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My heart is filled with utter sorrow and dispair that nothing intersting has happened yet. Come on!!!! No explosions!!!! No evil Sues coming in with nefarious hearts filled with glitter to ruin the budding romance!!! I want action!!! Not the kind of action that involves Zeb and Jacques getting in each other's tight, supple, cross-grained pants... *drools* I mean, I definetely don't want that because that's gross. Boys are gross. I'm gonna be an amazing Hunter of Artemis and never date boys ever. You should have a Hunter of Artemis. Or have them kill a Sue. Explosions!
Explodingly Yours,
Detachable Nosie-Wosie.

This is PPC fanfic, not Redwall. You've marked it as the former, for some reason (unless Morten is going to become an agent or run into some later?)

Also, uh, you might want to turn on your spellcheck. It'll help make your story easier to follow!

~A_u*

Zeb 3rd person POV

Zeb went with Jacques staring at his butt the whole way encased in well fitted trousers. Damn, but he was fit. Like a marble carved statue of a Greek god.

They went into the theater backstage and Zeb got to sit in the front row of the best seats in the house to watch as the dancers came out for Hamilton.

"Unfortunately Eliza's actress and understudy are both out with the flu today" the director said checking his clipboard. "So Jacques could you fill in for us while we go over Helpless?"

Jacques glanced at Zeb in the seats and his smile softened widened. "I would love to," he said and the dancers got into positions.

Ohh, I do I do I do I Dooo! Hey!
Ohh, I do I do I do I Dooo! Boy, you got me
Helpless!
Look into your eyes, and the sky's the limit I'm
helpless!
Down for the count, and I'm drownin' in 'em

Jacques' voice was rich and beautiful and left Zeb feeling goosebumps. Jacques definitely deserved all the awards he'd gotten he was so incredible it was like an angel come down to earth singing just to him.

Jacques began dancing and his body moved like magic as it ululated across the stage.

I have never been the type to try and grab the spotlight.
We were at a revel with some rebels on a hot night
laughin' at my sister as she's dazzling the room
then you walked in and my heart went
"Boom!"
Tryin' to catch your eye from the side of the ballroom
everybody's dancin' and the band's top volume.
Grind to the rhythm as we wine and dine.
Grab my sister, and whisper
"Yo, this one's mine."

Zeb pressed his hands to his mouth feeling his heart like it was about to burst. Jacques flowed like water up on the stage, gliding about it like wheels were on his feet he was such a fantastic dancer. Jacques spun and blew a kiss to Zeb who felt like he was going to faint at the image.

My sister made her way across the room to you (Oooh)
and I got nervous, thinking
"What's she gonna do?" (Oooh)
She grabs you by the arm, I'm thinkin'
"I'm through" (Oooh)
Then you look back at me and suddenly I'm
Helpless!
Look into your eyes, (Oh, look at those eyes, )
And the sky's the limit (Oh!)
I'm helpless, (I know)
Down for the count
And I'm drownin' in 'em.
I'm helpless! (I'm so into you, )
Look into your eyes, (I am so.)
And the sky's the limit (into you.)
I'm helpless!

Jacques 3rd person POV
Jacques was in his element singing and dancing on the stage and though he was used to performing for huge crowds each night this time was different, special. He wanted to impress just the one person and the one person was out there in the audience watching with big shining eyes and Jacques just wanted to scoop him up and kiss him tight.

There was just something about Zeb's mysterious charm and shyness that made Jacques feel like this one was special out of all the others he'd ever loved before. Zeb wouldn't use him for his fame and then leave. No, Zeb was here forever, and Jacques wanted nothing more but to make him feel special. So he sang and danced his heart out trying to woo over this stranger he'd seen come to the coffee shop so many times before with his quiet catlike grace.

Jacques didn't know much in life but he did know this: Zeb was the one until the end and he'd make sure that they were together forever.

So he sang and danced iinto the night and approached Zeb after it was all over.

