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Fer the love of Yavanna Kementari...

A Destiny Revealed
Someone must have thought that the companyof Miss Cam was utterly delightful. They can't get their spacing right. Therefore, I am not reading it. And of course "Marcie" and "Meg" are SUCH elvish names. *eyeroll*

Legolas returns home.
Ha, so much for "She's not a Legolas Luster, so she's not a Mary Sue!" Is Golothgaladh really meant to be a name? ("something tree"...I can't get the first part from the Etymologies...what DOES it mean?)Same goes for Meraithil ("something moon" now, though I suspect it's wish moon)and Lithilien (I swear someone decided to just warp Ithilien for that one...an extra L). Once again, spacing problems occur later on. What an eyesore.

This Isn't Happening
And once again a sweet little teen sails up that river in Egypt as she lands in Rivendell. Elrond is attacked by terrible grammar as our heroine (*snort*) attacks orcs and thinks she's in France. What a way to go...
To the author: Nice penname! Legolas would certainly feel flattered. *eyeroll*

Laicalasse's Tale
WHAT IS IT WITH THESE SPACING PROBLEMS?!?!?
*dodges punctuation rain* Well, this author is trying (by using bits of knowledge that one would know of they really paid attention to the movies or read the books), but there's some 'Suvian properties that need tending to. First off...SHE'S HALF-HOBBIT? And why would Elrond hate hobbits? He's had five in his house. What happened to "kind as Summer"? And a few more Mini-Balrogs get their wings.
By the way: THERE ARE NO SERVANTS IN RIVENDELL!!!!!

But i don't want to leave middle earth
Microwave explosions clearly open up portals to fantasy lands in the middle of a serious war, right? Elrond of Naturally Nine would have these two girls' heads on a mithril platter...possible eleven walkers! And does anyone care to enlighten me as to what "karneambra" means? Because it clearly sounds like 'Suvian Elvish. (Selvish! *laugh*)

300 is a standalone canon, as many things were introduced into the (very much true) story in order to make it a modern myth. And it was written by Frank Miller, not Homer or any of that lot. So I don't think it would be the same mini as for Greek Legends.

Have a nice plushie of [insert lust object/fave character's name here]!

My Agents are Agent Lily and Christianne, and they work in the Mary Sue Department. Christianne is a veteran, but Lily is a newbie. They go through one mission in the Harry Potter division, then get transferred to LotR.

Lily is the result of a cloning experiment on a Random Elleth. But that's odd, because the two have opposite personalities. Lily is considerably more insane and flake-y. And she worships chocolate, coffee, and the Canon. She can pull together enough of what's left of her sanity during missions, but she's Hell on wheels at HQ. Never give her a flamethrower. Or Sparkly Shiny Things(tm), because Sparkly Shiny Things bring out the Gollum-like behavior, which in turn is a prelude to more insanity. She likes giving people annoying nicknames, reading, MST-ing, and drawing. Her lust object is Frodo Baggins, and oddly, Dark Haired!Legolas.
Eye color: blue
Hair color: black
Species: Elf, Lord of the Rings type.
Canon Literacy Level (CLL): Harry Potter (ok) LotR (semi-Tolkien nut)

Christianne Shieh was recruited from Real Life. She's a snarky b*tch with sadistic tendencies, and probably the only thing to get yourself on her good side is to give her nutty dark chocolate. Surprisingly enough, she and Lily get along considerably better than other Agents. She also harbors an intense dislike for dresses, Mary Sues, and especially Mary Suvian dresses. She has no known lust object.
Christianne, as mentioned before, is a veteran of 'Sue Slaying, having worked in the HP and Naruto divisions. She was moved from Naruto to HP because her partner died, and then assigned to Lily after her partner in the HP division also died. Then, she and Lily are transferred because of a MS fic overload (poor Middle-Earth!). While working in the Naruto section, Christianne learned how to use Japanese weapons. She often tries to demand a license from Upstairs to use them regardless of which division she is in, though the answer is always NO for a good reason. Never give HER a flamethrower, either, because of her obsession with dealing cruel punishments to Mary Sues.
Eye color: green
Hair color: black
Species: Homo sapiens (Human)
CLL stat: Naruto (somewhat of a know-it-all) HP(okay) LotR (I read the Canon only ONCE just so I can kill the 'Sues)

Writing Sample

(taken from "Andi Black", the first mission)
At one o’clock, Christianne appeared back in the dorm, soaked in blood but grinning, full of job satisfaction. Lily was sitting in her four-poster bed, playing around with a French baguette. Every so often, it would emit a “prrrrp” sound and would transform into something else.
“What’s that?” asked Christianne, her curiosity piqued by the baguette, which was now a rubber duck.
Lily’s eyes widened. “What, you’ve never heard of D.O.R.K.S?”
“Dorks?”
“No, no, no!” exclaimed Lily, waving the rubber ducky, now a science textbook, in the air, causing it to turn into a table lamp and then a Harry Potter plushie. “It’s D.O.R.K.S. It stands for ‘Disguise-Outfitting Ryticular Kostume System’. Oh…and it’s the apple of Makes-Things’ eye. We better be careful with it.”
“One itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny question. Why is ‘costume’ spelled ‘Kostume’?”
“Search me.” Lily pressed something on the plushie, now a Rubik’s Cube ™. She promptly turned into the splitting image of Adalora Black. “How do I look?” she asked Christianne, who backed into another bed.
“Scary.” That was all Christianne could say.

