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I proved the "it won't do any good" part, sadly.

~Neshomeh

...give the author Teh Smackdown over ff.net's review function.

Just need to keep repeating the mantra about how it's not professional and it won't do any good.

Why won't it stay dead? WHY? *weeps for biology and logic*

As always, heaping great kudos to you both for taking this on. You are my heroines. *offers your pick of her stash of goodies, including chocolate, dried mangoes, and assorted glazed nuts*

... On second thought, maybe you don't want to hear about nuts right now. My apologies. {= P

~Neshomeh

Duly sporked for your reading pleasure.

Our mission is never-ending. But at least this time I got to be an Archaeopteryx!

http://agenttrojie.livejournal.com/27129.html#cutid1

Enjoy.

Part of the charm of the PPC is its complete chaos. Individual veterans may help out struggling newbies, a la Trojie and the Department of Angst, but the lack of organisation is fun.

(Not to mention the fact that it makes it easier for us to explain away our little tweaks.)

Though I didn't write any of it, I just read it all in one sitting, and now I'm finding it difficult to spell correctly. I applaud the strength of those able to stand purposely making all those mistakes. Good thing most of us are already insane.

I've had Spanish for quite a while, and I'm getting quite good at translating Spanish-English. The reverse takes a little more work, but I would be happy to do that as well. Plus, I need the practice.

Most agents don't actually receive formal training. There is theoretical training, but mostly there is practical training, which consists of, "Here's the Manual and here's your partner's name and RC number. Good luck not dying." Hence the cruel and sadistic.

I'm sort of a traditionalist, I guess. I'd hate to see something with a history of chaos and insanity become too regulated.

Though I suppose if a group of seasoned agents took it upon themselves to help the hapless newbies, that could work. Good luck rounding up the newbies. O.o

~Neshomeh

Day-appropriate and Board-patriotic.

Maybe I'll help out in the competition this year. Stuff exploding is always fun! There's going to be a fireworks war in my neighborhood anyway!
Oh, and yeah, Independence Day is nice, too. (And light purple is red+blue+white, so I ttly am being patriotic.)

Hooray for Independence Day (tm)! It's the one day a year when I can blow things up on purpose. Yay arson!

but a training camp or something similar, with Agents coming in for basic training or a reminder of the rules that they have just broken. It's already been implied that PPC training is cruel and sadistic but, correct me if I'm wrong, it's never actually been shown. [/£0.002]

I occasionally consider raising the idea on the Board, but every time I think 'nah, we haven't got badfic for here anymore'. I always thought of it as a multi-authored thing, so everyone writes their own agents, but it would involve a lot of organisation, plus, there is a big obstacle, that being there isn't actually any PPC badfic. But it would be fun to write a PPC OFU. [/£0.02]

The black blade struck the evil Assassin full on the chest. Acacia stared down at it for a stunned moment, and then exploded into a vortex of dark fire. For a moment it seemed about to consume them all, but Jaycacia concentrated and a pink-purple glow surrounded it, containing it... but not enough. "Help me!" she cried out. "Mother, husband -- help me!"

Struggling to stand against the howling wind that filled the office, Jay clutched at her daughter's hand. "What can we do?" she cried.

"I told you!" Jaycacia replied. "The power... of love!"

Jay blinked uncertainly. "I do love you..." she said.

"That's not... enough," Jaycacia said, the strain showing on her face. "Have... to show--!"

I understand, the SO said, his tendrils already winding their way up Jaycacia's bare legs. Jay, I will show her down here. You must kiss her -- now! He wrapped a spare frond around Jay, pulling her close to Jaycacia's nude form. The older Assassin's hands pressed against her daughter's bosom as she kissed her hard on the mouth, feeling the younger girl responding eagerly. As her hands explored Jaycacia's body, the brilliant light started to overcome the darkness that had once been Acacia.

"More!" Jaycacia screamed. "I must have more!"

Gladly! the SO cried, plunging his tendrils--

~

Jay put the sheaf of paper down. "Does it get any better?" she asked.

Acacia peered across the table, trying to read the upside-down story. "Not really," she said. "You're nearly at the end, though."

