((I entirely place the blame for this one on GMA and his tendency to find completely off-the-wall werewolf matefics.))

Summary: Agent Ix, better known as Faolan, reclaims her rightful place as the pack's Alpha Queen. Harem.

I’m changing some of the characters into werewolves for the purpose of this story. I hope you like it!

Agent Ix was an enigmatic young woman. Faolan, as she was rightfully called—it meant wolf—was an agent of the PPC like everyone else, but she had a secret. A dark, monstrous secret. Faolan was a werewolf, and one that hungered for flesh. Not to eat… but to love.

She thought she was doomed to be a loner amongst agents until the day she met another werewolf, her soulmate, Charlotte Moon, and discovered she was none other than the wolf that had turned her. The secret coven of werewolves that lived in the PPC were about to gain a new pack member.

Faolan moaned as Charlotte drew her closer to her body. "Oh, Charlotte... my mistress, my Alpha, my mate..."

"What is it, my dear?" Charlotte purred, biting her ear.

"Take me away from the PPC," she said breathily. "They suppress the wolf here, make it impossible for me to transform... poison me with Wolfsbane... keep me from my pack..."

Charlotte chuckled softly and knotted her fingers in Faolan's hair. "I'll have to teach you to be a good little submissive after all these years left untrained," she growled.

"Yes, mistress," Faolan gasped, feeling a thrilling tingle race through her body at her words.

"Fifteen years away from the pack.. I should have taken you as mine from the moment I first bit you," Charlotte said.

"My parents never understood me," Faolan said, her lip curling. "They would chain me up every month rather than let me roam free to hunt as our kind has the right to!"

"Despicable," Charlotte said. She traced a finger down the side of Faolan's face. "Now that it's been so long, I'm going to need to refresh your bite. Hold still, pup."

Faolan obeyed, grateful to her mistress for the new opportunity she was giving her. She flinched when her teeth pierced the skin of her shoulder, and hot blood burned as it ran down her arm. But it was a good kind of pain, and she wished she would bite her again. She was wild with desire now, as the werewolf's saliva began to take its amorous effect on her senes.

Her eyes rolled back in her head and she passed out.

After Faolan awoke and was taken to the PPC’s hidden chambers for bathing, Charlotte ordered her to undress. She did so, shyly, but her shyness was mollified when she realized how hungrily she was looking at her body.

“Every scar you carry on your body,” Charlotte said, coming over to trace a thin one on her lip, “is a mark of your unwillingness to accept who you truly are. Your body rejects my blessing and marks you as ugly. Now that you have found your mate, however…” She leaned in and licked a scar that ran along Faolan's collarbone. There was a warm, soothing sensation, like a salve being applied to a burn, and as they watched, the scar faded away to nothingness.

As Charlotte bathed her, she licked along her skin, healing every blemish and scrape she had inflicted upon herself.

“Do not restrain yourself, my pup,” Charlotte said, her hot breath tickling her ear. “You’re like a flower denied sunlight: without it, you wilt, but when nurtured, you blossom into something beautiful.”

She looked at the mirror he held to her and gasped. Gentle, yet intense amber eyes peeked out from long, curled lashes, and her cheeks were rosy, smooth, and dangerously alluring. Her eyebrows arched inquisitively, giving her a playful, mischievous, mateworthy look, and her body was nothing but curves and smooth, flawless skin.

Charlotte couldn’t help but groan when she saw her new mate. “You look like the Queen,” she said, trailing kisses along Ix’s collarbone. “Even your scent… but no, you couldn’t be…”

“Be what?” Faolan asked.

Charlotte’s orange eyes met Faolan's amber ones.

“The reborn Werewolf Queen,” Charlotte said.

So what do you think? Leave good reviews and I’ll update again, loves! Next chapter will be about werewolfs in the PPC and I can’t wait to share with you!

Title: "The Cabin" (( NSFW, seriously. ))
Summary: The most uptight agent of them all finally learns to relax with a little help from a friend. Supernumerary/J. Robinson, genderbending, M/M, D/s, casual drug use.
Rating: M
Genre: Friendship/Romance
Status: Complete

You wanted it, lovelies, and you got it. Enjoy! But not too much.

Ah, who am I kidding? Go nuts! :D

--Lemony

(( A couple people encouraged me to finish this during a CAHQ game, and then Phobos practically sat on me until I did and has pronounced it good to go, so here it is!

(( As I said of the original release: This story is intended as one of the rare stealth goodfics that crop up every now and then in the fic archives. 100% non-canon, but not actually bad. YMMV on the subject material, but I did my best.

(( ~Neshomeh wrote an entire lemon ohgodohgodohgod... ))

AN: You know how there's an OFU for practically every fandom out there? Well, JayBird had an inkling of a cool idea; what if there was one for the PPC? But the result was predictably illegible and Ronion kinda-sorta indirectly challenged the rest of us to rewrite it better, so, here I go! All OCs mentioned belong to their original authors.

Chapter One

On a beautiful summer morning in the Shire, an elf called Tallulah Greensleeves walked along the riverbank. Except, she wasn't truly an elf at all.

