Subject: Suddenly, a Dalek interrupts!
Author:
Posted on: 2014-01-20 07:19:00 UTC

(Not to shoot at the Councillors, of course. Humanized Daleks are more civil than that. Instead, the Continuity Council room's door flies open, and a single Strategist Dalek rolls fervently through to confront the assembled Time Lords.)

Fearn: HALT! HALT! WHAT IS THE MEAN-ING OF THIS TRANS-GRESS-ION!

Agent: What? Who let a bloody Dalek over here? And more importantly, who let a Dalek know where we were?

Fearn: FOOL-ISH TIME LORDS! IF YOU DID NOT WISH TO BE-COME VICTIM TO THE WON-DROUS TRACKING SKILLS OF A STRA-TE-GIST OF THE DA-LEKS, A CATEGORY WHICH IN-CLUDES MY-SELF, FEARN, YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE MADE YOUR TRANS-MISS-ION RECORDS SO SIM-PLE TO HACK!
HA
HA
HA

Fisherman: Wait, you hacked our communications?

Fearn: YES.

Fisherman: But there would've been no call to unless you knew we were planning something, and this is the first Council meeting, so no one would've even known we had any plans! Unless... have you been spying on one of us beforehand?

Fearn: IRRELEVANT.

Fisherman: I think it's perfectly rele-

Fearn: IRRELEVANT!

Disentangler: (sighing) Oh, wonderful. Fearn-

Fearn: THE TIME LORDS HAVE AS-SEM-BLED IN THEIR FEEBLE GA-THER-ING, AND IT IS WITHIN THE RIGHTS OF A SU-PE-RI-OR RACE SUCH AS THE DA-LEKS TO PROVE THE SU-PE-RIORITY OF THEMSELVES IN ALL THINGS, IN-CLU-DING CON-GRE-GA-TION!

Reader: ...What?

Fearn: IF YOU TIME LORDS ARE TO A-SSEM-BLE A COUNCIL OF YOUR GREATEST MINDS AND WARR-I-ORS, THE DA-LEKS, LED IN THEIR RIGH-TEOUS EFFORT BY MY-SELF, FEARN, SHALL A-SSEM-BLE A COUNCIL THAT SHALL MAKE YOURS SEEM AS IN-SIG-NI-FI-CANT AS DUST, TO BE-FIT THE TRUE STAN-DING OF YOUR PEOPLE IN COM-PARISON TO THAT OF THE WONDROUS DA-LEK RACE!

Reader: (to the Librarian) Do we even have enough Daleks for a council?

Librarian: Until a few moments ago, I was unaware that we had any whatsoever. (to Fearn) And I believe it would be a parliament, would it not?

Fearn: AS FOUNDER AND HIGH CHAN-CELL-OR OF THE CON-GRE-GA-TION OF THE DA-LEKS, IT IS MY SWORN AND NOBLE DUTY TO DECIDE WHAT SAID CON-GRE-GA-TION SHALL BE CALLED, TIME LORD!

Disentangeler: Oh, please. You're only "High Chancellor" because you're the only one on your so-called Dalek Council. Now, can you vamoose? We were almost getting to a-

Fearn: RE-CRUIT-ING OTHER DA-LEKS WAS AL-WAYS PART OF THE COUN-CIL'S PLAN! SPE-CI-FI-CALLY, THE FOURTH STEP IN THE GLORIOUS TEN-STEP PLAN FOR-MU-LA-TED BY MYSELF, FEARN, TO PROVE THE SU-PER-I-OR-I-TY OF THE DA-LEKS IN YET ANOTHER MATTER!

Reader: Being obnoxious?

Fearn: DON'T YOU START!

Morgan: (smirking) Notary, what are you getting in the minutes for this?

Fearn: ...IT SUD-DEN-LY STRIKES ME THAT YOU MAY NOT BE TAKING THIS AT ALL SE-RI-OUS-LY.

Agent: What was your first tip-off?

