He has quite an ego and talks about how he is "the master of the blade" and whines about how "girls simply have no taste anymore." On the other hand, he genuinely works hard and tries to improve constantly, he tries his hardest to be polite and not creepy (to no avail), is a really nice person when you get to know him, and is physically fit enough to complete missions. He can also be quite cool when he over-dramatizes the killing of a Sue. Kuro likes to come up with new methods of exorcism, including the Exorcism Jutsu.
History: Kuro did try hard in school. He really did. It's just that getting held back once in eighth grade, twice in ninth grade, and a whopping four times in tenth grade, even when you're trying your hardest to understand the material, just breaks you after a while. He eventually gave up and set his sights on a job that got him enough money and time to live and pursue his burgeoning passion for anime. Eventually, he fell into a plothole and discovered the PPC.
He started his career at the DMS. After a sufficiently long period of time, his partner retired, and he was partnered with a newbie who called himself "the Phoenix" or just "Phoenix". The first fic they took on was Kuro's own self-insert Naruto fic, which they disposed of in the most dramatic way possible. After "Phoenix" became completely incapable of functioning after just two missions and was placed in an asylum, Kuro was partnered with... well, I haven't though about that part yet.
Powers: Kuro has enough physical abilities to pass off as a Narutoverse ninja, until you ask him to use jutsu. He is very skilled in wielding "Weeb weapons" (shurikens and katanas), but can adapt to a wide variety of weapons. Just don't hand him a gun or other ranged weapon. His weapon is a katana harvested from his self-insert Stu that also allows him to use canonical jutsu.
Department: DMS

A few pages that have tended to attract a lot of unwanted traffic and/or trolling are locked to new accounts. Give it a couple days for the new-member gleam to wear off, and you'll be fine. {= )

~Neshomeh

Just needs a little more work put in to differentiate him a little more from Brendan, the canon character. That's really the only problem I personally have with the concept.

I DID base him on when I played Sapphire on an emulator that no longer works thanks to a system update. I must have misremembered the default male name.

Anyway, unless someone can convince me otherwise, guess I'm scrapping Brandon. Oh well.

First off, that... just seems like a near-carbon-copy of Brendan, who... is a canon character. I know that that's the intention, but... I'm not particularly certain if "Brandon" differentiated himself from Brendan enough to be a separate character from him.

Second... you said that "Brandon" was borne from a copy of Alpha Sapphire where someone didn't bother to customize the character or change the name, right? ...Well, ORAS never had character customization, that was something that stayed in Kalos up until it showed up in Alola, and...

I also think we *might* have a mini-Missingno named "Brandon" we need to catch...

Name: Rasputin Gibbs

Species: Draconian

Age: 24

Sex: Male

Home Continuum: World 1.963, the world that exists in certain conspiracy theories.

Personality: On some deep level, Gibbs wants to be in a Sergio Leone movie. He doesn’t speak much, he wears a stetson, and he seems terminally calm. His interest in cookery according to the Galenic theory is just a bonus. He uses Draconian expressions in his speech, such as the greeting “Bast Chauble” and the philosophical concept of going “even more unto Yark.”

Appearance: Gibbs is a seven foot tall reptilian humanoid with a hunched posture, dark green scales, and a nice set of fangs. He is rarely seen without his stetson, and his eyes hold a look of steely determination that took him years to perfect.

History: Gibbs spent many years working as a security guard in Dulce base, a joint human-draconian military base located under Archuleta Mesa. He held himself to a very high standard, and soon became known as one of the most capable officers on the security team. With this good mixture of skill and expendability, Gibbs was an ideal candidate to send on a test jaunt through the base’s new portal. He came unstuck in space and time, and learned of Sues, or, as he called them, reality-warping entities. When we meet him, he has several unlicensed Sue killings under his belt, and has consequently attracted the attention of the PPC.

Name: Colonel Caleb Bradbury

Species: Human

Age: 56

Sex: Male

Home Continuum: An unpublished fanfic based on Daniel Pinkwater's "Borgle."

Personality: Bradbury is what is known as a “character”. He has a strange ability to procure just about anything just about anywhere, and a related ability to establish himself as an authority figure even in situations totally unfamiliar to him.

Appearance: The colonel is a gaunt man, just shy of two meters tall. His head is very round, a feature accentuated by his rather severe buzz-cut. He has a short beard, skin on the brown side, and a generally weathered look. He is a good bit more athletic than one would expect from a man his age, thanks to the medical and cybernetic science of the 2050s.

