Subject: Bewilderment! Evil! Corruption! Scandal! Sock Puppets On Sale at RC 006.9999!
Posted on: 2022-05-13 15:56:57 UTC

The Gossip Monitor

The finest in yellow journalism!

Inconceivable! It seems there are at least THREE MARY SUE publications within the halls of our very own Headquarters? Is this a silly gag perpetuated by some pranksters, or is this something DEEPER and potentially RUINOUS!?

Here is Agent Joan, whose words are being transcribed without any editing whatsoever:

You see, I told you! I told you all! It's the Flowers! They're doing this! Making us think we're crawling with rats, making them, ooh they make them all, they're responsible for all of this! They think they can get away with it, but a new day, a Crisis, a REVOLUT - OW! PLEASE! NOT THAT! I WAS KIDDING I SWEAR! OH PLEASE NO! ANYTHING BUT THE UNCOMFORTABLY WARM AND MOIST PILLOW! PLEASE! PLEASE I BEG OF YOU-


Fascinating! Who did this? Why would they? Was Joan right? Has my microwave casserole finished cooking? All will be revealed in our pages eventually! Keep your eyes peeled, Agent! We'll follow this story as it develops... as soon as we can find Agent Joan's RC.



The Gossip Monitor makes no statement as to the validity of anything published on these pages. The Gossip Monitor has no responsibility for any consequences that may come from you publishing your stories in it, whether it is libel suits, hangnails, or getting your door kicked down at three in the morning by an angry mob. Contact Archivist Sarkan if you have a story you'd like to share - the Monitor would be nothing without YOUR input! A small fee is requested for our publication of your stories, we will accept payment in any good or service except for cashews, both because the "cash-ew" joke is old and because one of our new interviewers is allergic. If someone can find the Mary Sue publication sources, a cash prize of all the cashews we were given will be awarded. Please. There are so many cashews, we don't even know how they got there. Please do not sue us for libel, we can only pay you in cashews if we are found guilty.

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