Subject: Pancakes! Chapter (5)5 - Caras Galadhon: Remastered
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Posted on: 2020-02-28 13:45:16 UTC

No reviews to reply to? :O Is this where I launch into overly-dramatic exhortations to Review Or It's No Pancakes For You?

... nah. There's such a thing as too 2003.


The Lord and Lady of Lothlorien sat in their audience chamber, listening attentively as Haldir explained a minor disturbance down by the Silverlode. Actually, Galadriel was doing all the listening, since back when they still lived in Doriath (had it really been nearly seven millennia? It barely seemed more than six!), Celeborn had mastered the art of sleeping with his eyes open. By now he was able to nod along with a serious expression, and even inject occasional semi-pertinent comments, all without waking up.

Something tingled at the edge of Galadriel's awareness, and she held up a slender hand, stopping Haldir in mid-word. It felt like... Legolas? Yes, Legolas was approaching, and he had a gift for her. Galadriel smiled, and nodded to the door-wardens. "Have no fear, my friends; the one who approaches is a friend of-"

SPLAT! SPLAT!

Celeborn started awake. Haldir stared in mute horror. The guards charged out of the door in pursuit. And, slowly, as if in a trance, the Lady of Lorien raised her hand to her face and touched the pasty mass that now covered it.

She peeled the syrupy mass away and stared down at it as it dripped onto her white dress and ruined it forever. "What," she asked, her voice twanging with tension, "is this?"

Celeborn cleared his own face and sniffed gingerly. "It smells... like..." he said, then paused as if in thought. Galadriel elbowed him, and he jumped, then finished his sentence. "... pancake?"

"No." Galadriel looked down at her sticky hands, then reached up and felt the syrup oozing into her carefully-styled hair. "No." She stood up, looking around, her eyes flaring in mingled anger and terror. "No. No! I cannot be... pancaked!"

Frodo and Aragorn burst into the chamber, Sam and Boromir just behind them, Merry and Pippin bringing up the rear at a leisurely jog. The Ringbearer took one look at Galadriel and drooped in despair. "Then we are too late," he said. "The evil has already come to this hallowed place."

"Companions... of the Ring," Celeborn said in his slow, impressive way. "What brings you... to Caras... Galadhon?"

Galadriel shot him a Look that by all rights should have burned him to ash, and her mind-spoken exhortion to 'let the grown-ups do the talking' pushed him firmly back into his seat. She turned to Frodo, drawing herself up to her full height and doing her best to ignore the blob of half-cooked batter dribbling down her cheek.

"Legolas has fallen to the Enemy," she said flatly, then frowned. "The... pancake enemy. And he is... do you mind?" This last was to Pippin, who had sidled past her and was trying to subtly shake Celeborn awake.

"Sorry, your Ladyship," the young Hobbit said, sounding anything but. "I was just asking if I could have his pancake."

Galadriel blinked. "You... actually eat these things?"

"Of course!" Pippin beamed at her. "I've never been one to pass up a good meal."

The Elf lady shook her head and wordlessly passed the remains of her own pancake to him. She turned back to Frodo, opened her mouth - then paused, closed it again, and glanced back at Pippin with a calculating look.

"So... Legolas thinks he can pancake us with impunity," she mused. "We shall have to do something about that - and I believe I have a plan..."


Of course I've doubled down on Narcoleptic Celeborn. It's far and away the best joke to come out of those movies.

hS

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