Subject: PPCCUU Phase 2: There Will Be Urple (Revised & Expanded)
Posted on: 2021-09-29 14:50:56 UTC

6. Intelligence II

We open in a barely-recognisable canon location, with a blonde Suvian and a very pretty man strolling along arm in arm as various unrealistic badfic effects occur around them. The Suvian points at a crack in the wall through which white crystals are spilling, and says that "they" will definitely want to know about it.

The man kneels by the growing pile of crystals and touches it with one finger. He identifies it as Bleeprin, the PPC's wonder-drug that helps keep agents sane and canon characters oblivious. It's only found in certain super-unrealistic badfics.

The Suvian looks offended at the implication her story is unrealistic. She starts to object, but the man smiles, stands up, and shoots her through the heart.

"This is Agent Jacques Bonnefoy," he says into a communicator as the Suvian dies. "I've got the goods; I need a pickup."

Jacques returns to HQ, passing a DoSAT team on their way to mine the Bleeprin. He is greeted by Gaspard, who has a new mission for him: he needs to infiltrate the Sue Factory and steal the urpleprints of their plans. This is somewhat off the books, because while the Flowers know about the Factory, they refuse to believe Gaspard's claim that Rose Potter was connected, and that she let slip that there is a bigger plan at play.

Jacques accepts the mission. Taking a small team with him, he attempts to infiltrate the Factory. Hijinks and excitement occur, and tragically one of the team is shot down and presumed dead, but they do manage to complete the mission. Gaspard takes the urpleprints and promises to take them directly to the Flowers.

Post-credits: The Sunflower Official talks to a shadowy figure. So you think you can manage it? A Factory of our own that will actually manufacture Bleeprin?

The figure steps forward into the light, and Miss Cam smiles. "I think I can manage rather more than that."


Lina Holling is a fanfic writer. She's quite a bad fanfic writer - bad enough, in fact, that she gets a visit from a certain Lord Elrond, asking her to fill out some forms.

By next morning, Lina has been dragged off into the multiverse and "voluntarily" enrolled at the Official Fanfiction University of Middle-earth. Pros: the staff includes the incredibly hott Legolas. Cons: the staff's protectors are tiny flying demons with burning whips and weird names.

Over the course of her year at OFUM, Lina slowly learns more about this strange university. She learns to avoid Gandalf's cooking, except for the parts she adopts. She takes interesting and painful classes with her friends, such as Dot and Lilith. She finds love in the arms of Gimli, the not so hott but exceptionally cuddly dwarf who hangs around with Legolas. She tries to help Gimli and Legolas divert fangirl attention from the elf by matchmaking - her biggest success is getting her fellow students Christianne and Eledhwen to fall for each other. She learns that OFUM is theoretically not an educational facility, but a source of terrible stories to be farmed for Bleeprin - but that Miss Cam has rebelled against this and is actually trying to teach her charges.

The less-reformed students get more and more restless as the year progresses, until at last they erupt into an outright riot. As the staff try to fight this, Christianne and Eledhwen reveal to Lina that they're actually undercover agents of the PPC - and that Eledhwen was once a Suvian named Eithriel (her appearance has changed enough since Pyro II that the audience wouldn't easily recognise her). They're in OFUM to track a Suvian infiltrator, who they thought for a while might be Lina, but now they've figured it out - it's her friend, Lilith Wydenbrooke!

While Christianne and Eledhwen go after Lilith, Lina has to rescue Legolas and Gimli from the students with the help of an army of mini-Balrogs. Then together they go and help out the PPC agents, who are finding Lilith impossible to kill. Lina manages to talk Lilith down because of their friendship, and gets the agents to agree to let her stay in OFUM as a prisoner.

In the end, Lina is given a job offer by the PPC, but chooses to accept the one from Miss Cam instead: to stay on at OFUM as a student liaison, and (not coincidentally) to stay with Gimli.

Post-credits: The Mysterious Somebody is in the Factory, rather annoyed that their infiltrator has been lost to "that renegade". They turn to a console and yank on a suitably dramatic lever, and on the screen a map lights up showing not just this Factory but others, too - many others. Windows appear showing the leaders of the various Factories as the Mysterious Somebody announces that the League has been activated.

TV Series #3. The Mary Sues That Weren't

"The Life and Times of Rhus Radicans" ends just before Agent is released, and "The Mary Sues That Weren't" steps into its place.

Sparklee is a town-like Factory, and one of the lesser members of the League. Over the course of the single season, we meet the Mary Sues That Weren't - failed Suvians who have been allowed to remain in the town while they're still useful.

The series keeps referencing a new project that Sparklee is working on, which will boost its standing in the League. Towards the end, non-lexical vocal music begins to be heard in the background - and the final episode ends with an unexpected song number. A special feature-length TV musical follows, airing right before PPC 2: Lockdown.