"So" he said smiling as he leaned against the wall near the entrance "What did you think?"

A/N: Cliffie!! Muahahaha! Remember to R&R my lovelies <3 <3 <3

morten son of martin the warrior

a/n: i love redwall and wished i owned it. your prob not evan cool enoug to no what redwall evan is. sticks tongue out. its a obscur fantasy series about mice for kids butt its super dark and epic so its ok for a 15 year old to like and written by brian jacks rip. morten is my oc do not steal. REDWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

morten wuz martin the warriors son. he had his fathers sord and was the mightiest mouse at redwall. everytime he said redwall he woul say REDWAAAAAAAAALL and his friends would laugh but if you herd it and you was his enema you would die shortly imedietly. but it wasnt all sunshin and daisys for morten. his father had to raise him in secret cuz his mother was actually a cat (a/n: there where ratweasels in one of the books so it can happen). he was beaten up by bullies of redwall but then he killed him and people wanted him to die but then the a bot (not sure who this a bot is yet) sad 'no its' not our way" and he was forgiven and then an evil rate named Clooney the second sourged came. but then morten held a lift martins (his father) sord and beaten back CLooney. Now Clooney is back but as a bat(man, this story is gonna be epiiiiiic) and now morten must face donw his old menesis.

end, chap 1

a\n: wait for my chaprters! this is all i could get out before church. love yal and rememeber for REDWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL

Also I still don't understand this setup in the slightest. What are taguels and why do they target young women in cabins? What makes Merula decide what's-his-name struggles with being a monster and needs redemption love someone to feel bad for him? She's literally never seen this dude before, he just broke into their cabin, and she outright admits she's also scared of him!

(Yeah I know his name's Chenille, I just don't care.)

oooooh, their sooooo cuuuute! X3 <3333333i really want them to kss and cudlle alot now





(...ow, my sense of good taste)

My first fanfic I've posted here poease be nice no falmes read and reveiw



“I’m bored,” said Kat, “I’m going out.”

Edward and Mira sat on the sofa, both reading different harry potter books.

“Isn’t anyone going to say goodbye?”

“no,” replied Edward.

2Oh, said kit, “I’ll say it then. Bye.” She walked to the door leaving award and Mira alone together.

Fore a long while that as at in silence, both too absorbed int heir books to talk to each other, until finally Edward looked up.

“So,” he said, “tell me about yourself.”

“There isn’t much to tell,” said Mira, “I fell through a plothole and now I’m here.”

“Come on,” Edward said, “surely someone as pretty as you must haa a more exciting story than that.”

Mira blushed and turned d scarlet. “Thank you for the compliment,” she said, “but I’m really that pretty. You, on the other hand, you’0t so handsome – “

“Stop,” screamed Edward, “your embarrassing me!”

The moved closer to each other and were about to kiss when the door swung open…………………………………………

MWA HA HA HA HA! CLIFFHANGER! I WONT POST HTE NEXT CHAPTER UNLESS YOU REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!111111111111

(I apologise to my agents for this mutilation.)

That staff explosion has been something of an inevitable truth for a while, but never really confirmed until now. This also has the side-effect of rendering the SO's 'Implausible Crossovers has a dozen agents' line actually plausible again; if we estimate 900 agents before the recruitment explosion, and push half of them into Infrastructure (mostly Intelligence), that's 450 in Action. If half of those are Assassins, half of what's left are Slashers... okay, IC should be larger than the SO claims, but not ridiculously larger.

Was the Potterverse small at this point, or is Dafydd just unobservant? It could seriously go either way. He was a very specialised agent at this point - his only missions had been LotR and Discworld. And his department consists of him, a vampire, an archivist, and a small tree. I don't think he talks to many people. (Actually he probably doesn't, since he's busy trying to hide being a famous elf.)

