Subject: The Reader, Jacques Bonnefoy, &Dawn McKenna walk into Rudi's
Author:
Posted on: 2019-02-26 04:21:00 UTC
...and straight into an interview!
Dawn (D)
Jacques (J)
The Reader (R)
1. Ahh yes! Welcome to the interview! Please introduce yourself: name, species, continuum of origin?
J: Bit specific, isn’t it?
D: Well, yeah, but you do get much the same from a CAD reading. Hi! I’m Agent Dawn McKenna—
J: /snickers/ Sorry. There was a moment where I heard that as ‘Agent’ being a part of your name.
D: Fine, okay, I’m Dawn McKenna. Human, from World One. Canada, to be exact!
J: And I’m Jacques Bonnefoy, immortal fifty-first century human from...hm. I never know whether to say ‘Doctor Who’ or ‘Torchwood’.
R: I believe ‘Torchwood’ makes more sense. Er, I’m the Reader, a Time Lady from Doctor Who. I was really only intending to get a drink—
J: /smiling/ I think you’re stuck being interviewed with us now. You can always get that drink after.
R: /sighs/
2. So, what department are you in, and who is your partner?
R: /sighs again/ I’m in the DIC, together with my partner Kozar.
D: DMS! No partner, though if you could somehow make that change, please do.
J: I’m in ESAS. Also no partner, but open to suggestions. /winks/
3. Let’s start with the basic questions. How old are you?
D: Yeah, alright. Sorry. I’m...wow, twenty-six now. Still not used to that.
R: I am...I believe it’s now one hundred-fifty-five?
J: Oh, so you’re *young*! /grins/ Me, I’m a hundred-seventy...something. I’ve lost track a little.
4. Height and weight?
J: I feel like I’m giving you details for a dating profile, or something. Six feet tall, and I can’t say I’ve bothered stepping on a scale in a while—it doesn’t really change, unless I haven’t died in a while. Might be about 75 kg?
D: I am *not* doing this in kilograms. I don’t even *know* my weight in kilograms. I’m a few inches over five feet, and about...120 lbs? I don’t think much has changed since the last time Medical did a physical.
R: /sighs/ I am taller than Dawn and weigh a little more as well. May we move on? Please?
5. Sexual orientation?
D: Oh Lord.
J: /grins/ So this *is* for a dating profile? I’m interested in just about everyone.
R: /sighs/ It varies by regeneration. My current self has a strong preference for Naya.
6. IQ?
R: High. I *am* a Time Lady.
J: Ooh, speciesism. Kidding! I’m kidding. And no idea, never saw the results. High enough, I should think.
D: When did you get IQ testing?
J: Back at the Time Agency, actually.
D: Wow.
J: How about you? Ever had your brain evaluated?
D: Not that I remember.
R: In that case, let’s move on.
7. Bra size? / Boxers or briefs?
D: /starts going pink/
R: …*why* is this necessary?
J: /laughing/ It’s the return of the dating profile questions! /winks/ I’m going to go with ‘neither’.
D: /groans/ You *would*. And I’m not answering this. The Multiverse Monitor doesn’t need to know my *bra size*.
R: /eye roll/ 34B, I believe.
D: But now I look bad for being the only one refusing to answer!
J: /raises eyebrows/
D: ...bloody hell. A little, um, larger than what the Reader said, can we *please* move on?
8. Let’s cut the boring questions. Firstly, how many weapons are currently on your person?
R: ...I have a sonic penlight? It’s purple.
D: I think I’ve still got the Muggle-Use wand from my last mission—yup, here it is. Nothing else right now, if you don’t count the neuralyzer. That’s also from the last mission.
J: I’m carrying three, not counting a neuralyzer and remote activator.
9. Are you wanted for any crimes?
D: /looks at the Reader; both shake their heads/
J: /smiles/ Cool thing about not being Jack Harkness is that any crimes he may have—
D: You are not.
J: ...no, I’m not. Even in my memories of being him. Banned from some places, yes; wanted for actual crimes, not that I’m aware of.
D: Good. Moving on, then...
10. And the age-old ‘Are you a virgin?’
D: I regret everything. No, I’m not.
R: Neither am I, though I hardly think it’s anyone’s business—
J: Me, I’m quite happy to have this be everyone’s business. I haven’t been a virgin in well over a century. /winks/
11. Do you ever fantasize about same-sex relations?
J: /cheerfully/ Whenever I’m not having them!
R: ...I am a Time Lady. Time Lords as a species typically have very low libidos, and therefore have no need of fantasies.
J: What, never?
D: /grinning/ Well, hardly ever!
R: I know that reference!
D: Ooh, you like Gilbert and Sullivan? They’re the *best*, and there’s so little badfic—
12. /loudly/ Lovely. So, what is your favorite curse word?
J: How to *choose*!
D: /poker-face/ I don’t swear. Ever.
R: I prefer to make up my own, primarily using terms which insult Rassilon.
D: Aw, no help with the Pinafore reference this time?
13. When was the last time you threw up?
R: Er. I might have accidentally eaten a biscuit made for Naya’s metabolism rather than my own a few months ago…
J: You know, I think I’ve forgotten.
