stupendous

Subject: stupendous
Author: umbrella
Posted on: 2020-09-04 15:19:48 UTC

impeccable

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fanficWorld lives! [Badfic games] by andim@fanficWorld on 2020-09-04 07:56:41 UTC Reply

fanficWorld users,

As you may already know, about ten months ago, our servers were seized by the Principality of Lichtenstein. Our long-time enemies ithere sought to take down our service by charging one of our staff with treason and having the site's storage seized as part of the investigation.

Fortunately, after much legal wrangling, our data was returned to us recently, and so we are proud to announce that fanficWorld is open!

We eagerly await the results of your boundless creativity and all the stories you've saved up during our absence from the internet! We have all of our usual categories available, including our most popular, the Protectors of the Plot Continuum.

What is this? This is the thread where we let our inner badfic writers have free rein. All PPC stories are technically fanfics of the Original Series - but they're all goodfics. That's clearly unreasonable - most fanfic of anything is terrible. So this is your chance to write the baddest of the badfics. Go nuts!

Who can I write about? Any agents currently in the PPC are open for you to mutilate. There's a Creativity Shield around ffW, so everything here is emphatically uncanon. Try to avoid using abandoned agents whose creators have left, and if someone asks in this thread that their agents not be used, please respect that.

Where do I post? In this thread, please. With ffW down for the forseeable future, I'm afraid there is unlikely to be an archive this year.

What name should I post under? You should come up with the badficauthorest name you can, of course! Take a look at some of our previous examples.

What sort of story should I write? A bad one! Obviously. But also one that's fun to read. Illegible ultra-typo stories are a bit boring after the first one, y'know?

Can I leave reviews? Emphatically yes - that's half the fun of the game! But do remember to leave them in character - and equally, remember that the flames you receive are not real flames. They're a game. Don't get upset.

Do I need a beta? Hahahahahahahaha. Don't be ridiculous. ^-^ What sort of badfic writer has a beta?

Do I need Permission? Again, what sort of badfic writer asks permission? (No. No you don't.)

Why are we doing this? Because it's fun! And traditional!

- Tomash, the FAQ text being lifted from Iximaz's post last year because they did a good job with it

((On a side note.)) by Kittyauthor on 2020-09-12 03:09:07 UTC Reply

((Please don't use Agent!Kittyauthor for any of your badfics. Thank you!))

((~Kittyauthor))
O'Ryan's Love pt.1 by K1tK@t on 2020-09-12 03:07:38 UTC Edited Reply

((Watch me fudge up everything.))

So o'ryan keys decided to wakl down teh hallwy, where he sawd the prettiest man evr.

His name was Jack.

Jack was vry hand some. He hd black like a raven black hiar (lik a blck cat) with sparking ble eyes dat lked lik the ski. Hi sin was plae whit with red freckes across the brige of his Nas 0e and he had the sweetest smil, lik faek w0sweet. He had one a ble tshirt that mathed his i's

Oryan was smittin.

Then, thy kised.

He sad, "Bed" oryan sid "yee!" and tehy made it into his RC center's bed.

TO B COUNTINED.

A/N: Hop u enjyed mai fic. Jak is mine, O'ryan is Kitty's. Plz rat. Negtive stuf usd for papper airplans.

((~~AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~~))

((Edit because my name reverted. Oops.))

O'Ryan's Love pt 2 by K1tK@t on 2020-09-16 00:48:59 UTC Reply

A/N: Sory I coldnt updat sooner. Skool.

The firt thing Oryan felt when he wok up was sik. Then he therw up all over Jack.

"EW! WUT THE SHPX, MAN?" Jack screemed.

"Sorry," siad Oran. "Felt sick."

"Theirs a bathrom for a reason, u know."

"Said the one in my bed in my RC."

"Wuteer." Said Jack. "I ain't kising... Wa0hait..."

"What?"

"Are you preggers?"

"I dunno."

"Go tes in c."

"Sure." O'ryan went and tested himsef. It cam back wit plus. He told Jak.

"No! I thoght dat couln't hapen." said jak.

"It's canon. It can happen to me."

"U aren't geting aborted."

"Understood."

Thank fur reding. Jack is min. O'Ryan belongs to Kittyauthor.

((School is fun, you know. Also, O'Ryan can get pregnant in canon. It's complicated to explain why I decided this, but it boils down to "my mind is weird." In his world, that was normal. Hence weird mind thing. Technically NSFW But yeah, hope you enjoyed. I will start labeling parts with how many months pregnant because Reasons.))
THIS IS SOO GOOOD by Gacha Queen Mel on 2020-09-13 07:44:06 UTC Reply

part 2 when

Soon by K1tK@t on 2020-09-14 01:12:13 UTC Reply

((As in, once school stops throwing things in my face for two seconds. Part 2 will be out sometime between Monday night and Wednesday.))

A NEW MEMBER ARRIVES by lololRANDUMXD on 2020-09-09 22:12:41 UTC Reply

((Just to let you know, there's a physical description that may be considered mild NSFW.))

__

One day Chelsea and lemon were doing stuff like video games and stuff

then the door nocked.

