Subject: I blame Toey (nm)
Author:
Posted on: 2018-01-07 12:28:00 UTC
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Second round of Promptings? by
on 2017-12-28 23:44:00 UTC
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To Evil End Turn (Shadows of Regret) by
on 2018-01-11 20:04:00 UTC
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Re: prompt by
on 2018-01-12 12:22:00 UTC
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Thanks! by
on 2018-01-13 19:22:00 UTC
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Glad I could inspire more writing! by
on 2018-01-14 02:55:00 UTC
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(to anyone wondering why my IP is different...) by
on 2018-01-13 19:40:00 UTC
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(...that would be because I now have a VPN and it was on. Still me. Don't worry. All is well. I'm happy to confirm it's me via gchat or something as well, if necessary now or in the future--so far I've been leaving it off to post on the Board, but there's every chance I'll forget again, so...yeah. Heads up! ~Z)
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And here's my shot at it. by
on 2018-01-09 22:56:00 UTC
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I like this by
on 2018-01-11 15:00:00 UTC
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Re: prompt by
on 2018-01-10 15:37:00 UTC
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Thank you. by
on 2018-01-12 23:06:00 UTC
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"When will I see you again?" by
on 2018-01-04 20:11:00 UTC
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Re: prompt by
on 2018-01-10 01:26:00 UTC
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That's one reason... by
on 2018-01-11 03:26:00 UTC
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If you know 40k, you can understand/infer the rest of the reasons it might hurt. Erek either died long ago in peace, or was a casualty in The Burning of Prospero, which was the final straw that lead Thoth's legion to join Chaos (not exactly willingly... it's complicated). Not to mention all the repression Space Marines have of all sorts of emotional stuff, which means any meetings they may have had would have been painful.
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Poor Thoth by
on 2018-01-06 17:24:00 UTC
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"Odd" by
on 2018-01-04 02:11:00 UTC
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I liked this, too! by
on 2018-01-11 15:56:00 UTC
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You know it's the PPC when . . . by
on 2018-01-12 12:01:00 UTC
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. . . when we're providing concrit to a short story from 1844 written by an author who's been dead for a century-and-a-half-plus.
Although considering the Angel's weird speaking mannerisms and mixture of different accents within single sentences, I have to wonder: maybe the errors were intentional?
—doctorlit approves of posthumous concrit, though -
Review by
on 2018-01-06 17:39:00 UTC
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Minor typos: " though
the" in the first line and "DIS" -> "DIA" (as you know, DIS never existed)
Now, my thoughts here are basically that this was a nice, surreal, thing that fits in the setting of the PPC rather well.
- Tomash -
Not, the DIO never existed. by
on 2018-01-07 20:37:00 UTC
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The DIS was Internal Security, they were awful. The DIO was - well, wasn't, because it never existed - ... wait, why am I doing this? I can think of at least five reasons not to.
Y'know, never mind. You go on, nothing to see here. :-)
*Nita -
I'll just be on my way then. (nm) by
on 2018-01-07 21:50:00 UTC
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Woooow, that is a horrendous typo. by
on 2018-01-07 12:42:00 UTC
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I remember catching myself before typing "DIS" the first time I wrote the acronym. I don't actually remember typing it the second time, so I'm not sure if it was a finger slip from the "a" to the "s" key, or a brain slip from "Dúros Black" to "Black Cat." Ugh.
—doctorlit, embarrassed -
A typo you forgot. ;) *takes the mini-Boarder* (nm) by
on 2018-01-06 20:25:00 UTC
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I blame Toey (nm) by
on 2018-01-07 12:28:00 UTC
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I enjoyed this! by
on 2018-01-05 16:03:00 UTC
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Thank you! by
on 2018-01-06 12:38:00 UTC
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I'm glad it "worked." I know it's an utterly bizarre story, especially for me, but . . . I was puzzling over the prompt at work and it just kind of surfaced in my brain. I read my Complete E.A.P. way back in high school, so I don't know what brought the Angel of the Odd back into my consciousness last week . . . At least Larfen got a character out of this?
—definitely getting all of these reviewed, at least by the end of his next weekend -
Took a try at it :D by
on 2017-12-31 03:45:00 UTC
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My thoughts as I was doing this: Hey, what could go wrong, hmm? The answer: Everything! XD Much thanks to Iximaz for beta-ing. As this is five pages long, I shall post in Google Doc form. Hope y'all enjoy!
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1j6m06xLaikiDOoxdI81g6_Ps1LYOXgnZpli8BslVPG4/edit?usp=sharing -
Review by
on 2018-01-07 17:34:00 UTC
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Re: prompt by
on 2018-01-01 12:43:00 UTC
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My turn! My turn! by
on 2017-12-30 21:40:00 UTC
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Mini-review by
on 2018-01-07 18:04:00 UTC
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This was a nice scene. You did a good job of getting across all the relevant information throughout the piece without dumping exposition.