History: In his many years he has been not just an officer in the Argentine army, but also a grave digger, stamp forger, purveyor of shoddy knockoff products, piano tuner, ticket scalper, blackjack dealer, and many other things. He spent an elliptical number of years (time is elliptical in his home continuum) traveling through space, time, and the other by means of a television-detector van equipped with a Hydramatic drive, partly in search of adventure, partly to escape the repercussions of some ill-thought-out business ventures.

...but I can't edit the page. I can only view the source. Why is that? My account's SkaterTheDJWolf on the wiki, by the way.

https://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/UnclaimedBadfic#Animeand_Manga

Agent Brandon:
NAME: Brandon
AGE: 10
SPECIES: Human male
HOME CONTINUUM: Pokémon (specifically Alpha Sapphire)
APPEARANCE: Brandon looks like the default male Trainer for Pokémon Alpha Sapphire
PERSONALITY: Brandon is sort of like Ash. He's an All-Loving Hero who's always raring to press on with his "adventure," whether it be a Pokémon journey or a mission. He wonders about everything and likes to try new things, like scanning fanart with a CAD or different methods of exorcism. He loves learning about the world around him and enjoys knowing things. He strongly believes that anyone can become stronger and better if they try, and is usually the one to advocate for recruiting non-disruptive Sues. He can often be found in a state of awe at something he just witnessed, like a kid going "That. Was. AWESOME!" He is quite naïve and prior to joining the PPC did not know that most of the things in badfic were even possible. Please forgive him if he bluescreens for a moment in a particularly bad badfic. He possesses a journal, an artifact from his home continuum.
His partner Pokémon, Swampert, is pretty casual and coolheaded. He is arguably the brains of the duo, capable of coming up with intricate plans to take down Sues.
HISTORY: Brandon was the protagonist of an Alpha Sapphire cartridge belonging to someone who did not bother with character naming or customization. Or maybe he did and Brandon just reverted to the default after entering the PPC. He really doesn't know. His cartridge was thrown away and crushed in a dumpster, and the ensuing data corruption created a plothole that allowed him to escape with the six Pokémon he had and his journal to the PPC.
Soon after he reached the PPC, he and his Pokémon were carted off to Medical for an emergency operation to treat the corruption. Only he and his starter Pokémon, a male Swampert, survived. The others were glitchy messes that eventually resolved into piles of gore. Brandon was heartbroken at his loss, but with the help of Marshtomp, he was able to emotionally recover, and they vowed to live well to make his survival count. After being trained, he and Swampert transferred to the DMS and were partnered with an agent referring to himself as the Phoenix. After two missions, the Phoenix became completely mentally insane, and was sent to an insane asylum for his health. Brandon was paired with Kuro instead.
POWERS AND ABILITIES: Swampert can Mega Evolve, but this has been a painful experience for him ever since he entered the PPC< and Brandon and Swampert prefer to use it as a last resort.

Since we have multiple newbies joining in rapid succession, I figured I'd start this thread. This thread is for those without Permission to share their ideas for agents. This thread is also for critiquing agents and fixing Sueishness.

It was derived from calling AdultFanfiction.net the Über Pit of Voles, as I was unaware that another writing site was called the Circle of Lemmings.

My vote's on Naked Mole-Rattpad.

One thing's for sure, though: We need to decide on a nickname before we can make a page for it, so that nickname can be the title of the page like with the Pit.

It deserves the snark, though. Thanks to Sturgeon's Law, it houses a lot of badfic, including lots of missionable fanfic and non-fanfic (I wouldn't call it original by any means) alike. As I said, it's like the Pit with more stuff that isn't fanfiction. I'm just trying to evenly split the snark.

And yes, I did search voles after posting this. Awwwwww.

. . . the degu, aka, the #bestrodent

(They're wild gerbils.)

—doctorlit, the #worstrodent

I don't know, but I'd say that one.

Not only are they wrinkly and have their teeth outside their mouth, but they have creepy mind-controlly family dynamics like eusocial insects do. And they build their own homes in tunnel form—their pad if you will. So . . .

. . . How about Naked Mole-Rattpad?

—doctorlit, promptly with dumb ideas every other day

...as FFN itself, which I always assumed was the reason why it became the Uber Pit of Voles. It's also the same format, and a bunch of authors posted on both sites, as far as I recall.

~Z with the trivia!

Because it's too easy.