“Who is it?” asked the lemon

“it mucht be foods”

theny they opened to door and find sparkly kirakira gf girl. she was as spatrly as the sun and stars and her eyes were topaz and she wore a tank top and shorts except spacey like and cooler and it was pink and purple and the tupe top showed her cleavage and the boots were up to her knes where the edge touch the shorts and her gloves went up to her shouldser except not really and her har was red and rainbowlike and stuff

“AADHAFLF a MARy Suee” then chelsea pulled a gun from nowhere and then lemmon summoned her shoadow clone jutu and then te sparkle girl was like “NOOOOOOO wait then they stopped and then the new girl wa like, “I’m May Ruse, the hedgehog

“why didn’t you say tou were a hedgehojh”

“BEU cause you have eyes”

“oohhhhhh”

“I’m a pargody Sue so tha means i gft to live and sunt stues”

ok cool”

then they agents did stuff

(PLZ REVIWE)

noice by Gacha Queen Mel on 2020-09-13 07:46:02 UTC Reply

idk what to say it was a good fic UwU
yes by umbrella on 2020-09-10 13:38:33 UTC Reply

yes

((I had to reread this a few times to make sense of it, but now that I understand what's happening, it's pretty funny. Especially the “why didn’t you say tou were a hedgehojh” “BEU cause you have eyes” part.))

Fun Missoin CHAPTER 1 by Louee Caralole on 2020-09-07 02:09:55 UTC Reply

(Louee’s Note: Hi guys its me, Looee Carololol from last yeear! A few people said I need to get better so I got my older sibling Carol to help me read over it! I asked them over and over and they finally said t’s be read! so hopefully it;s ll be SO much pbetter! Thank you for reading this and I hope you like it!”)

(Carol’s Note: help)

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-=-=-+-(+-----

Charlie sat on the flor, their tail in the ir lap, reading a book. They were alone, because their old partner was in FixSike for religous reasons. Then the door opensd and a cool siloet filled the door!

It was a cute loking gurl with sky blue eyes ice wolf eyes and a tail and paws. Ine eye was dark blue like a wolf’s while the other was pitch black like a pearl. Her skin was also a healthy shad of whiteish-blue, and her human ears looked lke frozen cristals.

She was beutiful, charlie thought. Then s(he? I dunno i don’t wanna look it up) smiled and waved.

“Oh, hello there, mate. Who’re you?”

The newcomer crinned. “Oh hii~ didn’t see you there, uffufufu.”

Carlie blinked. “Pardon?”

The newcomer blinked. “Ohh. did I come off too strong? Sooorry. Anyways, I;m Tia!” she chuckled cutely. She walked over to the console box with the button thingy and pressed the button. “Oh-woooah, what’s this?”

“no” the console said

Tia stares at the console for a moment, then hits it really hard.

“oof” said the console.

The screen flashed with a mission, because it was MISSOIN TIME!

“It’s mission tiem!” said tia grinning.

“Um, well, alright, then,” Charlie moued.

YAY!” Tia screamed, grabbing charlie ina headlock and givine hshe a noogie, before draggin them threw the portal. “Wait what about disguises?,” Charlie said. “Dont worry we don;t need them!” tia said confidently.

“Oh gods please help” Charlie muttered

“Whee heeee!” tia smirked, before looking around at the small alley they landed in. “ this’ll be SUCHa fUN mision!”

“what communism even is this,” charlie said/

“twikimds!” Tia said helpfully.

“I’m sorry what?”

“C’mon, baka, get with the progrem!” tia wagged her ice wolf tail. “Anyways, we gotta look for the sue!”

“couldnt’ we just look at the wOrds for that-” Charlie started, but hishe was cutoff.

“lets a GO!” tia screamed, and grabbing charlie’s by the tail, she, ran out of the alley to find the Sue.

END OF CHAPTER ONE

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-=+-+--++_+-+-

AUTOR NOTE: thanks Forreaeding! I hope you rlidlked this and I hope this gets the LUV it deserves i worked SO HARD on this!!!!!!

__

((actual author’s note: here we go))

Fun Missoin CHAPTER 2 by Loose Carolole on 2020-09-09 23:37:31 UTC Edited Reply

(Louee’s Notes:so it turns out carol didn’t ACTUALLY make the fic better andDIDNt chang it AT ALL and THATS why theres a no one readinG! But don’t worry, i made SURE it added some stuff this time! i hope you like this ficMORE now!”)

(Carol’s Note: aaa)

+-+++-+++-+--+-+-+-

Tia runs down the streets of a small quiet medeival village, perfectly juking all civillians who got in her way. Carlie followedclose behind,

At one point a lynx-persn then walked up to them and asked “scuse me madams what are you adoing?”

Tia smiled, turned around, grabbed, her nuralyser, and flashed him, and the two kep t going.

after a few minutes the two dropped into hiding behind a gard wagpn.

“i see sue” said tia

There was no responce, since Carli wasn’t there yet.

“Oh well, ill doit Myself,” tia smriked.

The sue was a tiger-girl and talking to the canomns in the street. tia realized the charges in her notebook.

“Hm, ara. cLassic suu. ‘Platynum’ blond hair, boobs the size ofhe r hed (howdoes she not Talk about bak pain), hazel eyes- pf, everyone nows blonds dont have hazel eyes. and of COurdSE she’s re;ated to a cannon…”

“A what now?” carlie said, now finally cought up RIGHT as the SUE nand the CANOONS left to visit some dum food place the SUE has.

“U missed it” tia grumbled

“Wait, the oc’s related to a canon?” charlie said dimly with xer intelligense of 6.

“A CANNON, you deku baka ara ara~ a somewone whos in the original storry.” tia smilled flirtaly.

Charlie blinked, then sighed deciding their was noting they could say too that.

Suddenly, their head twitched, and she blinked a few times before he decided that something was wrong and they had to clear her head and stuff. He decided to go see if there was sometighg to eat around hear. That usualy helped a bit.

Tia was still charging and writing when charlie left so she sidn’t notice them gone.

As Chaleri left, sher brain begasn to clear up and they began to think (rare, isnt it?).