She was a fangirl. And not just any fangirl, a PPC fangirl. How she'd ended up as an elf in the Shire was anyone's guess. She said she was Legolas' sister and had learned alongside Aragorn, but she sometimes claimed that Frodo and Sam (Rosie never showed up, conveniently) had raised her. Once she'd almost convinced Merry and Pippin she was a mermaid.

Whatever the case, she was here now, and she was determined to find a way for the PPC to recognize her and sort out her situation. She kept a watchful eye out for Sues, even though most Suethors rarely if ever wrote about the Shire. If she could help identify and assassinate one, they would surely rescue her and train her in the ways of being an agent. Maybe she'd even get a chance to find true love!

As soon as she thought that, a swirling blue portal opened underneath her and dumped her flat on her butt in a dreary gray hallway. A daisy and a few dandelions turned to look at her.

Welcome to Headquarters, Miss Greensleeves, said the daisy. Please do not scream, you'll see much stranger things than psychic flowers.

"I know," said Tallulah. "I've read a whooooole lot about this business. Why am I here, anyway?"

You've been chosen to attend Tofu Hop. Did you not receive an application letter? The Daisy tilted its head slightly.

"Uh...no...? What's Tofu Hop, anyway? Sounds like a dance or a fllash game."

It's neither, said one of the dandelions. Follow us and you'll find out.

So the Daisy and the dandelions led her to (according to the very large sign next to the doors) the Not As Big As The Big Auditorium But Bigger Than The Small Auditorium Auditorium, which was full of fangirls.

Tallulah only noticed the Sunflower Official on stage, though, and ran up to hug him.

Oh no you don't! yelled a Security Dandelion, and grabbed Tallulah by the arm. First rule of an Official Fanfiction University: No glomping the canon characters.

"But the Flowers aren't from any canon so it's OK to hug them!" Tallulah countered, struggling.

"The PPC counts as a canon," said an elf with black and gold hair. "Also, hi, I'm Jessaminthe Windflower Evenstar, second daughter of Elrond and Princess of Rivendell."

"Cool name. I'm Tallulah Greensleeves, Legolas' sister. I studied alongside Strider--you know, Aragorn? Also I might be part-mermaid." The Security Dandelion released her, and she went to a seat with her name written in Elvish on the back.

"How the ... can you be Legolas' sister and a mermaid?" demanded a pink-eyed girl with black hair. "There are no fish-women in Arda, and if there were Thranduil wouldn't have ...ed one."

"Nobody asked you, Morana," said Jessaminthe.

"Oh, like your backstory's any more plausible, you stupid shallow bi--"

There was a pointed psychic cough from the stage, and everyone turned to the Sunflower Official. Now that I have your attention, fans, let me officially welcome you to PPC Headquarters.

"Yaaaaaay!" Tallulah cheered.

I appreciate your enthusiasm. Now then, I'm sure you know that there has been a lot of bad fanfiction about the PPC.

There was a general uneasy murmur, and many of the fangirls exchanged nervous or guilty glances with each other. Morana, however, simply looked smug.

So, just as Miss Cam started the Official Fanfiction University of Middle-Earth to deal with an influx of bad Tolkien fanfiction, we have created the Official Fanfiction University of the Headquarters of the PPC. Yes, it's long, but we needed something that would fit the acronym of 'Tofu Hop'.

"So that's what it means," said Tallulah.

The Sunflower Official waved his leaves, and a host of other Flowers and famous Agents came on stage. The Bonsai Mallorn, the Lichen, the Marquis and the regular Daisy...and on the Agent side, Luxury, Dafydd Illian, Trojanhorse and Paddlebrains, Suicide, Miiro, Supernumerary, even Jay and Acacia (no one quite knew how; probably a plothole). Tallulah, to her credit, did not squee, though she did have a very enthusiastic grin.

"They're all so pretty..." said Jessaminthe with a dreamy expression.

(2nd AN: I'm not apologizing.)
((Over to you, Zingenmir ^^))

Richard end Marina ouere sent back tou anozer micheun fore ze ivil Floueurs, dans un setting caulled Chine Mégami Tenséi, ouere zere are mény ivil monsteurs, tou kill eu Siu, ou can seummon mini dimons, bicoz zat's eune important fing in Chine Mégami Tenséi.

Leukily, Perussona are bétteur que Dimons, so Richard can kill zem ole. Zen Marina kill the Siu wiv blak majic, bicoz ze Siu iz ivil énd dizerv it.

((Finally sent my master's degree to my teacher. My last week as a student.))

Tallulah Greensleeves (A/N: kk so shes' Laegolasses sister fron mIlkwood whois not JUTS an elf but aslo a MERIMADE adn she grw up wit FORDO and SAM who livd togtheer in tihs stor becasue veryone knoes tehyr'e GAU and tahts' FIN but neway she wet to teh same shool as SPIDER who is aslo calld ARGAGON spollers lol neway now shse in tihs sotry) was walking along the banks of the Shire River when SUDDENLY a swirling blue portal (A/N kk so i KNOOOO i ususually make tehm pink witch is BETTAR but tihs is a bad protal sort of opps spoylers) opened under her feet and dropped her straight into PPC HQ. So she landed in a corridor and said to the Daisy (A/N not teh markee but the ohter dassy whos'e allays standining cordirors and suck) "Why am I here?" and the Daisy said Because you've been chosen to come to Tofu Hop, and Tallulah said, "What's Tofu Hop? It sounds like a game," but the Daisy said It's not a game, COME WITH ME and you'll see.

