Subject: Supernumerary: Gay or European?
Author:
Posted on: 2016-09-20 16:25:00 UTC

A/N.: So, this is one of the ideas I had while looking up some funny music. I heard this song - HERE - and an image of the PPC sparked in my mind! You have to admit it's perfect! Don't forget to R&R - you'll get some fresh cookies!



Agent Nume (A/N.: Sorry, I'm gonna have to shorten his name - no way I'm gonna write it correctly every time) sits at one of the tables of the PPC Cafeteria. Several tables behind him there's a whole group of Agents (I'm talking The Aviator, Will GraY, Des, Dawn, Valon, whoever-else-you-want there, etc.) discussing him. Finally, when he can't hear them, Charlotte points at him:

There! Right There!
Look at that tan well-tended skin.
Look at the killer shape he's in.
Look at that slightly stubbly chin.
Oh please, he's gay, totally gay.


The Librarian looks closer at Nume, as he's next:

I'm not about to celebrate.
Every trait could indicate a totally straight expatriate.
This guy's not gay, I say, not gay.


(CHORUS OF AGENTS)

That is the elephant in the room.
Well, is it relevant to assume
that a man who wears perfume
is automatically radically fey?


(WILLIAM GRAY)
But look at his coiffed and crispy locks.

(CHARLOTTE)
Look at his silk translucent socks.

(THE LIBRARIAN)
There's the eternal paradox.
Look what we're seein'


[Charlotte tilts her head.] What are we seein'?

Is he gay? [Charlotte mouths: Of course he's gay!]
Or European?

[Everyone "OOOOH"s]

(CHORUS OF AGENTS)
Gay or European?
It's hard to guarantee
Is he gay or European?


Everyone looks at Zeb, who only shrugs, "Well, hey, don't look at me."

(DAWN MACKENA)
You see they bring their boys up different in those charming foreign ports.
They play peculiar sports.
In shiny shirts and tiny shorts.


(CHORUS OF AGENTS)
Gay or foreign fella?
The answer could take weeks.
They both say things like "ciao bella"
while they kiss you on both cheeks.

[Charlotte rolls her eyes] Oh please.

Gay or European?
So many shades of gray.


(WILLIAM GRAY)
Depending on the time of day, the French go either way.

(CHORUS OF AGENTS)
Is he gay or European?
or-


The Aviator suddenly slams her hand on the desk, looking angery:
There! Right There!
Look at that condescending smirk.
Seen it on every guy at work.
That is a metro hetero jerk.
That guy's not gay, I say, no way.


(CHORUS OF AGENTS)
That is the elephant in the room.
Well is it relevant to presume
that a hottie in that costume
Is automatically-radically
Ironically chronically
Certainly flirtingly
Genetically medically


[As they sing, Nume is seen talking to another male agent. They seem happy and flirty]

GAY!
OFFICIALLY GAY!
OFFICIALLY GAY GAY GAY GAY

[Nume kisses a woman agent on the hand] DAMNIT!

(CHORUS OF AGENTS)
Gay or European?

(THE LIBRARIAN)
So stylish and relaxed.

(CHORUS OF AGENTS)
Is he gay or European?

(THE LIBRARIAN)
I think his chest is waxed.

(DAWN MC KENA)
But they bring their boys up different there.
It's culturally diverse.
It's not a fashion curse.


(CHORUS OF AGENTS)
If he wears a kilt or bears a purse.
Gay or just exotic?
I still can't crack the code.


(LOLA MCCANDLES)
Yeah, his accent is hypnotic
but his shoes are pointy toed.


(CHORUS OF AGENTS)
Huh.
Gay or European?
So many shades of gray.


(KARA JENG)
But if he turns out straight I'm free at eight on Saturday.

(CHORUS OF AGENTS)
Is he gay or European?
gay or european?
Gay or Euro-


Finally, William stands up, silencing everyone. "Wait a minute! Give me a chance to crack this guy. I have an idea I'd like to try."

He walks up to Nume, speaking loud enough for everyone to hear. "So, Mr. Super... This alleged affair with Ms. Luxury has been going on for...?"
"2 years." He said.
"And your first name is...?"
"Nume."
"And your boyfriend's name is...?"
"Ilraen." He suddenly goes wide-eyed and coughs loudly. "I'm sorry! I misunderstand. You say boyfriend. I thought you say best friend. Ilraen is my best friend."

From the back of the group of Agents out comes very angry Ilraen, and screams at Nume. "You bastard! You lying bastard! That's it. I no cover for you, no more! Peoples." He turns towards the group. "I have a big announcement."

This man is Gay AND European!
And neither is disgrace
You gotta stop your being
a completely closet case.
It's me, not her, he's seeing.
No matter what he say.
I swear he never ever ever swing the other way.
You are so gay.
You big parfait!
You flaming one-man cabaret.


Nume stiffens. "I'm straight!"
"You were not yesterday." Ilraen winks at him from one of his stalk eyes.

He stands on one of the table, as he and the Chorus finish!
So if I may, I'm proud to say,
He's gay!
(And European!)
He's gay!
(And European!)
He's gay!
(And European) and Gay!


Nume slams hands on the table: "Fine okay I'm gay!"

HOORAY!



A/N.: So that's it. Let me know if you like it, and if you want another song done in the same way!!!!

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