8. Agent

We meet Tawaki and the Disentangler, agents in the Department of Temporal Offences, shortly before they are called into a basement office by the Sunflower Official. He has a special mission for them - there is a device called the Key to Canon, which allows the wielder to rewrite the Word Worlds as they please. It was broken into four pieces by the PPC years ago and scattered, but with the rising threat of the Factory, they need it back.

Tawaki and the Disentangler take on four missions, finding the disguised fragments of the Key. The first one goes pretty smoothly, but in the second they realise someone is trying to interfere with them. Along the way, the Disentangler occasionally mentions her old partner, the Agent - she knew him from back home, but he's gone now.

In the third mission, they're about to recover the Key when someone swoops in and steals it from their grasp. Since each piece of the Key leads the way to the next, they have to fudge things with the two pieces they do have to try and catch the thief. They go through a final mission which is increasingly broken by Suvian influence, only to wind up captured at the very end by their enemy - Jaycacia Thornbyrd.

Jaycacia assembles the Key and uses it to create her own ideal reality: one where she is the PPC's Best Agent, living with her parents, the soppy Jay and evil Acacia. Her plan backfires, though, as Jay is so soppy that while Jaycacia is arguing with Acacia, Tawaki convinces her to free the agents.

After a certain level of hijinks, Tawaki manages to steal the Key to Canon back from Jaycacia. He uses it to restore reality to how it should be, but it had imprinted on Jaycacia, and lashes out at him. He falls to the ground, heavily wounded.

The Disentangler is in tears. "You made me promise," she says, "you made me promise never to give you this… but I can't let you die." And she pulls out a pocket-watch, glowing gold with temporal energy.

Tawaki opens the watch, and his chameleon-arch induced disguise falls away. As the Agent once more, he regenerates, and then forgives his weeping partner - "I was a bit silly back then, don't worry about it."

The agents suddenly realise that Jaycacia and the Key are nowhere to be seen, and begin to panic in earnest - but then Jay Thorntree walks over, wiping her hands clean. "Don't worry," she says, tossing the Key to the Agent, "we took care of her for you. I'm Jay Thorntree, by the way; you might have heard of me."

Post-credits: Gallifrey in the past. The Disentangler and Agent (in his Tawaki body) are sitting watching the sun set in a burnt orange sky. Suddenly, a battered red TARDIS plummets out of the sky and crashes in front of them. The doors swing open, and the Aviator, golden energy wreathed around her, falls from the wreck.

9. Aviator II

We open on the simplest mission imaginable: the protagonist in a cute children's show is moderately OOC. The Aviator and Zeb follow her around for a little while, then dose her with Bleeprin and head back to HQ. Zeb takes the report Upstairs, while the Aviator wanders off to Rudi's.

The Aviator has a lot of problems. Her partner is still spooked by her change in appearance and manner. Upstairs barely trust her - they're half-convinced she's a Suvian infiltrator like the one at OFUM (a marked contrast from their delighted welcome of Jay and Acacia, briefly glimpsed). The Department of Internal Affairs (who wear black sashes and no flashpatch) is watching her every move. She's got PTSD from the Time War, and from the Rose Potter mission she had to face right after it - watching someone else die to protect her, again, wasn't good for her. What she needs is a drink.

Actually, what she needs is a friend, and she finds one in the Detective. He's another Time Lord, but unlike the Agent and the Disentangler they never met on Gallifrey. He's a chance for her to start afresh, to spend some time being a Time Lord without the baggage of her early days.

As they spend time together between the Aviator's bland, unchallenging missions, the Detective helps her get over her anxiety and paranoia. She finally starts to relax, and feel that maybe nobody is actually out to get her.

She's wrong.

She doesn't even realise when it happens - it's just another silly, pointless mission, where the characters all get splashed with magic potions that make them pregnant. The Aviator and Zeb grouchily clear it all up and get rid of the magic pregnancies.

A few days later, the Aviator starts throwing up, so she visits the Medical department. "There's nothing to worry about," the doctor tells her. "It's just morning sickness."

The Aviator has to deal with a magically accelerated pregnancy. Zeb and the Detective are really worried about her: about the agonies she must be going through over whether to keep the unexpected child. To Zeb, she's still his young partner from before her transformation; to the Detective, she's the traumatised woman he helped to start healing.

When they finally talk to her, they discover that she's actually fine. Sure, it was a shock, but she's hundreds of years old, and wanted a child back on Gallifrey, before the Time War. Neither of her friends knew her during that time, so they didn't realise that she grew a lot between leaving and returning.

After a very short pregnancy, Elanorelisindrivar (Ellie) is born. The Aviator lets the Detective hold her. Everything is fine.

Post-credits: The agent who was shot down during Intelligence II stumbled through a portal into Medical, very sick. As medical staff rush to their side, they collapse to the floor.

TV Series #4. Children's Stories

With both "Sufficiently Advanced" and "The Mary Sues That Weren't" wrapping up, a new show launches.

