Subject: Reply from Summer Sterling and Nickie Hedge
Author:
Posted on: 2019-02-22 03:33:00 UTC
S: My name is Summer Sterling, and I'm apparently from what y'all call World One. I just call it Earth. 'Cause. It's Earth. Yeah. Also I'm human.
N: My name is Nicholas Hedge! I'm from everywhere, and I'm everything! *hair turns purple*
S: Nic, no.
N: Nic, yes!
2. So, what department are you in, and who is your partner?
S: Freelance. Nic here is my partner.
N: Also Freelance! And Summer is my partner. He's so shiny.
S: Ooookaaaay.
3. Let’s start with the basic questions. How old are you?
S: God, it's been a long time since I've thought about that. Uhh... No idea how time works around here. I'm gonna say... 23? That sounds right.
N: I've been for a long time! Probably before I even was.
S: Nic. What just came out of your mouth.
N: Words!
S: Oh boy.
4. Height and weight?
S: 5'6", 200lbs. I'm American, so sue me. Also, I deadlift. Call me, boys.
N: Uhh... well, I really like being tall! So I'm usually tall. The tallest I've ever been is eight feet! But that was too tall. I'm also really thin because I like feeling like a reed.
S: I have to pick him up a lot. I'd say his average weight is around a hundred ten, a hundred twenty pounds. He's alarmingly skinny for how tall he likes to be. And yes. It varies.
5. Sexual orientation?
S: Gayer than a box of chocolates.
N: Everyone is so pretty!
S: I'm pretty sure that means pan? This... guy is allergic to straight answers.
S: Pff. I'm a comedic genius.
N: You are?
6. IQ?
S: I got tested once when I was pretty little... I think they said something about "above average." Honestly, I have no clue. How about this: My IQ is sufficient for my occupation. Good?
N: What's an IQ?
S: ...That's actually a great question, Nic. I don't know.
N: You like to put my answers in words that make sense, so what do you think would make sense here?
S: I really don't know, Nic. You're a special one. Honestly, if I had to guess, I'd say it's freakishly high.
7. Bra size? / Boxers or briefs?
S: Briefs. I like all my stuff to keep still, thanks.
N: Boxers! They're so comfy!
8. Let’s cut the boring questions. Firstly, how many weapons are currently on your person?
S: Well, I have my bowie knife on me right now, and I have a sharp-ish pin in my hair that works in a pinch. So technically one, but maybe two.
N: I don't use those!
S: You really should, you know. You get hit pretty hard on missions. I'm not always gonna be there when the... stuff hits the fan.
N: It's okay, Summer! I'll be alright. I worry about you more! You are so squishy, and you live so bright, but when you get hurt you go so dark and cold.
S: *frowns*
9. Are you wanted for any crimes?
S: No.
N: Maybe? I don't know! Ooh, Summer! What if we go somewhere and they want to put me in the bars? That would be so cool!
S: One, not cool! Two, Nic... that is NOT how jails work.
10. And the age-old ‘Are you a virgin?’
S: No.
N: Nope!
S: What. No. I refuse to believe this. You are too precious.
N: *smiles, pokes him in the cheek* Don't be silly, Summer.
S: I'm nawwwt!
11. Do you ever fantasize about same-sex relations?
S: Oh yeah. Ohhh, yeah.
N: Oh! You mean how Summer is always thinking about sex! Not that much, but sometimes.
S: Okay, first of all, I do NOT always think about sex. Second of all, can you read my thoughts?!
N: No, it's just clear on your face! You look like you do when you sleep, only blinking.
S: It is ever-so-slightly creepy how you apparently know well what I look like when I sleep.
N: Only because you're always thinking about sex!
S: No! It is not! I do not always think about sex!
N: Okay, Summer. If that's what you say.
S: ...You learned that phrase from me, and I hate both you and myself.
N: *cheery grin*
12. Lovely. So, what is your favorite curse word?
S: *gleefully* F--k!
N: *goes to do the same*
S: *puts a hand over his mouth* No. You are legally not allowed to say f--k.
N: *pouts*
13. When was the last time you threw up?
S: ...Look, portals are rough on my stomach, okay?
N: It was two days ago on our last mission! We went through, and then Summer looked blue, and then he threw up!