D: There was a mission. Time shifts everywhere. I really, really don’t want to talk about it, because then I’ll have to think about it, and it was *so unpleasant*.
14. Have any mental illnesses?
/all three exchange glances/
J: Let’s...leave that between ourselves and our potential therapists, shall we?
R: Yes. Next question!
15. What is your biggest phobia?
D: /groans/ Really? Seriously, why is this relevant?
R: Time Lords have no phobias.
J: That is a blatant lie, and I love it. Next question!
D: /whispers/ He has a phobia of revealing his phobias.
16. Do you crossdress often?
J: /grinning/ Define ‘often’.
R: No. Er, to the question. Also, you crossdressed to play Calpurnia.
J: That I did! I really should do it more often. And wear togas. Togas are fun.
D: I’m going to assume wearing pants doesn’t count, but I do use male Elf or Uruk or whatever disguise on missions sometimes—though I’m not so sure *that* counts, either? What do you think?
J: /shrugs/ It could count. Anyway—next question?
17. Have any addictions?
/a collective no/
18. What is the closest you have ever been to dying? Or have you ever died?
J: /leans back in his chair and starts to laugh/
R: I’m on my fourth regeneration, and have had a number of narrow escapes as well.
D: I, uh, no, I’m...I’ve never died. I think my closest call was nearly being too slow to portal away from an explosion one time?
19. Have the FicPsych nurses ever taken you away?
/another collective shaking of heads/
20. Are the FicPsych nurses after you?
J: No—too professional, mostly. Or maybe they’ve just decided to let Jenni represent them…
D: /to the Reader/ They’re not after me that I know of—are they after you? No? Great, let’s keep moving. I’m getting hungry.
21. Do you snore?
J: Nope!
D: I bet you do. I bet when you’re really deeply sleeping, that’s when you start snoring.
J: ...how much are you willing to bet?
D: Two bars of Swiss bleepolate and a pizza?
J: Make it two pizzas, and we have a deal.
D: Done. Ooh, we could make it a proper sleepover!
J: /laughing/ Sure, why not? We can braid your hair and eat marshmallows.
R: ...I don’t believe I snore. If anyone’s interested.
22. Are you drooling right now?
D: /wrinkles nose/ I know he just mentioned marshmallows, but I don’t like them *that* much.
J: Same.
R: ...I’ve never had a marshmallow.
D: Really? That’s a shame. They’re pretty great toasted!
23. Let’s say that HQ was about to explode, and you could save one other person in here. Who would you choose?
R: /a little pale/ Naya. In my TARDIS. Terabyte lives in her suit, and...Emiranlanoamar has proven himself capable of surviving everything else thus far. I have faith he could survive another explosion, were one to occur—and if not, *I have a TARDIS*. We could go back. We *would* go back.
D: /has also paled; pats the Reader’s arm/ Good answer. Let’s—Jacques, you’ve got the vortex manipulator; you could make several jumps, couldn’t you?
J: In theory, yeah. I’d go evacuate as much of the Nursery as I could first, then...well. You know who my friends are.
D: Yeah. /quiet pause/ If you’ve got the Nursery, then I’d save T’Zar. She’s—family, by now.
J: /nods/ You get T’Zar; I’ll get as many kids and agents as I can.
D: Hypothetically.
J: Of course. Hypothetically.
24. When was the last time you used the toilet?
/the serious mood is broken by snickers/
R: /deadpan/ Time Lords do not need toilets.
/more laughter/
25. Have you ever kissed a girl? / a boy? / another species??
J: Yes, yes, and yes!
R: Yes, no, and yes. But then, most people here aren’t Gallifreyan, much less Time Lords...
D: ...no, yes, and no. Next question!
26. Did you like it?
J: /grins/
R: /shrugs/ Well, I *have* continued to do it…
D: What she said, but past tense!
27. The little voices in your head. Do you talk to them?
/all three exchange looks/
D: Why don’t we just...keep going?
J: Yeah, I think hypothetical voices can also be kept between ourselves and our potential therapists.
R: /nods/
28. Were you made fun of in school? Why?
D: /shrugs/ Not really? I mean, a little, but not all the time. It was mainly because I was new and a little bit different in how I dressed and stuff. I don’t think it lasted too long—not years, anyway.
R: I… /sighs/ I wasn’t the most popular, perhaps, but I took very little notice of the sort of people who disliked me, so…
J: Very, very rarely. I was pretty good at shutting down things like that, and I was popular enough to begin with, so… /shrugs/ I certainly don’t remember it getting me down, so it couldn’t have been all that frequent.
29. I can’t think of a question to ask you. Have any comments?
R: Please just finish up. I would like to have my drink today, please.
30. This interview has ended? Are you gleeful? Or would you like to complete our 100 question survey over thumbtacks?
R: /gets up/ I’ll be getting that drink, now. See you around.
D: /waves to her/ See you! Well, that was...oh, look, it’s our food! Finally!
J: /leans toward the interviewer/ I’m not interested in the survey or the thumbtacks, but I’d be perfectly happy to spend some more time with you later… /winks/
---
More to come! But only in ones or twos, I think. I can't see doing another group of three, especially conceived of as a live interview. Believe it or not, I actually cut this one down a bit.
~Z