Subject: Short, but sweet.
Author:
Posted on: 2018-05-07 22:34:00 UTC

I like the setup here. It's a simple difference of preferences, but it tells us just enough about them that they seem like distinct people with distinct personalities. It's also just enough of an excuse for two siblings to have a lighthearted little contest like this, and the way they handle it shows that while the relationship between them may be competitive, it's also friendly. For such a short piece, that's a lot of character development, and it's good stuff.

Structurally, it could use some work. First, when publishing online and not using indented first lines for new paragraphs, please double-space between paragraphs. This makes for much easier reading.

Second, I'm a little confused about exactly what happens after "He also recognised where they were: nearly at the RC." At first, I didn't realize the door he goes through there is not the RC door, though admittedly that's because I don't expect doors between hallways, so I read it wrong. I don't think there are usually doors between hallways in HQ, though...?

Later, Edward gets to the RC door apparently ahead of Kat, but Kat is "still a bird and waiting for him to open the door" as though she got there first. You say she can manipulate time, so what happened there? Did she cheat and get there first (in which case that needs to be acknowledged)? Or is it just misleading phrasing? {= )

~Neshomeh

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