S: Where does food even go when you eat it? Do you even have a digestive system?
N: Sometimes!
S: Have you ever thrown up?
N: Nope!
S: Lucky.
14. Have any mental illnesses?
S: Probably some generalized anxiety disorder. It's pretty mild, but I've noticed I worry a lot more than it seems like I ought to be worrying.
N: My mens is fine, I think! I don't know. I haven't been to a medicus mentis.
S: *mutters* Random Latin-speaking disorder, maybe.
15. What is your biggest phobia?
S: Losing touch with people I care about.
N: Not being anymore.
16. Do you crossdress often?
S: Not often, but I did once and it was pretty darn fun, I'll tell you that. I got so much glitter put on my face. I was wearing this big ol' dress with lacy skirts and pretty pearl buttons... It was white, and white's my color, so I looked pretty great. Shaved for it and everything. It was great! I got up and danced in front of this, like, huge crowd with a bunch of other guys in drag. I loved it. It was fun. Maybe I should do that again.
N: I've been a girl before! Does that count?
S: I... don't know, and I don't really want to ask.
17. Have any addictions?
S: I used to smoke as a teenager but my dad helped me quit.
N: I don't have any. Addictions are also really scary. They make your whole being depend on one thing! I don't want to get addicted to anything.
S: *administers shoulder pat*
18. What is the closest you have ever been to dying? Or have you ever died?
S: I almost drove into a tree when I was nineteen. The scare nearly finished the job for it.
N: I don't know if I've ever not been before. That makes me scared. I don't like this. Can we talk about something else?
19. Have the FicPsych nurses ever taken you away?
S: Not yet they haven't. *growls* Not yet.
N: Yes! They were strange. I don't think they liked me very much.
20. Are the FicPsych nurses after you?
S: Nope. But they probably will be sometime in the future.
N: Maybe?
S: More than likely.
21. Do you snore?
S: He doesn't.
N: He does, a little. It whistles!
22. Are you drooling right now?
S: I'm salivating. It's because I'm eating jerky.
N: No, but I could be!
23. Let’s say that HQ was about to explode, and you could save one other person in here. Who would you choose?
S: *immediately* Nic.
N: *simultaneously* Summer.
24. When was the last time you used the toilet?
S: This morning. What the heck do you want to know that for?
N: I flushed it ten minutes ago! It swirls.
S: You frighten me a little.
N: Aww, don't be scared of me! Be scared of Sues! Sues will kill you. I won't do anything to you!
S: Except accidentally poison me that one time. Or attack me with a pillow. Or how about that time you jumped off the top bunk onto my back and slammed me into the floor?
N: ...Except for that, I won't do anything to you! *innocent grin*
25. Have you ever kissed a girl? / a boy? / another species??
S: Yes, yes, and... look, he was blue, okay? I like blue.
N: Yes, yes, and yes!
26. Did you like it?
S: No, yes, and... mayyybe.
N: Yes!
27. The little voices in your head. Do you talk to them?
S: I don't have those. But I do talk to myself. Does that count?
N: Sometimes! They have a lot of interesting things to say. Sometimes they say danger, and other times they make really bad jokes about Summer's hair.
S: Hey, tell them to lay off the hair. It's fabulous. I know because I make it look fabulous. It takes a lot of time. And combs.
N: That's not what they say! But I like it. It's so shiny.
28. Were you made fun of in school? Why?
S: Yeah, probably because I was just kinda small and short. It wasn't a huge deal.
N: I never went to school, but people make fun of me all the time!
S: ...Not anymore they won't.
N: But you make fun of me!
S: Yeah. I'm allowed to make fun of you.
N: But they're not?
S: Nope! They are definitely not.
29. I can’t think of a question to ask you. Have any comments?
S: Alright, well this one is pointless. Thoughts, Nic?
N: I have lots of thoughts!
S: *waits*
S: Care to share?
N: Maybe later.
S: Okay then.
30. This interview has ended? Are you gleeful? Or would you like to complete our 100 question survey over thumbtacks?
S: *clamps a hand firmly over Nic's mouth* We are very gleeful and would not like that at all. Come on, Nickie, we're going.
N: *muffled protests, puppy eyes, wriggling*