Looking through the quiet streets of who-even-knows-where, they saw a bakery. Hmm, bread. Bread sounded nice at the moment.

“Well then,” they thought, and they went in.

+-+++-+-+-+-+-=+_+-+-

AUHTOR’sNOTE: ha HA hahahah HEE HOO EGG

((actual author’s note: ha ha hahahah hee hoo egg help me))

Fun Missoin CHAPTER THREEE by Louee Carololole on 2020-09-18 02:48:18 UTC Reply

(Louse’s Notes: HaHA the ideas still come haaa)

(Carol: I would like to mention that my sibling actually ran out of ideas and pestered me until I gave him a plotline. Help.)

+-+++-+-+-+-+-=_=+-

Charlie opened the door to the bred place. “morn” hse said before walking up to the counter

Th counter-peon (I cant remember the name), a blond tiger-person, waved. “Morn.”

Carlie glanced aroused atnthe interier of the bakery place. and pulled ou7t a bag of coins. “It’s been a long day, I have a headache, and everything feels like someone tumbled a sack of rocks into a blender.” The barperson winded simpathetickly.

“Ouch… well, if it hells, I have a few pastrys available,” she said, jestering towards a shfle behindher with assortments of breads, cheese, and meatstuffs on it.

“Yeah, that mite help” Charlie muttered, before picking up their bag and begiiineing to count coion.s

Tia was still sitting in an alley, her face a mrer centimeter away from the pages. She was charging.

“Stupid anadomy, no personality, realation to a CANOON, owning a bakery, bean well-off…”

A passing guard noticed tia and walked over. “Ma’am, what are you doing?”

“shut”

“Pardon?”

“UUUUUUUUUPPPP!” tia SCREAMED. The guard nearly dropped his spear and took off runnign down the street, as far awar from her as possiible.

“Hmmph, ararara.” tia said.

Charlie held a bread and chees e theing they had bought. CHomp. Ye.”

“Is ti good?’ the tiger-bartender-person asded.

“Ye”

“That’s good.”

“Mmhm. my favrite part is the cheese” (AN: her favorite food is cheese. Dunno what type)

Tia looked up. And realised vharlie was effin gon.

“OHNO” she said. “I MUST FIND MAH PARDNER”

So she sniffe dthe air switch her all-powerful sense of SMELL and found chharlie’s scent. “Their he she is” she thought and went into it.

Carlie was having a conversation with the tiger-bakery person due to her actually being kinda nice to talk to?

They didnt know how this happened, but it waskinda noce.

“So, the rogue was jumping down into the hay bail, right, and then=” hse chuckled. “He roled a 1 and landed on the guard intead, and the guy was about to alert the other gays, but then the kenku mimiced the sound of a saxophone and stunned him, and-”

Befor eCharlei could continue, the door s blasted open. And a famiiar COOL SILOET filled the door!

“hello” SCREAMED tia HEROINALLY, then GASSED>

She saw the person carlie was talking to!!

The person had platynum blond hair and boobs the si zof ther head and was a tiger. Tia RECOGnized her.

IT WAS THE SUE.

DUN DUN DDUUUUUDUDUDUUDUDUDUUDUDUDUDUUDUDUUUUU

AUTOR"S NOTE; ONGRIESH thank you for the LOVE ill keep doing this and make more capters because of it!!! :_)

((Actual author's note: I'm actually going to try to continue this thing, provided school doesn't get in the way too much))
i like hoe onw od them is an ice wlof by Gacha Queen Mel on 2020-09-13 07:50:31 UTC Reply

theyre cool
good by umbrella on 2020-09-10 13:32:01 UTC Reply

very good

(This really put a smile on my face, especially CANOONS.)

((I am. oddly amused by this :D)) (nm) by Zingenmir on 2020-09-07 09:39:11 UTC Reply

liz & avery go on a mission by umbrella on 2020-09-04 19:28:28 UTC Edited Reply

((There's a joke in this that technically falls under BL10 of the discord but it's not exactly detailed, also there is some language. Also if you've never heard of danganronpa before: the general concept is that it's about highschool students who are all really talented at One Thing and that's about all you should need to know to understand this. That and the fact that next to none of this is accurate to canon.))

liz & avery go on a mission

-

no POV

one day in rc idkimtoolazytolookupt henumber the thingy the goes beep went beep

it waws loud

avery woke up

liz woke up

liz punhed the thingy that goes beep

"stop"

it stopped

"what mission" aver said

"dangnaronpa" liz interprted

"what is dangnabbitronpapa" avery said

"dang gang rang rang is a kil game mystery ocular novel" liz said

"but thi is au with no killing game" liz said "they are just at hope school"

"also there is sue" liz said

"ok" avery sad now aware of dangitronpaul

-

avery n liz used the portal thingy I also don't remember the name of and went through the porta into badfic

-

BADFIC

sue POV

there was sue attending HOPE CHOOL

sue's name was sue

sue was the most beautiful

sue was the ultimate matchmaker

not match like fire match like romance

arson

every1l oved sue

even toko and toko didnt like nobody except byakuya

sue looked @ toko n byakuyaku (the two were conversationing)

"m-mastr" toko stumbled

"leave" blyatkuya authorizationed

"stepon me master" toko said

"OUT of my SIGHT stinky" byakuya said

"pls" toko said

"adorabl" sue thot

and then toko and byakugan KISSED

this is power of the ULTIMATE MATCHMAKER

-

NOT BADFIC

no POV

"ow bad" liz said

"so bad" avery acuieced

"at least the relationship is kind of? canon?" liz said "it's more one-sided though"

