Subject: A dusty old paper clung to the wall in PPC HQ...
Author:
Posted on: 2022-05-15 03:41:09 UTC

It reads as follows:

"Wanna get in on the fun of writing for The Mathematical Monitor? Follow these easy steps:

  1. Don't write in equations. Write using actual words.

  2. They must be happening around CPP headquarters or be rumors. No "tinfoil" stories. We're all really tired of them.

  3. You can't pay us in hypercubes. Really. We have too many of them. Please don't pay us in hypercubes.

And that's it! Submit your story (or stories!) and optional payment for your edition, and we send it to our main editor(s), the Sunflower Mathematician!

The bottom is torn a little, like someone didn't want it in their newspaper (and it is distinctly newspaper paper, not from a magizine) and just tore it out. How it ended up here, nobody knows.


Meanwhile, in the CPP, behind front stories of "Kittyauthor, author of CPP, graduates from [censored for privacy] High School!" lies a different story:

Is the PPC responsible for the warping of our beloved canons?

Written by Dr. Val Burner, Head of Division of Logic Coding, human. Edited by Sunflower Mathematician, Head of CPP in general, Flower

A piece of random paper was recently brought to the attention of the Head of Complete Department of Logic, O'Ryan Keys, with the following text as one of their stories:

Could the Flowers be "in on it?" We know that the Flowers are canon the PPC, right? Well, why do we exist? To get rid of Mary Sues, obviously. But what happens if there are no Sues? Well, the PPC wouldn't need to exist, would it? What would we do all day? I think we'd just go poof! All of us back to our original canon!

But the Flowers have none. Where would they go? They'd go nowhere, see? Clearly they'd know this, see? So what would they do? They'd make sure there's a PPC no matter what. How would they do this? By making Sues!

Think about it, think about it. Have you ever READ those papers the Flowers always shuffle around? No, you haven't. It's because they hide it, because it's SUES! SUES! ALL THE WAY DOWN!

"It's fairly plausible," said O'Ryan. "But it could just be a gossip monitor. I see "Multiverse Monitor" on the top of the page, like it belonged in a tabloid or something." O'Ryan is also quoted as saying that the paper is "promising, but highly unlikely to be anything of worth."

As a personal writer for years in this newspaper, I think it's nothing more than bull[censored] and that the CPP is [censored] logical. We should know better than to put an organization responsible for, and I shudder here, killing Mary Sues, Gary Stus, and Ary Ooos as the one to spawn them. That is my only comment.

The editor has nothing noteworthy to put, aside from a rant about "authors being fictional" being removed for off-topic reasons.


Back at the PPC, another ripped paper flutters down the halls of HQ, the title reading, "Is the PPC responsible for the warping of our beloved canons?" At the very corner, where no text from the paper lurks, a small mathematical equation is written: x² + 2y - 15(pi)×z = 17


Does the Gossip Monitor find this piece of paper? I don't know. That's up to Sier to decide :).

But, either way, have another fun little segment concerning the CPP for a moment.

-kA

(Last two edits were me trying to fix numbering. This time, it's a tense fix.)

(Edit 4?: Oh gods, I misspelled mathematical. Fixed!)

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