Subject: All right, I've read this now.
Author:
Posted on: 2017-03-18 16:57:00 UTC

Some observations and thoughts:

1. You lot decided to have one of Iximaz's posts deleted from the Board without her say-so and without bothering to tell her? I understand that the idea came from Aegis, who you understandably trusted to know Ix's mind, but still, that was not smart, and clearly added to the problem. I feel that should be openly acknowledged.

2. You're taking one person's feelings as hard evidence that the community is broken and everyone in it is a failure of a human being. That's really messed up. However much we like Iximaz and however serious her troubles are, she is just one person. Do not base your self-worth and your judgement of this group on one person's feelings. It's not fair to anyone, especially not Iximaz. How on Earth do you think it makes her feel to have the community fall apart because of something she said while undergoing a bad drug withdrawal? That's an incredible amount of pressure to put on her, and it's not fair.

I know you all care about Iximaz and want to help her, but please see my reply to Aegis here about the necessity for Iximaz to be responsible for herself in order to be an empowered, well-functioning adult. We can be as supportive and attentive as you please, but if she doesn't tell us something is wrong, we are not to blame for not knowing. If she's not doing the work she needs to do to move past her trauma, nothing we can do will fix it. Do not take away her power by denying that.

3. Feelings are not facts. I just want to state that flat-out. Feelings are not facts, especially when you all are well aware that the person having those feelings is not of sound mind at the time. See above comment on the unfair amount of pressure that puts on Iximaz, who has enough to worry about without all of you going on a crusade if she says boo when she's high or detoxing. Taking her seriously does not mean unconditionally believing that everything she says is an accurate representation of reality.

3.5. I'll add here that I'm not comfortable with the nightly sessions of hanging out with her in voice chat when she's taken her meds and ought to be trying to sleep. I was there for it a couple times, and I get it—I experienced a sense of bonding and freeing from inhibitions, which I enjoyed even as I felt kind of icky about it. However, I'll note that I also urged Iximaz to go to bed. Nobody can make her do that—I repeat that Iximaz is responsible for making her own choices—but might I suggest that we no longer enable her fighting her medication by participating in those sessions, should she return to Discord? We all need to be more responsible toward her, and this is one concrete way to start.

4. I suppose I should address what was said, or rather implied, about me. Yes, I advised Iximaz not to throw away what had been a very close friendship with July over one stupid misunderstanding. I think dropping July was an overreaction based on past trauma that was not relevant to the situation, and I stand by that. I will not support allowing trauma to run anyone's life unchecked, forever.

I also think that, if you can understand and forgive Iximaz's issues, you should also be capable of understanding and forgiving July's. She was not just "tired"; she had worked a grueling 22-hour military shift, and I daresay she was in fact triggered by something that felt, to her, similar to a past trauma she went through with the IRC. In keeping with not letting trauma run our lives, however, she realized she had done wrong, regretted it, and repented. Maybe Iximaz had legitimate reasons for being unable to process that at the time, but none of the rest of you do now.

5. The witch-hunt was, in fact, a witch hunt. Someone said "we should DO something!", someone else said "yeah! who are we gonna punish?", and y'all decided it was July you wanted to burn to set a precedent for the future. Yes, there was talk about getting her side, but it's pretty clear that at least some of you had already made up your minds. Des was the only person who spoke up to defend her, and you disregarded him.

6. There's been some sentiment floated about how the oldbies defend July because it's the status quo or something? And how we give her a pass because she's seen as an authority? That's such BS. I can't speak for anyone else because we are not a hive mind, but for myself, I defend July because I know her, I trust her, and she's been a good friend to me. As such, I also call her on her behavior when I think it's wrong. You don't always see it because I communicate with her privately, especially since she's not on the Board as much these days (and who can blame her when half the community is just waiting for any excuse to string her up?), but if you want to go and look at the thread surrounding Ix's falling out with her again, I believe you will see me doing just that. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

I'm sure there's more I wanted to say, but I haven't had breakfast yet. Maybe more will come to me later. I think those are the most important points I wanted to hit, anyway.

All in all, the main problem I see here is that enough of you have wound yourselves so tightly around Iximaz with your concern for her feelings that you've given her the power to destabilize the whole community. This is dysfunctional and absurd. Please unwind yourselves so that she can have a more normal relationship with the group and so that we can all return to being individuals with our own normal, non-Iximaz-related agendas.

~Neshomeh

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