"still bad" avery said

"yes" liz said

-

BADFIC

sue POBV

nagito fell out a window but was fine because badluck good luck red luck blue luck

nagito feel underground and met SANS UNDERTALE

"perfect" the su sd and activeated the ULTIMATE MATCHMAKER powers

nagito and SANS UNDERTALE got married lived happly everyafter

-

NOT BADFIC

no POV

"why" liz said

"why" avery said

"kanye west he likes fingers in his ass" monokuma (he is bear( said

-

BADFIC

sue POV

hajime and chiaki played videogames and it was nice

sue nodded consent like how you agree with people in the games GEDDIT

kokichi threw a water ablloon at hajime and chiaki and ruind the vide ogame

"what" hajimeme mystified

chia pet threw a water balloon back "this is war"

"i lied lol" kokichi said

he was not a prank he was uwu soft boi this is 110% canon come on you guys hes not THAT bad dont be haterz

there was no water balloon

hajime and chiaki played videogames and it was nice

sue nodded consent like how you agree with people in the games GEDDIT

-

NOT BADFIC

no POV

"what happen" liz said

"somebody set us up the bomb" avery said "I think"

"what liz said"

-

BADFIC

sue POV

sue liked setting up her classmates in ships

but sue still sad

all this romance but non for sue

sue thingk hmmmmmmmmmm

"I KNOW"

ULTIMATE MATCHMAKER powers active

but who is best for sue?

sue looked around

then she saw scraf man hamster robot name man mr sandman man me a sand make it the cutest man car door hook hand

"I GOT IT!" sue said like when u choose a right multiple choice anser in the games GEDDIT

"hey gungun" sue said

"what" gundham said

"date me" sue said

"ok" gundham said

"NOOOOOOO" sonia said snobbily in the background bc sonia like gundham too but sue was better tso sue dated gundham instead

stupid dumb sonia princess royalty lady thinks she's so speciall because HAHA FOREIGN no no bad bad bad she SUCKS

sonia fell out a window and died because she is not luck and is bad

-

NOT BADFIC

no POV

"time to kill" liz said

"agree" avery agree

"lets go" liz said

ok avery said

liztook a ste

liz took as tep

liz took a stp

liz took a stepp

liz took a step

avery walked

-

BADFIC

sue POV

"these are the FOUR DARK DEVA S OF DESTRUCTION" gun said

hamstrs in gun scarf

I forget the four dark devas names woops

"adorable" sue said

sue pet the dark darks destruction hamsters

gundma had to go to class and left

sue read bok

-

NOT BADFIC

no POV

"now we go" liz said

"rite" avery said

they go to kill sue

-

MISSION

lz and AVRIL LAVIGNE walked up to sue

"you did bad things" liz said

"yeah you messed with canon now you mess with US" avery said

"SORE WA CHIGAU YO (NO, THAT’S WRONG)" the sue said like makoto in the game GEDDIT

"what" liz said"

"what avery said

"die" sue said

sue punched liz

"ow" liz said

avery stabed sue

"ow" su said

but sue had secret weapon

sue was not just ultimate matchmaker...........................

-

sue was secretly ULTIMATE ULTIMATE and had EVERY TALENT

somebody in the background looked into the camera like in the office

"not cool, dude"

-

sue also was he secret secret student hidding somewwhere in the ceiling the one know as why does she exist watch out wathch out for her

somebody else in the background looked into the camera like in the office

"bruh"

-

then su through an electlic fence t avery

"ZAXSDCFVGBHN" avery said

"NO" liz said

"im fine it was joke" avery said

"lol" liz said

"lol" avery said

"lol" monokuma said

"wait why are you here this is not killing game?" liz said

"bears are eternal" mononucleosus said

avery punted monominah (do-dooo do-do-do) off a cliff and monokuma exploded and dedu

"finally" sue said "he was annoying"

"yeah ikr" liz said

"wait were fighting" everybody said in unison

-

then liz stabbed the sue with 1000 yugioh cards and died

avery ws sad and stabbed the sue and sue died but avery also died like that one scene in the death of superman GEDDIT

everybody died and it was sad

fission mailed

the end

-

((Disclaimer: I actually really like Sonia's character, she just kind of got caught in the crossfire of me wanting to check the box of canon character bashing.))

((I think my two remaining brain cells perished in the process of writing this, which I guess is what happens when I unleash my inner stupid. Thanks to Moons for checking this and making sure that the humor actually lands, and for letting me bounce a few ideas off of her.))

((EDIT: Liz and Avery belong to Silv, of course, as do other things belong to their respective owners. Writing this really must've short-circuited my brain.))

THSI IS SO FUNNY!! by xXtaguelQUEENXx on 2020-09-07 04:10:33 UTC Edited Reply

The bestpart is defiantly the danggangromper sue!!

((And now that I have more organized thoughts - I absolutely despise that you managed to have Liz's character voice still come through the nonsense as well as you did, how dare you know me so well.

:p

~Silv, trying out this way of signing off))

yay by umbrella on 2020-09-10 13:43:39 UTC Reply

glad u like

((Tbh I wasn't even trying to make Liz's voice come through, it just sort of happened as I was writing and I decided to keep it in. Since, y'know, it's arguably even more painful than normal when a badfic almost manages to have the characters actually be in character.))

Ooooooo by Gacha Queen Mel on 2020-09-05 09:22:03 UTC Reply

OMG I LOVE IT SO MFUNNY
It GOOD by lololRANDUMXD on 2020-09-05 01:14:05 UTC Reply

It was epic and stuff

me likey

-- ((I actually laughed a lot at this!