So the Daisy led Tallulah (A/N THERE ELLZ ANDA HAITCH ive bene watching doctro who can yuo telll?????) to the Not As Big As The Big Auditorium But Bigger Than The Small Auditorium Auditorium, and who should she see there, but... the SUNFLOWER OFFICIAL! And she ran up to him and gave him a hug because he's so awesome. Thank you, Tallulah Greensleeves, said the Sunflower Official (A/N: omng he is SO NISE), but please take your seat so we can get started.

Tallulah looked back at the seats to find they were all full of FANGIRLS, and there was one with her name on it (A/N: writting in ELFISH LETTETERS), so she went to it and she sat down. "Hello," she said to the girl on her left, "I'm Tallulah Greensleeves and I'm Legolas' sister from Mirkwood, and I'm not just an elf but also a mermaid, and I grew up with Frodo and Sam, who live together because they're gay and that's fine, and also I went to the same school as Strider who is also called Aragorn."

"Hi," said the girl next to her, who had black and gold hair and pointy ears, "I'm Jessaminthe Layla Windflower Evenstar (A/N: Jessaminthe is righten by MrsSupernumerary and shes' RILLY COOLL), I'm Arwen's sister and Elrond's daughter and the princess of Rivendell."

"Cool," said Tallulah, and she turned to the girl on her right. "Hello," she said, "I'm Tallulah Greensleeves and I'm Legolas' sister from Mirkwood, and I'm not just an elf but also a mermaid, and I grew up with Frodo and Sam, who live together because they're gay and that's fine, and also I went to the same school as Strider who is also called Aragorn."

"Ugh," said the girl on her right, who had black and pink hair, spitting on her, "I'm Morana Kristine Stephanie Hecate King (A/N MorONa is righten by NightmareTwisteyTheDemonFoxAnimatronic who is EFIL and a PLAJJERIS so DONT@T REED HER SOTRYS), I'm a 16-year-old girl with black-and-pink hair reaching to just below my boobs and shiny pink eyes, and I hate you."

"Well, that isn't very nice," said Tallulah. "Why do you hate me?"

"Because I hate everything which is nice," said Morana, spitting on her again.

Tallulah was about to say something which would make Morana feel very bad for what she was saying, but then the Sunflower Official spoke again. Hello, fans of the PPC, he said. As you know, I am the Sunflower Official-

"Yaaaaaay!" shouted Tallulah.

Thank you, Tallulah, said the Sunflower Official. You're really nice; can I call you Tally?

"Of course!" shouted Tallulah. "Can I call you Sunny?"

I would be flattered, said the Sunflower Official. Now, fans of the PPC, he said, I'm sure you know that there has been a lot of bad fanfiction about the PPC.

Morana cackled. "And lots of it is MINE!"

Precisely. When there was a lot of bad fanfic of Lord of the Rings, Miss Cam started OFUM to deal with it. Well, now we are doing the same thing. The Sunflower Official waves his leaves, and lots of other Flowers and Agents came up onto the stage. There was the Bonsai Mallorn and the Marquis de Sod and the Lichen, and also there was Dafydd Illian and Supernumberary and Suicide and even Jay and Acacia.

"Wow!" said Jessaminthe next to Tallulah. "They're all so dreamy! (A/N: sso Jessaminthe is lick in luv with EDERYBODI in her sotry so I dessided to make her lov all teh argents here hop tehts' okey!!)"

Fangirls, said the Sunflower Official, and also Captain Deadly (A/N: shootout two xXth0th999Xx!!1)... welcome to The Official Fanfiction University of the Headquarters Of the PPC.

