Subject: What are prompts for but to be stretched?
Author:
Posted on: 2018-05-02 21:36:00 UTC

The point is, after all, that they inspire something. While it is fun to see different takes, a prompt fill that mainly used the prompt as a jumping off point can be great too.

This one had me laughing by the end. I also like how your characters are getting along; I mainly remember them from your Permission request still (I...do have your mission with Neshomeh open to read. It will get read. It hasn't yet, though, partly because I seem to have missed it when it first came out). Anyway: growth of partnership is always interesting to explore, both as a writer and as a reader.

My favorite lines (though I also enjoyed pretty much the entire last section, beginning right after Thoth's explanation) would have to be:

"He claimed to take video games seriously, but there was a chance he was doing that ironically, in which case it didn’t count." --fun line, right at the beginning. Something about it grabbed me.

"Grand Unified Thoth" --perfect. That's about where I started grinning.

And one bit of concrit: in the second paragraph, the final sentence ("Thoth occasionally inquiring to Tom about “ancient” earth culture, and Tom asking for clarification on 40k minutiae.") is...a fragment, if I have the right term, and not the type that fiction, etc writers can use for effect. It ought to be rephrased or blended with the previous sentence--it could potentially be broken after "lost in books." The new sentence could be something like "They only looked up to question one another, Thoth occasionally inquiring..." Or it could become two more sentences, like so: "They only looked up to question one another. Thoth occasionally inquired...and Tom asked for..." It could be played with even further, but by that point I think I'd just be rephrasing it into my writing style, which is not the point.

...although, that does give me a thought for a different kind of writing exercise. People answer prompts, and then choose one that catches their eye to rewrite in their own style. Could be fascinating.

...anyway. Back to the actual review: this was a fun prompt fill to read. Nicely done! :)

~Z

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