Ozzielot))
((I'll give a proper response IC later)) by Silv on 2020-09-04 19:41:22 UTC Reply

So I fell onto the ground from laughing several times. And generally my thoughts aren't coherent enough to share but this is hilarious and I was right to be afraid of what you were making.

Five People Jacques Will Probably Never Be Paired With, And One Person Who’d Be Perfect For Him-pt.1 by Avlates_usted on 2020-09-04 12:16:02 UTC Edited Reply
1. Nume - “Irritating”
They’d been brought together for a mission, and Supernumerary was not having it.

“We’re perfectly capable of handling this on our own,” he told the intruder. “We don’t need you.”

Actually, Ilraen said, we could really use some help. Especially from someone like you. He gave the third agent in the room a once over that was particularly thorough, given how many eyes he had.

Said agent, being Jacques Bonnefoy and therefore insufferable (as far as Nume was concerned), was not really put off. “Well, I think that settles it,” he said, sounding amused. He smirked at Nume, provoking a rise in irritation. “I’m doing the mission with you. Deal with it.”

Nume shot his partner a glare and went to get weapons in pointed silence.

“Is he always like this?” Jacques asked. He still sounded amused, damn him.

He can be a little...prickly, Ilraen said apologetically. He’s a very good agent, though.

“Oh, I’m sure he is!” Jacques said. The back of Nume’s neck prickled; he turned, and saw Jacques ogling him absolutely shamelessly. When he realized Nume was looking, he met his eyes with a smirk.

Nume stopped breathing for a moment, then shook himself and glared, raising an eyebrow. He might be somewhat interested in men, but this man was not coming anywhere near him. “Are there lottery numbers printed on my pants?” he asked dryly.

“I could write some, if you want,” Jacques offered. “I think they’d look good there. Or, hell, skip the pants and just write on your—”

“No!” Nume yelped. He refused to think of it that way, but it had definitely been a yelp. How did he keep attracting people like this? Did he give off a signal that said ‘please come on to me if you’re an oversexed flirt with an underdeveloped sense of shame’? It might really explain something about his life sometimes…

Jacques just chuckled. “Or not. Offer’s open if you change your mind, though.”

Despite himself, Nume’s glare softened into more of a stare. “Why would I ever want you to write on me?”

Jacques smiled in a way that became even more attractive when coupled with his words and the way he was shifting closer. “Well, I could always do it with something that comes off when licked.”

“Right,” Nume said dryly. “Because everyone else wants you to lick them, so obviously I must be just like them, right?” He inhaled—mistake, mistake, abort, he smelled good, this wasn’t helping—

Jacques shrugged, and stopped about a foot in front of him. “Not just like them, but I guarantee you’d like me a lot better if I licked you.”

“Right,” Nume repeated. “Because you think everyone’s interested in you?”

Jacques leaned closer. “No one’s proved me wrong about that in a long time.”

Nume, to his horror, could feel himself blushing. This was bad. This was definitely not good. This was—

As though in an out of body experience, he felt his gaze drop to the other man’s mouth.

Jacques smiled a secretive, attractive smile. Damn him. “You know,” he said, and it turned out his voice got much less annoying when he lowered it, “if you want to kiss me, I really wouldn’t mind.”

There was a long pause, and then—

Screw it, Nume thought. It wasn’t like he had no reason to trust him, after all; and he did (kind of, maybe, sort of) know what he was doing now…

He leaned forward and pulled Jacques into a kiss.

It was amazing. Nume could feel himself melting against the other agent; he was just too good! He knew where to brush with his hands to elicit shivers, and his lips were soft but firm, and then he pressed closer and Nume gasped into his mouth. He could feel every single inch of Jacques’ body pressed against his, and it made tingles run up and down his spine.

He was going to remember this forever, but somehow, that prospect seemed very, very good right now. If he could only make himself get his mouth free long enough to suggest a bed...or maybe just the couch, the couch would work just fine, even if they were both so tall their feet would hang off it…

Maybe Jacques was a mind reader, or maybe he was just very practical: before Nume could finish convincing himself to pull away for a moment to talk (it was very hard), he started to walk them towards Nume’s bed. His hands quickly grew busy undoing clothes, and Nume remembered to join him after he lost his belt. He balked at the shirt, but a few more kisses and Jacques telling him surprisingly sweetly that he’d love Nume no matter what he looked like made it easy to bare himself, and Jacques just kept kissing him, so he couldn’t really mind too much, unless he just really wasn’t picky…

“Stop thinking,” Jacques advised him, and began to kiss his way down his chest. Nume tipped his head back and gave himself over to bliss.

--

Disclaimer: Nume and Ilraen belong to neshomeh, and Jacques is Zingemir's. I'm just doing something with them that relly should happen, for fun, but which obviiously they're not going to put together...don't worry, they'll come back in good condition! And if you want to take inspiration from this, please do absolutely that would be so coooool

A/N: So this is actually something I wrote most of last year, but just never really got around to finishing, so I didn't post it. But I'm picking it up again now! Just the last part to write now XD

So yeah, I'm going to post these one part at a time, because why not. Also I want to share this fic with y'all already, and this way I can do it without having to wait until I've found enough time to sit down and write that last part. But that means there are five pieces already written!! Some are pretty AU (well, one, mostly, I don't really know what happened but I kind of like it a lot? But it's like, he's with an AU of a canon character...eh, you'll find out later. Or next, actually, that's the next part! Can't wait :))

Anyway, what did you think?? I'm so excited to finally show this one to other people! I had so much fun with it :) :) :)

~*A_u

((And presumably at some point Ilraen gave up on the idea that they might remember he was there, went "uhh“, and finally left...