"Tofu Hop!" gasped Tallulah. "So that's what the Daisy meant!"

~~~~~

A/N kk so I nedded lost of caractars for tihs so i borruwd some HOPP TAHTS OKAE neway more chappie sun!! ~J~B~

Disclaimers and stuff: All right, I obviously don't own any characters here. This fic is rated 18, or M in Freedomland. Not going to be explicit (it's not as explicit as Scape's masterpiece), but it's not hard to figure out what's going on here. You've been warned.

---------------------------------------------

Zeb padded into the Courtyard luxuriantly as his wonderful soft luxuriant fur had just been carefully washed by his partner. He gazed over the lush green grass, the verdant trees, and the sparkling blue water beforewalking into the center of the area to lie down and wait for someone to show up

It was at that time coincidentally that Ix wwalkec inn and Zeb as always wondered what happened for him to get all those scars across his face and stuff. Ix took a few steps into the Courtyared, looking up at the sky, and let out a shriek of internal pain and agony baring out her soul to any who could hear. Zeb bounced over as was his way.

"Hey, Ix!" Zeb bounced "Whatup?"

Ix smiled despite himself because it's impossible to be sad and angsty when confronted with a happy luxray. "oh Zeb" he said "I'm just so unhappy all the time and Charlotte is just smothering me in her protective awesomeness! I can't deserve her so I'm out here alone instead of doing whatever in the RC."

Zeb nodded sagely, still bouncing around. “Well do you want a distraction or something? I can go fetch stuff like sticks!”

“Sure” Ix said and tackleglomped Zeb petting him and his beautiful silky fur all over and started tearing his clothes off to reveal more beautiful scars which Zeb wasted no time in licking sensually. Eventually the two pulled away, breathless. “Wow that was great,” Ix said. “I barely feel terrible and angsty now!”

“Good!” Zeb replied. “I’m told I have a way of rubbing off on people like that.”

“You certainly do.”

It was then that Zeb had an idea, an idea to do something he’d always wanted to do since getting blown up and winding up in the PPC. Before long, both Agents were having lots of fun, rolling in the grass of the Courtyard and ending up with Zeb standing over the almost-Auror as the sun was setting, painting the sky with a dazzling array of oranges and golden yellows and other similarly gem- and precious metal-inspired colors.


And Ix screamed into the sky, tears of pure joy and pleasure streaming down his face,



“OHHHHHHHH ZEBBIE-KUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNN~~~~~”

[[AN: AUGH. You wake up the next morning and discover that you've posted to FFW drunk. Apologies for that nonsense. The following story will be up to my usual standards of quality.]]

The Aviator walked into Rudis and sat down at the bar. "Grr. I am sad and angsty," she said, in a sad and angsty. She then burst into tears and started crying. She took out some black paint and started painting her face.

"Oh shut up," said Acacia, who was sitting nearby. "If you keep crying like that, I'll stab you."

At this point, The Head of the PPC, Mr. Sunflower, walked in the bar. Everyone in the bar bowed. "Good news!" he said. "I just sent out all the paychecks, and we've done such a good job you can all get a two weeks vacation!"

Everyone cheered, except Agent Selene. She wished she could spend more time doing her job.

Just then, Thoth walked in. "I just loosed a bunch of Genestealers all over HQ. Jave fun dealing with that!"

"But why would you do that?" Asked Agent Cameo. "It doesn't benefit you at all?"

"Because," said Thoth, "I'm evil! Do you think I need a reason? MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Just then, Tom hit Thoth in the back of his head with a crowbar. "Sorry about that. Come on..." He dragged Thoth back to the RC by his T-shirt.

Then Jay showed up and punched Acacia in the face. This started a barfight, which stopped why Terry Pratchett entered the room.

"But what are you doing here?" asked Jay.

"Didn't you know? I'm secretly an agent." said Terry. He then gave them all copies of the 50th Discworld novel, causing most of the participants in the fight to become so focused on reading that they stopped fighting.

Then the author of this fic walked into the room and was immediately shot by Agent Zeb for writing something this stupid.

Summary: I decided to try something different. Ave/Dee.

The Aviator was in her TARDIS, cleaning up after having put Elanor to bed. Suddenly, the Detective walked in!

"Aah!", the Aviator shouted, scared, "How did you get in here?"

"The front door." said the Detective.

"What do you want?"

"Remember that one time we did some stuff when we were drunk?"

"Yep!" said Ave. "It was fun!"

"It sure was."

"Did you want to do it again?". The Aviator, who'd already taken most of her clothes off to be more comfortable clearing, started to take off the rest of them.

The Detective blushed. "Uh ... yeah. I did. 's why I came here."

"Cool. It's great that you came by again. I've needed to get in another relationship after my last boyfriend died in the war."

Ave then shrugged dismissively and said, a bit quieter, "Between you and me, he was kind of lame. Not like you."

"Awww, thanks!" The Detective was a bit surprised that anyone was saying that sort of stuff about him, and tried not to show it. It didn't work out very well.

The Aviator looked towards the bedroom, and then realized something. "We can't have sexytimes here?!" she said suddenly. "We'd wake Elanor!"

"Damm. That sucks." said Dee, rather disappointed. "Maybe later, then.". He started walking away.

On his way out of the room, he remembered something. "Wait! My TARDIS has a spare bedroom! Maybe yours does too?"

"I dunno. Let's go look?"

And so the two lovers went off in search of the spare bedroom, holding hands. Fortunately, thanks to Ave's expert navigational skills (which were so good that she could find places in Headquarters while trying to get there), they found it in about a minute, even though it was halfway across the TARDIS.

