Subject: Agent De Grasse
Author:
Posted on: 2012-08-29 10:09:00 UTC

Well gosh darn it, that spell the nurse cast didn't do much good to anyone. Gaspard thought it was the words "buff" and "harmony" that were to blame. For some strange reason now, the agents involved in the mêlée were displaying absurd amounts of power by shooting light out of their fingertips and belching rainbows in the general direction of their opponent.

In Gaspard's terrified salaryman mind, there were only two overriding orders: primo, to get out of the hot zone by any means and deuxio, to go back to work in his nice little office where nobody was going to laser off his face. If he wasn't as confused as he was now, Gaspard would have seriously questioned his decision-making process.

He reached for his briefcase and pulled out an Ender Pearl. These things allowed whomever threw them to teleport wherever the pearl lands at the cost of five Minecraft heart points. Self-injury-teleports were not encouraged by Medical, but Gaspard deemed it necessary to get himself out of the cafeteria as soon as possible. He gripped the pearl tightly. A perspective shift showed his eyes as he squinted at the gap between the mass of agents blocking the exit and the top of the doorway.

I can't miss this shot!

An appropriately suspenseful theme played in the background.

The junior agent wound up and pitched the pearl like a professional baseball player. It would have been a beautiful throw if an agent in the crowd hadn't deflected the pearl by accident with an upraised hand. The Ender Pearl was sent flying back towards the fight.

Gaspard's eyes turned into comically large white circles and a candidate for the multiverse's biggest sweatdrop trickled down the side of his head. Thinking quickly, he reached into his suit pocket and activated his Dead Ringer, hoping that the watch's damage-reduction system would shield him from the effects of teleportation.

Several things happened in quick succession.

Firstly, Gaspard teleported to where the pearl landed. The world exploded into purple, white, and black squares and for a few seconds the spy felt as if he was being crushed by a boulder. The world came into focus again as he hit the ground with a mighty slapping sound.

Secondly, the Dead Ringer performed its job admirably by absorbing most of the shock for the agent. It continued to do its job by dropping a fake corpse of the agent and turning Gaspard invisible for a few seconds.

Thirdly, somebody noticed the fake corpse and started screaming.

Finally, Gaspard flickered back into sight. Anime physics and the Dead Ringer had considerably reduced his actual injuries but he still felt as if he had been trampled by a herd of elephants. He crawled over to the nearby nurse and pulled on one of her pink stockings.

"Doctor? I don't feel so good."

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