Anyway, yeah, this really is a 5+1 that I wrote most of last year and now just have the +1 part left to go. And I really did have fun with it, even ;) Enjoy, hopefully, in the 'this is fun PPC badfic' way? :)

~Z, very pleased to have found a badfic already mostly written, since she doesn't want to lose too much momentum on current projects but does want to participate!))

Um not to be mean but like by MrsSupernumerary on 2020-09-09 14:47:45 UTC Reply

Idk how many times im gonna have to say this but NUMIE IS NOT GAY!! OMG HE BELONGS WITH ME

I HATE YOUR STORY

U SUK!!!!11

Um, not to be mean, but like...chill? by Avlates_usted on 2020-09-11 15:22:13 UTC Reply

Seriously, it's an AU. This whole thing is a set of unlikely AUs. It's just an exploration. Okay? I put your precious Nume back exactly where he came from.

But also, like, if you have this little chill about a fictional crush being with someone else in a silly explorative AU then you're going to probably run into problems IRL eventually just saying. I mean, like, people we like don't always like us back??? and you can't force them to. so like. life lesson. Chill out.

Next chapter coming up mega soon :D and without Nume before you start having a go at me again P

~*A_u

Five People Jacques Will Probably Never Be Paired With, And One Person Who’d Be Perfect For Him-pt.2 by Avlates_usted on 2020-09-06 19:24:10 UTC Reply
A/N: Here we go--part two!!!

Important—this isn’t canon Dawn!! She’s definitely an AU here. Explanation in the ending a/n. Enjoy!!
1. Clone!Time Agent!Dawn - “Original”
Of all the people Jacques thought he’d ever take up with, a former Time Agent was not even on the list.

“I’m actually a clone,” Dawn explained sadly one night. They were curled up together in the Room of Requirement, on a mission together. “I’m kind of the expendable one—”

“You are not expendable,” Jacques said firmly, and kissed her, enjoying the way she melted against him. “You’re amazing.”

“That’s my job,” Dawn said chirpily. She sighed and leaned away, reaching for her wrist strap. “Oh, hey, it’s been three hours.”

“Three awesome hours.”

She grinned at him over her shoulder. “Okay, yeah, three awesome hours.” She flopped back down, strapping the vortex manipulator around her wrist. It wasn’t on, apart from the time telling aspect, so Hogwarts’ magical field didn’t affect it. “Anyway. They decided that, since they liked the...other me so much, they’d shell out for a clone. And here I am. I got all the more dangerous missions, you know.”

“More dangerous than ESAS?” Jacques asked.

Dawn shrugged. “Sometimes. Mostly not. I like ESAS better, though,” she added, and curled up against him again. “More freedom, better partners, more interesting locations…”

“I’m a catch,” Jacques said. “Hey, you know what’s funny? I think we’re the only two former Time Agents in HQ.”

“I mean, I ran into three other versions of you last week, but sure,” Dawn said.

Jacques widened his eyes at her. “Three? And you didn’t introduce me?”

“I was distracted! Besides, they didn’t stay too long.”

“Shame,” Jacques said. “Let me know if they come back, alright? I’d love to meet more of me.”

“You’re weird,” Dawn told him. “I’m happy being the only one of me around for a change. I hated always being reminded I wasn’t the original.”

Jacques kissed her soundly, pulling her close and keeping it going until she clung to him. “You’re original to me.”

--

Disclaimer: Jacques and Dawn belong to Zingenmir, who should really do something a bit more like this with them, don't you agree?? So much wasted potential. Anyway, though, the whole concept of AU Time Agent Clone!Dawn is all mine! Ask before using ;)

A/N: It’s a bit short, I know, but isn’t it sweet~? I know, I know, I should’ve put him with canon Dawn, but I’ve done that before (I think? Maybe I didn’t post it? I’ll have to check sometime) and I started wondering what she’d be like in AUs, and then I started thinking about Jacques with a Time Agent, and then my bf told me a lot about the clones in Star Wars, and it just kind of...came together. Sorry if it’s a little bit confusing the first time through—read it through again if it confused you, and I’m sure it’ll seem better :) I’ve added a note at the beginning now, though, so hopefully that helps…Anyway, let me know what you thought!!

~*A_u

((A bit off the wall. I can't quite remember how I got here, to be honest, but it was kind of fun. Also, Star Wars had nothing to do with it, as far as I know.

In an unpublished mission set in late 2013, Jacques and Dawn got into an argument over her phrasing a plan poorly enough to imply he was expendable. (Their communication skills improved eventually.) This is kind of a callback to that, though not really--mostly in the sense that I was thinking about it and it still prompts that scene for me, not because it actually has much of anything to do with that.

~Z, promising that the next installment is...well, it uses all canon characters, at least. In it, we take a trip to the future...))

Five People Jacques Will Probably Never Be Paired With, And One Person Who’d Be Perfect For Him-pt.3 by Avlates_usted on 2020-09-11 15:24:16 UTC Reply
1. Elan(or(elisindrivar)) - “A Blessing On Your Head”
A Time Lord who looked about thirteen should not have been this intimidating.

“We’re serious, Mum,” Elan insisted. His hand was wrapped tightly around Jacques’, and his expression was earnest. “I love him. You know I love him. This is it for me.”

“But it isn’t for him,” the Aviator said. She gave Jacques the stink-eye. “He’s just going to run around on you. He’s incapable of being faithful to one person—he needs at least five.”

