Subject: doctorlit's thoughts.
Author:
Posted on: 2017-05-01 03:03:00 UTC

Battlefield mentality: Oh, dear. I was guilty of this to a terrible degree, back in the days of the old Mibbit chat room, especially when July criticized something I said. It's still a source of embarrassment to me when I think about it. July's views forced me to understand the world better, and evolve my opinions to be . . . uh, more moral/people-centered rather than ideal/concept-centered, I would say . . . but worse than fighting against my becoming of a better person, I was also fighting the person who has now become my closest internet friend. And there isn't any way to take back all that stupid bickering on my part. (I even just recalled a particular conversation where I was whining about not wanting my views to change, because I might be a different person afterwards. Ye gods, but I was a pathetic little brat.) I think if this behavior is occurring between two Boarders frequently, the community needs to ask the two to at least stop interacting in Board posts, role plays, etc., if not to encourage them to talk things out in private. But everyone, take it from me: just don't do this. Listen to the other person, get to know them. You may be screwing yourself out of a most excellent friendship.

Personal Issues Elsewhere: A question that's both tricky and not tricky. If it's a minor incident, or a long-ago incident, it's hardly this community's business, and I do expect the two involved to be responsible and not let their personal dispute leak out into Board space. But if it's major, and let's be frank: I mean Jacer-nearly-driving-Lily-Gnome-to-suicide major, even if it had been years before either joined, that level of attack should not be tolerated, and the attacker should not be welcomed into this community.

Conclusion-jumping: The first type of jumping ties in with battlefield mentality above. Use your words, talk to people, listen to them. The second kind is the reason I often don't get involved in discussions of this sort, for fear of supporting the "incorrect" side of an argument—I certainly made a terrible mistake when I argued for allowing Data Junkie to return to the community, which caused a terrible amount of heartache for most of us. The solution here is to, again, use our words, and make the involved parties use their words, and make sure we have the whole story from both sides before moving forward with any decision-making. I'm going to try to force myself to participate in future events of this nature.

—doctorlit, the betrayed

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