The bit at the end was unexpected and awww.
Doc already caught the typo I noticed.
- Tomash -
Re: prompt by
on 2018-01-04 12:18:00 UTC
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LOVE IT by
on 2017-12-31 05:33:00 UTC
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This was adorable! I loved all the imagery, especially the Flamel Fountain, and the dialogue at the end was A+. This was so heartwarming! :D
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A 6:00AM (timezones!) piece by
on 2017-12-30 02:57:00 UTC
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Re: prompt by
on 2018-01-04 12:53:00 UTC
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Teeny tiny review by
on 2017-12-31 02:50:00 UTC
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So I like the stylistic choices you were making in the end. Those really brought to life the desperation and the emotion Kara was feeling. You have some syntax I frown upon- in particular, the "don't worry Mum!" in the 4th line looks to me like it should be "don't worry, Mum!" Other than that, I really like it! It starts of pretty typical PPC, then it's got some foreshadowing, and it ends with a pretty big punch. I like it :D
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Re: Teeny tiny review by
on 2017-12-31 02:55:00 UTC
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The lack of comma was to show how fast Daichi was saying it, I believe they're usually used for slight pauses.
Thank you! I aim to torture my readers, apparently. -
Not much to add that Matt didn't already cover. by
on 2017-12-30 19:50:00 UTC
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There is one thing I will note, though—why did the Sue leave her sword in Daichi's body rather than taking it with her?
The ending was definitely this piece's strongest point. Kudos for that. :) -
Re: Not much to add that Matt didn't already cover by
on 2017-12-30 21:32:00 UTC
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The Sue could be one of 'em summoner types. Summoning swords and all. Or she had multiple swords, take your pick.
*cackles* -
Re: A 6:00AM (timezones!) piece by
on 2017-12-30 14:41:00 UTC
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Much appreciated by
on 2017-12-30 17:40:00 UTC
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Thanks for the concrit! (Also, that Sun is creepy.)
I will admit that I could've done better description wise - 6AM copout can be used here. Thanks for givin' me a few pointers, will be sure to take that into account next time. ^-^ -
Channeling my inner awkward. by
on 2017-12-30 02:36:00 UTC
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Re: prompt by
on 2018-01-07 12:30:00 UTC
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Search for a Lost Childhood (cw: implied abuse) by
on 2017-12-30 01:12:00 UTC
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Re: prompt by
on 2018-01-09 22:31:00 UTC
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Thanks for the feedback! by
on 2018-01-11 07:06:00 UTC
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Gosh, I feel like I should've made the connection to Algie. (nm) by
on 2018-01-11 12:04:00 UTC
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Yowch. Poor kid. by
on 2018-01-07 21:10:00 UTC
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You did a good job of showing Agamemnon's mental state and what I'm presuming are the rather unpleasant effects of ... something bad.
- Tomash -
The something bad was just growing up under a Sue. (nm) by
on 2018-01-11 07:06:00 UTC
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*shudder* by
on 2017-12-30 20:45:00 UTC
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Everything about Lilianna gave me the worst creepy-crawly feeling down my spine... which I suppose means you accomplished what you meant to do. My heart goes out to Agamemnon. Poor kid. :(
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*cracks knuckles* by
on 2017-12-29 15:14:00 UTC
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Re: prompt by
on 2018-01-10 00:59:00 UTC
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This is very simple, kind of like the basic setup of this type of scene. It works, but I don't find myself getting very invested . . . which may just because I haven't been keeping up with the #Rudis logs, and don't really know of Dax, much. At least having access to portals in HQ, Dax is ironically more able to visit than she would be from a skyship, despite being on a different world!
—doctorlit hates this type of goodbye in real life -
That was nice by
on 2018-01-07 21:45:00 UTC
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I don't have too much to say other than it was a nice, well-put-together short scene. You did a good job of showing everyoen's emotions through their actions, I'd say.
I also like the casual genderfluidity in the parenthetical.
- Tomash -
N'awww by
on 2017-12-30 21:44:00 UTC
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I mean, I am hooked. I am interested, and it's good to see a main character whose parents are still alive...
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Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. No! Ixi, do NOT get any ideas from what I've just said! -
Here's my go. Hope you enjoy. by
on 2017-12-29 00:08:00 UTC
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Re: prompt by
on 2018-01-10 01:09:00 UTC
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That was a nice stream of consciousness thing by
on 2018-01-07 22:05:00 UTC
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It was rather short, so I don't have too much else to say about it.
Though that was something of a long paragraph at the end. You maybe could've used a lot of two-ish sentence paragraphs to complement the punchy feelings from the sentence fragments you have going.
- Tomash -
This was good. by
on 2017-12-29 22:33:00 UTC
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The only thing I would change is I would break up that wall of text at the bottom. I liked how we didn't need a whole lot of backstory on these characters to understand what was going on.