They went in, and Dee started to take off his clothes too. Both the Time Lords got into bed, and started off with several rounds of passionate snuggling and kissing. After a good hour or so of that, they put the legendary Time Lord stamina to work. They spent the next day or so plowing each other relentlessly, thereby setting off a whole new round of speculation in the Multiverse Monitor about Elanor's parentage.

Somewhere in the middle of a pile of all these goings-on whose detailed description would bump the rating too much for this website, Ave turned to the Detective and squealed "Oh my god, I love you!"

"I love you too, Ave!"

"We should get married! Elanor already thinks you're her dad, we might as well make it official. And then we can do this every night!"

"Sounds like a great plan! We can do that after we get tired of this!"

They then got back to screwing.

Eventually, the two bleary Time Lords, faces glowing with happiness, stumbled out of bed. They took a shower (together, obviously) and then put their clothes on. Then, they started heading out of the TARDIS so they could portal to Vegas and get the wedding over with.

As they were leaving, they saw Zeb, who was sniffing the air.

"Ave! Dee! You were mating, weren't you?" he asked, teasing.

"Yeah! And we're getting married! Want to come?" the Aviator said, excited.

"Duh! What took you two so long? You're perfect for each other!"

Both Time Lords looked at each other and shrugged. "Dunno." they said, nearly in unison.

The new couple (and Zeb) then left the TARDIS and started fiddling with the portal generator.

A/N: To be continued? Maybe. Depends on if I get reviews.

(Note from the Original, Non-Suethor Version Of This Author:

This fic may end up being NSFW and/or NSFB. I'm not sure exactly where to go with it. It features Sued versions of some agent ideas I had recently, along with some of the more famous agents made by other people functioning as the Sues' punching bags or adoring fans. I have particularly mischievous plans for a few of the male agents... TuT But anyway! Let's go, then!)

----
The New Recruit

---Prologue---

As I slept in my luxurious bed in my sweet home town of Las Vegas after a day of gambling (my parents let me do whatever I want), I had the most wonderful dream. I was standing in the middle of a beautiful, dark forest clearing underneath a huge, pure white full moon. Everything smelled of pine and aspen and maple and flowers too, like lavender and honeysuckle and pink roses, my favorite of all. In the clearing there was a small, still reflecting pool, surrounded by a short circle of rose bushes, and before it was a massive yellow sunflower that appeared to be watching me. It was wearing a robe of some sort. I approached the giant flower and stared at it in wonder, and a couple seconds later, it began to speak to me.

Tomorrow, you will come to a new world, it said, its voice echoing through my brain. Do not be afraid. You will discover new power within you, more than you've ever dreamed of. Then I felt my heart beating in every part of me with a strong, regular rhythm, and everything slowly went dark as the flower's last words faded away:

Feel... it... pulse...

I woke up falling.

---Chapter 1---

Hi, my name is Morana Kristine Stephanie Hecate King, and I'm a 16-year-old girl with black-and-pink hair reaching to just below my boobs and shiny pink eyes. Usually before I came here I would wear blue contacts and say that my hair was dyed so that I wouldn't be mocked (and yes, some people found out and mocked me anyway), but once I came to the place where I belonged, I threw those suckers away! Of course, I still wear makeup, even though I look gorgeous without it, with my beautiful face and figure, because doing people's makeup is what I like best. I always wear clothes that make me look super cute, like right now I've got on a black strapless top with a pink glittery skull on it, a short black skirt with a pink glittery belt, thigh-high black and pink striped stockings, and black lace-up boots with pink glittery lightning bolts on them. In terms of accessories, I also am wearing a pink light-up pendant necklace (ha, bet you didn't know those exist!), black wrist-guard thingies like Wonder Woman wears except black not gold, and my new jacket over my shoulders. Why'd they have to make my department logo a cactus? That's so lame! A pink glittery broken heart would be better. Anyway, you can get a general image of me now, right? Aren't I hawt? Yeah, I know.

But that's not the point of the story, is it? I know you want some makeup tips from me, but I have to tell you about how I got to my favorite place ever, my new home. What is that? Well, let's go back to me falling. I was falling and falling and falling as I flailed my arms in a futile attempt to somehow get out of the hole I was in as my mind raced to figure out what was going on. Had I been sleepwalking? What was going on? Why wasn't I in my pajamas? Oh well, it seemed like in my sleep I'd picked out my cutest outfit yet! Go me! I kept falling, and I fell faster and faster and faster. I was wondering when I was going to stop falling when I saw the ground approaching. The ground had tiles on it, and they were white and black. Why not pink? Wherever I was going needed a remodeling. And that's when I hit the ground, landing on my feet standing as I looked around the place. I appeared to be in some sort of office building, in a room with windows and doors. Surrounding me were many young adults in black jackets and the giant sunflower from my dream, except it was wearing the top half of a suit, as well as other huge flowers. Upon seeing me, they became excited, murmuring amongst themselves things like "That's the one from the prophecy!" and "Looks like we have a new recruit." I awkwardly smiled, shrugging my shoulders, which caused them to burst into cheers. "Welcome," said the sunflower. "We've been waiting for you."

