Subject: Thoughts
Author:
Posted on: 2017-12-17 22:09:00 UTC

So, up until the final bits, I'd thought this was a bit from Daichi's backstory. I was expecting to the ending to be him getting rejected because he was asking for marriage because this was (it seemed) the first date.

And then it turned out it was a dream.

Poor guy.

In retrospect, the bit about everyone being overjoyed was also a noticeable hint.

Style note "on his Uchiha clan attire and his headband on" is echoing. Not sure if it's actually wrong, it just sounds weird to me

Also, ", 'nother" needs fixing, maybe in a different way than I just proposed.

I'd suggest rewording "Fellow clansmen around him were overjoyed, seeing someone they knew extremely happy, it was almost instinctual." to something like "Fellow clansmen around him were overjoyed because they saw someone they knew extremely happy. It was almost instinctual."

- Tomash

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