Subject: Let me see if I can explain what's going wrong here.
Author:
Posted on: 2016-02-19 21:23:00 UTC
Bramandin, I'm operating under the assumption that you sincerely want to apologize, but don't quite understand why it's not working and everyone is upset. If you're actually using sarcasm on purpose, I shall be very upset that I wasted my time trying to help, so I hope that's not the case.
Lemme take this one piece at a time:
1.1. I am sorry for holding my spouse's point of view as truth. For thinking that I know anything because of being a spouse.
The trouble with this is that it's quite reasonable to assume that your spouse is telling the truth, so nobody would blame you for that. Apologizing for something that isn't actually wrong sounds false.
1.2. I am ignorant even thought I'm the one who sews his patches on if I'm visiting when it needs to be done.
Here you're qualifying your apology. Perhaps you think you're just explaining your thought process, but what we read into it is this: "I am saying what I think you want to hear, even though, because of [this fact], I don't actually believe I'm wrong and I will therefore continue to think and behave exactly the same as I have been."
I don't know anything about the military, military uniforms, or the culture of military spouses, so I'll say nothing about that.
So, that's how NOT to apologize.
What you SHOULD apologize for is the offense, insult, and/or hurt feelings you've given. You SHOULD say that you will remember what others have told you is offensive/hurtful to them—repeating what you've been told in your own words is helpful so that people know whether or not you do understand—and promise to avoid repeating those mistakes in the future.
It's fine to explain what led you to make the mistake, but nobody actually wants you to apologize for those circumstances. They just want you to acknowledge that you offended or hurt them and let them know that you respect them enough to not purposefully do it again.
I hope that clears things up and that I haven't given you the benefit of the doubt in vain.
~Neshomeh