Jenae Dumbledore is a deliberate loose end. I have no idea if I'll ever do anything with her, and if anyone else wants to pick up the story of a rogue Suvian who's been bopping around Hogwarts for 15 years, they're welcome to do so. :)

Confringo is fixed. (Incidentally, the use of Confringo! here is something of a cheat; it looks like the word only came into existence with Deathly Hallows. But I needed it for the gag to work, and nobody will notice as long as I don't say anything. >_>)

hS

On truth potions: they're pretty lazy storytelling when used to excess. "Why, Mr. Poirot, how could you think I was invol--?" [Truth potion to the face] "--yes, I killed him with a spanner in the ballroom."

Plus, Vemi is a trained Assassin. She likes elegant solutions, not simple brute force to the mind.

Yeah, Nesh asked for someone to write a mission into this so she could use Remus. It worked out pretty well.

SLAM was an act of desperation - I needed to shortcut through the boring bits of the mission, but didn't want to literally portal past them. This way, I got to further my anti-timejump agenda along the way. :)

One key thing about assassinations is that they have to be tuned to the story. Shawna and REBECCA! were highly inept, so just walking up to them would work out. If they'd been competent characters, or even just Death Eaters, the agents would have needed to be a bit sneakier. (Though how you do that when you've just hurtled across the room is... an opportunity for fun storytelling!)

Is Vemi a wizard? Nope! She is, however, prone to accidentally 'Sueing herself, turning herself invisible, and transforming into a Drow, so briefly being a wizard isn't exactly unusual.

(ROT13 explanation: Penfuvat Qbja erirnyf gung Irzv vf npghnyyl na nzarfvnp Znvn, onfvpnyyl n zvabe tbqqrff. Nyy gurfr curabzran ner ure fhopbafpvbhfyl vasyhrapvat ernyvgl gb or ubj fur srryf vg 'fubhyq' or.)

hS

Like many author insert agents, she's very good at manic violence, and not so good at expressing her feelings in a healthy way. She's working on it. (Or... was, fifteen years ago.)

The hiss... I see your point, but I don't know what to do with it. I'm trying to avoid slapping adverbs all over the place; what I'm going for is a fairly manic whisper.

I actually completely spaced that Jenae and Alexia were supposed to be different characters until my final checks. But yep, Jenae has this whole rambling story about how her sister was kidnapped. Aaaand we just left her in Hogwarts.

I'm sure it'll be fine.

I'm glad you enjoyed the mission!

hS

... I didn't even flag that they were in Hufflepuff. Yikes. o.o

Yeah, everyone is dead now. Six characters are bumped off in the space of a single paragraph, one goes crazy, and five more are sent to France. And then they kill Harry (and possibly Alexia? She vanishes so completely she might well be supposed to be dead) the next chapter. It's really bad storytelling.

I've thrown a 'briefly' into the splinter snagging; you're right that was a bit horrid.

I'm glad you enjoyed it!

hS

~Merula's POV~

Merula was so scaryed of the man that broke into their cabin. Sh was terrified but she had to act and protect her frkends even tho she was powerless she still had to try.she jumped up in front of them and looked at the man in the eye and said" No!! I will protect my friends,"

His eyes were mesmerizing.. . they were a deep ruby anr so sad, like they were crying out for help! Merula almost wanted to cry for him. But… She COULDN'T.

"What i your naem? He asked.

"Mweula", ahe stated confidently. She wasso scaryed she almost didn't!

But then he left by unlocking the door and ran off to th edark night. Merula ran after him and saw….. …….. ……...…… … …..
He transfromed into a taguel!!!!111!!1!!! .

No way it couldn'tbe, merula tought. But it was and she was so sad for him he must have been a monster!

But was hereally a monster or did he just think he was one?

End of chapter
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
A/N thank sso much to a freind for an idea for this!! Flams go intò a fire xDDDD

Purity and goodness conquer all. In the end, that is why the Christian K.N. Inquisition will succeed in the end.

I refuse to associate with unrepentant sinners. Thank you for your time, especially since you have so little of it left.