-------

How'd ya like it? I think it's a good start to a story! Plz review it! Reviews r my life! Except no flames. I haven't been flamed before - this is my first story - so I don't know what it's like, but I know that flamers are horrible, horrible people. Have a Foxytastic day!

-Nightmare Twistey the Demon Fox Animatronic

Full Title: Five Times Dawn McKenna Cut Her Hair Accidentally (And One Time She Did It On Purpose)

A/N: So this is a slightly different kind of story than the other one I started posting below. That one's a romance, but this...well, the PPC really lacks 5+1 fics, which I think is such a shame! So I've decided to write one. And since Agent Dawn is one of my favorites, and she's had long hair for ages, I figured it'd be fun to show a couple of ways she could cut it! With or without a little help...

Enjoy!! And don't forget to R&R (and Read & Review too! ;) )


I.

Dawn was running through a Narnian forest, her long brown braid flying out behind her and thumping annoyingly against her back. It had already been a long day: first of all, she was in Narnia, which hardly ever happened. That would have been nice, if it hadn’t been so long since she’d read the books that she wasn’t completely sure of half the charges, and was having to rely on her partner.

Secondly, her partner. Ugh.

Oh, Supernumerary was a good enough agent. That wasn’t really in question.

What was in question was his attitude: which was dreadful. There were no two ways about it: working with ‘Nume’, as his lovely partner Ilraen had called him, was to suffer.

‘Nume’ was rolling his eyes now: she could just tell from his tone of voice. “Splendid. Caspian’s just landed a killing blow on Aslan. This should be...fun to sort out.”

“What about Peter killing that wolf? Maugrim?” Dawn asked. She was panting: she hadn’t had to run so much in a while.

She could feel the look of disdain from three feet away. “That is canon. Do you never reread books?”

Before she could retort angrily that yes, actually, she did reread books, loved to, in fact, but just hadn’t felt like rereading Narnia recently, something stopped Dawn short. She shrieked as she was pulled backwards by her hair.

“What now?” Nume demanded, but even he fell silent when faced by the sight that met his eyes:

Dawn was trying not to cry from the pain of having her hair pulled with so much force--and no wonder: her braid was tangled firmly in and around the grasp of a moving tree. It was one of the Suefluenced ones, and its twigs went through the braid even as vines wove their way in and around it.

“Oh,” said Nume.

“Ow,” said Dawn, as well as a fine number of further words which aren’t fit to print. “Ow!”

“I, er.” Nume fixed the tree with a look; it froze, but didn’t release Dawn. “Er. I don’t think I can untangle this.”

Dawn said another few words which can’t be printed, and Nume winced.

“Language,” he said weakly. “Er...I think I might have to cut it off.”

“No,” Dawn groaned. “Oh, great. This would happen. What a splendid day this is.”

“Hold still,” Nume said a little more strongly. He took out a knife; Dawn closed her eyes.

“Try to make it even,” she said.

Nume tried.

He really did.

*

When they got back to the RC, Ilraen stared at Dawn. <> he asked.

Dawn groaned. “Long story short, he had to cut my braid off. One of the Sued trees had it. It’s not even remotely even, is it?”

Ilraen managed to make a clucking sound without a mouth, which was really quite impressive. <>

“I don’t drink the stuff,” Dawn said glumly, “but I’ll happily drink some tea. Lots of it. And then I have to somehow find a hairdresser...they exist somewhere around here, right? I haven’t had to do more than cut off split ends in years.”

<> Ilraen said comfortingly. He put a hand on Dawn’s arm. <>



A/N: So that was the first part! What do you think? I have the whole thing planned out, so I won't be taking suggestions...except maybe for another way she could have to accidentally cut her hair. I'm still deciding on one of those.

I'm really excited for the next chapter!! Aren't you? :) Thanks for reading (and don't forget to leave me some tasty reviews...)

A/N: So this is going to be amazing! I hope you enjoy it lots :) I'm not new to this beautiful fandom, but I fancy myself a little more grown up than when I first entered, and so I've changed my screen name. I'm not going to tell you who I am (at least not right away!!) though: I want to show you all how much I've grown as a person and a writer without being immediately associated with my previous works!

So, this is a love story in the end :) But don't worry! It'll also have some adventure! ;) But I love these characters and they deserve some happiness...so here goes!!

A Tale of Two Women
Chapter One!

Jacques POV

I’ve made a change in myself; hopefully for the better. You see, I’ve got really bored of all this emptiness: I need to stop flirting with everyone, stop sleeping with anyone with a post code--oh yeah, I saw that clip--and start focusing on what’s important: finding my True Love.

I mean, that’s really all anyone wants. And I’m no different. It’s even stronger for me, I thing, because I was a fictional character to start out with…

Charlotte POV:

I was sitting in my chair last night--I’m a vampire, so I don’t need to sleep--with my pet Tarantula and thinking. Ix looks so nice when she’s asleep; she always looks nice, but at night she doesn’t worry about her scars. She’s at peace--well, sometimes. Other times she tosses and turns and cries out from nightmares. It makes me want to go hunt down everyone who’s ever hurt her and become a different kind of assassin.

Tonight she looked different ,though. More at peace. She’d been to this awesome slumber party--I wish I could’ve gone with her, but I couldn’t stand to be around so many people--and she came back with a makeover. I liked the way she looked before, but this is nice too and she seems so much happier: most of her scars are gone, and her hair is long--almost as long as mine. It falls in beautiful silken waves down her back. It even has purple high lights now, which look great. But everything looks great on her.