“Actually, I’m ready to settle down for a while,” Jacques said. “At least as long as this regeneration lasts. After that, we’ll see where we are and if we need to adjust anything, but for now...when I say I want to marry your son, I mean it in a traditional way!”

“We want you at the wedding,” Elan insisted. He leaned forward, blue eyes bright and wide and earnest. Jacques lovingly admired how they looked in contrast to his nut brown skin and dark, curly hair. “Please don’t make this difficult, Mum. I need you to support me here.”

The Aviator sniffed, and crossed her arms. “Why now?” she demanded of Jacques. “What changed?”

Jacques shrugged. “I got lonely, and then I met an amazing person. I can’t help the timing, Ave; we had fun, back when you were blond, but I just wasn’t ready. Now I am.”

“So, what, if we’d started something now—?”

Elan wrinkled his nose. “Mum, please don’t. You’re making it weird.”

“I’m making it weird?”

“Yes!” Elan said. His hand tightened around Jacques’. “You guys dated centuries ago. A lot of centuries. Things have changed! And this is happening, whether you like it or not, but I want my mum to walk me down the aisle! I want you in our lives, supporting us, being happy for me! I never thought I’d find someone like him—a relationship like this! So please, make an effort and move on!” His voice dropped in volume again, his eyes going wide and pleading. “Please, Mum. Please. I really want a perfect wedding.”

“Okay,” the Aviator mumbled finally. “Fine.” She cleared her throat and straightened her shoulders. “So, have you set a date?”

“Yes!” Elan said, suddenly cheerful and relieved. “We were thinking about a year from now, so we have time to plan it properly and figure out who else we want there…”

He kept talking, as Jacques looked at him fondly, thinking how perfectly everything had worked out.

He was truly blessed.

--

A/N: Come on, I had to get a Time Lord in here. I thought about it, and then decided: future fic!! And then I started wondering what Elanor would be like all grown up...and then this happened, and it was really fun. Also, Jacques totally deserves some hapiness! Get on that, Zingy!!!

Also, I'm in a rush, so you get a rushed disclaimer! Mwah!

Disclaimer: the Aviator and Elan(or) belong to Iximaz!! I'm just borrowing, obvs. Don't hate.

also if I get someone going AVE/ELANOR BELONG WITH ME i'm going to laugh soooo hard okay bye XD

~*A_u

What? No snogging? by Lemony Eggnog on 2020-09-12 19:17:43 UTC Reply

Somehow, I thought all of these chapters were going to end in a make-out. Oh well, can't have everything. And TBH it would have been weird with a love interest who apparently looks thirteen, which is a... choice. That you made. For some reason.

Unless you meant the Aviator currently looks thirteen, not Elan? Maybe? Ave was certainly the only character acting in a way that might be called intimidating at any point in this scene.

Other than that bit of deep and worrisome confusion, this was sweet, and something I could even see Jacques doing at some point, so kudos there.

Whatever you do, darling, don't mind the haters. Especially when they're as persistently and adorably wrong as MrsSupernumerary. ;3

—Lemony

what nooooooo by Avlates_usted on 2020-09-13 05:40:54 UTC Reply

AVE S THE ONE WHO LOOKS THIRTEEN. NOT ELAN. ABSOLUTELY NOT ELAN. AND SHE THE FOURTH AVIATOR, A GUY WHO LOOKED IN HIS TWENTIES, WHEN THEY DID DATE.

in a huge rush will get the rest another time but thanks for the review and AVE IS THIRTEEN NOT ELAN AAAH I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE IT LOOKED LIKE THAT

~*A_u

((Typos courtesy of only correcting 1-2 autocorrect/inaccurate swiping typos and leaving the rest. Also, ack, Unfortunate Implications. Absolutely not intentional, but given this was purposefully written fairly quickly and not really edited, I did not catch that. This is the...Seventh Aviator, if I remember correctly. She looks like a thirteen year old girl and has a scowl to make up for it. It's possible this idea has changed since last year, but at the time, I was told that was accurate. And then had the image so clearly in mind that I apparently neglected to describe it properly when attempting to write kind of carelessly. Whoops. Also, Jacques dated the Fourth Aviator in this--the blond guy who looks like Alex Dives' twin for a while, and is semi-affectionately termed Lemming Brain. They seemed like they'd maybe get along for a bit :P ~Z))

Y no O'Ryan by K1tK@t on 2020-09-12 02:21:18 UTC Reply

Could u plz ship O'Ryan with Jac? Mayb in the last prt?

Othrwze, gr8 job so far. Luv teh fics!

I see what you did there. by Lemony Eggnog on 2020-09-05 04:09:20 UTC Reply

I'm not complaining. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, am I right? ^_~

One thing, though: you do realize Nume has a bunk bed, right? Not that there aren't ways to make that work, of course, especially with an artist like Jacques involved... Actually, that sounds familiar. Was there a bunk beds ship last year? Or am I thinking of something on some other archive?

Or they could just use Ilraen's scoop. That would probably make the most sense, providing Ilraen is not actually IN said scoop. Maybe even if he is! But I'm a little unclear on that point. A touch of mystery can be exciting, but don't leave TOO much to the imagination, darling.

I'm curious to see where this goes next. I'll be back!

—Lemony

What IS it with Nume and all the shameless, oversexed flirts? He's like a moth somehow drawing in flames. {X D

I could almost see this working in a universe where "The Cabin" happened, except that I'm pretty sure Nume would irritate Jacques as much as Jacques would irritate Nume. {; P

Regardless, I am very amused and looking forward to the next parts!

If anyone's wondering, I'm pretty sure the bunk beds ship was from a Boarder Shipfic Fest, not a Badfic Game. I have no idea which one or who was involved, though. Sorry.

