Subject: On it.
Author:
Posted on: 2014-01-22 11:31:00 UTC

Notary: Oh, quite a lot of things, renegade. Decency, decorum, the minutiae of laws regarding theft-

9th Doctor [seething]: What. Don't. I. Know?

Fisherman: How to juggle?

11th: Oooh, I know how to juggle, and I learned ages ago, which means he probably does too.

Notary: And in what way could that possibly be considered to be relevant?

11th Doctor: I just wanted to make a contribution.

Notary: Then kindly refrain from making any more, they're neither wanted or needed.

Morgan: Notary?

Notary: Yes?

Morgan: Glass houses, Notary.

Notary: Excuse me?

9th Doctor: Oh, I see what you're doing. It's a distraction. Very clever, love the bickering, really makes it believable.

Morgan: ... You think I'm faking how much I hate that b-

9th Doctor: But it's not going to work, now TELL ME!

Notary [sighing]: We can't, renegade.

9th Doctor: Can't or won't?

Notary: Choose whichever answer is most amenable to you; the consequences are the same.

Morgan: It's about your future, if that helps. Don't want to spawn any paradoxes in HQ, the janitors hate having to clear 'em up.

9th Doctor: Nice try.

11th Doctor: Look, ears-me.

9th Doctor: You what?

11th Doctor: Just... me, then. There's a lot you can't know. There's a lot you have to do before you can get to where I am.

9th Doctor: Does that include getting my dress sense erased?

11th Doctor: Hey, bow ties are cool - doesn't matter. The point is, the actual pointiest point of it is, that... well, not everything stays dead. You can't know how I know that until you're standing here on my side of the room.

9th Doctor: Heh.

Disentangler: Uh, did I miss the funny part?

9th Doctor [smiling wide, but with the anger of a god behind his eyes]: Not at all. It just... makes sense. I met a Dalek a few days ago, well, a few days ago for me, subjective time and so on. It thought it was the last, they're never the last, so what we did... what I did... it was all for nothing, wasn't it? All for absolutely nothing. We lost. The Time Lords lost. And that's the biggest joke of all, isn't it? That we all fought and died for absolutely nothing.

11th Doctor: I'm-

9th Doctor: Sorry? Is that the word that was going to dance merrily out of your mouth? You're sorry?

11th Doctor: No. I'm just going to let you believe all that because you're not ready to accept how wrong you are about it. Not yet. Not for a while.

9th Doctor: ... How wrong?

11th Doctor: I can't say. You know I can't. You know the rules.

9th Doctor: Hmph. Well, when have either of us cared about the rules?

Notary [shoving a hand in her pocket]: Councillors, let us put it to a vote. All those in favour of, in theory, informing the younger Doctor of his homeworld's fate?

[A few hands rise. Morgan gapes at the Notary.]

Morgan: You've snapped. You've finally up and snapped-

Notary: [whispering to Morgan] I have an idea, one I'm surprised you didn't think of. [louder] And those opposed?

[An equal number of hands]

Notary: Tigereye Castellan, you have the deciding vote.

Morgan: I... vote in favour.

Notary: Excellent. The motion is carried. Older Doctor, it is the will of this Council that you explain the events of the Last Day of the Time War to your younger self.

11th Doctor: But... what about-

Notary: This Council will hold you in its contempt should you not do so.

11th Doctor: Oh, will it now?

Notary: Yes it will. Chop chop, renegade. You're running late.

[The 11th Doctor sighs and shakes his head, then begins to tell the 9th Doctor what happened in the serial Day Of The Doctor. The latter is so engrossed in the telling that he doesn't notice the Notary palming something from the pocket of her robes. Finally, the tale ends.]

9th Doctor: They survived?

11th Doctor: Locked away, outside of time. But this is your future, and you shouldn't know it.

Notary: And you won't.

9th Doctor: What- [He is interrupted by a flash of red light. The Notary tucks her neuralyser away in her pocket and begins to set up some details]

Morgan: Huh. That was kinda obvious, now that I think about it. Wait, where did you even get that?

Notary: Stores. I filled out the requisition forms in triplicate some time ago as a matter of course.

Agent: Is that how you get off or something? I mean, glass of wine, smooth jazz, rose petals leading up the stairs to some 15-Bs that have to be filled in, that's romantic to you, right?

Notary: Were it to be so, Amethyst Keeper, I guarantee that you would be the last person I choose for such an endeavour.

Agent: Oh, thanks.

Notary: You are quite welcome, Amethyst Keeper.

9th Doctor: So, fun as all this was, it doesn't answer the question: how did both of us get here?

Fearn: THROUGH THE WORKINGS OF SUP-REME CHANCELLOR FEARN, SUP-REME CHANCELLOR OF THE HIGH COUNCIL OF THE DA-LEKS!

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Tune in next week for the shocking continuation of... er... whatever we're calling this thing that we do.

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