- Samaritian The Good Christian

I welcome all criticisms and ideas! I know I can be a little enthusiastic when it comes to showing how different characters can show their affection for each other, but I stand by it. Love conquers all, in the end!

You can really see the depth of the relationship Ix and Charlie have with each other! I also liked the transformation sequence; I know Ix normally has a hard time with the moon, so it's nice to see them let their hair down and their fur out once in a while :-).

I have no clue where you get off thinking that you could ever escape justice for the dirty deeds that stain your soul, but you're wrong. The Christian K.N. Inquisition will find you! They'll find you! And then you'll be the sorriest person alive!

...At least it's not The Lung Fic?

Also what's Chenille's issue? Is he a vampire? Hunterheart Changeling (look it up, it's cool)? Refugee from a generic slasher movie? I suppose some of that'll get answered next time, but I like knowing what I'm in for right from the start.

Don't you need to be 13 or older for a FanficWorld account? That aside...look, I'll be honest; this story's kind of a mess. You get points for focusing on Alice the horse to begin with since people don't seem to do that a lot, and some for the punny name and concept, but so far this just looks like a super-short version of the original except with a horse.

Which could also work! Lord knows there are plenty of talking animals around Wonderland. Just...just try to spell things better next time, all right?

Verdict: 2.5 painted rose bushes out of 5.

I very, very unfortunately know exactly the fic in question, and know that it is considered to be part of a series of other unrelated disturbing fanfics.
This is Phandom-related, as in the Dan and Phil "Phandom".
It stars Dan and Phil, two very popular youtubers (and real people!) as the main characters.

The original copy was either removed, or destroyed. Link presented to a duplicate copy rotted here: uggcf://jjj.dhbgri.pbz/fgbel/7249529/Gur-Ung-Svp/1
This piece has incredibly NSFW sexual content, gore, and a whole lot of nope. Unless you want to see your own breakfast again, I would not read.

As for the history!

The fic is currently around 4 and a half years old, and I might be wrong, but I think it was written in December of 2015? That's the earliest copy of it I could find, but it may be older. I think the author is the same of other notorious fics such as The Milk Fic and The Skin Fic (fair warning, searching these will immediately provide NSFW material.) They've garnered a lot of hatred and disgust from pretty much everyone (including the people written about, IIRC!). Honestly, I'd be down with calling this a legendary badfic. Saying the words "Hat Fic" around anyone who knows what it is is effectively using a dragon shout on them. It's bad.

Once again, this is incredibly disturbing. I'm pretty sure all of the fics mentioned above even have their own urbandictionary pages about them too, if you want to read those instead of the actual fics.

- Helsinki, scarred for life

I can't really say anything for any of the others, but looking up "The Hamster Fic" seems to lead to "The Hat Fic", which is a Real Person 'fic involving two Youtubers and some really disturbed stuff (NSFW, NSFST probably NSF4M and definitely NSFB). Thankfully I didn't have to read it as there was an Urban Dictionary article on it. Having read the Urban Dictionary article, I've promptly decided to not venture onto Quotev or Wattpad (which seem to be the only places currently hosting the 'fic).

"The Hat Fic" seems to be relatively well known, at least well enough to have at least 3 pages of Google worth of stuff about it if you type it in, although most of that seems to be from the "Phandom" which as far as I can tell are the people who like these two Youtubers stuff and possibly ship them as well. The 'fic seems to be from around 2015, or at least that's what the search results are saying.

Novastorme
P.S just after I wrote this (but before I posted) I decided to do a Search result for "The Cherry Fic" just out of curiousity (idiot me) as it came up as something related to "The Hat Fic". It's another fic involving the same two Youtubers being shipped together (at least). That's where I stopped looking as I assumed everything else would probably be along very similar lines (although I did see in the search results something saying "The Hat Fic" was definitely the worse of all of them. And also never to read it...

I didn't even think of using a Potterverse spell. To be fair, my agents didn't have wands with them anyway.

And thanks for reading! I'm glad you liked the tiny moments, especially the ending.