I haven’t told her yet that we’re moving to ESAS. She deserves a good night’s sleep--for once. But in the morning I’ll have to tell her.

I wonder what she’ll think.

Jacques POV: Eventually I decided to go to bed, fending off Luxury along the way. I wonder what tomorrow will bring?


Preview of next chapter:

“Don’t look at me, Charlotte, I’m hideous!”

“I thought...I thought you’d love me, if you loved anyone.”

“Oh, hey. Are you guys new here? I could...show you around…”


A/N: So, what'd you think? Tell me all about it! ALSO! What should Charlotte's tarantula be named? Vote in the comments!!

(A/N lol i can't think of titles or an actual story plot or how to write character but THIS JUST CAME TO ME LAST NIGHT and i hope u all enjoy my two OCS DO NOT STEAL!!! )

---

“There’s no way to stop the Sues!” Kitty screamed, grabbing at Ruby’s arm. “And if we don’t, the entire multiverse will be destroyed!”

Ruby gripped both of her friend’s wrists, staring deep into her eyes with a wild-eyed horror. “It’s— it’s too late for me, darling— you must go on alone! Go without me!”

“But I can’t,” Kitty sobbed. “I can’t do this without you!”

“You must,” Ruby said urgently. “You, and you alone have the power to save the PPC, Kitty!”

Kitty wiped away tears of outrage and sadness, and nodded grimly. “You’re... right. I— I can do this!” She turned to face the crack in the fabric of Reality, and drew her longsword.

“One last thing before you go,” Ruby cried. “Kitty... I’m— I’m pregnant!”

“What?"

“Yes!” Ruby said. “And it’s not mine!”

--

(A/N READ AND REVIEW and if you steal my Agents i'll set my minis on you!! :PPPP)

Disclaimer goes here (dat claimer goes somewhere else entirely): All characters used are property of their respective creators. I claim ownership of nothing except altogether too much free time. =]

Content Warning: This fic is rated Mature, or 18 in civilised countries. If you're under the age, don't read it. This isn't difficult. =]

===

It vas beink ein fine summer's day in Responsezentrum Drei-Vier-Sieben vhen Doktor Trollenfisch, VhatThe agent extraordinaire, vas interrupted in his meditations on zer proper methods of Sue annihilation by ein knock at zer door. Puzzled by just who vould be appearing at zis hour, he sploshed out of his fish tank und opened zer Responsezentrum's door vizz ein carefully-shot pointy qwill, und zen he vas extremely surprised!

"Oh, Mein Doktor, I am thankink goodness zat you are beink here!" It vas beink zer Aviator, only it vas not zer Aviator zat zer average agent-about-town vould normally be seeink goink about her business smitink Suvians vizz laser fire und beink very sad about gettink to do so for ein living for some totally-inexplicable reason, likely to do vizz zer Time Var. For starters, she vas dressed in ein skintight leatherette vun-piece lingerie set, vizz hot pants ridink high upon her delectable, golden-brown thighs und decorative lacework formink zer bulk uff zer bodypiece. However, it vas by no means zer most notable change about zer Aviator's appearance, liebe Arceus no. Zat vould be zer boobs.

Lonktime connoisseurs of zer Aviator's jiggletacular Dalek-bumps vould be knowink zat zey vere beink ein dead heat in ein zeppelin race to begin vith, but now zer Aviator's bouncy funbumpers vere truly vomanly, vhich is to say, possessed of ein cleavage in vhich vun might conceivably lose ein medium-sized horse. Doktor Trollenfisch's eyes vere beink drawn irresistibly to zose perfectly gargantuan mounds of feminine perfection, und his eyes vere bulgink in in ein totally comedic manner! Und so vas somezink else.

"Ach, meine kleine FlugzeugundTARDISmädchen, vhat can I be doink for you?"

"Oh, Doktor, it ist beink zo terrible! Ever since I haff had mein leetle Elanor, I haff been zo svollen in zer chesticular region zat it has been beink impedink mein abilities in zer field, as vell as mein ability to see mein feet und fit through doors. In addition, zer mere presence of airflow flowink over zem ist beink makink me uncontrollably desirous of doink zer horizontal porkaroonie vizz every red-blooded beink of non-specific but generally male-coded gender in zer entirety of Headqwarters! Please say you are beink in zer possession of ein solution to mein two big, jiggly problems! You must! If you do not, I am not knowink vhat I am to be doink!"

Ein big und cheesy grin spread across Doktor Trollenfisch's face, und considering zat zer good Doktor ist beink 90% face by area, it vas havink qwite zer effect. "Meine kleine FlugzeugundTARDISmädchen, I am havink zer perfect solution. Be varned: it vill be takink ein qwite unbelievable amount of time, und vill reqwire you to be obeyink mein every instruction."

"Of course, Doktor!"

"No matter how strange it might at first be seeink."

"Of course, Doktor!"

"Or how much banoffee Angel Delight it might involve."

"Of course, Doktor!"

"Echt klasse!"

Doktor Trollenfisch und zer Aviator hopped into zer big inflatable paddlink pool full of orange-flavoured jelly zat zer Doktor vas in zer habit of usink as ein bed, und zen zer fun began. Zey did everythink togezzer: zer Bouncyfunnen, zer Canoodlespoonen, zer Fricklefracklepicklehiden, und even zer Boingokaspoingokadiddlymachen, vhich ist takink four hours to be completink in full, necessitates zer presence uff ein cardboard cutout uff Benny Hill, und ist beink illegal in many countries but not, thankfully for zer common-or-garden libertine, all of zem (zough it must be beink said zat ve are beginnink to hear vorrying rumblings on zer subject from zer Albanian Ministry of Veird Bedroom Activities). By zer time zat zer pair vere takink zheir fifth "Remembering How To Legs Und Vords" break, zer Aviator found herself sayink somezink she had not been havink said in several centuries.

"Doktor... I think I am fallink in love vizz you."