The initial 3-episode miniseries introduces the Nursery, with its cast of carers and young children. We meet our main characters at about 5 years old. A couple are adopted during the miniseries. The Aviator also brings Ellie along.

The main series launches after PPC 2: Lockdown. It follows the kids as they advance from early childhood/adoption into the agent training of their mid-teens. It's all about learning to live with people of other cultures and biology, talking through problems, and the strong bonds of friendship that form between kids, and the love that develops between non-bio families... and maybe juuust a bit of rebellion against authority? It's totally slice-of-life, and nothing bad or dramatic happens.

Ellie continues to star, growing somewhat faster than her peers. The Aviator and Detective's romance is a side-plot. Dafydd and Constance's daughter Jasmine is also in the cast.

10. Protectors of the Plot Continuum 2: Lockdown

The macrovirus plague sweeps through HQ. We see all our starring characters again (with the notable exception of Dafydd and Constance), some trapped in their RCs, some out fighting the plague. The weird thing is, people who get thoroughly trapped keep vanishing - not killed, just... gone.

Eventually our last viewpoint characters - Selene and others - find themselves in a hopeless situation. The others literally vanish around Selene, whenever she looks away from them. A macrovirus comes towards her, and she closes her eyes-

-and a portal opens, and a hand drags her to safety. It's Dafydd. "I know I said I was gone, but I wasn't going to let you die, was I?"

Dafydd and Constance have been working with DoSAT to get everyone out to a spot high in the mountains of New Caledonia. There's an abandoned village there, and the agents are already working to build it into a new city. Some of them want to just stay there, but Gaspard is convinced the plague is the work of the Factory, and he's Putting Together A Team.

The Flowers utterly forbid them to go. Jay and Acacia are sent from the Board to talk them down, and appear to be sincere in their appeals to the agents to stay put. But as they walk away, Jay glances over her shoulder and gives a conspiratorial wink.

The core cast of the previous movies head into HQ. Constance has to stay behind because she is heavily pregnant - she tells the Aviator she's jealous of her quick pregnancy, and the Aviator rolls her eyes and says she wouldn't be if she'd experienced it. She works with Corolla of DoSAT (from the "Sufficiently Advanced" TV show) to act as home base and run interference. (Constance has a gold shoulder dragon; Corolla is six inches high. There will be tiny dragonriding.)

The core team go back into HQ, fighting the macroviruses with new tech until at last they have it all cleared. Then, juuuust as they finally get it under control: urple portals open, and the Suvian invasion begins.

The intervention turns into a hopeless running fight. The Aviator is killed, and regenerates in the Detective's arms into a blond male form - then kisses the surprised Detective on the mouth ("I never knew you felt that way." "I don't think I did, until now."). But even his post-regeneration energy isn't enough to recover the lost ground.

Corolla and Constance break secrecy and go to the Flowers, who inform them that there's nothing they can do. As they leave the Board's office, they are accosted by Jay and Acacia.

In HQ, the battle isn't going well. Most of the agents are injured. Dafydd starts asking if anyone has any really big explosives. Everyone is planning Last Stands.

Then the portals open, and Jay and Acacia lead the massed agents of the PPC in to the rescue.

The counter-offensive goes swiftly, and soon most of the Suvians are wiped out. A single column, led by the white-robed Mysterious Somebody, manages to push through the PPC portals into New Caledonia. As the Suvians push towards the Board's office, the core team rush to the rescue, and fight them off at the very door. The Mysterious Somebody's shrouding robe is torn aside, revealing that they are…

… a teenaged girl, apparently just another Suvian. Nobody really knows what to make of this, and she escapes in the confusion.

The invasion is defeated, the Flowers promise to take the threat of the League more seriously now, and Dafydd invites everyone back to their house for shawarma. "I'm told it's traditional."

Mid-credits: The core team sit around a table eating shawarma. Nobody speaks.

Post-credits: The Mysterious Somebody is back in her lair, fuming. "What is the point of killing people and giving them magical babies if they won't leave you alone?!" She pulls out her black crystal pyramid - which looks exactly like an evil Key to Canon - stares into it for a moment, then rears back and smashes it to the ground.

A nasty-looking black portal manifests in the air above it. The Mysterious Somebody narrows her eyes, then marches through and vanishes.

Lockdown marks the end of the relatively grounded half of the PPCCUU. Up until now, most of the films are based on PPC missions; after this point, the only two "mission" films go wildly off the rails in the first few minutes.

By this point, we've also introduced almost all of our major characters. The only protagonist-level movie characters yet to arrive are Sergio and Nikki; everyone else is supporting cast. Everyone's here, you know them, you love them - now it's time to start doing some seriously weird stuff to them.

(And for the entirety of Phase 3, the fanbase will be in a state of utter confusion over the Mysterious Somebody not being... y'know... the Mysterious Somebody. Accusations of ruining the canon will fly.)


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