Subject: Pancakes! Chapter (5)7 - Finale: Remastered
Author:
Posted on: 2020-03-04 14:04:11 UTC

One last time, for one last review...

Thoth: It's actually quite shocking how little attention I gave the dwarves of Middle-earth in this; as far as I can tell, Gimli is the only one who gets SPLATted even in the Lost Pancake Tales! Utterly shameful. (Of course, I did make up for it a bit by having him hear the narrator in the short story 'Conflicts', but still!)

And here we go...


Legolas stood before the Lady of Lorien, head bowed. The fallen members of the Fellowship had been dragged from the field, leaving the two Elves alone, but the prince of Mirkwood made no move.

"Legolas." Galadriel's voice rang clear and pure through the glade. "Come back to us, son of Thranduil."

"My lady." Legolas looked up, his face wracked with pain. "I... I am..."

"Peace, my friend," Galadriel said, taking a step towards him and holding out her hand. "The Shadow has passed from-"

"--gotcha!" Legolas' hand swung out from behind him, and a pancake span across the lawn at a considerable fraction of the speed of sound. Sam cried out in dismay as it flew towards the elven lady, and:

ZZZAP!

"NO!" Legolas cried, as the ash of the pancake floated away on the breeze. "No, no, NO!" He dove for cover, flinging pancakes as he went, and desperation had filled him with supernatural dessert-chucking abilities. A dozen pancakes were in the air at once, trailing syrup, sauce, fruit, and in one case bacon, and it seemed impossible that Galadriel could stop them all.

She almost did. Ash fell like slightly sticky rain, and a radiant beam cut into the bushes to incinerate Legolas' stash. But even the Wise cannot see all things, and one pancake - just one - traced a high arc across the glade, avoiding everything the Lady could throw at it.

SPLAT!

The Fellowship of the Ring stared in mute despair as maple syrup dripped down Galadriel's face. The Lady of Lorien lifted one hand slowly and touched the pasty mass which now covered her hair. She swayed, and Frodo clung to Sam with fear that she would fall, and leave Legolas to take on the world.

"I." Galadriel's head rose again, and the light in her eyes was like a supernova. "Had just. Got that clean!"

A wave of light crashed across the clearing, unstoppable, unavoidable. The Fellowship tumbled to their knees, their balance lost. Celeborn woke with a cry as he was knocked from his feet. And Legolas was picked up by the power of Galadriel (not to mention a little something from her Ring) and thrown high into the air. A branch caught him on the head as he rose, and when he came down, he was barely conscious of Haldir binding his wrists and leading him away.

As the light faded, Galadriel turned in place, until she was facing the dishevilled Fellowship. She met Sam's eyes, then Gimli's, then last of all Frodo's, and gave a slight nod. "It is finished," she breathed, and collapsed in a dead faint.

~~~

Many days passed. Galadriel's healers worked on Legolas continuously without making progress, until at last the Lady herself, barely recovered from the battle, had to take a hand. The words of power she sang over the fallen prince rippled across the Golden Wood, a wave of forgetfulness that left Boromir unsure which of his father's sons he was, Haldir confused over whether he lived in Lorien or Rohan, and Sam distraught at being unable to recall precisely what his old gaffer would have said about the situation.

"The darkness is buried now," she said, standing before the Fellowship in the very same glade where they had fought so hard. Celeborn stood at her side, tall and regal and sound asleep. "My... spell," the Lady nodded slightly to Sam, "has driven the memory of pancakes so deep within Legolas that it will never emerge again." She paused, pursing her lips for a moment, and her hand rose to her neatly-styled hair. "But maybe keep him away from syrup for a while," she suggested. "And batter. And kitchens in general."

"Don't... let him... have pancakes," Celeborn said serenely, his eyes flicking sightlessly as he dreamed. Galadriel shot him an exasperated look, but nodded.

"Obviously, as my lord says, actual contact with pancakes will risk reawakening the evil that is within him. But that will hardly be a problem, as they are rare indeed in the annals of Arda."

Sam looked upwards, his face scrunching in thought. "Isn't that going to make it a bit difficult to reuse this canopy, your ladyship?"

Galadriel blinked at the Hobbit. "What canop-?"

SPLAT!

Galadriel dragged herself out from under the giant pancake, scraping the remains from her face. Around her the Fellowship were doing the same, and the large lump under the cursed dessert could only be her husband. Her hair was, if anything, even more ruined than before, and a cold fire burned in Galadriel's eyes as she drew in a deep breath.

"LegoLAS!"

The sound of elvish laughter faded into the woods as the Company set off in pursuit.


Frankly, I think I deserve a lot of credit for predicting 'Galadriel passes out after using her Ring' a good 11 years before Peter Jackson put it into The Hobbit.

I was seventeen when I wrote the original Pancakes!. Now the story itself has reached the same age; I think of this retelling as a birthday present, to both it and to you.

Namárië, and may your pancakes always meet their mark.

hS

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