Zere vas only vun think zat ein good und noble Trollenfisch could be sayink to zat.

"Echt klasse!"

TO BE BEINK CONTINUDE!

[AN: this is my first fic! isn't it awesome! it's awesom!! I know! Give me good reviews please!]
Captain Deadly had been a Space Marine for 15 years with the spacwolves. He worked for the ppc since recently. He was busy romancing a female coworker (he often dated many people) when The Boss walked in. "Captain Deadly! he said, we have a dangerous mission for you." The Captain Looked Up At The Bosses Face. The booss was very tall, and the Captain was normal hieght. "yeah. Whatever. Give me the notes." The boss handed him the notes, and he looked at them. "This is dangerous." "I know. thats why we gave it too you." "okay." Captain Deadly went out into the cetral access room to access the room where the portals were kept, so he could go into the dangerous mission. He went in, and he saw a sue. He waited until the sue was married. then it was a marry sue. so he killed the marry sue, and went home.

(A/N: Personally, I would say that the entire reason anyone would read stories regarding Crim'ka and Cynthia was so that they might read a romance between the two, a romance which one can clearly see if they read anything in which the two are involved. Thus, I have decided to take matters into my own hands.)
Cynthia’s left, chocolate-brown orb was temporarily obscured as she winked at Crim’ka, her partner—indeed, supposing that Cynthia was successful, the practitioner of magic most dark and foul would soon enough be her partner in multiple manners.
“Why might you be winking at me so, my dearest friend Cynthia?” Crim’ka inquired, elevating a single brow in a manner most inquisitive.
“You see, Crim’ka, I was musing over something which I have been pondering for, frankly, far too long,” Cynthia responded, the manner in which she spoke seeming to be designed to lead to a question from her partner that he might understand what she meant in greater clarity.
“And what, Cynthia, might that be?” Crim’ka questioned inquisitively.
“Well,” Cynthia replied, twirling a bit of the ebony hair whose beauty was surpassed only by the assassin herself around her finger, “I was thinking of how close we are, how long we have been partnered together, how much we enjoy one another’s company, and I thought that perhaps… we could be soul mates; that is to say, that perhaps we are meant to be.” She paused to wait for a response, expression hopeful.
Crim’ka’s visage transformed in that moment from the color of fresh snow to the color of the roses that spring up after that snow has been melted by the sun which burns in an intensity not unlike the passion the agents felt for one another at the time of which I write. He threw his arms around Cynthia in an embrace which was, as both agents knew in their innermost hearts, long overdue.
“Oh, Cynthia!” the dark mage cried happily. “I was worried that you might never ask!”
Cynthia breathed a sigh of relief before partially separating herself from her partner that she might kiss him.
“I must say,” Cynthia said between kisses, “I did not expect, joining this organization, that I would find love with a character in a fanfiction of one of my favorite games.”
Crim’ka merely smiled and said, “Ah, Cynthia, truly, the most benevolent aspects of our reality arise in the strangest of circumstances.”
A bit more accurately, he started to say this; you see, dear reader, Crim’ka was interrupted partway through the last word in his sentence by his darling Cynthia kissing him once more, resulting in a muffling of his speech. Crim’ka, however, was not particularly offended regarding this particular fact. He was much too busy with the nigh-intoxicating pleasure and catharsis of finally kissing his beloved.
(A/N: Thoughts on the narrative I have authored? I was pondering if perchance the language is not sufficiently-sophisticated...)

AN: Hiiii all my lovely readers! I was missing out on Numey goodness so I decided it was time for another fic! I kinda have some ideas of what I want 2 do with this but nothing solid yet so I'll be asking you for ideas! ENJOY!

My name is Jessaminthe Layla Windflower Evenstar. I'm Arwen's sister and Elron'ds daughter and the princess of Rivendell.

one day I was walking by the river singing to myself.

"How can you see into my eyes like open doors? Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb"

I was ready to torhw my self into the river and drown. My father Elrond wanted me to marry Aragorn! Aragon was nice I guess but Aewen loved him more so I couldnt marry him and do that to her!!!!1 So I was walking by near the river to singing to myself. I was so sad and mad I didn't know what to do.

"Without a soul My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold Until you find it there and lead it back Home"

Suddenly...........

I was falling!!!!!!!

I WAS FALLING THROUGH A HOLE IN THE GROUND!

"AAAAAA" I screamed!

I covered my eyes as I fell!

And suddenly.....

WHUMP!!!

I was caught!!!!!!

I opened my eyes and felt my heart race! I was caught by the most handsome man I've ever seen!! He had glasses and gelled black hair, and his glasses had a red rim to them (I know they're green but red is just cooler) and he was smirking crooked at me. He looked like Andrew Garfield mixed with Chris Hemsworth and he was sooo hot. Like Edward Cullen or something. Yum.

"T-t-t-t-hank y-y-you f-f-or s-s-s-s-saving me", I stammered.

"Hey it was no problem", He said still smirking at me. "What's your name?"

"Jessaminthe Layla Windflower Evenstar", I said "But everyone calls me Jessa Or Jess".

"Jess is a beautiful name for a beautiful elf", The Man said, setting me down and kissing my hand(!) What a gengleman! :D "My name is Supernumberary and I'm an agent of the PPC"

I gasped.

AN: So what do you think? PLZ R&R! Next chappie she's going to meet someone else and then we'll start with the love triangle but we all know she'll end up with Nume in the end, lolol. Until next time! <3