Fearn: TO BE HONEST, IT WAS PRO-BAB-LY THE POINT WHEN I WAS QUES-TIONED ON MY METHODS OF IN-FOR-MA-TION GATHERING RA-THER THAN DI-RECT-LY OP-POSED, VERBALLY OR O-THER-WISE.

Fisherman: So about ten seconds in, then.

Agent: Questions like those are usually meant rhetorically, Fearn.

Notary: Why are you addressing this interloper in so familiar a manner?

Agent: He doesn't have another name. At least, he hasn't got one he's not shouted at the top of his lungs three times now.

Fearn: I'D THOUGHT IT WAS AT LEAST FOUR.

Notary: It is not your place to speak here, Dalek!

Morgan: At least he's far more compelling than you were.

Notary: A DALEK?

Agent: I believe he's shouted that bit at least six times now.

Fearn: SEVEN! I RE-MEM-BER THAT ONE!

Disentangler: Of course you do.

Notary: Less compelling than a Dalek

Fearn: WATCH AS THE TIME LORD QUAILS AT THE MERE MEN-TION OF DA-LEK SU-PRE-MA-CY! VISIBLY SHAKES, EVEN!

Notary: I am not quailing!

Fearn: YES? PER-HAPS IT IS SUP-PRESSED RAGE AT THE NU-MER-OUS SAR-CAS-TIC POTSHOTS OF THIS FEEBLE IM-I-TA-TION COUN-CIL THAT DRIVES YOU. OR MORE LIKE-LY, YOU ARE IN DE-NI-AL!

Disentangler: Notary, don't encourage him.

Fearn: IT IS NO SHAME. DENIAL IS A TRAIT SHARED AMONG MANY OF THE IN-FER-I-OR RACES. WITH-OUT IT, YOUR COUN-CIL WOULD COLLAPSE OUT OF SHAME, CRUSHED UNDER ITS IN-EV-I-TAB-LE IG-NOM-I-NY!

Librarian: Wait just a moment!

Morgan: Hold on, Librarian. I've almost got it lined up.

Librarian: You have what lined up?

Morgan: Three... two... one...

(A dull boom sounds from under Morgan's seat, followed shortly by a barely visible ripple in space. The Dalek Fearn, who in his pace-like rolling about had unfortunately moved between the Tigereye Castellan spot on the table and the still-open door once every twenty-eight seconds, is propelled through the opening, not stopping until he hits the opposing wall with a thump. Triumphantly, Morgan stands up from her chair, places a faintly crackling apparatus on the table in front of her, walks over to the door, and loudly closes it.)

Morgan: Consider the Continuity Council defended. (sits back down) Now, where exactly were we? I could've sworn we were almost onto something.

Fisherman: Something about whether one of us gets more work, I think.

Agent: I think it was Dis who was getting something else to do.

Disentangler: And I suppose you'd quite like that, wouldn't you?

Fisherman: I distinctly remember something involving filing cabinets and duct tape.

(Outside the door, Dalek Fearn has shaken off the concussive blast, and has moved close enough to the door to hear the entirety of the last few seconds.)

Fearn: (abnormally quietly) YES. STEP THREE IN THE GLO-RI-OUS TEN-STEP PLAN TO AFFIRM YET ANOTHER AS-PECT OF DALEK SU-PER-I-OR-I-TY IS PROCEEDING A-PACE. NOW TO IN-I-TI-ATE STEP FOUR!
(rolling away)
Fearn: PER-HAPS O-MI-CRON WOULD BE IN-TER-ES-TED IN A COUN-CIL PO-SI-TION.

(I know, I know, I don't have any Time Lords on the Continuity Council, but I couldn't resist involving at least one of the PPC's Daleks. It was originally going to be a summary of how they would all react as a group, but then it turned into just Fearn, and then into a little script like the others in this chain. I hope it lives up to the standard of everyone else's! If it doesn't, I suppose you could all pretend it doesn't exist, since it is sort of off-topic to begin with.)

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