Subject: Five People Jacques Will Probably Never Be Paired With, And One Person Who’d Be Perfect For Him-pt.1
Posted on: 2020-09-04 12:16:02 UTC

  1. Nume - “Irritating”

They’d been brought together for a mission, and Supernumerary was not having it.

“We’re perfectly capable of handling this on our own,” he told the intruder. “We don’t need you.”

Actually, Ilraen said, we could really use some help. Especially from someone like you. He gave the third agent in the room a once over that was particularly thorough, given how many eyes he had.

Said agent, being Jacques Bonnefoy and therefore insufferable (as far as Nume was concerned), was not really put off. “Well, I think that settles it,” he said, sounding amused. He smirked at Nume, provoking a rise in irritation. “I’m doing the mission with you. Deal with it.”

Nume shot his partner a glare and went to get weapons in pointed silence.

“Is he always like this?” Jacques asked. He still sounded amused, damn him.

He can be a little...prickly, Ilraen said apologetically. He’s a very good agent, though.

“Oh, I’m sure he is!” Jacques said. The back of Nume’s neck prickled; he turned, and saw Jacques ogling him absolutely shamelessly. When he realized Nume was looking, he met his eyes with a smirk.

Nume stopped breathing for a moment, then shook himself and glared, raising an eyebrow. He might be somewhat interested in men, but this man was not coming anywhere near him. “Are there lottery numbers printed on my pants?” he asked dryly.

“I could write some, if you want,” Jacques offered. “I think they’d look good there. Or, hell, skip the pants and just write on your—”

“No!” Nume yelped. He refused to think of it that way, but it had definitely been a yelp. How did he keep attracting people like this? Did he give off a signal that said ‘please come on to me if you’re an oversexed flirt with an underdeveloped sense of shame’? It might really explain something about his life sometimes…

Jacques just chuckled. “Or not. Offer’s open if you change your mind, though.”

Despite himself, Nume’s glare softened into more of a stare. “Why would I ever want you to write on me?”

Jacques smiled in a way that became even more attractive when coupled with his words and the way he was shifting closer. “Well, I could always do it with something that comes off when licked.”

“Right,” Nume said dryly. “Because everyone else wants you to lick them, so obviously I must be just like them, right?” He inhaled—mistake, mistake, abort, he smelled good, this wasn’t helping—

Jacques shrugged, and stopped about a foot in front of him. “Not just like them, but I guarantee you’d like me a lot better if I licked you.”

“Right,” Nume repeated. “Because you think everyone’s interested in you?”

Jacques leaned closer. “No one’s proved me wrong about that in a long time.”

Nume, to his horror, could feel himself blushing. This was bad. This was definitely not good. This was—

As though in an out of body experience, he felt his gaze drop to the other man’s mouth.

Jacques smiled a secretive, attractive smile. Damn him. “You know,” he said, and it turned out his voice got much less annoying when he lowered it, “if you want to kiss me, I really wouldn’t mind.”

There was a long pause, and then—

Screw it, Nume thought. It wasn’t like he had no reason to trust him, after all; and he did (kind of, maybe, sort of) know what he was doing now…

He leaned forward and pulled Jacques into a kiss.

It was amazing. Nume could feel himself melting against the other agent; he was just too good! He knew where to brush with his hands to elicit shivers, and his lips were soft but firm, and then he pressed closer and Nume gasped into his mouth. He could feel every single inch of Jacques’ body pressed against his, and it made tingles run up and down his spine.

He was going to remember this forever, but somehow, that prospect seemed very, very good right now. If he could only make himself get his mouth free long enough to suggest a bed...or maybe just the couch, the couch would work just fine, even if they were both so tall their feet would hang off it…

Maybe Jacques was a mind reader, or maybe he was just very practical: before Nume could finish convincing himself to pull away for a moment to talk (it was very hard), he started to walk them towards Nume’s bed. His hands quickly grew busy undoing clothes, and Nume remembered to join him after he lost his belt. He balked at the shirt, but a few more kisses and Jacques telling him surprisingly sweetly that he’d love Nume no matter what he looked like made it easy to bare himself, and Jacques just kept kissing him, so he couldn’t really mind too much, unless he just really wasn’t picky…

“Stop thinking,” Jacques advised him, and began to kiss his way down his chest. Nume tipped his head back and gave himself over to bliss.


Disclaimer: Nume and Ilraen belong to neshomeh, and Jacques is Zingemir's. I'm just doing something with them that relly should happen, for fun, but which obviiously they're not going to put together...don't worry, they'll come back in good condition! And if you want to take inspiration from this, please do absolutely that would be so coooool

A/N: So this is actually something I wrote most of last year, but just never really got around to finishing, so I didn't post it. But I'm picking it up again now! Just the last part to write now XD

So yeah, I'm going to post these one part at a time, because why not. Also I want to share this fic with y'all already, and this way I can do it without having to wait until I've found enough time to sit down and write that last part. But that means there are five pieces already written!! Some are pretty AU (well, one, mostly, I don't really know what happened but I kind of like it a lot? But it's like, he's with an AU of a canon, you'll find out later. Or next, actually, that's the next part! Can't wait :))

Anyway, what did you think?? I'm so excited to finally show this one to other people! I had so much fun with it :) :) :)


((And presumably at some point Ilraen gave up on the idea that they might remember he was there, went "uhh“, and finally left...

Anyway, yeah, this really is a 5+1 that I wrote most of last year and now just have the +1 part left to go. And I really did have fun with it, even ;) Enjoy, hopefully, in the 'this is fun PPC badfic' way? :)

~Z, very pleased to have found a badfic already mostly written, since she doesn't want to lose too much momentum on current projects but does want to participate!))

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