~Neshomeh may not have time/brainpower to write anything this year due to properly starting a new job next week, but will see what she can do.

*blinkblink* Imitation? by Avlates_usted on 2020-09-06 08:33:16 UTC Reply

Not sure what you're talking about; this is my own original fanfic. Glad you enjoyed, though! :) :) :)

I...might have forgotten about the bunk beds, whoops, unless I remembered last year and just didn't write it in and have now forgotten?? Anyway, just imagine that Jacques is being careful not to bump anyone's head!! That or he has spider powers here and just rappelled up to the top bunk with webs. Or Nume was just so distracted he didn't quite take in the idea of the ladder. Whatever works ;) (probs the bottom bunk, lol!)

Yay! Glad you're coming back :) always nice when people are interested!!! Next update should be coming really soon, I hope...

Thanks for reading!

~*A_u

((Whole lot of snrk. The bunk beds thing sounds familiar to me too, but placing it...nope, not working.

As for the next part, hopefully I'll put it up in a few hours or so! ~Z))

((Heh)) by Kittyauthor on 2020-09-05 00:25:58 UTC Reply

((Why am I laughing out loud at all these badfics? They're so bad it's hilarious.

~~Why am I like this?~~))

((-Kittyauthor, who is going to write a badfic soon, they promise, but right now they're trying to come up with a ~~good~~ bad idea.))

((Glad you're amused!)) by Zingenmir on 2020-09-06 08:26:37 UTC Reply

((And not to worry--half the point of these is to amuse ;) Actually, most of the point of these is to amuse. The rest probably comes down to thought exercise and, sometimes, getting to write things for your characters (or other people's) that will never happen in canon.

~Z))

My frist story UwU by Gacha Queen Mel on 2020-09-04 08:25:12 UTC Reply

Hai guuuys ^-^

As u know I've been working on this video for aaaages and it's finally done

This is my take on the classic hated child becomes a hybrid princess story

Sorry guys but i slightly deviate from the standard plot at the end but i promist the epic twist will leave you in shock OwO

Featuring all you favourite characters like the prudish luxury, the evil jaycacia, legolas, sans and many more

also featuring guest appearances from everyone's favourite OCs Pakura Ameyuri and Ashura Red Satoshi Ketchum (dw I know how much you guyz hate Rosaline so I even showed she had been killed off jsut for you :D )

srry if I got a bit lazy at the end TwT oh and btw sorry if youre in demark because yt is a binch and copyright claimed mee ;-;

See my epic GLMM/GCMM here ^.^

I think I just had an aneurysm. Well played. (nm) by Ronion on 2020-09-19 07:36:58 UTC Reply
Oooo! by K1tK@t on 2020-09-05 00:01:58 UTC Reply

Dis looks neet. Wil wafh l8ter. Riht noow I ned 2 sin up fur a HP gwoup. Hehe~

((Just so y'all know, yes, that hurt to write.))

Updat by K1tK@t on 2020-09-05 00:32:16 UTC Edited Reply

I luv it but y no O'Ryan? He wud of mad teh story muh beter, epecially wif him being abe to get preg, u no?

((I can't read it. peers through fingers Is my comment bad enough? But anyways, that's accurate on how bad some of those vids are. Loved the floor baby. "She stole my crown again!"

Badfic hits Kittyauthor for 189 damage! Kittyauthor loses their mind again! Stunned for one round!))

((Edited because that attack was highly effective apparently))

I love it by Four Moons Watching on 2020-09-04 19:36:57 UTC Reply

A romance for the ages that made me twerk in shock, and a touching tale of redemption.
stupendous by umbrella on 2020-09-04 15:19:48 UTC Reply

impeccable
Surprised no one’s done a video story before tbh by lightfairy406 on 2020-09-04 15:14:37 UTC Edited Reply

I guess the software’s too hard to use or something. How expensive would you say this gacha club what’s it is? I’m a little curious now...

Also I laughed a little harder than I probably should have at Sans and Legolas making out in the background of the first school scene, so bonus points for that XD

I hope regular Mel from the end of the video turns out to be okay. It’s gotta suck being replaced by a weird pink scythe wielding version of you

yeah its rlly weird by Gacha Queen Mel on 2020-09-04 20:07:06 UTC Reply

But like seroiusly gfacha club is free and so is kinmaster and making vids is suuper duper simple :D

also who is regular mel OwO

OHMiGOSH! by xxMaraIsTehBestxx on 2020-09-04 14:56:15 UTC Reply

I lur ur video so much!!!!1!!! THe death of the SO and SE was so sad, but it was grate when AMy regained her powre and saved Legolas.
Ohmugosh!!1! by xXtaguelQUEENXx on 2020-09-04 14:17:14 UTC Reply

This is so great! I cried so hardwhen the SO and SE deid.
OmiGOSH by Detachable Nosie-Wosie on 2020-09-04 08:49:21 UTC Reply

AAAA I LOVE HOW THE HATED CHILD GOT SO POWERUFL AND THEN GOT REVENGE

bad parents are evil and mean and every time they get hurt in stories I feel all better

I don't know why they got married to boys though :( boys are gross

BUT the TWIST was VERY GOOD

I should watch more gacha life if there are more evil parents getting destroyed!

OMG TYSM QwQ by Gacha Queen Mel on 2020-09-04 08:53:27 UTC Reply

Ye its greeat there are so many evil parents who get epic karma then of course theres the hawt yaoi stories too that are so cuute UwU

Im actually thinking of making one on how the SO and SE met sometime but it will probably not be for a while bc im lazy and i have school TwT