Subject: Re: prompt
Author:
Posted on: 2017-12-21 00:22:00 UTC

Ah, a different take on the prompt. Very interesting. I like both the "original" as a straightforward proposal scene with the hint of foreshadowing by mentioning that it takes place on Alderaan, as well as the "flashforward" version where we see the emotional aftermath. The recording eye gives Cinnabar the chance to experience the flashback in the same time as the reader, letting our reactions parallel each other.

One thing that does feel like a discrepancy is when Pariya, in the second story, says she doesn't want to be seen together. She says this right after kissing Theo, and right before drawing him into a hug. I suspect you meant for this to be contradictory, with her actions giving the lie to her words, but it still felt a little too blatantly off to me.

—doctorlit, putting off any diplomatic missions to Alderaan any time soon

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