(taken from "What, Mary Sues Can Read?", one of my LotR fanfics on FF.net)
Well…Tolkien must be rolling around in his grave so much by now that if someone harnessed the raw energy he produced, then that person could provide enough energy for an entire neighborhood for almost a year. Talk about going green. For even as he laid in his coffin, rolling around restlessly, these four aberrations of original characters were drawing dangerously close to the hidden valley where the Last Homely House lay, its occupants unaware of their existence. Canon was going on smoothly as usual, and the characters had no worries regarding these four girls. They could hardly be blamed, since the One Ring was in Imladris at that moment, and the Council was already in progress. As Gandalf got up to share his tale, about ten leagues away the four ‘Sues were riding on their equally freakish horses, laughing and talking like friends do.

So...that's my little bit. If you need more of my writings to decide on whether you should give me Permission or not, tell me.

Welcome, Makari! I give you a coxcomb. It's a sort of funny hat.

But at least we can use you as a kite! :D

I have ever seen. That includes the ones that are all random copy and paste junk. @ A @

Have a ypur. Here y' go. Mind it doesn't slice your fingers off with its horns.

(For explanation, go to the thread lower down where everyone's kicking the spambot. 'Tis fun. ^_^)

Anyway. Got any agents?

Welcome, hail and well met, and other such phrases.

*hands over a bag of pebbles for throwing at Sues and a Random Shiny Object to gaze at*

Lovely to have you here. Thanks for the badfic, I'm sure someone'll deal with them sooner or later. Not my area of knowledge, I'm afraid, or I'd have taken them.

What fandoms do you cover? I'd give you some links, but other Boarders reserve them as newbie-gifts.

Oh, and leave your sanity over by the door, you won't need it. :)

...to venture so soon into the Pit.

In admiration, I do gift thee with a hand-knitted shawl in the colour (or colours) of your choice, a towel, and a large block of chocolate.

The chocolate will keep your spirits up, one must always have a towel with them, and the shawl will keep you warm in particularly chilly fic-verses. I suppose you could also sleep under it for lack of a blanket, garrote Sues with it, or hide your face under it as a shield from the worse 'fics around. It's your choice.

Welcome to the Board, for starters. Beware of anyone offering links to the Legendary Badfic - they'll scar you far, far more than these stories, distateful as they are.

Have you seen the wiki? If not, it's here - http://ppcwiki.wikilot.com . 'Tis very useful.

Oh, and have a pair of ice-skates. I'm feeling generous. :P

So, I'm new around here. Pretty obviously, I think. But I've been lurking around the PPC sites for a while, and I've finally given up the whole lurking thing. I mean, in the long run, it's not all that productive.

And besides. These ... er ... stories that I recently encountered need to be dealt with. I'm pretty certain they qualify as badfic, and what the one girl is doing to Jade... it makes me want to burn something.

So, fresh from the world of Auldrant come these two "gems".

karins past

and

Blind love

Both are located on FF-net - I believe I've heard it affectionately referred to as "the Pit of Voles."

I actually read through them both in their entirety. Stupid, but I do stupid stuff sometimes.

*whimper* Hide me. Before something has to die. Please.

Oh yeah, and I'm Makari. Hi.

*swings a bat at the Pinata*

*also defends from any attacks that will be now launched at him*

I just saw Mini-Xerxes in my mind.

That description sounds like a Pokemon from one of my old, old fanfics. An invented Pokemon of course, but the resemblance is uncanny. Even odder was that it's name was Yuryak.
Ah, the crummy names of youth...

Just like we have minis for Egyptian Myths? The Battle of Thermopylae was a very popular myth in Ancient Greece, and that's all 300 is an adaption of. So, maybe mini-Pegasae? Or mini-Cerberus?

Mini-Immortals.
Mini-Spartas.
Mini-phalanxes.
Mini-Persian emissaries (complete with mini-madness).
Mini-Spartans.
Mini-bees (THEN WE SHALL HUG IN THE SHADE!).

...*in muffled voice* Yeah, should have seen that coming...

*it lands on the Spambot, Artic Blade and Oozaru Angel*