"Yah-huh." The former Assassin glanced further down the page.

~

Bucking beneath her lovers' ministrations, Jaycacia felt the metal of the SO's desk, cold beneath her sweaty back. She gasped repeatedly as Jay's tongue--

~

"I don't want to read this!"

"Just skip to the end," Acacia recommended.

~

The trio lay upon the soft carpet--

~

"Carpet? Since when did the SO have a carpet?"

"Just. Read."

~

--upon the soft carpet, breathing heavily. The SO's tendrils were still tangled around the two women, touching and stroking their sensitive spots slowly. Is she gone forever? he asked quietly.

"I think so," Jaycacia replied in a murmur. "By your love for me, you have brought peace and safety to the PPC at last."

I am glad, the Sunflower said. And I am glad... to have you back.

"I'm glad to be back," Jaycacia said with a smile, and glanced across at her mother, sleeping soundly. "Do you want me to go back to my Response Centre now, my love?"

Hmm... perhaps not, the SO said. I've just realised that I'm in need of... let me see... a pair of assistants here in my office.

Jaycacia Thornbyrd smiled. "An excellent idea," she murmured, and fell into a deep sleep.

~

"... what, that's it?" Jay asked.

Acacia shrugged. "That's the end, apparently," she said. "The story's marked as 'complete', so."

"But she's still alive!" Jay protested. "Acacia, why's she still alive?"

"Because she's a Mary-Sue, Jay," Acacia said calmly. "Who did you think was going to kill her?"

"Well," Jay began, "we--"

"No," Acacia said firmly. "We're not going back again. No."

Jay raised an eyebrow at her former partner, then lifted her mug and drained the last of her coffee. "All right," she agreed. "I suppose this means there'll be another story from her next year?"

"Quite likely," Acacia concurred. "Want me to bring it to you?"

"Could you wait until daylight next time?" Jay asked plaintively. "Some of us have work in the morning."

"We'll see," Acacia replied, and grinned.

Sues so proudly impaled by the twilight's last gleaming!
Whose hair-stripes and eye-stars, through the perilous fight,
O'er the plotholes we watched, were so luridly streaming!
And the Agents down there, curses bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that HQ was still there!
Oh, say, does that blood-spattered halberd yet wave
O'er the urple and shiny, and the writing depraved?

... What? >.>

~Neshomeh, who apologizes the quality of the filk, since she pretty much did it on the spot.

We Brits have to wait until November to have a legitimate excuse for setting off fireworks.

Have fun, don't blow yourselves up and try not to kill any annoying siblings that any of you may possess.

I intend to fully live up to my username and blow things up in the name of patriotism and a little bit some a lot pretty much completely pyromania, who am I kidding. Mostly pyromania, little bit of patriotism.

Whoo fireworks!

I meant pulling another copy of the Canon characters from a Goodfic would only confuse the readers, and the PPC agents

Happy July 4th to all those agents located in America.

Canons may confuse the issue, but there are some of them who naturally resist Sue-influence, and it might be an idea to have them help you. For example, Gimli and Eowyn from LOTR, Gaspode from Discworld and Ron Weasley from Harry Potter are all noted for their anti-Sueishness.

And I don't think you can bring the characters from the Canon into the fic per se, becasue the fic is in the Canon world. It'd be a case of either killing off the Sue and releasing the characters from her influence, or (if there are character replacements) finding the real characters and rescuing them from the plothole they'll have been stuck in.

Still, if we can run one (which I doubt, because a lot of Agents are just too busy and the Flowers That Be wouldn't appreciate students in HQ) I'll sign her up.

But the only OFUs I know enough canon about to qualify for are already running, or discontinued- OFUM, HFA, Bel/Mal Tech and OFUR. I paged the first three before I found the PPC and realised they were closed, and I was a bit too late to join OFUR. Ah well, next year maybe?

If you really feel the need to join me in hammering Ellintiyra Lloysinthayr into a pulp, you're welcome. Little cow, taking over my head and trashing my carefully honed spelling and punctuation skills...

*puts on PPC jacket just to reassure herself that she's not really Ellintiyra*